Saturday, April 21, 2018

Do whatever the f*ck you want


I'm tired and hungry and I'm looking around. What I see is the normal everyday life. Nothing is really wrong... Until I think there is something wrong. Then there is. So now, for some reason, I think there is.

I see that what I had always considered normal life is actually a bit strange and that nothing is quite what I thought. I have taken a step back from my life, one small step, and I'm confused by what I see.

What are we living for? Is the life just a stage-play and are we here to act our part for a brief moment, only to disappear behind the stage forever? What beliefs do I embrace? What objectives am I attempting to reach?

I slip into this life that is laid out for me the way a foot slip in the shoe. I already wrote that I am a contradictory person. I decide nothing, I don't live my life by choice, but by default. I play the roles I am born to. I don't know any better, and I don't know the reason why I don't know any better.

I seem to dwell in an endless desert in which I only I and my thirst exist. I seem to spend an inordinate amount of time chasing happiness. As I examine my situation, I find it odd that I resemble Willie The Coyote, and that my entire life is just like a cartoon.

Weird huh! How did I not see this before? In fact, now that I do see it, I can't believe I ever didn't see it, much less that I've gone my entire life without noticing - I am a cartoon coyote in a cartoon desert chasing cartoon happiness.

Why am I chasing the happiness? Why does my entire existence revolve around such a ridiculous endeavor? What drives me for that? Is it boredom, hatred? Love? Lust? Oh yes, personal achievement?

I'm simply seeing my life as a lie. Zilch. Nada. Nothing. There is no intrinsic purpose to my life, that I must do this, or that I was created for that. This may seem depressing, but it is an inevitability. I live in a world of fake or temporary opportunities, and the reality is that seizing these opportunities does not mean absolutely nothing, oh well, maybe a temporary happiness.

It’s not like I have anything against happiness, love, or success, or personal achievements or being nice, smiling more, eating healthy, losing weight, being your best, or embracing the day with a positive attitude. Those all sound great. Honestly, they do.

It’s just that I have a problem with being told to do all of those things by someone laughing on a tropical island, waving a red scarf around head, while some professional photographer snapping the picture. Whatever.

I am coming to the end of this post, that I want to share with you. And I have a message for you... Do whatever the fuck you want. Be your damn self. Don’t be a terrible person. Be nice to others. Be supportive of your friends... But seriously, do whatever the fuck you want!

Do you want glass of beer? Then just drink a fucking beer. Do you want a peace of chocolate? Don’t be gross about it, and don’t eat a chocolate three meals a day. But I beg you stop beating yourself up about it and just eat.

Do. Whatever. The Fuck. You Want. The life is your show. It is your universe. Who else knows about your thoughts and feelings? There is no one else there, you are completely on your own. Everything is available to you. No one else can lead you, pull you, push you or carry you. No one else is necessary for you.

Be courageous, enough to fulfill a life fully understanding that there is only a glaring nothingness awaiting you on the other side. Live, fight like it matters, and that is a manner of the highest strength.



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