Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Are you gonna live forever?

One thing alone is certain, that man's slavery grows and increases. Man is becoming a willing slave. He no longer needs chains. He begins to grow fond of his slavery, to be proud of it. And this is the most terrible thing that can happen to a man...

There is no compulsory, mechanical evolution. Evolution is the result of conscious struggle. The evolution of man is the evolution of his consciousness, and 'consciousness' cannot evolve unconsciously.

- Gurdjieff

I am not in Cancun, I do wonder where I am

The truth is simple... but terrifying. You live with the mistaken identity. You create your own reality, but you lack the energy to understand that. You're too busy thinking how wonderful you are, how sensitive, how unique. You are not unique!

You just play different roles with different people. You have assumed a "sample", a certain image of yourself... for your children, your parents, for coworkers, for a lover, for a  poor guy on the street, for a boss... "I am so and so" image is behind all your actions. You move around the world, "living your life", implementing various advices from different people and teachings, various techniques, methods what you understand as good and beneficial to you. All your study, habits, practices, instructions are bullshit. A grand bullshit is that you are growing up, becoming better and wiser... You are just getting older, nothing else.

You may know this but you don't care. Fuck it, that's how you live! In a deep misery. It's warm there, you don't want to leave, you want to worry, you like worrying, oooh, how you worry, twenty-six hours a day! And what do you worry about?... About you! What about you? What's in this shit for you? What's gonna happen to you?

Egomania! Horrendous but fascinating!

We're all going to die, all of u, what a circus! That alone should make us love each other but it doesn't. We are terrorized and flattened by trivialities, we are eaten up by nothing.

- Charles Bukowski

My mother died in the palliative care in January last year. I was with her a month earlier and I spend considerable time in that hospital department. The palliative care is the last place, it is the place for dying.

Recently, I read an article about the last words of the patients on the palliative care. Those patients in their last days has revealed the most common regrets they have at the end of their lives.

I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me – dying patients

When you realize that your life is almost over and look back clearly on it you will understand that all was up to you and your courage to live life true to yourself, not the life others expected of you. In other words you will see that your dreams have gone unfulfilled. You'll realize that you've wasted your life.

I am 51 (soon 52) I had my fair share of shitty experiences, I look back and realize I only have myself to blame. Yes, I am a kind of taking a responsibility for being an asshole and for being an idiot. I was living my life but I didn't feel it as my dream... I have changed that.

First of all, almost everyone of you is convinced that you're having a terrible life, and that most of the time you're making a fool of yourself. That's true but despite your feelings, your life is actually above average; you live quite good life.

Secondly, there is no need to improve anything in your life. Emotionally, this is like a blow to the stomach for you. But think for yourself and figure out what is true. The life is your show. It is your universe.

Who else knows about your thoughts and feelings? There is no one else there, just you, and nothing is being withheld from you. You are completely on your own. There is no place for worries. Everything is available to you. No one else has anything you need. No one else can lead you, pull you, push you or carry you. No one else is necessary to your success. You keep fucking yourself over. If you understand that, you will understand that it is the best news you could possibly receive.

I wish I hadn't worked so hard – dying patients

On the dead-bed every male have regret about the work. They wished that they had't work so hard. They had spend so much of their life on the treadmill of a work existence. And for what? Bigger car or house?

Your mind willfully accepts every information from newspapers without doubting anything. You feel that work is most important thing in your life, you don't think about the universe and your place in it, you imagine you are true and therefore you naturally feel self important. You never give any thought to who you really are because your mind is ever busy solving work problems.

Move your attention from the work. Turn the attention of your mind to yourself. How do you know you exist? If you don’t do this then you will continue to work like a dog believing in the non-existent universe until you die.

Change your attitude! The real wisdom is related to recognition of what is true, everlasting, and what is not. When you truly understand, you will finally realize that your work is necessary only for your daily needs and nothing else. Pay more attention to your needs...

I wish that I had let myself be happier – dying patients

Many dying patients did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They lived their life according to patterns and habits. They followed comfort of familiarity. Deep within, they longed to laugh more and have craziness in their life.

It is Wednesday night, I came from work, will have dinner soon, when I finish writing this post, it is not a post it is more like talking to you. It is nice outside, warm for this time of the year. The streets, building, houses, stores, offices are decorated and I feel like walking through the wonderland. Christmas movies are started to play on tv, all with good-will messages and happy ending. Children are happy. Students are happy. No school, no lectures. Snow has come (and gone). Perfect setting for the perfect holiday. New Year, with the hope of the better things to come, is just around the corner. I feel an excitement in the air, I feel it everywhere, in my wallet too. 😏

The Holidays are just an opportunity to create circumstances for enjoyment. But, Why are you seeking special circumstances for happiness? Happiness is momentary sensations of forgetfulness of problems, which of course do not disappear but that forgetfulness gives the sense of being happy.

You move from one pattern to another, from one cage to another, from one pose to another, hoping to find happiness, not only happiness in relationship with people, but also the happiness as a resting place where your mind will never be disturbed, where you cease to be tortured by your thoughts.

I may put this in different words, I may use different jargon, but that is what you want - a place where your mind can rest, where it is not tortured by its own activities, where there is no sorrow, but I will stop here...

May you find your happiness!!!

Find what gives your life meaning and what gives you a sense of purpose. Find out what you want. Start from there and happiness is easily found; remember very search for happiness is itself the main reason for unhappiness.

Good luck. 😊

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About Zee Mark

I am an Ashtanga yoga practitioner from Toronto, Canada. I am writing a blog about awakening, yoga and everyday life. My entire life journey has led me to this very moment in time. I finally arrived to a place where I am okay with the truth that there is no truth.