Thursday, January 5, 2017

Year 2017 .... Daily News

I have set certain rules for 2017 and I try to live this life according to those rules. The rules are simple. My present state is the one of sleep, absence of unity, mechanicalness and lack of control, I find several other wrong things with me in particular, lying to myself.

The fight to be awake is the fight to stop lying, because I lie more than anything else; and as a matter of fact, I cannot speak the truth. My lying is thinking and talking about things that I do not know. It is not intentional lying — telling false stories. No. It means that I collect the theories that people put forward on any given subject, without knowing anything about it. In 2017 I will be myself. You may read my blog or not, who cares...

I have texted my ex and I wished her all the best for the New Year. I'm indifferent towards her, not interested of what she does and how she lives. I have no resentment of what she has done. My message was a polite answer and I think it was not necessary.

I have learned my first dish to cook - musaka. It is baked potato with ground meat. My friend taught me how to do it and I made it myself. It is very tasty. I am going to learn couple more dishes.

The Dreamer surprised me on Tuesday, she came to my place. I told her that I love her but she was quiet. I really don't know what to think. I will never ever said that to her again. The problem, of course, is that "friends with benefits" is not an end goal for relationship. That is to say, a casual relationship - where you are a lover and nothing more - just ain't enough for me.

I am completely aware, we can maintain this relationship for some length of time, depending on her availability and interest. While she does enjoy our meetings for now, I feel that her emotions are things of majestic impermanence. She looks for a relationship setup that makes her happy, she will enjoy it for a while, and then she will want something more.

...  More attention, more comfort, more security, more passion, more involvement, more conversation, more adventure ... more everything. And I, looking for less, stable, minimal, unchanging things am the absolute antithesis of this. Ultimately, she'll reached a point where she's unhappy - and that's will be it.

Besides my daughter, ashtanga yoga is the most important thing in my life. I've been practicing ashtanga since May 2006 and it's only after my divorce, that I've started to see what it really means to me and what the impact it has on my life.

Today, as well as yesterday and probably tomorrow, I woke up at 6 AM. I practiced. I have started to see that the physical benefits really helps me to go deeper into my well defined life philosophy.:

I'm not a spiritual guy. 

I drink wine and beer, I smoke, I eat meat. I am not the one to be followed in any way. I practice yoga for the last 9 years but I'm never going to make living as a yoga teacher. I don't advise to anyone my way of life and my understanding, not even yoga practice.

I neither watch TV nor listen the news, I only read the headlines. 

I never comment on the news and I have no opinion on current affairs in the world. I've never voted to any elections and I have no intention to vote. I don't support political agendas, neither parties nor politicians.

I stand firm in my understanding that all what we see is not true.

Helping others to reach their potential is not my life’s agenda. 

Neither is it “to make the world a better place”. Nor is it to “save whales and other species”. Nor I do "walk for cancer or AIDS". Sorry. I know, I might be upsetting you right now, but oh well.

I don't like to travel. 

In fact, I'm pretty close to saying I hate it. For years I said I liked it without really thinking about it. I can't stand air flights? It is just waiting. First you wait to give your suitcases and to get a boarding pass. Then you wait to enter the plane, then you wait for take off. Then you sit in dirty plane smelling socks of passengers, looking at the small screen until your eyes hurt you. When you arrive, you wait to get out of the plane, then you wait border control and again suitcases...

I like day trips and walking because I am so happy to be back in my home at night. I don't like overnight trips - two days of activities and one night in a strange bed. I can't stand it. It completely ruins my daily schedule and morning yoga practice.

I have never been and I'll never be in London, Paris, Rome, New York etc.. Exploring streets, wandering though city, checking out the restaurants, museums, galleries... it's all bullshit.

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