Friday, March 16, 2018

Chasing the Wind

How many times I heard my father told me: When I was your age, children knew to respect their parents. then, he will continue... When I was your age, I had to walk to school ten miles. In the snow. Uphill. Both ways. I use to finish his sentence before he said it. Do you think this is funny? It was but it is not anymore. I actually used this phrase last week when speaking to my daughter. For the first time in my life I told her, well, when I was your age...

If you take away all the smoke and mirrors, all the false smiles, and all the deceit, you can clearly see that we as a humanity are steadily chasing the wind. In all seriousness, we've done nothing in our life but fool ourselves thinking that we have achieved something great.

Ultimately, I know life is useless simply by looking at my father: not so long ago he was a successful and respectful man and now he is old and lonely. My mother passed away three years ago and he is now living alone trying to organize his life the best as he can. His main activities are watching TV, buying groceries and going to funerals. He is also very careful to get his medications on time. And that's it.

Life is useless. You spend your life working, building bigger house, saving more money, raising children... and what do you have to show for it? Generations come and go, the world stays the same. The sun still rises, it still goes down, the wind blows, river flows into the sea, but the sea is not yet full. The water returns to the sky, the rain brings it down, all starts over again.

Our fate as a humankind is miserable. We have nowhere to go, our life is meaningless. It is like chasing the wind. At very early age they put us in schools to learn the difference between knowledge and stupidity, wisdom and foolishness. But we have not learned much, rather we become programmed uninteresting piece of self satisfaction, which is completely okay, the smarter you are, the more worries you have; the more you understand, the more it hurts.

In years just after divorce I decided to enjoy myself and find out what happiness is. Back then I cheer myself up with beer and wine and had a good time with lots of women. I thought that that might be the best way I can spend my life on earth. But what I've found is nothing, too. I discovered that most of the time laughter is empty, that pleasures are like mirage.

I am thinking about what it meant to be smart or stupid. The wisdom is not better than foolishness, just as day is not better than night. You may say, the smart knows where he is going, and a stupid doesn't. But I also know that there is no destination, the same fate is waiting for both. What happens to an idiot is going to happen to me, too. So what have I gained from being smart. Nothing!

So life came to mean nothing to me, because everything in it had brought me nothing but trouble. I am chasing the wind. I don't fear being alone and I don't buy this lie. I am comfortable with myself and confident in my true independence.

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