I don't want to alarm you, but there's a possibility that universe is nothing more than a huge simulation, that we're living inside a gigantic computer, and none of this is real. Our life may be nothing but a computer game.

A team of physicists has provided some of evidences that universe could be just one big projection and as soon as you are not looking, the things simply vanish, they are not there, but the real question is do you want to know about it?

I don't think so.

Who has time? We have no time for such trivial things. The life is pressing us so we go with the flow without ever exploring what it is that we are truly doing. I know there’s something wrong, but I'm too lazy to write, too polite to complain and too busy to see the obvious...  only a dead fish go with the flow.

You never know what life is like, until you have lived it.
 - Marilyn Monroe

Oh dear Marilyn, what if we are really living inside a gigantic computer? No, not The Matrix, fuck the red pill, blue pill, we are talking here about the Universe? Well then just like you I am a fictional character.

Welcome !!! You have just stepped into my soap opera. My particular character has a storyline that revolves around breaking out of the soap opera itself. My life is hysteria-ridden, unconvincing, poorly scripted and clumsily acted fiction of no importance and limited entertainment value.

This morning I practiced yoga. That is the breaking news cause I did not do it since Thursday. The practice was good and long. 5A and 5B sun salutations, all standing, all sitting postures, calming finishing sequence and long shavasana.

Today I read an interesting article about Harvard's 75-year study which reveals the secret of living a happy life. It took them 75 fucking years to discover it. They study 300 people from early age to present day. They are still studying their life even now in their 90ties. The article is quite interesting. Google it.

It said that there are countless ways to live life. Really, I did not know that. They say one way to live your life is better than others. It has nothing to do with money or fame. There are certain "secrets" to ensuring greater happiness, and they revealed those secrets in this 75 years study... Fuck I was transfixed to read it to the end...

Value love above all else. Meaningful relationships and connections matter. A lot. Happiness is love. Full stop... Wow, 75 years of study to find out this. Yup that's it. But for me, it is not complete, they will study new generations and they will discover  What makes a good life... my friends, sex matters too.

I am a happy guy, but you know what, I have desire to break out this happiness, this soap opera. I  write here about love, dating, relationships and other tragi-comic me-centric posts. And just to let you know, The Dreamer came on Friday night and she slept over on Friday and Saturday. We had a wonderful happy time, went out to Swan Bar on Friday night and Ka Chi restaurant on Saturday night. We supposed to go to Reservoir Lounge after dinner but we eat like 45 pieces of sushi and big sea food platter, we were so full and we decided to come back home. We were at home around 11 pm and we watched 13th Floor.


Interesting movie, I keep wondering, Who created my character? Who made me the way I am? Who is the author of me? That one must be so confused, an oxymoron, contradiction guy. There is no I. Truth and I are mutually exclusive. There is truth and there is me. They don't mix. Only me there is, is this false self.

There is nothing obvious about this soap opera I about'm living. There is no comprehension of the vastness and complexity of the influences that go into creating me. There is a benefit, however, to realize that who I am has little or nothing to do with me. For me, the happiness is the temporary state between two sorrows. Indifference is the best.

Will I succeed or fail in my bid for freedom? Will I continue in my quest or change course?

Tune it tomorrow to find out.

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January is the most popular time for the beginning of something new, we see it as a fresh start, it is a time to make a change, time to try succeeding where we have failed before. We've all made a New Year's resolution (or four in my case) knowing very well that we can not keep them for a long. It's a well-known joke that the gym filled in in January, just to be empty out by mid-February.

Of course, resolutions are meant to be broken. But trust me, the intent is good, setting goals and moving on. Deciding to make positive changes, stopping a bad habit is always a good idea.

Arrange the potato slices in your baking pan.

My 2017 resolution is concrete, it is not a philosophy, I keep it super simple. It is not a list long as grocery list, but it does completely give my life a change. I am prepared, slightly stunned as I began to live like this. Four years ago I got surprised by divorce and I was forced to change my life. Now I am doing another change willingly.

For a long time and until very recently, I felt like I was waiting for something. Somedays I still do. Things are uncertain. Some days are difficult, sometimes I struggle immensely but I'm making it through.

In the last four years I was so used to f*cking things up, so regularly, that to stop doing it now is actually impossible. I am still wild at heart and I’ll always be up for that last minute trip, the spontaneous activity, the random exciting hour.

I have introduced the rules in my life and living by the rules should give me freedom. The rules though, are mine - my values, my truth.

1. Regular, daily exercise. 

Daily yoga practice at home helps me to stay healthy, more energetic, calm and happy all day long. I have learned yoga techniques for full primary series of Ashtanga yoga. I have learned it properly because I was going to the studio for about four years. I am comfortable to practice on my own.

The morning practice is generally considered to be the best as it keeps energy levels high during the day. Yet, if it does not happen, I don’t let it be an excuse to skip my practice. I have opportunity to do the practice after the work at 6:00 PM. So I will have no excuse to miss the practice.

Since New Year I have done 16 practices (today is 25th of January) and I was 6 times in gym. I know, it can be better and it will be better. On Saturday I lead half primary ashtanga yoga class to my friends. It is fun and hard work at the same time so I will keep doing it.

Prepare ground meat, onions, garlic, vegeta, black paper.

2. Change of diet. 

The weight is an important and serious issue for me. I'm a single guy, living alone, with plenty of free time as 52 years old I want to be healthy and look good. I am not a nutritionist or a dietitian. I am not a yoga trainer, a coach or a fitness expert of any kind. Please do not consider anything you read here to be advice from an expert.

Basically, the weight loss is simple - consume fewer calories than you burn. I am a person of extremes and if I don't see results in short period of time I'm discouraged and I quit the endeavor. The diet rules are simple - no more refined carbohydrates, no sugar at all, eat dark rye bread, no more alcohol. I have started to make a home made meals. Here you can see my work on Greek mousaka with ground meat and potato. It is delicious. Trust me.

Layer meat sauce on the top of potato.

3. Less social activities. 

I don’t assume that my viewpoint is the only way. You may not agree with me. That's fine. Whatever I know, there is still more to understand about life, friendship, love and the meaning of all that. The more I observe, the more I realize how empty those things are. 

My tendency is to take things for granted. I usually get tired of people. Since New Year I went out only once. "I don’t feel like it” is my main saying. I spend a lot of time asking myself, “What am I doing there, sitting and drinking beer after beer, talking nonsense?” I have the courage to ask that question at the forefront of my friends.

My life values are something that I believe are important. Not always, but they determine my priorities and actions, and, deep down, they're probably the measures if my life is turning out the way I want it to. When the things match my values, life is usually good – I'm satisfied and content. But when these don't align that is the source of unhappiness.

Cover it with another layer of potato.

4. Careful with money spending.

In 2017 I must be very aware of my money spending habits. I'm not working on a contract anymore, I'm now a full time employee. I owe $3000 on credit cards. I am going to Montego Bay with the Dreamer in February and we bought tickets so additional $3000 will be added on the end of the month.

In our world, it is accepted that people have large amount of debt on their credit cards, actually it is quite normal thing. I don't share that opinion and I am going to pay off the debt in next three months. No spending in restaurants, drinking in bars, no gifts. Having a girlfriend is an expensive thing especially if she is not willing to share expenses.

Having said that, I did started to save money on different account. 10 % of my salary is going there regardless of credit card debts. Yes, I am keeping up with the Kardashians.

Bake it, on the end add milk and eggs on the top.

One big problem with a New Year's resolution is that I make the resolution for myself, but really I'm the last person I should be taking advice from. And according to the statistics, another big problem is the resolution is usually forgotten a month after making it.

So having the odds against me, this afternoon I did yoga after work, I came home and just did it. My recent practice is long and very hard.  Obviously my New Year's resolution is working.

I want to keep the disciplined life and do my activities accordingly.

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Why don’t you read to the end?
I understand, you're too busy. ;-)

For every three people who landed on my blog, one of you is already gone. You "bounced" in web language, meaning you spent no time on the blog at all. So now there are two of you left. But not for long! When you come to the point in the post where you have to scroll to see more, of the two of you who didn't bounce, one is never going to scroll this page. Bye! Thanks for visiting!

Writing a blog is an interesting experience. I don’t have the answers, about human existence, yoga practice, divorce, dating, losing belly or why are women losing interest for sex... and I get irritated when I read other people putting themselves out there as self-help gurus, therapists, or doctors. However, by writing this blog, I have learned lot of things, the one in particular, people are ignorant of what matters.

On the bottom of this page I have StatCounter, an invisible html gadget, which records visitors clicks. It generates statistics and sometimes I look to see what's going on. The largest number of clicks have the posts about my daily life, yoga posts have received reasonably good attention while posts about awakening are the least visited and the posts about meaning of life are not visited at all. It should be the other way around.

So many of you come to this blog, mostly you read only one article. Well, I don't write according to people's expectations. English is not my mother's language but I try to write in a direct way. My ideas are based on simple truth - everything is FAKE. In the beginning people like what they read but couple posts later they change their mind. Whatever.

I'm 52. I have no time to be afraid anymore. I don't want anything from anybody. Writing about awakening I'm fulfilling my part in this global awakening process. This planet is a gigantic chicken coop, run by few families greedy for power and prestige. The rest of us are slaves living our pity life. People have to wake up.

Our slavery is forced taxation, where our work income is automatically taken out before we ever see it, regardless of whether or not we approve of how the money is spent. We lend money to corrupt politicians influenced by corrupt ideologies. We work hard just to pay bills; doing so, we lose the best years of our life.

We are born sane but spoiled by education, influenced with the values of money, hypocrisy, self-calming, empty talking, vanity and self-love... and words. We are satisfied with words, just with words. It’s sad. We use words like "awesome" and "wonderful" like it is toilet paper or something. It is awesome? It is wonderful? We use the word "amazing" to describe fucking burger at McDonald’s.

Whom to blame? We have been programmed from early age by mother, father, relatives, education, society... from TV, news and mainstream media. They teach us to be submissive to phony authorities; they feed us with pictures on the screen that we think we are better than the rest of our species.

The present situation is not a punishment. It is a natural consequence of a state of affairs, just as it is a natural consequence of being a chicken to sometimes get eaten by a fox. The worst thing on which our slavery rests is our suggestibility and tendency to wishful thinking.

Sigmund Freud, the father of psychoanalysis, in his book The Future of an Illusion, wrote a theory that human's life is a frightening world full of calamities and, ultimately person experience a terrifying fear of death. As a child looks to his father for comfort so adults do the same thing with regard to God. Out of fear and a desire to be protected people believe in an imaginary father figure...

I agree with Freud's observation about wishful thinking regarding God. You see, there is an enormous contradiction between the intelligence of man the engineer and the stupidity of his beliefs. People stick to their systems of beliefs, ideas of good and evil, social values. They set up hopes and expectations and dreams of success and they face their own failures. During their existence they have made themselves covetous, greedy and coward.

People are cowards to ask about meaning and purpose of life.

Nature seems to be a purposeless and meaningless machine. Did we pay for our new mental freedom by sacrificing the meaning of our existence? Partially knowledgeable man stands alone, uprooted in an icy universe, lost in the chain of generations which arose from nothing, and become nothing. What is the purpose of it all? Is this the desired purpose of understanding, the last great answer to all questions asked of nature?

Man has “experimented” himself out of a Godly order, away from an inner feeling of security. . . . He has made a taboo of the question of the meaning of human life—its portal has been nailed shut with planks. He no more dares to touch it, because he fears to find the dismal answer that our life has no meaning at all.

- Carsten Bresch

I have had a fair share of shitty experiences and my entire life journey has led me to this very moment in time. I am okay with this simple but terrifying truth.


Thank you for reading. 💗


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Nobody puts us in bondage except our own imagination. As we think about the world, so will we see it, as is our conviction so will be our experience.

The aimlessness of life. We live this life in a cubicle, nothing to live for, nothing to die for. Most people live the life for children. I'm tired of all this crap I have to listen about children. That's all I hear about, everywhere... Raising children is getting entirely too much attention.

Regardless if you're married or divorced, single dads or working moms, who think you're such fucking hero for raising your kids, aren't going to like this, but somebody's have to tell you for your own good: your children are overrated and overvalued, and you've turned your life in a wrong way. Eventually you'll be disappointed...

You live for and instead of your kids, and it's not healthy. Well, you love your kids. So what?! Everybody loves their children; the love doesn't make you special. What I'm talking about is this constant, mindless concerns, this neurotic fixation that suggests that somehow your life has to revolve around the lives of your kids. It's completely insane.

Today's kids are way too soft. For one thing, there's too much emphasis on safety and safety equipment: childproof medicine bottles, fireproof pajamas, child restraints, car seats. And helmets! Bicycle, baseball, skateboard, scooter helmets. Kids have to wear helmets now for everything but jerking off. Grown-ups have taken all the fun out of being a kid. What's happened is, these baby boomers, these soft, fruity baby boomers, have raised an entire generation of soft, fruity kids who aren't even allowed hazardous toys, for Chrissakes!

- George Carlin

Dragging kids all over town in search of empty, meaningless activities to kill time: scouts, swimming, soccer, karate, piano, tennis, bale, salsa, and who knows what else. It's absurd. You want to help your kids? Leave them alone!

You are getting older and your kids are escape facing that fact. The kids can't stop struggle against aging. We fight against nature for years and months without hope to win. Desperate attempts to use creams, start running, going to gym, buying a new car and finding a new, younger woman or man will only prolong the inevitable. As it should.

We had our youth, we had a good days, if we played it bad... so be it!

People have anguish over their 30th birthday and try to hide their 40th, it is with the 50th that most start to actually see themselves as beginning to be old. Why? I'm 52 and it comes with that age, marriage, divorce, children and work... you're purely destined to became a cynic.

 "And for what?" Lisa continues. "This wasn't for a few months or even years. this was our whole life! We were trapped! Fifteen years of it! Isn't that nuts? And for what? To raise kids? That's just an excuse. Anyone can raise kids: you don't have to live in constant soul-crushing servitude to do it. One day I asked DJ what he really wanted out of life and he said he wanted to be a dentist just like daddy. It was like being kicked in the stomach."

She shakes her head sadly. "And you know, it's not just that it's a terrible way to live: it's not really life at all. It's not something you choose, it's what you get when you don't choose. We just marched ourselves into these damned idiotic, impossible lives without ever stopping to think about what we were doing. High school, college, post-grad and then straight into the workforce. Get married, have a kid, borrow money, buy a house, fill it with junk, have another kid, borrow more money, bigger house, more junk. It's completely insane, but that's how everyone I know lived. Affluenza, they call it. like a disease. That's what it is. For the last seven years we've been struggling just to make the minimum payments on our debt."

She laughs bitterly. "Everyone I knew was the same way. Some at a higher income level, some lower, but I think practically everyone we knew was dangerously over-extended in every direction. Money, time, work, responsibilities. We were doing everything right and we didn't really have any misfortune: no tragedies or health issues. We've been members of the local country club for ten years. Yes, we were living the American dream. Exhausted, broke, not good parents, not happy, and now split up."

-Spiritual Warfare, Jed McKenna

Nobody puts us in bondage except our own imagination. As we think about the world, so will we see it, as is our conviction so will be our experience.

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Right now, outside is crappy weather, rain, wind and cold... Woke up at 6:00 a.m. had a cup of coffee, sat on sofa for half an hour, having no feelings, not thinking about anything. At 8 started yoga practice, did half primary. No emotions or excitement. Just zombie-like routine. Whatever. There is no transformation, radical or otherwise. Being awaken is not the remedy for problems, or something to avoid pain. Life is painful. There is no use asking why it is so. It is so.

To describe enlightenment as a meditative state full of awareness is a nonsense. Awareness! Be in the Now, be present. What a fantastic concept used to fool innocent and naive people.

Things are bad enough. The meditative state is the worse. There are numerous self-proclaimed lunatics, so called saints, prophets and saviors who wish to serve this world. Spirituality is a romantic stuff. The Path!!! Search for truth. The Way... all is romantic bullshit. I deny the validity of the spiritual search entirely. You will get nothing there. Try your luck elsewhere.

I don't believe in spirituality, Mickey Mouse, Disneyland, Kim Kardashian and Celine Dion. (Btw. who listen Celine Dion anyway?) You can learn a technique like programming, mathematics, auto mechanics, hair dressing but not what to believe. There is a brainwashing all around, - education, advertisement, philosophy, religion, sports, politics... People imagine they are following the Path, growing, improving, and just like a businessman, they want result... the return on investment.


All the authorities down through the centuries are false. Enlightenment as it is commonly understood supposed to be an ultimate pleasure, uninterrupted happiness. No such thing exists! Wanting something that does not exist is the root of our problems. Waking up, moksha, liberation, and all that stuff are just variations on the same wish for a permanent orgasm.

Now, saints and gurus like Eckhart Tolle, Mooji, Deepak Chopra sell this spiritual morphine. People take the drug and go to sleep. It never strikes them that liberation they are after is just an ultimate disappointment, which they follow to be free from neurotic states caused by their own beliefs.

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Ashtanga yoga changed your life. Your body changed. Your mind changed. You stopped being depressed. You began to eat better. Your relationships evolved. Your sex life improved. You don’t even know how all this came true, but when the alarm goes off at 6:00 a.m. you happily get of the bed in the dark with your yoga mat to embark to the most challenging hour of your day. You love the practice. And love is a starting point for the rest of your life.

Recently, you become a yoga teacher almost by accident. You finished 200 hours of the yoga teaching training program at local yoga studio, you can do flying pigeon. Jump back and jump through became easy as well as other asanas of your ashtanga yoga primary series practice. You feel like a hero, you found that being a yoga teacher is by far the best job you’ve ever had.

But you are not satisfied with that. You want to STUDY ashtanga yoga. You've build impressive resume, the list of important yoga teachers (celebrities) you have met, practiced with, attended yoga conference classes, done a workshop with.

And naturally, you start considering a trip to India to practice yoga at the Shri K. Pattabhi Jois Ashtanga Yoga Institute (KPJAYI) in Mysore, in order to attain ashtanga yoga teacher authorisation/certification...

It is possible to be authorized by Sharath to teach ashtanga yoga, though the process is vaguely defined and ever-evolving. You may be a long-time practitioner and a yoga teacher back home, going there year after year and not obtain anything. That's perfectly fine. But going to Mysore for the first time with the intention of getting authorized, regardless of how well your practice is, is the ridiculous. If you go, go with no expectations in that regard.

The Shri K. Pattabhi Jois Ashtanga Yoga Institute is dedicated to the education of yoga practitioners. Practitioners should come with the sole purpose of studying the tradition from its source. Students traveling to Mysore should not come with the expectation of obtaining Authorized or Certified status.

The list on this website constitutes the official record of teachers approved by the KPJAYI, which is the only authority able to authorize or certify individuals to teach the ashtanga yoga method as taught by Shri K. Pattabhi Jois and R. Sharath. There are no teacher training programs approved by this Institute under any name (e.g., Ashtanga Teacher Intensive); teachers that are listed on this website are experienced practitioners and dedicated students who have shown a considerable degree of proficiency and appreciation of ashtanga yoga in its traditional form and who continue to study regularly at the KPJAYI.

Teachers are required to teach the method as it is taught by Shri K. Pattabhi Jois and R. Sharath at the KPJAYI in Mysore, India. They should maintain a yoga room or shala to allow for daily, preferably morning, Mysore-style practice and should honor Saturdays and the full/new moon days as rest days.

- KPJAYI 

When you arrive to Mysore and start practicing ashtanga yoga with Sharath, leave your ego at the door, because you are about to be no big deal. You’ll be told what time to come to the shala, anywhere between 4:30 a.m and noon. You’ll be told when you may start the practice. You’ll be told where to put your mat. When you reach a troublesome asana with which you do with difficulty, you’ll be told to stop. At which point you’ll roll up your yoga mat and head to the changing rooms to take your closing sequence, because that’s what you’ve been told to do...

Try not to judge, remember, your ego is left at the door. If you think you’ve got a pretty good handle on things in ego-department, you’ll be tested. The ashtanga practice will challenge you. People will challenge you. Mysore will challenge you. You will experience ego panic on your way into the shala for a packed 6:00 a.m led Primary Series. And eventually you may swear... you might surprise yourself.

On the floor, you will be unnoticeable. With several hundreds of ashtangis coming to the shala during teaching season, there is no much personal attention from Sharath to go around. You’ll be on your own for the most part. Which for you as an inquisitive student can be glorious. Or not, if you’re expecting other sort of things.

May I ask you... What do you study anyway? People do asana practice according to abilities of their physical body: strength and flexibility. Is there any deeper  philosophy behind ashtanga yoga? Sharath doesn't allow anymore that students take notes or videos from his conferences. That is so sad. I enjoy reading those notes. They are better than Monty Python and South Park together.

Sharath's message is simple, just do your asana, read Bhagavad Gita, be nice and say you are sorry when you done wrong. Do not eat meat and don't kill spiders, give couple cents to beggars, hope for transcendental bliss, cosmic consciousness, supreme love... be quiet, make babies, smile, breathe deeply, keep moola bandha, be good, don't ask questions, don't use your mind, don't make a disturbance ...

"No one owns yoga", said Sharath but ability to carry on and convey the teaching of ashtanga yoga is assessed by Sharath and Sharath alone. Chain of command is very important, try to trust his judgement in these matters, and keep going to Mysore, authorization or no. Good luck.
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Image Credit to Ashtanga Yoga Vienna  (the workshop was on primary series in Vienna 2015)

In a world where selling yoga pants can make you very, very rich, 70-year-old Manju Pattabhi Jois follows back to the “old school” gurus — those who choose their students rather than the other way round.

Any big city yoga franchise would blissfully welcome the world-travelling master of Ashtanga yoga, but he’s at a small studio in Whistler last weekend because its owner made an annual journey to his father’s school in Mysore, a city in southern India, for 15 years running.

“You have to have had a relationship with him personally or his father. People have offered him lots of money and he’s not interested. He just goes to his students and I’m a long-term student of his,” Tina James, owner of Loka Yoga in Whistler, said Friday.

James, originally from London, England, said 20 yoga instructors and 40 yoga practitioners filled the spaces for Jois’s five-day visit as soon as it was announced.

People have come from Germany, the U.S., the U.K. — “yoga stalkers,” as she affectionately calls them.

“He is one of the greatest teachers alive now from the old school,” says James. “He’s so not about the money. It’s a joy to work with someone like that because unfortunately today yoga has become awful with that in mind.”

Manju Jois is the son of K. Pattabhi Jois, the founder of the Ashtanga school of yoga, which has transformed into the yogic practice of choice for celebrities like Gwyneth Paltrow, Madonna and Sting.

The death of K. Pattabhi Jois at the age of 93 in 2009 was noted around the world because of his reputation as the master of a form of yoga that incorporates a series of poses performed with slow, rhythmic breathing that has spawned offshoots such as vinyasa, flow and jivamukti yoga in the West.

Manju Jois has made his home in the U.S. since 1975 — in Southern California, of course — and has observed the explosion of yoga’s popularity over the decades.

What’s his take on it now?

“The tradition is missing,” Jois said in a telephone call from Whistler. “Everybody is starting their own style and that is going to destroy the real, traditional yoga. It’s becoming like a circus. My whole goal is to keep tradition, to teach people everything they want to know about yoga.”

That includes breathing exercises and chanting, not just the poses, said Jois.

“When people start practising that, they will get the full benefit of yoga. That’s how I learned from my father and that’s what I try to spread around the world.”

Other descendants of K. Pattabhi Jois are involved in high-end studios in the U.S. which has created some alarming anxiety among devotees who see it as pure commercialization. Jois Yoga shalas — or schools — are now located in Encinitas, Calif., Greenwich, Conn., Islamorada, Fla., and Sydney, Australia. The company has also created “a spiritually conscious line of clothing.”

Ashtanga yoga guru K. Pattabhi Jois with son Manju (right) and grandson Sharath, who teaches yoga in Mysore, India, and is a partner in the U.S.-based Jois Yoga schools. The eldest Jois died in 2009.

Manju Jois represents himself with an abbreviated web presence that includes a short biography (he began early morning yoga with his father at age seven; started teaching at 15) and a link to where he will appear next. This week Whistler; next month Halifax, then the U.S. and Brazil; Italy and Germany in June.

“I don’t consider teaching as work because I enjoy being around people and sharing,” said Jois, who travels most of the year. “It gives me a lot of energy.”

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We all have dreams. But in order to make dreams come into reality, it takes an awful lot of determination, dedication, self-discipline, and effort. - Jesse Owens

So far in 2017, I have set everything right. Physical exercises, yoga, gym, less socialization, less drinking, started cooking, started saving money, healthy eating and drinking lemon/ginger root juice... all in order to take control of my own life. Now, I have to be steady and continue, I have to learn the art of steadiness.

Have you ever set a goal, achieved it, became content? And then what happened? Then went looking for the next thing. It’s fascinating how quickly our lives adjust to reaching a goal: We get what we want and, soon enough, start wondering for something else. We quickly adjust our fulfilled desires, constantly creating new ones.... we simply want more.

So it is really very simple. I don't want more. People who have one million dollars want ten, people who have a happy family want more happiness and people who have fame want more fame. People are desiring more and they are always frustrated and unhappy.

Rather than seeing this simple truth, deciding that this frustration and unhappiness are rather useless and simply changing to live the best life available to us, people grow angry, depressed and unsatisfied.

The truth is I have nothing to do. I have no ambition, nowhere to go, no one to be or become. I don't need to distract myself from anything or convince myself of anything. There is nothing that I think is true in this world, and I have no interest what others do. I have nothing to guide me except what I want in present moment. I don't seem to be too bored or unhappy about this life, so I guess it sounds strange.

I have worked very hard this week. It was so busy at work-place and at home I was making this new blog layout. It took me almost three days to make it as I wish. Right now I feel tired and my eyes are hurting me. I need to rest from the computer.

Weekend⭐. Today is Friday and I am happy. The Dreamer requested holiday from her job and we are waiting for confirmation before we book our vacation. I have already reserved my vacation days, starting February 9th.

We decided to go to Iberostar resort at Montego Bay, Jamaica. I am excited, I have never been in Jamaica before, I heard there are so beautiful beaches there. We will book vacation at the last moment hoping that price will go down. A week with the Dreamer on sandy beach, with good food and drinks... can I wish for something better?

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It's been two years since my mother died at age of 72. She was strong and beautiful woman. She loved me the most. I was her favorite and we had a special bond between us. My sister is my father's favorite. In our family, we laughed about this division. My mother's death changed me forever. I'm not the same as I was before her death. In concrete ways, I see life as a meaningless thing, just as a fleeting dream.


Very nice weekend. I broke up with the Dreamer last Tuesday but she kept sending me text messages. I told her everything that bothers me and we talked on the phone for hours. We realized that we have feelings toward each other and that we should continue our relationship, she came on Saturday and slept over at my place. In the morning we went for a breakfast and long walk at High Park.

We're planning to go for a vacation, probably in Cancun in the end of January. I am excited for a trip. I'm searching for the right resort and her confirmation for the exact days when we can go. We have to schedule our vacation first at work and then she has to provide kids care and only then we can buy all inclusive package. The price for Mexico vacation is went up due to low canadian dollar.

My plan for this year's vacation includes this trip to Cancun with the Dreamer at the end of January, and then in August a trip back home to visit my father and sister, I'm planning to stay there about three weeks and then one more trip either to caribbean destination or to Barcelona, somewhere in September or October. It is a wonderful plan and for someone who does not like to travel it is quite enough.


According to my 2017 resolution I have already learned to cook two dishes: Musaka which is potato and ground meat and cooked beans. I really have a touch for cooking and I'm very pleased with the learning progress. I made dinner for my friends last night. We were drinking beer and eating fresh cooked beans with dry meat. I cooked the beans for about 7 hours in a  slow cooker. The dinner was great and my friends took more than a plate which is a good sign. The next meal I'm going to learn is Djuvec...


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Man, you've got it all wrong,
there's no creator or creation here,
no gross and fine, no wind or fire,
no sun, moon, earth or water,
no word, no flesh, no faith,
no cause and effect, 
not any thought of knowledge. 
No God or devil.
No mother, father or son here.
Meditate now, you are master,
and you're a follower.

I tried practicing mindful meditation but... seriously. It has been a subject of confusion and frustration for me since quite some time now. When I think about meditation, I know there's something there, but when I do it, I can't seem to find it.

Frankly, I don't know what the hell mindful meditation is.

So I watched the movie HOW TO MEDITATE from Ultra Spiritual Guru JP Sears. This is what I learned...

Meditation carries life changing scientifically proven benefits such as increasing your levels of harmony, it makes you more in tune, rises your frequency, makes you more yogi - like, repairs your karma, helps you be more centered and of course, meditation helps you be more ultra spiritual.

The peace and tranquility you get from meditation stay with you entire day as long as everything stays the same, I mean things are quiet and controlled as it does during your meditation. (Which should not be a problem, really.)

The length of time you meditate is based of what will impress other people the most. The length of time you tell people how long you meditate is loosely correlated of how long you actually meditate. It is not necessary correlated - it is what you tell the people not what you do, that impressing them, just like old saying - words always speak louder than actions. Action has no voice.

Impressing them... well, it is not about really "impressing" at all, it is rather informing them that you are the better person than them.

Talking about meditation is crucial. But there is only one thing more boring than listening to yourself talking about your meditation practice... that's hearing other people talking about theirs meditation practice. It sounds illogical but listening how you sit quietly and peacefully for an hour is interesting to them but you hearing them talking about their meditation is torture.

If you meditate and nobody sees the picture of it, did you really meditate? No you didn't. You have to learn how to strategically post meditation pictures on social media. Sitting posture is everything.

If you meditate on the chair, you actually wasting your life. You are about foot and a half above of the earth as well you may as well be out of space, you are ungrounded, you may get zero benefit from your meditation. You need to sit on the ground with your legs crossed enduring the pain in the legs, hips and knees.

Meditate with the sunrise. Get up at 4 am every morning to start your day with solid 3-4 hours of meditation. Such practice unleashes the volcano of energy which will carry you through the rest of your day. It is a way more effective thing to do than sleep.

Now you're equipped to meditate.

And then, if you're lucky comes the realization - When you for a brief moment, of course in meditation, see that the "you", that, what you take yourself to be, is a fiction – when you actually recognize this, not just intellectually agree with it but actually see it – what happens? ....... nothing.

Nothing actually happens.

The "you" full of fear and emotions and delusions remain firmly in place.

Well, not so firmly as before seeing it, but you still get caught up being fearful and selfish although you might understand the fiction of it. You may start recognizing your life as a drama, and that does bring some relief.

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What you are thinking of as "awake" - some intense new passion for a worthy cause or a deep feeling of love for all existence, is actually the deep sleep, much deeper than a feeling of boredom or indifference. It is an intense association with the Illusion. The bored and the indifferent are on the verge of leaving the lure of the temptress Maya behind, no longer swayed by her shiny attractions. They are on the verge of waking.

~ Shri Sadguru Siddharameshwar Maharaj

It is just matter of time, at some point you will conclude that there is nothing great about the world you live in. Whether this is inspired by a death of close relative or friend, loss of job, divorce, the "awe-inspiring" boredom, or a breakup of relationship, at that moment you will start wondering what is your life all about.

This post isn't going to give you the big secret of life. You've been told since childhood that being a grown-up is awesome. And maybe now that you're an adult, you're still waiting for the awesome part. You are still running around chasing a successful career, catching the opportunity to become boss, manager, senior analyst while sleeping four or five hours a day... Good luck to you.

You spend your days, without time to relax always watching the clock, wishing the morning away so you could go to lunch, wishing the afternoon away so you could go home. Never happy, always busy and tired and preparing for the next thing. Weekends are actually worse because that's when everything that didn't get done during the week had to be done. Cleaning, shopping, kid's stuff.

Life suffering is necessary, you suffer until you realize that suffering is not necessary. 

All your beliefs, concepts, all thoughts, they are false, just imagination. And not only your beliefs but also your education and religion, spiritual understanding, life philosophy, your ideas and opinions. Everything is a bull. What about meaning of your life? Your existence is utterly, perfectly, gloriously meaningless. Truth is infinitely simple, your beliefs are infinitely complex.

Money, power, prestige, high heels, fashioned hairstyle, sure whatever defines you, however you describe yourself, think of yourself, project yourself... every feature, every trait, characteristic, feeling, belief, opinion, all of it... self-ness, it is all worthless. Just an empty costume.

I've stopped comparing myself to you. I've stopped competition with you. I've stop following you. I don't judge you simply, I'm not interested of what you do in this world. You have evolved in one side only, growing in social area without any comparable growth in self-knowledge. This created your feeling of being lonely, temporary visitor in the universe.

You are driven by greed for material objects and fear of being hungry, your religion sucks, your philosophy is dead. I'm not saying you need a new religion. You do not need a new Christ. You need a new experience of what it is to be "you". Your common sensation of self is a hoax. You are dreaming, you are hypnotized.

You will notice that you just talk and talk because it gives you pleasure, or fills your time. Your talk, imagination, lying and expressing negativity are in fact your main characteristics, the walls of your prison. You must see it for yourself in order to do anything about it.

I don't expect you to accept anything that I'm saying here. You can reject my words because they do not fit into your life philosophy. Whatever. But I want to tell you, I'm moving away from your brighter future and better tomorrow. I'm running away from whatever makes you feel good and whatever boosts your self esteem, tells you you are okay, tells you everything is just fine the way it is. I'm going my own way.

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Maharaj, Who am I?

- All is illusion, the 'I' is illusion, so whatever the 'I' does is also illusion. Take out the thorn of the ego. Remove the name and the shape and nothing remains. In final Reality there is no 'you', no 'I', no mind and no thought. That is your natural state.

What is awakening?

- Awakening is nothing but a complete, thorough understanding. A clear cut understanding of a thing is awakening. Reality is not to be achieved, it is already here. After this thorough understanding, nothing is required.

What we need to understand?

- Understand that everything is illusion. Reality is beyond knowledge. Forget everything and immediately you are the Self, in this very moment. There is nothing to reject and nothing to gain because everything is nothing. You are Self without self. Understand that 'myself' is illusion. People don't understand that illusion is nothing. Understand the mind and then it doesn't remain. Not remaining as 'I' is the highest understanding.

Who reaches Reality?

- The one who doesn't care about God, who doesn't care for the illusion and doesn't care for anybody. Caring for others has nothing to do with you. One who dives to the depth of the ocean finds the pearl. Go to the depth of yourself and you will find Him.

Why?

- Because you don't exist. When you don't exist, then why care for others? Others don't exist. It is your love for the illusion that keeps you away from your own Self. When you see the illusion as an illusion you will stop being fooled by it. This is the true 'understanding'. You are already the Reality. Why waste time running after the unreal?

And the last message?

- If you want to realize your Self, you must devote your entire life to It. Otherwise, what is the use of life? Be fearless. Roar like a tiger. Don't be like a mouse, always running away. The one who doesn't want to know anything is the Reality. Illusory 'I' has no real existence, the world has no existence. Take it for granted.

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Without a strong core, every yoga pose you do is potential source of injury. Building strong back and ab strength is crucial in ashtanga yoga. Yes, yoga poses must be taught and performed in a way that eliminates the risk for injury. And, yes, the poses should be visually recognizable. If your Warrior 2 looks more like a bogey man, great chances are you’re doing it wrong!

Yoga consists of poses, which you hold for a certain period of time and you move to the next pose. The yoga poses are not the goal of yoga, it is simply a tool. It is important to breathe while being comfortable, steady, and relaxed in each pose.

Today's teachers focus exclusively on visual appearance of poses and the physical body. They study anatomy and physiology. They are obsessed with correct alignment and in visual look, they keep all the emphasis on that. They emphasizes so much of detail for the poses and they eventually make you injury prone.

I have personally seen teachers spend 45 minutes of a class stressing the importance of perfect alignment in downward dog, which does not make a class safer, nor does it make a class more interesting. This was only a waste of 45 minutes of your time.

But beyond a way to waste time, I feel emphasizing alignment over any other principle of yoga, is misguided. Focusing exclusively on alignment sets you up for failure. If teacher is looking for a perfection of the pose, your are doomed. In some cases this can create anxiety and insecurity.

Yoga Journal photos and yoga selfies are done with lot of try-and-error attempts if a professional photographer which snapped the photo. Perhaps this makes sense if you are competing for beauty pageant not yoga. Yoga is neither a performance, nor is it graded and judged. The best way to learn how to do yoga, is by doing yoga, even if that means performing a simplified variation.

Doing the poses perfectly should not be seen as having a big achievement. Perfection in pose occurs when you are performing it to the best of your ability, maintaining the steadiness of breath and relaxation of body.

A good teacher wants you to learn the poses, not keep you dependent. The only reason to go to a yoga class is to work on your practice. Your yoga teacher is not enlightened. So focus on learning the poses so you can do it at home on your own space and time. Do not focus on the teacher, they are the guide, not the goal.

The most powerful part of yoga practice is not in the appearance but in building the core strength of your body. Forget too many details about the alignment of a pose, that takes you out of your body and into your mind. Instead of feeling you are thinking, and you are usually thinking “Am I doing this right?

Any muscle working  in yoga pose that involves maintaining neutral spine is strength of your core. So imagine you are in Warrior 2. Naturally your body will want to dip down, stomach tends to go out as the weight pulls you down. Opposing that force will be the muscle of your legs, as well as hips, and even those in lower legs and feet. There is no such thing as an exercise that works only one muscle group – in this case your entire body will work together to hold your spine neutral. And that’s core stability.

In any pose you should be stable and relaxed, breathing freely. In this way you quiet your mind and prepare yourself for meditation. The ideal yoga practice is a moving meditation where breath, stability and look work in perfect balance.

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The ultimate pose for a measure of the belly fat is yoga pose Marichyasana C. If you have a large belly you simply cannot do this pose. And I cannot do it right now. I have 87 kg and I need to slim down 3-4 kg. But next month, maybe I will be able to do it. It is 4:30 am here in Toronto, I went to bed at 10 pm and slept well. I am ready to do the 5th yoga practice of this year...

My yoga practice helps me to develop the body and mind bringing a lot of health benefits. It looks like that I am getting younger. 😉I went to yoga studio for about 4 years, although I am not going anymore, it is important to learn and practice yoga postures under the supervision of a trained yoga teacher for some time before you can start your home practice.

Practicing yoga alone, it is true, it gets boring after a while you simply become lazy. So I try doing it with Sharat's DVD and I see the difference! Sharat's Primary Series DVD  is a great thing for motivation.

I like Sharat's video. He does not speak about opening and expanding rib cages. I was not instructed to ground myself. He did not ask me to feel energy of the earth. He never suggested that I should connect with presence. He didn’t speak about happiness and well being of all living creatures. He did not assure me that I should seek universal love. I wasn't told to pursue any bliss. In fact, he just counted the breaths and called the names of the poses.


Marichyasana C is seated twist.  

It is important for spinal health for it keeps the spine flexible and brings fresh blood to the spinal nerves. Twisting also has an effect on the abdominal, alternately stretching and contracting it as you twist one way and then the other.  I have a long torso and long arms, and this pose should be easy for me but I have this belly fat. In 2006 I did the pose without any difficulties/


Marichyasana C is right now a nightmare. Once I can do it, with binding, I will conclude that my stomach size is fine.

Now, is there any other motivation for my practice? I have a goal. I know that sounds bad, a goal for yoga but you have to have something to strive for. I am 52 and my goal is to do full primary series of ashtanga yoga at least once a week. The full primary is very hard thing to do. Here are the things I am keeping in mind as I prepare myself for a fun of the full primary class.

1. Early morning yoga practice

Practicing yoga in the morning is generally considered to be the best as it keeps energy levels high during the day. I start at 7 AM for 45 minutes I do half primary ashtanga yoga,

2. Comfortable place

I do not have a small, separate room in my apartment for daily yoga practice. However I do have a enough room in the middle of my living area.

3. Strength before doing yoga

This is an absolute must, else I may be at risk of straining my muscles. I start by warming my body with push ups and I do a few sets of stomach crunches. Then I do exercises for the arms, biceps etc. So first strength exercises for about 10 minutes and then sun salutation.

4. Consistency

Well, this is the point. It is very important to be regular with yoga practice – make it a part of my daily schedule. Thirty minutes of daily yoga practice is more likely to show positive results sooner than two hours of occasional practice.

For now I do Marichyasana C with a "stop sign". Oh well...
I remember to smile. 😄

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In reality, nothing has ever happened. To understand truth, the world has to be left as it is. Even I say that all this is false, yet I indulge in it. That shows my doubts and spiritual immaturity.

There are only two things in the world; world (perception) and existence (awareness). To take interest in what has happened is to get involved in worldly affairs. That leads to nowhere.

Illusion is nothing. However much I may have achieved in the dream, yet all is false.

Here are the 10 signs of awakening:

1. Self - Awareness!
  At all time be aware of "I AM sense". Separate the sense of existence from thoughts and words.

2. Abandon all further spiritual search

The spiritual knowledge and teachings is actually ignorance. "I must do this, I must do that" is all working of Illusion, just to fool you. The key of crossing the bridge lies in DOING JUST NOTHING.

All the happiness. misery, worry or anxiety are included in dreamstate. Do nothing.

3. Detachment

Detach yourself from others. Stand alone.

Do things that must be done, don't engage in something new. To do something is restlessness of the personality -  identification with the body. It is the habit of ignorance, the habit of engaging in some activity all the time. Leave things as they are.

4. Stop being angry

Investigate why something insults you and be completely free of anger. Keep inner balance, be quiet, don't feel insults. The surge of anger indicates your habit of wanting to dictate some things to others.

5. Forgive others and move on

Forgive those who harass you. Never harbor hatred in the mind. Desire to take revenge results only in misery. Do not create enemies, rather forgive and move on.

6. Compassion

Be kind to all. Compassion is not being cruel to anybody.

7. Good wishes to others

Wish happiness to all people.

8. Absence of greed

Don't be greedy, not even for spiritual knowledge.

9. Largeness

Humor, flexibility, be "large" from the very core of your heart. Act with lightness, humor, radiate energy of happiness and let others take it, enjoy whatever you are doing.

10. Fearlessness

To leave the world as it is, is the great act of courage. Fear underlines misery. Know who you are, maintain awareness of the self and enjoy the existence. You are already free and behave like that.

These are signs of awakening. To be the one with true nature is real happiness. Be happy and leave others as they are. Do not judge them, don't gossip anybody and don't consider their actions as important.

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I have set certain rules for 2017 and I try to live this life according to those rules. The rules are simple. My present state is the one of sleep, absence of unity, mechanicalness and lack of control, I find several other wrong things with me in particular, lying to myself.

The fight to be awake is the fight to stop lying, because I lie more than anything else; and as a matter of fact, I cannot speak the truth. My lying is thinking and talking about things that I do not know. It is not intentional lying — telling false stories. No. It means that I collect the theories that people put forward on any given subject, without knowing anything about it. In 2017 I will be myself. You may read my blog or not, who cares...

I have texted my ex and I wished her all the best for the New Year. I'm indifferent towards her, not interested of what she does and how she lives. I have no resentment of what she has done. My message was a polite answer and I think it was not necessary.


I have learned my first dish to cook - musaka. It is baked potato with ground meat. My friend taught me how to do it and I made it myself. It is very tasty. I am going to learn couple more dishes.

The Dreamer surprised me on Tuesday, she came to my place. I told her that I love her but she was quiet. I really don't know what to think. I will never ever said that to her again. The problem, of course, is that "friends with benefits" is not an end goal for relationship. That is to say, a casual relationship - where you are a lover and nothing more - just ain't enough for me.

I am completely aware, we can maintain this relationship for some length of time, depending on her availability and interest. While she does enjoy our meetings for now, I feel that her emotions are things of majestic impermanence. She looks for a relationship setup that makes her happy, she will enjoy it for a while, and then she will want something more.

...  More attention, more comfort, more security, more passion, more involvement, more conversation, more adventure ... more everything. And I, looking for less, stable, minimal, unchanging things am the absolute antithesis of this. Ultimately, she'll reached a point where she's unhappy - and that's will be it.

Besides my daughter, ashtanga yoga is the most important thing in my life. I've been practicing ashtanga since May 2006 and it's only after my divorce, that I've started to see what it really means to me and what the impact it has on my life.

Today, as well as yesterday and probably tomorrow, I woke up at 6 AM. I practiced. I have started to see that the physical benefits really helps me to go deeper into my well defined life philosophy.:

I'm not a spiritual guy. 

I drink wine and beer, I smoke, I eat meat. I am not the one to be followed in any way. I practice yoga for the last 9 years but I'm never going to make living as a yoga teacher. I don't advise to anyone my way of life and my understanding, not even yoga practice.

I neither watch TV nor listen the news, I only read the headlines. 

I never comment on the news and I have no opinion on current affairs in the world. I've never voted to any elections and I have no intention to vote. I don't support political agendas, neither parties nor politicians.

I stand firm in my understanding that all what we see is not true.

Helping others to reach their potential is not my life’s agenda. 

Neither is it “to make the world a better place”. Nor is it to “save whales and other species”. Nor I do "walk for cancer or AIDS". Sorry. I know, I might be upsetting you right now, but oh well.

I don't like to travel. 

In fact, I'm pretty close to saying I hate it. For years I said I liked it without really thinking about it. I can't stand air flights? It is just waiting. First you wait to give your suitcases and to get a boarding pass. Then you wait to enter the plane, then you wait for take off. Then you sit in dirty plane smelling socks of passengers, looking at the small screen until your eyes hurt you. When you arrive, you wait to get out of the plane, then you wait border control and again suitcases...

I like day trips and walking because I am so happy to be back in my home at night. I don't like overnight trips - two days of activities and one night in a strange bed. I can't stand it. It completely ruins my daily schedule and morning yoga practice.

I have never been and I'll never be in London, Paris, Rome, New York etc.. Exploring streets, wandering though city, checking out the restaurants, museums, galleries... it's all bullshit.

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