Saturday, December 3, 2016

Nietzsche is dead - God.

Don't make the same mistakes twice. Say NO to re-incarnation.

Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together, discussing how important their children are.

The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic woman chirps, "Well, my son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, ', 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic woman says smugly, "Well, not to put you down, but my son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say 'Your Eminence'.

The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women giver her this subtle "Well...?"

She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6' 2" hard-bodied, well-hung, male stripper. Whenever he walks into a room, women just say, "Oh my God...."

Forgive me, O God, my little jokes on you, and I'll forgive your great big joke you cast on me.

In the beginning there was nothing and God said "Let there be light", and there was still nothing but everybody thought for sure that they could see and feel something.

If you can life without caffeine, if you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains, if you can resist complaining, if you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time, if you can take criticism and blame without resentment, if you can ignore a friend's limited education and never correct him or her, if you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend, if you can face the world without lies and deceit, if you can conquer tension without medical help, if you can relax without drinks, if you can honestly say that deep in your heart you have no prejudice against creed, color, religion, gender preference, or politics then you have almost reached the same level of spiritual development as your dog!

A new monk arrives at the old monastery for his life of shared poverty and prayer, and is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He notices, however, that they are copying from copies, not the original manuscripts. So, the new monk goes to the head monk to ask him about this, pointing out that if there were an error in the first copy, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.

The head monk says, “We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.” So, he goes down into the cellar with one of the copies to check it against the original.

Hours go by and nobody sees him. So, one of the monks goes downstairs to look for him. Hearing sobbing coming from the back of the cellar, he finds the old monk leaning over one of the original books crying, and muttering between tears: “There’s an R! There’s an R!” He asks the old monk what’s wrong, and in a choked voice came the reply, “The original word isn’t “celibate” but “celebrate.”

The phrase that is guaranteed to wake up the followers during a satsang: “And in conclusion...”

Oh boy! Oh boy!" cried the monk-on-probation who had just cracked the Zen Master's favorite (and valuable) drinking cup. The frightened youngster went to the Zen Master and asked, "Why must there be death"? The Master answered, "Death is natural. It comes to all persons and things. We should not greet it with fear or meet death with anger. Why do you ask"?

"Because, Master, death has come upon your cup."

The Yogi walked into the Zen Pizza Parlor and said: “Make me one with everything.” When the Yogi got the pizza, he gave the proprietor a $20 bill. The proprietor pocketed the bill. The Yogi said “Don’t I get any change?” The proprietor said, “Change must come from within.”

A father was explaining to a friend that he used to be worried about his son. "Before he would just sit around the house and do nothing, but now he meditates."

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