Monday, December 12, 2016

Yoga and Divorce

Am I not a man? And is a man not stupid? 
I'm a man, so I married. Wife, children, house, everything. The full catastrophe. 
 - Alexis Zorba, the Greek

Every marriage starts with a great romance. Ok, not every marriage, there are forced marriages due to unwilling pregnancy but that's different. The most of the marriages really starts with love. Life is wonderful you cannot stand to live without the significant other. You have fallen in love and that's it, this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

So you get married.

You start living with your spouse, you get kids, you buy the house, you enjoy your life...

Some time later, at some undefined point you start noticing little differences between you and your spouse and that starts to annoy you. Suddenly, you feel bothered by the same things that you have found cute earlier. The thinking starts, you wonder why your spouse changed, why it is not more like you.

Slowly, you realize that the expectations you had of the perfect marriage are not going to happen. You are turning into yourself or to your best friend, trying to figure out where is the problem. You start practicing yoga, you have heard it is good for body and mind. You want to do something for yourself.

According to statistics 80% of women who started practicing yoga, in their late 30’s and early 40’s, have started the practice for the wish of turning inwardly. This is a strange connection between yoga practice and divorce.

You are trying to work through your problems. You are fully aware that you spend a way too much time in the kitchen, cleaning the house, taking care of kids. Yoga clears your cluttered mind. You starting to see the things in a different way. You are looking for self-help resources continuing to struggle while your troubles are getting worse. Your marriage deteriorates more deeply due to yoga. An extramarital affair possibly to result. But you are still not considering a divorce. You want to save... what cannot be saved.

The children are too small, they need both parents, this is what you think. Much like toothache that consumes your whole being you cannot seem to think of anything else besides how you should get out from this situation. You start to read, and you read a lot. The Alchemist, the Secret and the Power of Now. You are most likely to become a vegetarian or a vegan.

You look at your spouse and you see that your spouse in not a bad person. Rather, you have changed and you see clearly that you are not happy. Ironically, when you are deeply into yoga, you may experience a waves of  awakening, and you become frustrated with all the emotions that awakening brings to the surface. You clearly see that something is wrong, your life is an emptiness and you notice other truths about your relationship.

The yoga helps you to rediscover your real position. You are awaken from the mundane life of everyday obligations and the first step done in that newly acquired freedom is to get rid of the spouse. You blame your spouse for everything lacking in your life. You initiate the separation and you finally divorce.

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