What would you do if you have a bunch of money and free time. Oh never mind, the first thing you have in mind is to travel: “Oh, I’d love to see New York!” Or Paris, or Australia, or Zanzibar. Or Whateverland. You want to stroll down through well known avenues or hang out on a faraway beach, maybe drinking some tropical, sweet cocktail, shit.

I have a friend who read Eat, Pray, Love, which is a story about a woman’s travels and as soon as she finished the book, she got online and made reservations to go to visit the same countries. I have another friend who read 50 Shades of Gray and as soon as he finished the book, he got online... oh well, that is another story not for this blog.

Hey, how about my neighbour? He is a wealthy sixty something man, doing a lot of travelling. He spend more time on the airports and hotels in a month than me in a whole year. But if you ask me, he is a completely nut case.

It appears that everyone likes travel. And I’m the only who doesn’t love it which makes me what - a freak, in a way. It’s like hating Christmas (which I admit I do) or weddings (which I despise) or kittens (which I don't hate. Who hates kittens? Fuck!).

It took me a long time to admit that I don't like to travel. In fact, I'm pretty close to saying I hate it. For years I said I liked it without really thinking about it, because I had the vague sense that it was part and parcel of being an educated, intelligent person. Right now I'm pretty sure that I'm not so intelligent so I can freely say if I have to travel, it mostly feels like punishment.

I can't stand air flights? It is just waiting. First you wait to give your suitcases and to get a boarding pass. Then you wait to enter the plane, then you wait for take off. Then you sit in dirty plane smelling dirty socks, looking at the small screen until your eyes hurt you...

When you arrive, you wait to get out of the plane, then you wait border control and your suitcases. If all is without any problems you were waited almost 10 hours from Toronto to Amsterdam. People call this travelling.

I do travel, of course. I like seeing my family and friends, and if that involves travel, then fine. I can cope with the horror of flying for the fun of visiting my home country. I also manage to get out of the house. I like day trips and walking because I am so happy to be back in my own home at night. I don't like overnight trips - two days of activities and one night in a strange bed. I can't stand it. It completely ruins my daily schedule and morning yoga practice.

I see no excitement seeing new places especially cities. I have never been and I'll never be in London, Paris, Rome, New York etc.. Exploring streets, wandering though city, checking out the restaurants, museums, zoos... it's all bullshit. The same for souvenirs... which are closely related to traveling. You know, the plastic, glass or ceramic shit, the crappy things that you will never ever use; It s a generic, pathetic and nostalgic bullshit.

What's wrong with a magnet for the fridge? or a bag to carry your lunch in that says "I love ...whatever" or a T shirt, you'll never wear. Souvenir is a French verb that translates as to remember, or a memory. They are unnecessary items you'll find everywhere you go. They exist for travelers to buy them so they remember the trip.

People buy souvenirs not necessarily for themselves, but for others too. There is a great fear of having nothing to show to the family and friends. Where have you been? Let's take photos, post on Facebook, oh you don't have a profile then here is, the crappy thing so don't forget this wonderful trip.

Why does travel matter in life generally?


It's stupid but very common belief that the travelling, seeing other places and passing through the experience matters. I heard it before, "we are here, we're living this life to gain experience". No my friend, you are living this life because you don't have anything else to do. At the end of your life you will forget everything you "gained", but I'll not about it. You want to travel because you are simply bored with your daily fucking dull and uneventful life.

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For the things we want to learn before we can do them, we learn by doing them. - Aristotle

Yesterday at 9 a.m. we had ashtanga yoga class at friend's condo. It was a good practice. We did 5A, 5B sun salutations, all standing postures, and sitting postures until navasana, then we moved to closing sequence. We did not do headstand but we did two sequences of strengthening poses. It was 50 min practice.

When I tell my friends to start doing ashtanga yoga, I always say, they'll feel so good! They'll be so relaxed after the practice and they'll lose the weight etc. What I don’t tell them is that most of the times daily ashtanga yoga practice makes you feel tired. It is a hard practice. And it’s called a "practice" for a reason.

There's no end game in ashtanga yoga; no big "accomplished day,” nothing specific you’re training for, nothing to achieve. It’s a constant hard work in progress, you can almost always go deeper into a pose, extending your ligaments and muscles further to make the pose more challenging. It is the ultimate practice.

Stretching every day brings benefits to your body and mind, and you don't have to be flexible to show up on the mat. You don’t have to be anything to do ashtanga yoga. It is an amazing workout that will help boost your mood and health.

A recent Norwegian study found that daily yoga practice results in boost of immunity at a cellular level. Yoga helps to boost immunity by simply increasing overall health.

Research shows that migraine sufferers have fewer and become less painful after three months of yoga practice. The cause of migraines isn’t fully understood, but it is suggested that could be a combination of mental stress and physical misalignment that create migraines and other issues.

Studies have found that 12 weeks of yoga can improve sexual desire, arousal, performance, confidence, orgasm and satisfaction for both men and women. Physically, yoga increases blood flow into the genital area, which is important for arousal and erections and strengthens the mula bandha.

Researchers from Harvard found that eight weeks of daily yoga significantly improved sleep quality for people with insomnia. This can be attributed to yoga’s ability to help people deal with stress

Ashtanga yoga is a journey, not competition or expectation of achievement.

The great thing about ashtanga yoga is that we continue to improve through life, and age has nothing to do with ability in yoga. Indeed, practicing ashtanga yoga daily into our senior years is a goal to aspire to as it will keep you fit, confident, strong, flexible, mentally and physically balanced, and self-disciplined.

Ashtanga yoga is great for cleaning your immune system. By daily sweat you'll start throwing away toxins from your body. In the first six months of the practice you may be constantly on the verge of sickness. In my case, when I started seriously to practice ashtanga yoga, drinking a cold bottle of water had caused me a throat inflammation. All that'll be gone in a six months.

Daily practice of ashtanga yoga will take a lot of your free time. You need 90 minutes at least for the practice: 10 minutes to shower before practice, 60 minutes to perform the practice and 20 minutes shower after the practice. You also need to eat fresh fruits after the practice and I clean your mat.

I don't say to my friends these things when I encourage them to start ashtanga yoga. This is something they will discover by themselves once they fell in love with ashtanga yoga. That’s most important.

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Every time at the beginning of December, a debate start up over whether people should be wishing each other "Merry Christmas" or "Happy Holidays". On social media I am witnessing this crazy upheaval, the Christian angst, because certain businesses are saying “Happy Holidays,” instead of “Merry Christmas”. I admit it, I am not surprised about this competition... just one more? — better job, better position, better house, more noble ideas, more perfect images of yourself and of course better Christmas greetings.

Today is Black Friday, everywhere you look in Toronto, you will find rush and busyness, shopping fever and stress. At work, in this period everyone is rushing to put an end to the projects of this year in order to start fresh the new year to come. It is a busy time. In subway people with freshly packed gifts, look seemingly happy. 

You can feel it, Christmas is just around the corner. The topic of conversations in most homes is "What am I getting for Christmas?" Presents, gifts, good wishes, remembrance... celebration of family... nice delicious dinner and long talks about past and future. Christmas spirit. Jingle Bell, jingle bell...

Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas! It is amazing. Everything from Santa Clause and Frosty to boring Christmas songs, played everywhere. The whole "the time of giving" is wonderful. Time of giving? Give what? Give to your relatives and friends more useless shit that they don't need? 


Christmas time is for the change.  EMBRACE THE CHANGE. Love life, LOVE THE WORLD! Let's get together and change it one hug at a time! Burn some incense, do yoga! Save trees, save animals, eat ORGANIC, shit in toilets!

I love CHRISTMAS, the LIGHT and HAPPINESS, it’s good for my heart, which opens once a year when I've healed from painful things. I do MEDITATION and I BREATHE, it’s not just good for my body, it is okay for the mind too, it helps me get sober from last night — and TO BE PRESENT and remember that my life is full of ABUNDANCE.

Yes, PRANA on Christmas. I've heard that breathing is healthy. Particularly breathing in and out, it went so well for me. I'm GRATEFUL. Really.

BREATHE deeply and fuck you if you don't like Christmas!!!
(like you have a choice to do anything else)

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No one can help fish to find ocean


“Excuse me,” said an ocean fish, “You are enlightenment fish so can you tell me where to find this thing they call the Ocean”?

“The Ocean”, said the enlightenment fish, “is the thing you are in now”. 

“Oh, this? But this is water. What I’m seeking is the Ocean”, said the disappointed fish as he swam away to search elsewhere.

Interview with U.G Krishnamurti


U.G Krishnamurti, an enigma - a person who defies all classifications - a philosopher, a Non-guru guru, call him as you wish. Once you have read even a few words of his, your understanding will never be the same.

What am I actually searching?

- You search The Natural State. It is a state of great sensitivity - but this is a physical sensitivity of the senses, not some kind of emotional compassion or tenderness for others. There is compassion only in the sense that there are no 'others' for me, and so there is no separation. Whether you are interested in Moksha, Liberation, Freedom, Transformation, you name it, or you are interested in happiness without one moment of unhappiness, pleasure without pain, it is the same thing.

What I need to get that sensitivity? Knowledge?

-The knowledge creates experience, and the experience strengthens knowledge. This is a vicious circle. The questioner is nothing but the answers. That is really the problem. We are not ready to accept this answer because it will put an end to the answers which we have accepted for ages as the real answers. Anything you experience based on knowledge is an illusion.

Is there Truth after all?

- There is no such thing as truth. The only thing that is actually there is your 'logically' ascertained premise, which you call truth. The body does not exist except as a thought. There is one thought. Everything exists in relationship to that one thought. That thought is 'me'. Anything you experience based on thought is illusion.

I see... I am no ready yet?

- You are not ready to accept the fact that you have to give up. A complete and total surrender. It is a state of hopelessness which says that there is no way out... Any movement in any direction, on any dimension, at any level, is taking you away from yourself... Only if you reject all the other paths can you discover your own path. Food, clothing and shelter- these are the basic needs. Beyond that, if you want anything, it is the beginning of self-deception. Be selfish and stay selfish' is my message. Wanting enlightenment is selfishness. Charity is selfishness.

What about the world? Can I change it for the better?

- I am not in conflict with the society. I am not interested in changing it. The demand to bring about a change in myself isn't there anymore. So, the demand to change the world at large is not there. I suffer with the suffering man and am happy with the happy man... all our experiences, spiritual or otherwise, are the basic cause of our suffering....

There seems to be no way out?

- You have to be saved from the very idea that you have to be saved. You must be saved from the saviors, redeemed from the redeemers. When you know nothing, you say a lot. When you know something, there is nothing to say. You have to touch life at a point where nobody has touched it before.Nobody can teach you that. I am always emphasizing that somehow the truth has to dawn upon you that there is nothing to understand.

What are you trying to say?

- What I am trying to say is that there is no individual there at all. There is only a certain gathering of knowledge--which is thought - but no individuality there. You mistakenly believe that by pursuing the spiritual goal you will somehow miraculously make your material goals simple and manageable. We are not created for any grander purpose than the ants that are there or the flies that are hovering around us or the mosquitoes that are sucking our blood.

- It is fear that makes you believe that you are living and that you will be dead. What we do not want is the fear to come to an end. That is why we have invented all these new minds, new sciences, new talks, therapies, choiceless awareness and various other gimmicks.

- Boredom is a bottomless pit. As long as you think that there is something more interesting, more purposeful, more meaningful to do than what you are actually doing, you have no way of freeing yourself from boredom.

- You forget that everything you have around you is the creation of thought. You are yourself born out of thought, otherwise you would not be here at all. In that sense thought has a tremendous value, yet it is the very thing that will destroy you.


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The single and the greatest danger to humanity is actually degeneration of human consciousness. It is thinking about things that lowers our IQ, harms our cognitive functions, makes us robot like creatures... the things that leads to depression and apathy.

Every December the planet Earth becomes a giant shopping mall. The buy and sell mentality is squeezing out the last reminders of human consciousness. Mankind, driven by greed, has become extremely sick.

The crooked political system, distorted entertainment industry, false news and advertisements, phony medical and pharmaceutical industry, dishonest food industry, travel and working conditions, constant wars and lost of basic human rights are our reality.

Humankind has been aspiring to be machine for a few decades now and eventually the effects of this aspiration becomes more and more apparent as toxins build up everywhere...

The Kardashians

Human society is based on dominance and naturally takes the form of Kim Kardashian's ass with few at the top and most at the inside. We live in a system based on her hips, breasts and eyelashes. Her attributes are the omens of our culture.

People seek Kim's attributes, as the form of entertainment. The Kardashians lead a life of laughter, frivolity, and fun. Their fans, mostly teenagers are led to believe in such life which actually hides the realities of poverty, drugs, disease, prostitution and porn.

The Kardashians and they wholesome life ideals represents natural consequence of the fall of humanity. Behind their laughing faces and beneath their skirts lies anger from all the world to see. They are here spreading the misery but they don't feel so much of it, their skin is hard, while they are on the other side of the tube enjoying in the juices of their reality.



Mickey Mouse and Disneyland

Disneyland is the archetype of a robotic city. A city in which illusion is reality, in which the hopes and dreams are realized. Everything at Disneyland is a warm and friendly, laughter and joy, imagination and creativity. People don't cry in Disneyland. They are directed in ordered currents and flows. They follow arrows, they stand in lines. Disneyland is, in miniature, the ideal future for humanity. Rules are obeyed because there is no alternative.

The logic of Disneyland is fucking nuts and madness is quite sane there. As Charles Bukowski said Mickey Mouse had a greater influence on the public than Shakespeare, Milton, Dante, Rabelais, Shostakovich or Van Gogh. Which say "What" about the public.

New Age Bullshit

The New Age ideology is so popular at present time, "spiritual but not religious" concept has gained enormous rise with the social media. The critical thinking and honest observation, spiritual exploration and personal development are not part of the New Age.  The New Age spirituality is naive, misleading, false.


The New Age is like a sponge that wants to absorb all religions, and beliefs from different cultures into one spiritual, economical, unified system just like the world trade and commerce. It is just another invention of neo-liberals in their global madness. It is a multi-billions business that make people self-satisfied and peaceful. People are been mislead to believe that if you pay attention to something that is harmful simply by asking the questions and becoming aware of it is something very bad. They say, you should never pay attention to, or talk about anything that is "negative".

They categorize anger as the "negative" thing, and instead they promote replacing it with feelings of peace, love and light.  As the result you have current apathy and passivity to the injustices happening in today's world.

The New Age spirituality has twisted and abused spiritual practices to take your mind off the fact that you have been enslaved, and make it easy for you to just accept the current condition of the world as your lot in life. Shutting out your resistance is a good way to ensure that you will never take action to try to change the things that are wrong with the world.

...close your eyes, and envision a glowing light in infinite space. Now breathe in slowly, counting backwards from 10. Energy pulses along your spine. Exhale, and imagine a second light fills your head. Feel happiness, feel others, feel human connection and love...

Zombies aren't real. But you are moving towards that direction. This terrifying future for people lead by The Kardashians, three-fingered bustard Mickey Mouse, robotic city of Disneyland and New Age ideology will eventually create humans unable to think in a rational manner. Humans suddenly very much resembling zombies.

Nah. Couldn’t happen. Could it?

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Last night, oh well, this morning, I went to bed around 1:30 am. I had a wonderful time with my girlfriend and we went out for a dinner. I woke up at 8 am. had a coffee and then quickly went to my friend's place. I lead ashtanga yoga half primary class to a small group of my friends. We started at 9:20 and finished 50 minutes later. After the yoga class we went to sauna and later we had breakfast at Sunset Grill. Great morning!

I am 51 years old, male, former basketball player... I cannot sit in a lotus pose, my body is not flexible. Couple years ago, I teared MCL on the left knee, the right knee is not any better... but regardless of age, flexibility and injuries I practice half primary ashtanga yoga every day... This was the fifth practice of this week.

If you are over 50, you should start challenging yourself by moving out of your comfort zone. Start your daily yoga practice but always wonder if it’s really about yoga? Always remember shit New Age girls say. Be spiritual. Fake it until you achieve it. I urge you to get out of the your comfy couch and go to downward dog. Your arms may be shaky. So what? Your belly might sways left, then right but eventually it'll settle into place. Pull it in. Remember your glorious youth.

Try to strengthen the legs. Your hamstrings will protest, lets be forewarned, you will probably try to overstretch it until you get the muscle spasms. Try to scream, it may help. Keep holding downward dog pose. Push your arms through the middle finger, feel your palms... stay firm connected to the earth and breathe. WTF breathe my friend, with every breath, it is not going to be easier, just harder. Suck your belly in!

One, two, three... don't worry, you may take an anti-inflammatory drug after the practice so you can continue practicing tomorrow as well.

As far as I can tell your practice sucks, just as mine. You have to work out on your breathing, it is shallow. And you didn't even move from downward dog. Maybe one day you will learn to do jump-back and jump-through from this downward dog pose. Ah... Nah. Don't bother, you will never learned that.

When you notice you gonna fell down, you stop. Get out of the downward dog and just stand. They call that Tadasana or mountain pose. Very important pose for people in 50s. You may hold Tadasana posture for 10 or 20 breaths. The variations are endless. What’s required is the willingness to keep standing, resist overwhelmed urge to lay down.

The great results of practicing yoga after 50 is a glorious condition of over tiredness.

Most of the time you'll feel worse after practicing yoga. Yes, you are right, everyone else enjoyed the practice except you. Something wrong? You practice for a month and you still cannot touch your toes. It made you feel inadequate. Yoga is a place where you don't feel good about yourself.

But nothing to worry about.

Nothing better is awaiting you. Oh I forgot, after the practice, you may get neck, back, knee and shoulder pain. This don't include torn muscles, herniated disks and carpal tunnel. Hey, listen to your own body, you will discover what hurts you, don’t assume that the yoga instructor knows your body better than you do.

You're over 50 and looking for what?

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Look, I'm not going to bullshit here, neither you nor myself. I'm living my wonderful life the way I always have, thinking, "man, I'm better than others." And then, today, out of the blue, I'm having a horrifying realization that I'm not a cool masterpiece of polished personality, that I'm just some old boring parent, an annoying neighbour, tired computer programmer, an asshole yogi... or whatever.

There was no warning when this realization happened. I simply realized that I'm fucked up just like anyone else.

I think I'm confident and intelligent. I’ve proven that I am. I’ve spent countless hours training my body and mind through hardships and learning. I’ve stretched the abilities of my brain through teaching my my daily computer programming work, spiritual book reading, observing others, nutrition, exercise, yoga, quiet walking, etc. I’ve done a lot and I'm naturally good at almost everything I attempt.

I don’t throw that in the faces’ of others, but I won’t hold back either. I was a very motivated and determined individual. I did care about my honor, accomplishments, and my values. I was very passionate about my values.

But I have never hit that magical point where I figured out exactly what I really want to do with my life. When I turned around I was 51 years old and I see that my life looks like bubble gum. I have no clue what I'm doing, so I embarrass myself, often repeatedly.

I am not happy with my life. I'm old and I feel it, the skin changed, wrinkles, gray hair, belly fat, high blood pressure, tiredness... you name it, have started to show up and they won't go away. As Don Juan said the last enemy of the Man of Knowledge, the old age, is closing on me. But, I am not going to give up so easily.

I'm feeling motivated to eat better, exercise more, drink less... Making a lifestyle change is challenging. As of today I am announcing the changes in my life. The changes are a process that require careful monitoring. I'm ready to make these changes, I'm committing to do it, I have no other choice.

1. Drink one cup of coffee, only in the morning. 

That means I will stop drinking a coffee after 9 AM. Eventually I will get rid of the morning coffee too.

2. No more refined carbohydrates in my diet. 

I'll be very careful not to eat the processed food. I will not eat: tacos, wraps, pizza, croissants, pasta, muffins, pastries, bagels, white bread, pretzels, doughnuts, cookies, biscuits, cakes, white rice, wheat, candy, sweets, potato chips, batter, pastry, desserts, jams, soft drinks, sodas and sugary drinks.

3. Maximum two beers. 

I will stop drinking more than 2 beers. The challenge will be going out to the bars and clubs with my friends but for the beginning I'll avoid going there. The alcohol keeps my belly fat intact. And I'll save money too.

4. Regular, daily ashtanga yoga practice. 

 I need to return to 6 days a week, 60 minutes, half primary, practice.

5. Daily gym exercises. 

30 minutes, stomach and upper body one day and stomach and legs another day... 5 days a week, Saturday and Sunday will be rest days.

EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY!!!

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The first thing I do in the morning after waking up is to check weather forecast. I am waiting for  the snow and ice. I don't like winter but I need snow for my daily yoga practice.

I'm practicing yoga because I want to melt the ice with my ass.

Have you ever seen how great yogis sit in the snow and how the snow around them melts away from the intense heat they produce in their meditation? I want to do the same! It is my life's goal.

At present I have no snow to practice with. Only what I have is the ice from the fridge. I tired this morning on my balcony. I sit on the ice and what can I tell you. There is a great movement in the right direction. After only 5 minutes, my underwear was completely wet.

It is obvious that my yoga practice creates necessary mental and physical energy which melts the ice under my butt. It is true, yoga is a tool for awakening. Yoga is spiritual practice - physical, emotional and mental.

Sitting in the snow carries life changing scientifically proven benefits such as increasing my levels of harmony, it makes me more in tune, raises my frequency; the snow makes me more yogi - like, repairs my karma, helps me be more centered. Of course, the wet underwear it’s not just for show off, it helps me getting sober from last night - it reminds me that my life is full of abundance.

The length of time I sit on ice is based of what will impress others. The length of time I tell people how long I sit on the ice is loosely correlated of how long I actually sit. It is not necessary correlated - it is what I tell the people not what I do, that impressing them. Oh well, impressing them... well, it is not about really "impressing" at all, it is rather informing them that I'm the better person than them.

If I meditate and nobody sees the picture of it, did I really meditate? No I didn't. So, I have learned how to strategically post my yoga and meditation pictures on facebook, pinterest, twitter and google +.  Writing blog about this is crucial. But there is only one thing more boring than reading about my practice... that's reading other yoga blogs talking about their practice. It sounds illogical but reading how I sit quietly and peacefully for an hour on the ice is interesting to them but for me reading them talking about their practice is torture.

I don't care if yoga is religion or not. I don't do chanting although I might add that in the daily schedule. Prayers no. I think it is too dangerous to do prayers. What if they are answered?

The rest of the 2016 is all about concentration, meditation and samadhi... and the union with God, eternal Bliss.

You know what, I need more ice.

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Tonight the moon will be visible from earth. The last time this happened was last night.

Maturity lies in the readiness to let go of everything. The giving up is the first step. But real giving up is in realizing that there is nothing to give up; for nothing is my own. There is no such thing as Zee. There is only restrictions and limitations. The sum total of these tries to defines me.

After divorce, I became aware, in gradual manner, that my ordinary life has been forever left behind. The ordinary world is no longer a concern for me; and that I must adopt a new way of living if I am going to survive.

My acts, as well as the acts of people appear to be important only because I have learned to think they are important. I have learned to think about everything, and then I look at the world and see what I think.

I look at myself already thinking that I am something. And therefore I have got to feel important. In daily life my self-importance and self-pity are worst enemies. The constant struggle against those feelings are only that counts. It is total struggle against this individual, personal, self that makes me suffer.

I am living my life without TV. I haven’t been watching it for a long time, since about 2006. By TV, I mean watching movies, shows, news, sports or documentaries. I don't have my favorite artist because simply I don't know them. My days are great source of adventure choice, freedom, joy, peace, creativity. Today I went for a walk at High Park, yesterday I had a coffee at Starbucks and two days ago I had haircut.

Nothing is important. I have no honour, no dignity, no name, no country but only a life to be lived. I am not concerned about liking other people or with being liked myself. In reality, nothing of what I do is important. Nothing. I do like whatever and whoever I want but I am unconcerned about that.

I write here a lot of words but I never defend myself or anything else. I don't waste my energy on worrying about things. Nothing really matters. I treat everything with respect but I don't involve myself in daily affairs unless I chose to. I have no agenda or any issue to force upon anyone. I'm dispassionate and outside of everything, completely detached from society at large.

I keep inner balance, I am releasing my bitterness and I forgive others. I embrace the change. One thing’s true in this life,  everything change. Change is the only constant. Nothing within me is truly the same as a month ago, just as nothing around me is like a month ago.

I don't say anything about you. I don't say to you what to do. I don't regard your actions in my thoughts or words. You are here at this precise state of affairs because you want to be here. I support you knowing well you are in your own universe and you are not at the mercy of the world. Nobody is doing anything to anybody.

I don't give a shit about my own character. I don't protect or defend it. I never take myself too seriously, I do try to be fluid and spontaneous and shift my acts with surroundings. There is no need to explain anything, there is nothing to be explained. I have no time for explanations, hopes or regrets.

I am often seen as dispassionate, lacking real feelings, as my former girlfriends say, but that is only partially true. The world goes up and down and people go up and down with their world. I have no business following them in their up and downs. I love life, I love the world! Let's get together and change it one hug at a time! Burn some incense, do yoga! Save bees, save trees, save whales, eat organic, shit in the toilets!

It took me a long time to clean out the garbage of my habitual thinking. I was stiff, heavy, clumsy and vain because I felt I am something. I was easily offended by people. All my spiritual efforts were directed to eradicate this feeling of self-importance.

I am spiritual but not religious, you know, the light and happiness, it’s good for my heart, which opens once a year. Most of the time it is closed due to painful things. But pain is not so bad! And good isn't good sometimes, bad is good, war is peace, freedom is slavery. Awareness grows!

Hey, that brings me: one time, the days of dissolution of my marriage, (the fucking divorce), I went through some painful things — I tried to be an observer in Higher Self not just in this self shit. I was the Higher Self, the observer, and I breathe. Yes, prana when things went tough. I've heard that breathing is healthy. Particularly breathing in and out, it went so well for me. I'm grateful for it. Really.

I know that I have no time. My time is running out. There is no need to be fearful and cautious. Life is a play, silly and meaningless. Everything exists only in my thoughts. I have no time for bullshit and I act upon it.

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Can you walk away from love? 

Life is not a love story. But it is a story about love, and the power it has over us. The power to heal or destroy. And this is where the story ends...

Today, Friday 11th, November 2016, Leonard Cohen has found his miracle. He was waiting for that for quite some time, just like everyone of us... waiting for Godot.

We spend a great deal of effort maintaining the illusion of our lives. We work very hard to make it as solid as possible and never venture too close to the meaning of it. Otherwise we would see right through it and find ourselves looking into a mirage. Then we may see our life for what it really is... the great illusion.

We work very hard in this living dream. We take it so serious, we get counseling, take some medications, go to the movie, drink wine and talk about spirituality and other high things or we may go to shopping spree... In an insane world, being "normal self" means we have to be insane. And this is what we are.. we are totally fucked up.

There are so many contradiction in this world that it’s easy to be caught up by one. Suddenly we may not find values in the life we've created for ourselves. We feel waves of sadness, emptiness, meaninglessness, alienation and anxiety. We look around and wonder what we’re doing here. We suddenly don’t feel a connection to anything. Nothing gives us pleasure. There is nothing to strive for, nothing we can get or experience to fix it. The pointlessness of it all is so obvious.

When that happens, this world become a really confusing place. So where is the problem? Why this depression?

Our problems come from our idea that the world is true. 

We assume that if the world is true then we are also true. This self-importance is the main reason for the feelings of depression, sadness, emptiness and anxiety.

There is nothing true in this world. 

I am not a Buddhist but the impermanence is only permanent "thing" here. The meaning of everything is the meaning we give it. We are who we say we are, and our experience is what we say it is. Words. Growing, moving, progressing, evolving. Heart, Love, Peace, Bliss. Be nice and say you're sorry when you done wrong so your loving God won't cook your ass. We hope for transcendental bliss, cosmic consciousness, kundalini awakening, supreme love...

Take at easy!

Slowdown and stop running after all these nonsense? One day we will be forced to stop, the sun goes off and the mirage goes off. Don't say that you were unlucky, you did not reached the water... the water was never there.

No, life is not a love story. But it is a story about love. About those who give in to it, and the price they pay. And those who run away from it because they are afraid... because they do not believe they are worthy of it.

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Right now, I am sitting in pajamas, drinking a coffee. It is 6:30 a.m. I got salary this morning and I paid the bills. My financial situation is disaster. I'm into debt, I have a negative account balance all year around. This morning I had to borrow the money from the line of credit to pay the visas.

I'm a modern slave. This planet is a gigantic chicken coop, run by few families greedy for power and prestige. The rest of us are slaves living our pity life. When I say I'm a slave, you may form the images of a me in shackles forced to work on plantations to support rich owner... No. My slavery is the forced taxation, where my work income is automatically taken out before I ever see the money, regardless of whether or not I approve of how the money is spent.

I lend the money to corrupt politicians influenced by corrupt ideologies. Our health care is actually sick care. All of scientific progress I think humanity has accomplished is just a big bullshit, I willing eat aspartame in food, drink fluoride and breathe poisoned air.

If you think that you are not a slave, you have a free will and you enjoying your life, I must ask you where is your savings? You, just as me, work hard doing something you don't really like, just to pay the bills; and doing so, we have lost the best years of our life.

We are born sane but spoiled by education, influenced with the values of ego, hypocrisy, self-calming, empty talking, vanity and self-love... and words. We are satisfied with words, just with words. It’s sad. We use words like "awesome" and "wonderful" like it is toilet paper or something. It was awesome? Really? It was wonderful? Are you serious? We use the word "amazing" to describe fucking burger at McDonald’s.

I don't blame anyone but myself; I have learned this kind of life from TV, news and mainstream media. They teach me to be submissive to phony authorities; they feed me with pictures on the screen that I think I am better than the rest of our species. Oh look what is happening in Syria? Violence and fear rule our world. In Canada is really nice...

The worst thing on which our slavery rests is our suggestibility and tendency to wishful thinking. My present situation is not a punishment. It is a natural consequence of a state of affairs, just as it is a natural consequence of being a chicken to sometimes get eaten by a fox.


Oh well... If I cannot change the situation I have to change myself. I've to watch how I spend every dollar now. That means no more dining out, no more fancy dinners or ordering the food from the restaurants. I spend too much money when I head out to the bars. I will easily drop $40, $60, or $80 cash on beers.

So I know my trigger point is going to the restaurants and bars. I order a beer and then another, and then another. Before you know it I’m getting food as well... I know, it's crazy. That's a lot of cash. Now, it's time for the change... My credit cards are sad story. I keep constant debt of $2000 every month.

In our world, it is accepted that people have large amount of debt on their credit cards, actually it is quite normal thing. Credit card debt is a multi-billion dollar a year industry. On MasterCards and Visas we are adding to the debt every Christmas and we struggle with payments for several months. Then comes March break and things stretch out to the summer. Thousands of websites for online shopping support and add more to this enormous problem.

If we have taken out credit on something; for food, a car, mortgage, student loan, vacation, etc..., we are actually borrowing money which we don't have. That is okay because we will return the money, with the interests, of course. The problem comes when we're borrowing more money than we can afford and in most cases we're probably buying the stuff that we don't actually need.

The major credit card companies are holding us by the minimum payments. The credit card rate is, on average, 19%! As an obligation you have to pay only monthly interest. And that can prolong high credit card balance for years to come...

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If you're among the people that're less than thrilled about trend of yoga, that's perfectly understandable. But, and it hurts to say this, you're missing out many things. Yoga has many physical, spiritual and mental benefits. No doubt about it.

I give support, confidence and hope to anyone who wants to practice yoga especially ashtanga yoga. The final goal of our practice is spiritual awakening. Is there some purpose of yoga other than to awaken us from delusion of daily life? Lets never forget that.

I got up at 5 a.m., in 20 minutes I'll start Ashtanga yoga half primary practice. I've been writing here about many things but the core message that underlies everything else is how to maintain home yoga practice.

Want to have more courage in life? Do more yoga. Want to find your true self? Try adding yoga to your day. And not just any yoga, ashtanga yoga at home – the yoga with set and strict rules. Get on your yoga mat, get off the chair and start paying attention to what your body really needs.

Of course, any physical activity will do, it doesn't have to be yoga. Outside in the real world there is an epidemic of large bellies. Do you see it, do you recognize it in your own life? Go to gym, do some heavy lifting and take care of yourself. Dance! Whatever. There are other ways to build courage, creativity, curiosity, connection and purpose. Yoga is the way that works for me.

Say No to Yoga Studio

Yesterday, I was shocked to see the new prices they charge. Single drop in class $22, 5 class pass $90, 10 class pass $180, plus HST (in Canada, for anything you buy, you pay extra 13% of the original price). Special events, so called yoga workshops, are even more expensive, the price depends of the yoga teacher's celebrity level.

It's really sad, because a lot of people cannot afford more stress in their lives, students, those working shitty jobs just to get by, single moms, etc. can't afford these classes. I feel the price of classes makes yoga appear to be an upper middle class hobby more than something approachable to everyone, which is so sad.

Six years ago, I paid $25/month for unlimited practice at an ashtanga studio in Toronto. Today, $240/month plus HST. Whom to blame for this price spike? Bad yoga studio management? or the overheated market? I can join a gym for $30/month and get fit without all that spiritual dogma in yoga classes.

There, in the yoga studio, everyone's always telling you how their award-winning studio is a great and with the best yoga teachers around, and as with everything, that's only partially true, but then you go to yoga class and there you find the floor smells like onions steamed in cat pee.

Be nice, be quiet, smile, breathe deeply, be good, don't ask questions, don't use your minds, don't make a disturbance - sound familiar? Yoga studios are doing nothing more than maintaining the ignorance. None of them are teaching against our egoistic bonds. There is no interest in freedom.

Today, yoga means anything you want. It is a lifestyle, said one yoga practitioner. But it is interesting, once you're deep into yoga, you should become a little less interested in wastefulness and a little more interested in awareness and mindfulness...

So my advise is, once you have a solid, safe foundation for your practice, there’s enormous value in daily unrolling your mat at your living room, and moving through poses. If you listen to your body carefully, you’ll realize you have a lot more to teach yourself than you expected. And, of course, that is completely free!


Starting a home yoga practice will ultimately save you time, energy and money. Try to practice ashtanga yoga every day. Set aside a time when you will not be disturbed and you will not have to rush.

Practice regularly, start with standing and finishing postures, it will help you build concentration, increase flexibility and strengthen will power, making it easier to practice the next day. Consistency is key. If possible, establish a regular time of day to set aside for practice. Morning practice is advised.

There is more benefit to doing the practice regularly than sporadic studio class attendance, or the occasional workshop. Twenty minutes of yoga at home is more beneficial than driving, parking and paying to practice for an hour at a studio. The greatest and longest lasting benefits are achieved when at least half-primary is done every day. The full primary is a goal and that is the way to go.

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Sex is a slippery little beast, isn’t it? Casual sex is sort of a great idea you have for an life's project - you can picture it perfectly in your head, but when you actually sit down to do it, it never looks exactly how you thought it would.

The casual sex, friends with benefits, the booty call...  The terminology has changed over time, but with so many terms, what exactly means casual sex?

First, I don't know how you feel about dating and do you date at all. Maybe you are happily married, which I doubt because there is no such thing.

I'm not the type of person who has regrets. I've made many mistakes in my lifetime, I've never dwelled on them; but my marriage - my marriage is the one mistake I regret making. Now ... I would like that I have never met my ex.

There is no destination... There is no journey. There is only this moment, the present moment of my life and yes, I am in a relationship with the Dreamer, knowing well that this relationship has no future. The Dreamer is similar to me, personality-wise: self-aware and straightforward. She is a separatee and dating her is not a fun thing.

I like her, I respect her opinions and I listen carefully her stories about career, interest, friends and family. I don't agree with all that she say or do, but I try to honor her opinions. I am honest, fair, kind, and considerate with her. Is that love?

I'm not looking for a long term relationship because I live in the present moment and for me there is nothing like a "long term" ideal. Also, I'm not so nice guy to date. I know what I want, I am extremely aggressive and selfish. On top of that, I'm short tempered and highly prone to breaking up. I don't think twice before the breakup. I strongly believe that nice guys finish last.

Nice guys are busy being nice; they don't have self-respect; dating a nice guy leads to a marriage. The Dreamer already leads busy, boring, predictable life, she needs someone who is exciting and a bit unpredictable.

Knowing well that there is no happily ever after with the Dreamer, I really enjoy the absence of unnecessary philosophy. It is simple. We date because we enjoy sex. What's wrong with it? Relationships are about having sex. And sex always comes with a price.

We met accidently, I am not still sure how that happened, was she looking for a boyfriend, a one-night stand, or a revenge fuck, I am not sure. It started as a casual sex. Now I have to admit I do have feelings for her and have thought that there might be something more between us other than just sex. Oh well, scratch that. I am just kidding.

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Empty spaces - what are we living for?
Abandoned places - I guess we know the score.
On and on!
Does anybody know what we are looking for?

What is the mysterious center of experience which we call "I"? What are all these problems of life and love, pain and death, and the question of whether existence has meaning or not? As I see it, everything is just vague hearsay. No one knows for sure what we are and what we are doing here. But who cares. Life goes without these answers.

As far as the search for truth is concerned, 98% of what we have heard is rubbish. The remaining 2% is garbage. Throw it all out and start thinking by yourself. Although we're lacking clear direction, we clearly sense that there is more to life than met the eye and that society as it is now, culture, religion, science, philosophy and psychology are missing the point.

The root of the awakening is the way in which we feel and conceive ourselves as persons, our sensation of being alive, of individual existence, identity.

Another hero - another mindless crime.
Behind the curtain, in the pantomime.
Hold the line!
Does anybody want to take it anymore?

We have this false and distorted sensation of our own sense of existence. We have the sensation that "I" is a person, the bunch of feeling and emotions, living inside of the physical body. We are inside the body and we look through our senses into an external world of people and things, making contact with them and having relationships - girlfriends, boyfriends, spouses, children, co-workers etc..

We are programmed to believe that "we came into this world" like this world existed before our birth. We say without thinking that our parents existed before we were born and they have seen us coming into being... bullshit! What this has to do with us? Did the world existed for us? Of course not. It is all hearsay. This belief gives us the feeling of being lonely as a temporary visitor on this planet.

We are not born into an existing world, in the moment of birth we create our world! 

We create our world and we live in our own world. Our world is not the common world of streets and buildings, borders and countries. That is just a stage. Our real world is inner psychological world of ideas, thoughts, feelings and emotions.

Does anybody know what we are living for?
I guess i'm learning,
I must be warmer now.
I'll soon be turning, round the corner now.
Outside the dawn is breaking,
But inside in the dark I'm aching to be free!

Every person is an expression of the whole world, a unique experience of the universe. This fact is not known and it is not experienced by people. In a book The Active Side of Infinity, Don Juan tells Castaneda that our Earth is being invaded a long time ago by creatures of condensed darkness, the so-called Flyers, which use us as food. Don Juan challenges Castaneda to reconcile our intelligence, demonstrated in so many achievements, with the stupidity of our systems of beliefs... the stupidity of our contradictory behavior.

Don Juan relates this blatant contradiction in human intelligence to an alien force from the universe at large that keeps us in prison. Don Juan said that human mind has been infiltrated by the alien intelligence:

We have a predator that came from the depths of the cosmos and took over the rule of our lives. Human beings are its prisoners. The predator is our lord and master. It has rendered us docile, helpless. If we want to protest, it suppresses our protest. If we want to act independently, it demands that we don’t do so... 
They are the ones who set up our hopes and expectations and dreams of success or failure. They have given us covetousness, greed and cowardice. It is the predators who make us complacent, routinary and egomaniacal. 

According to Don Juan, the predators give us their mind, which becomes our mind, a cheap model: economy strength, one size fits all mind. It is the foreign installation, which exists in you and in every other human being. The effect of this installation is seen in mental conditioning and brainwashing. Our mind has no concentration whatsoever.

Don Juan gives advise how to get rid of the foreign installation.

The only alternative left for mankind is discipline. Discipline is the only deterrent. But by discipline I don’t mean harsh routines. I don’t mean waking up every morning at five-thirty and throwing cold water on yourself until you’re blue. The discipline as the capacity to face with serenity odds that are not included in our expectations.

And a great saint Ranjit Maharaj tells us the same thing in a direct  and simple words...

"I" is illusion and all is illusion but to understand the illusion, illusion is needed. All is only beliefs and concepts of the mind. Don't be touched by anything.
Don't fear. Nothing will happen. The world is not going to change because it does not exist. Understanding should be changed nothing else. It all depends on your thoughts.
Everything is your choice, you are the power. The world is yours. Many, many troubles happen to you but don't worry for anything. So do everything but be out of it, nothing else. You take touch of everything and you make confusion.
By words you have become bound, and by words you can be free.
- Ranjit Maharaj

The Show must go on! Yeah,yeah!
Ooh! Inside my heart is breaking!
My make-up may be flaking...
But my smile, still, stays on!

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The religion is the greatest bullshit story ever told. Religion has actually convinced you that there's an invisible God living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute, every day. And the invisible God has a special place for you if you don't follow him, the place full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and scream and cry forever and ever until the end of time.

But religion says... He loves you!

I know you are sincere, I know you believe in God, at least, you're trying. You really, really do. You're trying to believe that there is a God, who created you in his own image and likeness, loves you very much, and keeps a close eye on you. You're really trying to believe that, but I gotta tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize, something is fucked up.

You believe in God who could make good people as easily as bad, yet he prefered to make the bad ones. You believe in God who can make everyone happy, yet he never made a single person happy. Finally, with divine apology, he invites these poor, abused slaves to worship him.

Something is wrong here.

My entire life journey has led me to this very moment in time. I finally arrived to a place where I am okay with this. It is so simple. We are all idiots. Like robots; programmed by this shitty society. So routinary, so weak. Masturbatory.

But you, you're too busy holding onto God's hand. Thinking how wonderful you are, how sensitive, how unique. You are not unique! The scenario of your life has already been written by others. You may know this but you don't care. Fuck it, you say. You are an ultimate cynic. That's how you live!

You worry, oooh, how you worry, twenty-six hours a day! And what do you worry about?... About "you"! What about "you"? What's in this shit for you? What's gonna happen to you?

Egomania! So horrendous. But fascinating!

Just like a greedy ape who reaches through an opening for a seed and cannot relinquish control and nothing will make him drop that seed, so you too, you are loving Jesus who is bleeding, nailed to the cross. That's your symbol, but the plastic Jesus is not a God.

Nothing exists, all is a dream. God, life, mankind, the world, the sun, moon, stars - all a dream, all without being or existence.

Strange, indeed, that you should not have seen so far that life is only a vision, fiction! The life is hysterically insane - constant struggle to earn money for surviving, fighting diseases, hunger, filth, poverty, pains, old age and what is awaiting on the end... the death. Holy Shit! If this is the best the God can do, I am not impressed. Results like these do not belong to a good  resume. This is the kind of shit you'd expect from an office bureaucrat with a bad attitude.

Do you see that your life is impossible except as a dream? Do you see that your life is pure insanity, the silly creation of an imagination that is not conscious of its freaks. It is your dream, you are maker of it, but you lack the energy to understand that.

There is no God, no universe, no human race, no earthly life, no heaven, no hell. It is all a very foolish dream. Nothing exists but you. And you are just a thought, a useless thought, a homeless thought, wondering the empty eternities.

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It's easy to practice yoga when I'm happy, when everything around feels right, when I feel love, support, appreciation. I jump out of bed and run to the mat, simply move through Sun Salutations with excitement and a feeling of happiness. It's easy.

And then days come when my world crumbles. This life that felt real and joyful is suddenly no longer there. I wake up feeling lost, empty and purposeless, it’s a part of life I am told. I need to feel sad to appreciate the happiness. I need to lose and to see what I have. This is what ultimately life is about. Yes, I did read this somewhere, many times.

When I think of happiness, I often mean the experience of wonderful emotions like joy or delight. I may consider a relief to be happiness too. Or well-being, or the experience of contentment combined with a sense that my life is good, meaningful, and worthwhile...

Not really true! Actually, it is bullshit. Joy, delight, relief, well-being, contentment are the building blocks of me as an individual but I don't recognize it. My very search for these things makes me unhappy. As a consequence my happiness is a temporary state of mind between two sorrows.

I believe happiness is reliant upon the acquisition of something new or something different. I am constantly chasing, but never attaining. Often times, I search for new things in wrong places...

... Of course, my primary goal in blogging is to help myself cultivate happiness in my life!  If I just for a second forget my problems and pay attention to writing these words I am, just for a moment, a little bit happier then before. And if I laugh while I'm writing my posts, that is even better.

I feel good when I create new post and watch visitor stats increase. Yes, the blogging is a source of daily inspiration. Sometimes I write a new post with great expectation that my readers, my colleagues, family, and friends will like it. And then I get disappointed because my post hit hard bottom in click-number.

I became aware that my writing and thinking skills, and my creativity, sarcasm, and humor are not what I think to be.

Nothing really matters.

It's extremely melancholy to realize that nothing has any meaning, that life is essentially meaningless. It's very disillusioning to get that no matter what I might accomplish, it disappears like smoke in the air; that no matter what service I might attempt to perform, it's like an insignificant grain of sand upon an infinite beach.

Nothing matters at all. It's all insignificant in the end. If not today, then tomorrow. If not in a thousand years, then in a million, billion. The whirling clusters of galaxies don't even notice. Not only that, but the fact that everything is insignificant and nothing has any intrinsic meaning doesn't mean anything either. All the meaning is supplied by me.

I supply the judgments - this is good, that's bad, this should happen, that shouldn't happen. Existence has no judgments about itself; it has no meaning, it doesn't need or want any, to speak metaphorically. All the "good," "bad," "right," "wrong," etc. is product of my thoughts.

Existence not only doesn't care about me, it's not even aware of me. Whatever I might ever do to make a difference in the world of my little corner of it is like a drop in an infinite sea  - meaningless, empty. In fact, I'm like an empty characters in a video game, or like a robot in a machine factory pondering what this is all about.

I really get this as I walked yesterday from 3 to 5 pm, around High Park in a complete daze. But I realized one more thing, because life had no meaning, because nothing really matters at all and everything is purposeless, then my life and efforts don't matter, and neither did anything else.

It was a powerful realization of my own insignificance that it became a source of a joy. So much so that I burst out laughing - I couldn't stop laughing for some time - and then I began to cry.

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