Thursday, February 22, 2018

When Angels Are Not Looking

Maturity lies in the readiness to let go of everything. The giving up is the first step in spirituality. But real giving up is in realizing that there is nothing to give up; for nothing is my own.

After divorce, I became aware, in gradual manner, that my ordinary life has been forever left behind. The ordinary world is no longer a concern for me; and that I must adopt a new way of living if I am going to survive.

My acts, as well as the acts of people appear to be important only because I have learned to think they are important. I have learned to think about everything, and then I look at the world and see what I think. I look at myself already thinking that I am something. And therefore I have got to feel important.

In daily life my self-importance and self-pity are my worst enemies. The constant struggle against those feelings are only that counts. It is a struggle against this individual, personal, self.

I am living my life without TV. I haven’t been watching it for a long time, since about 2006. By TV, I mean watching movies, shows, news, sports or documentaries. I don't have my favorite artist because simply I don't know any of them.

Nothing is important. I have no honor, no dignity, no name, no country but only a life to be lived. I am not concerned about liking other people or with being liked myself. In reality, nothing of what I do is important. Nothing. I do like whatever and whoever I want but I am unconcerned about it.

I don't waste my energy on worrying about things. Nothing really matters. I treat everything with respect but I don't involve myself in daily affairs of others. I have no agenda or any issue to force upon anyone. I'm dispassionate and outside of everything, completely detached from society at large.

I don't say what you need or must do. You are here at this precise state of affairs because you want to be here. I support you knowing well you are in your own universe and you are not at the mercy of others. Nobody is doing anything to anybody.

I never take myself too seriously, I do try to be fluid and spontaneous and shift my acts with circumstances. There is no need to explain things, there is nothing to be explained. I have no time for explanations.

I am often seen as dispassionate, lacking real feelings, as my former girlfriends say, but that is only partially true. The world goes up and down and people go up and down with their world. I have no business following them in their up and downs.

It took me a long time to clean out the garbage of my habitual thinking. I was stiff, heavy, clumsy and vain because I felt I am something. I was easily offended by people. All my spiritual efforts were directed to eradicate this feelings.

I know that I have no time. My time is running out. There is no need to be fearful and cautious. Life is a play, silly and meaningless. Everything exists only in my thoughts...

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