Monday, January 30, 2017

Breaking out of the soap opera


I don't want to alarm you, but there's a possibility that universe is nothing more than a huge simulation, that we're living inside a gigantic computer, and none of this is real. Our life may be nothing but a computer game.

A team of physicists has provided some of evidences that universe could be just one big projection and as soon as you are not looking, the things simply vanish, they are not there, but the real question is do you want to know about it?

I don't think so.

Who has time? We have no time for such trivial things. The life is pressing us so we go with the flow without ever exploring what it is that we are truly doing. I know there’s something wrong, but I'm too lazy to write, too polite to complain and too busy to see the obvious...  only a dead fish go with the flow.

You never know what life is like, until you have lived it.
 - Marilyn Monroe

Oh dear Marilyn, what if we are really living inside a gigantic computer? No, not The Matrix, fuck the red pill, blue pill, we are talking here about the Universe? Well then just like you I am a fictional character.

Welcome !!! You have just stepped into my soap opera. My particular character has a storyline that revolves around breaking out of the soap opera itself. My life is hysteria-ridden, unconvincing, poorly scripted and clumsily acted fiction of no importance and limited entertainment value.

This morning I practiced yoga. That is the breaking news cause I did not do it since Thursday. The practice was good and long. 5A and 5B sun salutations, all standing, all sitting postures, calming finishing sequence and long shavasana.

Today I read an interesting article about Harvard's 75-year study which reveals the secret of living a happy life. It took them 75 fucking years to discover it. They study 300 people from early age to present day. They are still studying their life even now in their 90ties. The article is quite interesting. Google it.

It said that there are countless ways to live life. Really, I did not know that. They say one way to live your life is better than others. It has nothing to do with money or fame. There are certain "secrets" to ensuring greater happiness, and they revealed those secrets in this 75 years study... Fuck I was transfixed to read it to the end...

Value love above all else. Meaningful relationships and connections matter. A lot. Happiness is love. Full stop... Wow, 75 years of study to find out this. Yup that's it. But for me, it is not complete, they will study new generations and they will discover  What makes a good life... my friends, sex matters too.

I am a happy guy, but you know what, I have desire to break out this happiness, this soap opera. I  write here about love, dating, relationships and other tragi-comic me-centric posts. And just to let you know, The Dreamer came on Friday night and she slept over on Friday and Saturday. We had a wonderful happy time, went out to Swan Bar on Friday night and Ka Chi restaurant on Saturday night. We supposed to go to Reservoir Lounge after dinner but we eat like 45 pieces of sushi and big sea food platter, we were so full and we decided to come back home. We were at home around 11 pm and we watched 13th Floor.


Interesting movie, I keep wondering, Who created my character? Who made me the way I am? Who is the author of me? That one must be so confused, an oxymoron, contradiction guy. There is no I. Truth and I are mutually exclusive. There is truth and there is me. They don't mix. Only me there is, is this false self.

There is nothing obvious about this soap opera I about'm living. There is no comprehension of the vastness and complexity of the influences that go into creating me. There is a benefit, however, to realize that who I am has little or nothing to do with me. For me, the happiness is the temporary state between two sorrows. Indifference is the best.

Will I succeed or fail in my bid for freedom? Will I continue in my quest or change course?

Tune it tomorrow to find out.

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

Keeping Up With The Kardashians Season 4


January is the most popular time for the beginning of something new, we see it as a fresh start, it is a time to make a change, time to try succeeding where we have failed before. We've all made a New Year's resolution (or four in my case) knowing very well that we can not keep them for a long. It's a well-known joke that the gym filled in in January, just to be empty out by mid-February.

Of course, resolutions are meant to be broken. But trust me, the intent is good, setting goals and moving on. Deciding to make positive changes, stopping a bad habit is always a good idea.

Arrange the potato slices in your baking pan.

My 2017 resolution is concrete, it is not a philosophy, I keep it super simple. It is not a list long as grocery list, but it does completely give my life a change. I am prepared, slightly stunned as I began to live like this. Four years ago I got surprised by divorce and I was forced to change my life. Now I am doing another change willingly.

For a long time and until very recently, I felt like I was waiting for something. Somedays I still do. Things are uncertain. Some days are difficult, sometimes I struggle immensely but I'm making it through.

In the last four years I was so used to f*cking things up, so regularly, that to stop doing it now is actually impossible. I am still wild at heart and I’ll always be up for that last minute trip, the spontaneous activity, the random exciting hour.

I have introduced the rules in my life and living by the rules should give me freedom. The rules though, are mine - my values, my truth.

1. Regular, daily exercise. 

Daily yoga practice at home helps me to stay healthy, more energetic, calm and happy all day long. I have learned yoga techniques for full primary series of Ashtanga yoga. I have learned it properly because I was going to the studio for about four years. I am comfortable to practice on my own.

The morning practice is generally considered to be the best as it keeps energy levels high during the day. Yet, if it does not happen, I don’t let it be an excuse to skip my practice. I have opportunity to do the practice after the work at 6:00 PM. So I will have no excuse to miss the practice.

Since New Year I have done 16 practices (today is 25th of January) and I was 6 times in gym. I know, it can be better and it will be better. On Saturday I lead half primary ashtanga yoga class to my friends. It is fun and hard work at the same time so I will keep doing it.

Prepare ground meat, onions, garlic, vegeta, black paper.

2. Change of diet. 

The weight is an important and serious issue for me. I'm a single guy, living alone, with plenty of free time as 52 years old I want to be healthy and look good. I am not a nutritionist or a dietitian. I am not a yoga trainer, a coach or a fitness expert of any kind. Please do not consider anything you read here to be advice from an expert.

Basically, the weight loss is simple - consume fewer calories than you burn. I am a person of extremes and if I don't see results in short period of time I'm discouraged and I quit the endeavor. The diet rules are simple - no more refined carbohydrates, no sugar at all, eat dark rye bread, no more alcohol. I have started to make a home made meals. Here you can see my work on Greek mousaka with ground meat and potato. It is delicious. Trust me.

Layer meat sauce on the top of potato.

3. Less social activities. 

I don’t assume that my viewpoint is the only way. You may not agree with me. That's fine. Whatever I know, there is still more to understand about life, friendship, love and the meaning of all that. The more I observe, the more I realize how empty those things are. 

My tendency is to take things for granted. I usually get tired of people. Since New Year I went out only once. "I don’t feel like it” is my main saying. I spend a lot of time asking myself, “What am I doing there, sitting and drinking beer after beer, talking nonsense?” I have the courage to ask that question at the forefront of my friends.

My life values are something that I believe are important. Not always, but they determine my priorities and actions, and, deep down, they're probably the measures if my life is turning out the way I want it to. When the things match my values, life is usually good – I'm satisfied and content. But when these don't align that is the source of unhappiness.

Cover it with another layer of potato.

4. Careful with money spending.

In 2017 I must be very aware of my money spending habits. I'm not working on a contract anymore, I'm now a full time employee. I owe $3000 on credit cards. I am going to Montego Bay with the Dreamer in February and we bought tickets so additional $3000 will be added on the end of the month.

In our world, it is accepted that people have large amount of debt on their credit cards, actually it is quite normal thing. I don't share that opinion and I am going to pay off the debt in next three months. No spending in restaurants, drinking in bars, no gifts. Having a girlfriend is an expensive thing especially if she is not willing to share expenses.

Having said that, I did started to save money on different account. 10 % of my salary is going there regardless of credit card debts. Yes, I am keeping up with the Kardashians.

Bake it, on the end add milk and eggs on the top.

One big problem with a New Year's resolution is that I make the resolution for myself, but really I'm the last person I should be taking advice from. And according to the statistics, another big problem is the resolution is usually forgotten a month after making it.

So having the odds against me, this afternoon I did yoga after work, I came home and just did it. My recent practice is long and very hard.  Obviously my New Year's resolution is working.

I want to keep the disciplined life and do my activities accordingly.

Tuesday, January 24, 2017

Can you read this to the end?


Why don’t you read to the end?
I understand, you're too busy. ;-)

For every three people who landed on my blog, one of you is already gone. You "bounced" in web language, meaning you spent no time on the blog at all. So now there are two of you left. But not for long! When you come to the point in the post where you have to scroll to see more, of the two of you who didn't bounce, one is never going to scroll this page. Bye! Thanks for visiting!

Writing a blog is an interesting experience. I don’t have the answers, about human existence, yoga practice, divorce, dating, losing belly or why are women losing interest for sex... and I get irritated when I read other people putting themselves out there as self-help gurus, therapists, or doctors. However, by writing this blog, I have learned lot of things, the one in particular, people are ignorant of what matters.

On the bottom of this page I have StatCounter, an invisible html gadget, which records visitors clicks. It generates statistics and sometimes I look to see what's going on. The largest number of clicks have the posts about my daily life, yoga posts have received reasonably good attention while posts about awakening are the least visited and the posts about meaning of life are not visited at all. It should be the other way around.

So many of you come to this blog, mostly you read only one article. Well, I don't write according to people's expectations. English is not my mother's language but I try to write in a direct way. My ideas are based on simple truth - everything is FAKE. In the beginning people like what they read but couple posts later they change their mind. Whatever.

I'm 52. I have no time to be afraid anymore. I don't want anything from anybody. Writing about awakening I'm fulfilling my part in this global awakening process. This planet is a gigantic chicken coop, run by few families greedy for power and prestige. The rest of us are slaves living our pity life. People have to wake up.

Our slavery is forced taxation, where our work income is automatically taken out before we ever see it, regardless of whether or not we approve of how the money is spent. We lend money to corrupt politicians influenced by corrupt ideologies. We work hard just to pay bills; doing so, we lose the best years of our life.

We are born sane but spoiled by education, influenced with the values of money, hypocrisy, self-calming, empty talking, vanity and self-love... and words. We are satisfied with words, just with words. It’s sad. We use words like "awesome" and "wonderful" like it is toilet paper or something. It is awesome? It is wonderful? We use the word "amazing" to describe fucking burger at McDonald’s.

Whom to blame? We have been programmed from early age by mother, father, relatives, education, society... from TV, news and mainstream media. They teach us to be submissive to phony authorities; they feed us with pictures on the screen that we think we are better than the rest of our species.

The present situation is not a punishment. It is a natural consequence of a state of affairs, just as it is a natural consequence of being a chicken to sometimes get eaten by a fox. The worst thing on which our slavery rests is our suggestibility and tendency to wishful thinking.

Sigmund Freud, the father of psychoanalysis, in his book The Future of an Illusion, wrote a theory that human's life is a frightening world full of calamities and, ultimately person experience a terrifying fear of death. As a child looks to his father for comfort so adults do the same thing with regard to God. Out of fear and a desire to be protected people believe in an imaginary father figure...

I agree with Freud's observation about wishful thinking regarding God. You see, there is an enormous contradiction between the intelligence of man the engineer and the stupidity of his beliefs. People stick to their systems of beliefs, ideas of good and evil, social values. They set up hopes and expectations and dreams of success and they face their own failures. During their existence they have made themselves covetous, greedy and coward.

People are cowards to ask about meaning and purpose of life.

Nature seems to be a purposeless and meaningless machine. Did we pay for our new mental freedom by sacrificing the meaning of our existence? Partially knowledgeable man stands alone, uprooted in an icy universe, lost in the chain of generations which arose from nothing, and become nothing. What is the purpose of it all? Is this the desired purpose of understanding, the last great answer to all questions asked of nature?

Man has “experimented” himself out of a Godly order, away from an inner feeling of security. . . . He has made a taboo of the question of the meaning of human life—its portal has been nailed shut with planks. He no more dares to touch it, because he fears to find the dismal answer that our life has no meaning at all.

- Carsten Bresch

I have had a fair share of shitty experiences and my entire life journey has led me to this very moment in time. I am okay with this simple but terrifying truth.


Thank you for reading. 💗


Monday, January 23, 2017

Life will not leave you much not even laughter


Nobody puts us in bondage except our own imagination. As we think about the world, so will we see it, as is our conviction so will be our experience.

The aimlessness of life. We live this life in a cubicle, nothing to live for, nothing to die for. Most people live the life for children. I'm tired of all this crap I have to listen about children. That's all I hear about, everywhere... Raising children is getting entirely too much attention.

Regardless if you're married or divorced, single dads or working moms, who think you're such fucking hero for raising your kids, aren't going to like this, but somebody's have to tell you for your own good: your children are overrated and overvalued, and you've turned your life in a wrong way. Eventually you'll be disappointed...

You live for and instead of your kids, and it's not healthy. Well, you love your kids. So what?! Everybody loves their children; the love doesn't make you special. What I'm talking about is this constant, mindless concerns, this neurotic fixation that suggests that somehow your life has to revolve around the lives of your kids. It's completely insane.

Today's kids are way too soft. For one thing, there's too much emphasis on safety and safety equipment: childproof medicine bottles, fireproof pajamas, child restraints, car seats. And helmets! Bicycle, baseball, skateboard, scooter helmets. Kids have to wear helmets now for everything but jerking off. Grown-ups have taken all the fun out of being a kid. What's happened is, these baby boomers, these soft, fruity baby boomers, have raised an entire generation of soft, fruity kids who aren't even allowed hazardous toys, for Chrissakes!

- George Carlin

Dragging kids all over town in search of empty, meaningless activities to kill time: scouts, swimming, soccer, karate, piano, tennis, bale, salsa, and who knows what else. It's absurd. You want to help your kids? Leave them alone!

You are getting older and your kids are escape facing that fact. The kids can't stop struggle against aging. We fight against nature for years and months without hope to win. Desperate attempts to use creams, start running, going to gym, buying a new car and finding a new, younger woman or man will only prolong the inevitable. As it should.

We had our youth, we had a good days, if we played it bad... so be it!

People have anguish over their 30th birthday and try to hide their 40th, it is with the 50th that most start to actually see themselves as beginning to be old. Why? I'm 52 and it comes with that age, marriage, divorce, children and work... you're purely destined to became a cynic.

 "And for what?" Lisa continues. "This wasn't for a few months or even years. this was our whole life! We were trapped! Fifteen years of it! Isn't that nuts? And for what? To raise kids? That's just an excuse. Anyone can raise kids: you don't have to live in constant soul-crushing servitude to do it. One day I asked DJ what he really wanted out of life and he said he wanted to be a dentist just like daddy. It was like being kicked in the stomach."

She shakes her head sadly. "And you know, it's not just that it's a terrible way to live: it's not really life at all. It's not something you choose, it's what you get when you don't choose. We just marched ourselves into these damned idiotic, impossible lives without ever stopping to think about what we were doing. High school, college, post-grad and then straight into the workforce. Get married, have a kid, borrow money, buy a house, fill it with junk, have another kid, borrow more money, bigger house, more junk. It's completely insane, but that's how everyone I know lived. Affluenza, they call it. like a disease. That's what it is. For the last seven years we've been struggling just to make the minimum payments on our debt."

She laughs bitterly. "Everyone I knew was the same way. Some at a higher income level, some lower, but I think practically everyone we knew was dangerously over-extended in every direction. Money, time, work, responsibilities. We were doing everything right and we didn't really have any misfortune: no tragedies or health issues. We've been members of the local country club for ten years. Yes, we were living the American dream. Exhausted, broke, not good parents, not happy, and now split up."

-Spiritual Warfare, Jed McKenna

Nobody puts us in bondage except our own imagination. As we think about the world, so will we see it, as is our conviction so will be our experience.