Sunday, October 30, 2016

I have found the love


I live at High Park area of Toronto in a small, 550 sq feet, one bedroom, cozy apartment. I'm a simple, straightforward guy and I don't like complications and anything that creates over thinking. I try to live a simple life.... but let cut this prep talk... I am in love!

I have to admit I have feelings for the Dreamer. I want to touch her, kiss her and be with her. She stole my heart so innocently, with care and grace and perfect negligence.

Differences between us are still here, but we are in relationship. I feel that she has changed towards me a lot. Although, she is focused on her kids and family problems and the thought of falling in love even a little bit makes her uneasy. There’s a great chance that, we can be a nice couple.

Maybe she's simply afraid of opening herself up. I don't know.


Friday was the best day of this year. I took a day off the work. In the morning I met the Dreamer. In the afternoon I went for a walk, it was a beautiful sunny day. I had haircut. In the evening I went for a dinner at friends house. We stayed until 2:15 in the morning. Crazy.

On Saturday I was not at home all day. I visited a friend and we went to Winners. I bought a jeans, pajamas, yoga shorts which is actually swimming shorts and various other clothes for the work. Then I went to WallMart and bought all ingredients for the magical drink I am starting to take. In the evening I met another friend at Kennedys and we had couple of Guinnesses. Did not stay too long, at 10 pm I was back home.

I am not a nutritionist or a dietitian. I am not a yoga trainer, a coach or a fitness expert of any kind. Please do not consider anything you read here to be advice from an expert. At present my weight is 87 kg, I want to lose 3 kg. It is so simple - I have to consume fewer calories than what I burn.

I am starting yoga intensive project, 30 days of everyday yoga in November, and the results will be seen in short period of time, otherwise I'm easily discouraged and I quit the endeavor.


Healthy eating with no sugar and bread in diet, yoga and gym exercises and drinking the magical drink will put me into desired shape. The magical juice is designed to raise the metabolism. It is a blend of a cucumber, bunch of parsley, a lemon, a tablespoon of grated fresh ginger root,and Aloe Vera juice.

Cucumbers contain only forty-five calories, along with a high water and fiber content. Parsley is also low in calories, and high in vitamins, minerals and antioxidants. It does not cause bloating or feelings of discomfort within the stomach. Lemons help to flush out toxins the body has collected over the course of the day. This process rids the body of its impurities, thus increasing the metabolism so that it may burn away stomach fat at a higher speed. Ginger root prevents constipation. Aloe Vera Juice is rich in antioxidants which greatly reduce inflammatory processes and free radicals within the body.

These are the things that concerns me at the present moment.

November starts, the new opportunities are here. Every step in life is necessary. Nothing is ever wrong. I learn from every experience I had, although I repeat some mistakes. Whatever I did was a necessary step for the future. Maybe I'm not as good as I want to be but thanks to all the lessons I've learned along the way, I'm so much better than I used to be.

Saturday, October 29, 2016

Take the red pill and stay in Wonderland


... stay in Wonderland and see how deep the rabbit hole goes.

I'm trying to stay away from the rat race of the Matrix. I personally define the Matrix as a set of beliefs, cultural norms, attitudes, and conditioned states which are prevalent throughout society.

I don't watch TV, don't follow sports, don't read newspapers; I despise politics and politicians, don't vote for any party; I don't go for social gatherings, don't walk for cancer cure, don't rush to save the trees, the bees, the whales.

It took me a long time to admit that I don't like to travel. In fact, I'm pretty close to saying I hate it. For years I said I liked it without really thinking about it, because I had the vague sense that it was part and parcel of being an educated, intelligent person. Right now I'm pretty sure that I'm not so intelligent so I can freely say if I have to travel, it mostly feels like punishment.

I do travel, of course. I enjoy things like seeing family and friends, and if that involves travel, then fine. I can cope with the horror of flying for the fun of visiting my home country.

I like to get out of my condo. I like day trips and walking because I am so happy to be back to home at night. I don't like overnight trips - two days of activities and one night in a strange bed. I can't stand it.

I see no excitement seeing new places especially cities. I have never been and I'll never be in London, Paris, Rome, New York, Los Angeles, etc.. I don't have a wish to visit Las Vegas; Exploring streets, wandering though city, checking out the restaurants, museums, zoos... it's all bullshit.

So what I'm doing...

I'm starting 30-day yoga intensive. 

I'll practise every day, a half primary ashtanga yoga in November. I will do yoga on Sunday's and moon days too. I'm not setting unrealistic expectations, I commit to the goal that I can accomplish.

Winter is coming I want to increase the strength, energy and well being. This isn't my first yoga intensive. In October last year I have done the same thing.

The core of the 30 day challenge is a commitment. It means a promise to myself and following through on it. It means stepping out from the Matrix, breaking the laziness and old wimpy excuses. It means 60 minutes yoga sweating each day.

It means going to bed very early, around 9 pm, and getting up early, at 5 am. It means slowing down other tasks; It means changing the priorities and do the thing which others consider less important.

It calls for a simple life.

Thursday, October 27, 2016

Do whatever the f*ck you want


I'm tired and hungry and I'm looking around. What I see is the normal everyday life.

Nothing is really wrong... Until I think there is something wrong. Then there is.

So now, for some reason, I think there is. 

I see that what I had always considered normal life is actually a bit strange and that nothing is quite what I thought.

I have taken a step back from my life, one small step, and I'm confused by what I see.

I slip into this life that is laid out for me the way a foot slip in the shoe. I decide nothing, I don't live my life by choice, but by default. I play the roles I am born to. I don't know any better, and I don't know the reason why I don't know any better.

I seem to dwell in an endless desert in which I only I and my thirst exist. I seem to spend an inordinate amount of time chasing happiness. As I examine my situation, I find it odd that I resemble Willie The Coyote, and that my entire life is just like a cartoon.

Pretty weird huh?

How did I not see this before? In fact, now that I do see it, I can't believe I ever didn't see it, much less that I've gone my entire life without noticing - I am a cartoon coyote in a cartoon desert chasing cartoon happiness.

Why am I chasing the happiness? Why does my entire existence revolve around such a ridiculous endeavour? What drives me for that? Is it hatred? Love? Lust? Personal achievement?

I'm seeing my life as a lie. 

It’s not like I have anything against happiness, love, or success, or personal achievements or being nice, smiling more, eating healthy, losing weight, being your best, or embracing the day with a positive attitude. Those all sound great. Honestly, they do.

It’s just that I have a problem with being told to do all of those things by someone laughing on a tropical island, waving a red scarf around head, while some professional photographer snapping the picture. Whatever.

I am coming to the end of this post, that I want to share with you. And I have a message for you...

Do whatever the fuck you want.

Be your damn self. Don’t be a terrible person. Be nice to others. Be supportive of your friends...

But seriously, do whatever the fuck you want!

Do you want glass of beer? Then just drink a fucking beer. Do you want a peace of chocolate? Don’t be gross about it, and don’t eat a chocolate three meals a day. But I beg you stop beating yourself up about it and just eat.

Do. Whatever. The Fuck. You Want.

The life is your show. It is your universe.

Who else knows about your thoughts and feelings? There is no one else there, you are completely on your own. Everything is available to you. No one else can lead you, pull you, push you or carry you. No one else is necessary for your success.

If you understand that, you will understand that it is the best news you could possibly receive.


Tuesday, October 25, 2016

What is the meaning of life?


In the beginning, God created the Earth, and He looked upon it in His cosmic loneliness... And then God created every living creature out of dust, and one was man.  
"What is the purpose of all this?" man asked.
"Everything must have a purpose?" 
"Certainly," said man.
"Then I leave it to you to think about it." 

And here I am, thinking about the biggest question. However you phrase it - What is the meaning of life? What is my purpose? Who Am I? What is true?

People take that the meaning of life involves some kind of joke, if you asked them, they respond with nervous laugh and an attempt to change the subject. To some, this question is threatening, too unnerving to dare to say anything sincere or serious and so laughter seems the only safe response.

We simply do not know what is the meaning of all this. We don't know why we are here and what is our purpose. There are various theories but all of them are just hearsay.

Nature seems to be a purposeless and meaningless machine. Did we pay for our new mental freedom by sacrificing the meaning of our existence? Partially knowledgeable man stands alone, uprooted in an icy universe, lost in the chain of generations which arose from nothing, and become nothing. What is the purpose of it all? Is this the desired purpose of understanding, the last great answer to all questions asked of nature? Man has “experimented” himself out of a Godly order, away from an inner feeling of security. . . . He has made a taboo of the question of the meaning of human life—its portal has been nailed shut with planks. He no more dares to touch it, because he fears to find the dismal answer that our life has no meaning at all.- Carsten Bresch

The life has no meaning unless you want to fool yourself. All creation boils down to two things: Awareness and appearance.

Awareness is unchangeable so it is true, appearance is ever changing and it is just belief, not true. Consciousness is also content of awareness and albeit very close to it, unfortunately it is temporary, so it is not true.

Awareness or so called, God, the Absolute, Parabrahman, basically has no name. It is "not this, not that". It is perfection. And there is a problem. Imagine that we live in perfect universe on a perfect planet... what will we do? Look at... Water flowing? Grass growing? Planet spinning? How about shaping the rocks and wind shaping the mountains? How about looking at ocean and waves?

How long could you watch a nature?

You'd turn into a drooling idiot before lunch.

Boredom is the problem God trying to solve and the perfection of existence isn't solving it and there is no possibility of imperfection to spice things up. God is itself the perfection.

So, that's the setup. Perception, despite not existing, must perform the vital but impossible function of amusing the Awareness. This is impossible because the Awareness is not capable of being finite and imperfect. Chaos is not possible, flaws and errors are not possible, irrationality and inadequacy are not possible. Nonsense is not possible. The whole Universe created from the Awareness is perfect, there is no problem.... And that is the problem.

So lets there be something when there is nothing. And thus was born the illusion of appearance! And thus was born the illusion of time, energy, matter, space, causality, duality and life. With life, the illusion of man and his ignorance came around.