Monday, December 19, 2016

Chasing the Wind


How many times I heard my father told me: When I was your age, children knew to respect their parents. then, he will continue... When I was your age, I had to walk to school ten miles. In the snow. Uphill. Both ways. I use to finish his sentence before he said it. Do you think this is funny? It was but it is not anymore. I actually used this phrase last week when speaking to my daughter. For the first time in my life I told her, well, when I was your age...

If you take away all the smoke and mirrors, all the false smiles, and all the deceit, you can clearly see that we as a humanity are steadily chasing the wind. In all seriousness, we've done nothing in our life but fool ourselves thinking that we have achieved something great.

Ultimately, I know life is useless simply by looking at my father: not so long ago he was a successful and respectful man and now he is old and lonely. My mother passed away two years ago and he is now living alone trying to organize his life the best as he can. His main activities are watching TV, buying groceries and going to funerals. He is also very careful to get his medications on time. And that's it.

Life is useless. You spend your life working, building bigger house, saving more money, raising children... and what do you have to show for it? Generations come and go, the world stays the same. The sun still rises, it still goes down, the wind blows, river flows into the sea, but the sea is not yet full. The water returns to the sky, the rain brings it down, all starts over again.

Our fate as a humankind is miserable. We have nowhere to go, our life is meaningless. It is like chasing the wind. At very early age they put us in schools to learn the difference between knowledge and stupidness, wisdom and foolishness. But we have not learned much, rather we become programmed uninteresting piece of self satisfaction, which is completely okay, the smarter you are, the more worries you have; the more you understand, the more it hurts.


In the last three years, I decided to enjoy myself and find out what happiness is. After divorce, I decided to cheer myself up with beer and wine and have a good time with women. I thought that this might be the best way I can spend my short life on earth. But what I've found is nothing, too. I discovered that most of the time laughter is stupid, that pleasures are like mirage in the desert of my desires. Fatamorgana!

Yesterday, my match.com account expired and I closed the account. My decision has nothing to do with the Dreamer, I thought about all this online dating thing I had done in the last two years and how much I have spent doing it, and I realized that meeting a new woman every week does not mean a thing. It was like chasing the wind - no real happiness at all.

So now I am thinking about what it meant to be smart or stupid. You see, the wisdom is not better than foolishness, just as day is not better than night. You may say, the smart knows where he is going, and a stupid doesn't. But I also know that there is no destination, the same fate is waiting for both. What happens to an idiot is going to happen to me, too. So what have I gained from being smart. Nothing!

So life came to mean nothing to me, because everything in it had brought me nothing but trouble. I am chasing the wind. I don't fear being alone and I don't buy this lie, this myth of the Lonely Old Man. I am comfortable with myself and confident in my true independence.



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