Thursday, March 30, 2017

April 2017 - The Month of Ashtanga Yoga

This practice becomes firmly rooted when it is cultivated skillfully and continuously for a long time. – The Yoga Sutra of Patanjali 1:14

My life is a journey and I travel alone. There is no one to tell me what to do. In all this randomness I try to keep one constant thing... my yoga practice. I need to make sure that my inner peace remains intact. The core of my daily practice addresses issues of self-confidence. What people think about me and my life is less valuable than how I see it. I keep a tough practice and I reduce the amount of concern I have around other people.

Here we go!!!

I declare April as a month of ashtanga yoga. I'm starting 30-day yoga intensive everyday practice. There are only one rule: every day  ashtanga half primary yoga practice... for the 30 days

Yoga can be anything as you want it to be. For me it is a physical pursuit, keeping my body toned, strong and flexible. For others, yoga practice may be a way to fight stress and the challenges of everyday living. And you should not forget the practice of yoga as a meditation but I'm not so much into that "mystical" aspects of yoga.

Let me be clear, I don’t practice ashtanga yoga because I like it. Well I don't. Who can like this bending, stretching and sweating everyday. I practice because I must. Now I'm 52 and at this age, it starts all kind of the health problems. I am doing an alternative health care by incorporating yoga as part of my everyday life. So far, I have no problem with variety of ailments ranging from back pain, high blood pressure, diabetes, arthritis, autoimmune diseases etc. I believe in yoga and I believe that regular practice and the sweat cleaning the organs of my body.

I’m sorry to say, if you’re looking for fancy yoga photos, you won’t find it here. I'm not an expert, or teacher or advanced practitioner. I practice Ashtanga yoga for 10 years now and my practice sucks big time. In January, february and march I did it 3 to 4 times per week and that is not enough.

Yoga is expensive if you want to regularly practice in a studio. But in this 30 days challenge I will go to studio too. I will go for a lead full primary on Wednesdays. The very first time I went to yoga studio a nice looking girl on reception gave me a paper to fill out. There was a question: Why I want to do yoga? I wrote without hesitation... I want to practice yoga because I want to melt the ice with my ass.

Have you ever seen how great yogis sit in the snow and how the snow around them melts away from the intense heat they produce in their meditation? I want to do the same! It is my life's goal.

So the first thing I do in the morning after waking up is to check weather forecast. I am sorry that we do not have snow so I have to practice with ice from the fridge. Believe me, I did it this morning, after haf primary and long shavasana, I went to the balcony and sit on the ice... what can I tell you. There is a great movement in the right direction. After only 5 minutes, my underwear was completely wet. ­čśŤ The rest of the day is all about concentration, meditation and samadhi...

Joke on the side, the core of the 30 day challenge is commitment. It means a promise and following through. It means stopping my old wimpy excuses and laziness. It means sweating for 60 minutes every day for the next month.

Life is a reflection of your ATTITUDE... Cheers!!!

Monday's Beer Night at MK

Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference. - Winston Churchill

In my experience, it's very rare that someone gets all love, care and freedom when they are young. Most of us are emotionally damaged adults because of our childhood experiences. So the first task of life is to figure out who you are and what you want, independent of others. The second task is to realize that you have the power to make it happen. Universe have no choice but to give you what you want. You must become independent and do whatever you want to do enjoying it while it lasts.

Do you really think that the life gets shittier as you grow up, you laugh less, complain more? Well, growing up by age does not mean growing up by understanding. If you feel it is getting worse, you are the only one that can change that. The only opinion that should really matter is your own. Only you are in control of your life. Don't let others tell you what to do. Don't let others live your life for you. On the end you are bound to be disappointed if you rely on them.

The truth is simple... but terrifying. You live with the mistaken identity. You create your own reality, but you lack the energy to understand that. You're too busy thinking how wonderful you are, how sensitive, how unique. I have a news for you... You are not unique!

You may know this but you don't care. Fuck it, that's how you live, you want to get fooled again and again! You don't want to change, you want to worry, you like worrying, oooh, how you like to worry, twenty-six hours a day! And what do you worry about?... About you! What about you? What's in this shit for you? What's gonna happen to you?

I gonna tell you what will happen to you... if you notice that as you get older the problems tend to stay same or issues go from bad to worse, it means that the life lessons are not learned. My mother died in the palliative care in January 2015. I was with her a month earlier and I spend considerable time in that hospital department. The palliative care is the last place on the earth, it is the place for dying... it is something like Dante's hell, anyway, I read an article about the last words of the patients there. Those patients in their last days has revealed the most common regrets they have at the end of their lives and they come in this order:

  1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
  2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
  3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
  4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
  5. I wish I had let myself be happier.

Think about this for a moment. When you realize that your life is over and look back clearly on it you will understand that all was up to you and your courage to live life true to yourself, not the life others expected of you. In other words you may see that your dreams have gone unfulfilled. You might realize that you've wasted your life. But listen, it's never too late to have a happy childhood, it is all question of your ATTITUDE.

Thursday's at Kennedys

You are convinced that you're having a terrible life, and that most of the time you're making a fool of yourself. That's true but despite your feelings, your life is actually above average; you live quite good life. Secondly, there is no need to improve anything in your life. Emotionally, this is like a blow to the stomach for you. But think for yourself and figure out what is true. The life is your show. It is your universe.

Who else knows about your thoughts and feelings? There is no one else there, just you, and nothing is being withheld from you. You are completely on your own. There is no place for worries. Everything is available to you. No one else has anything you need. No one else can lead you, pull you, push you or carry you. No one else is necessary for your happiness. You keep fucking yourself over. If you understand that, you will understand that it is the best news you could possibly receive.

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

So it begins... The greatest shitstorm of your time

Do you know how you live? You live like a slave, like a mindless robot going through the motions of life, but not really alive.

If you think you're free because you've some fancy alternative beliefs and outlook, you eat healthy, you do yoga, you have an alternative business and you don't watch TV... The alternative lifestyle doesn't make you different from the rest of the crowd. You're only dreaming that you're different. You don't recognize this so no solution is sought and no hope for change exists.

Spirituality is the cause of your failure. You don't see what's perfectly obvious. You meditate to get rid of stress and to have a happy future. Smoke and mirrors! The true goal of meditation is to keep you fooled, to maintain your self-deception. That's why your happiness is ill-defined: it's not about attaining it, it's about pursuing it.

You think that a "soul" or a "spirit", is necessary to do what you do and live as you live. But perhaps it is just enough to have a key for winding up the spring of your mechanism. Your daily portion of food help to wind up and renew your purposeless web of associations again and again. From this background separate thoughts are selected with attempt to connect them into a whole and pass them off as a valuable and as your own.

You pick up feelings and sensations, moods and experiences and out of all this you create the mirage of inner life, call yourself conscious and reasoning being, talk about God, about eternity, about eternal life and other "high" matters. You speak about everything imaginable, judge, discuss, define, evaluate but you omit to speak about yourself, about who you really are, about your real value, for you are convinced that if there is anything lacking in you, you can acquire it, you can learn it from a teacher...

Alice came to a fork in the road.

"Which road do I take"? she asked.
"Where do you want to go"? responded the Cheshire cat.
"I don't know." Alice answered.
"Then", said the cat. "it doesn't matter".

- Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

Why aren't you going anywhere? Because you're convinced yourself that you are going somewhere. Because your guru, spiritual master and adviser tells you you are. You pick your teacher. You get what you wish for. You want cozy, uninterrupted sleep and the dream of spiritual progress, and that's what you get.

The world is full of respected and beloved spiritual and religious teachers. People ask them questions and they provide answers: question and answer, question and answer, on and on, talk and more talk, more like spiritual therapy than spiritual warfare, but all questions, no matter how sincere or heart-felt, are really the same question, Outward?, and all answers, no matter how profound or wise, are really the same answer. Yes

The subtext of every question is. Am I making progress by asking questions and trying to understand the answers? And the subtext of every answer is. Yes, you are going somewhere while sitting here talking or reading. This is progress Be at peace. You are progressing and well-progressed. 

That's the obvious lie we want to hear and those who tell it most convincingly are the most respected and revered and sought after. 

- Spiritual Warfare, Jed McKenna

So who are those teachers that recently pop up like mushrooms after rain? They've gotten some glimpse of the transcendental state, a taste of lucidity, and it's like the most extraordinary thing to them. They wrote a book or two. They set up presentable website or facebook page. And they have followers. They proceed to tell you about their experiences and start teaching about the happiness, world peace, general health, prosperity, and so on.

You follow them so no wonder your spirituality is a race car without an engine. It looks very cool, but without an engine it can't take you anywhere. You can slip in behind the wheel and make engine sounds and turn the wheel and shift gears and pretend you're rocketing toward awakening. But when you get tired of it in ten minutes or ten years, you'll get out of this exactly where you got into it.

Awakening is neither no mind, blank mind, empty mind nor stopped mind. Awakening is not Nirvana. Nir means not or without and vana means a flame. Desireless mind is an oxymoron. Awakening is not The Now. Awakening is neither the Oneness nor any other transcendental state, such states of consciousness are experiences. Awakening is not the Ethereal Bliss. Awakening is neither a special status nor some kind of attainment. Awakening is when you clearly see that knowledge, understanding, experience, the world, your life, your relationships... none of it, means anything. So it begins... The greatest shitstorm of your time.

Friday, March 24, 2017

Guide for Yoga Beginners ♥ Welcome to the Cult of Lulu

Yoga is good. I love it. Studio classes, the skin-tight clothes, the New Age OMMMM vibe, the tiny elastic, late thirties, women who can balance in a headstand for hours. It is a cool thing. If you're among the people that're less than thrilled about popular trend of yoga, that's perfectly understandable. But, and it hurts to say this, you're missing out many things.

Zen Stretch classes
Wondering where to begin? It's simple. Just purchase our 30 days of unlimited yoga classes for $30 and drop in for any class at any of our locations. We offer Zen Stretch classes...
-Yoga Sanctuary 

Deepen your awareness
At Zazen, we practice yoga as a way of cultivating embodied meditative presence. Yoga offers the opportunity to deepen your awareness and self understanding through breath, movement and meditation.
-Zazen Yoga Studio

Eco friendly environment
At the Roots Yoga Studio in Toronto everything is "green". The floor is planked bamboo in the studio and natural cork in the reception area and change rooms. The walls are covered with low-emission paint and the electricity is neutralized by a zero-footprint offset program. The fabric used on the reception area seating is made of recycled material. We offer free usage of all non-toxic yoga-props.
-Roots Yoga

Canoeing, Yoga and Meditation
Our students are welcome to go to any class of their choice, without needing to commit to one. We specialize in  Canoeing, Yoga and Meditation Wilderness trips...
- Shanti Yoga Studio

Thai Yoga Massage
Thai Yoga Massage North Bay is an accessible form of bodywork that can help achieve a deep state of relaxation. It is performed fully clothed, on a special mat on the floor in our smaller studio. This massage may lull you into a deep state of relaxation while wiping away your pain and stress, leaving you feeling relaxed and restored.,,
- Bend Yoga Studio

I often think about how terrifying it must be for you who first time walk into a yoga class. I am sure you'll have no idea what teacher is talking about. You should understand the poetic metaphors, uplifting blend of spiritual and physical, yoga teachers utter with low voice and gracious movements...

Yoga is JOY, PEACE and CREATIVITY. You keep INNER BALANCE, you are releasing bitterness and you FORGIVE OTHERS. It is a personal experience of expanded awareness. By practicing yoga you awaken the kundalini energy (which, it is believed, is dormant in the base of your spine) obtaining full human potential.

Hey, that brings me: one time, when dissolution of my marriage happened (the fucking divorce) I went through some painful things but I tried to be an observer in HIGHER SELF (capital letters) not just this lowercase self shit. I was the observer, and I did BREATHE. Yes, PRANA when things went tough. I've learned from yoga teachers that breathing is healthy. Particularly breathing in and out, it went so well for me. I'm GRATEFUL. Really.

You see, many of yoga studios also offer Ayurveda classes which seems to be growing in popularity. Ayurveda teaches that your body has the three constitutions, vata, pitta, and kapha. But be careful, the hot yoga aggravates your pitta! If you have a lot of pitta (internal heat), the heated class might not be the best choice for you. Here you go, you have been warned.

Also, watch if Mercury is in retrograde. Besides Ayurveda, as a yoga student you should closely start following the astrology, and pay special attention to the planet Mercury which sometimes go retrograde... And please, don't practice inversions when you are on your ladies' holiday which is a very poetic saying for a menstrual period. Women's period is a great mystery for female students. Yoga teachers still debate should they practice or not, should they do only certain poses or not.

Yoga and meditation - it’s not just for the body, it helps you get sober from last night — and TO BE PRESENT and remember that your life is full of ABUNDANCE. It is all about chakras, your centers of energy. According to yoga teachers there are seven chakras is associated with functions of the body and life. Yoga is all about clearing each of the chakras so that the energy can raise from the base of the spine all the way up through the crown of the head.

YOGA, the LIGHT and HAPPINESS, you are falling in LOVE with what YOU ARE. You SURRENDER, very scary and dangerous. I am saying dangerous because what if is it true. What if there is psychic energy on the base of the spine? And chakras? Pitta and Mercury? What if that is all true?

Thursday, March 23, 2017

As I sit with my coffee on this early evening...

My birthday is almost here. As I sit with my coffee on this early evening, reflecting upon my life and recent events, I'm writing this post feeling indifference. I'm neither sad nor happy in my relationship with the Dreamer and I'm not looking for another girlfriend. I'm simply empty and tired. Is this feeling a warning sign of a breakup or is it just sign of a rough week?

People stay in a relationship that have passed expiration date for many reasons, such as a fear of being alone or just due to accustomed feelings. Whatever the reason if I know the connection isn’t strong, then breaking up should be the option. On Wednesday night she came for couple hours and we talked about "our connection". I realized that we don't have one. She does not love me and I don't love her. Except sex, everything else is so superficial and it does taste like chicken... but what doesn't?

The culinary experts face one great dilemma: 
why relationships in this world taste like chicken? 
They're curious, did love and hate evolve independently or 
did they both inherit chicken-less from a common ancestor?

I've been deluding myself into thinking that for the past decade I'm still 35. I feel young and in my mind, 50 - something is so fucking old! But the numbers don't lie. I'm just beginning to understand the nature of old age, tiredness and this society which poisoned food, air and water, and made me a slave. I feel my life is just about survival with little or nothing to show.

Happy Birthday Zee!!!
...are you two, are you three... are you forty, are you fifty? Who the fucking cares anymore!

See, after 50, the birthday is the saddest day in a year, it makes you think. I wish that somehow, magically my birth date gets skipped or erased from the calendar. From what I've observed, life gets shittier as you grow up.

I'm known for my coarse language, simplicity, impulsive nature and aggressiveness. Some think I'm arrogant, so what, no doubt, I'm self reliant and adventurous. I want to feel the heat. I want to party... But, not today.

Well I'm supposed to have a pleasant birthday, a good time with friends or have a romantic dinner with the Dreamer. I should be feeling secure and happy that my life is on track and I'm right where I'm supposed to be. Oh how young, vibrant, and beautiful I feel! But, not today.

Naturally, just before birthday, the question of meaning of life surfaces my mind. People are ignorant, they take that the meaning of life involves some kind of joke, if you asked them, they respond with nervous laugh and an attempt to change the subject. To some, this question is threatening, too unnerving to dare to say anything sincere or serious and so laughter seems the only safe response.

This sense of "me", just like my relationship with the Dreamer, fortunately, has an expiration day. This constant process of identifications, more or less unconscious, with its struggles, quarrels, incidents, experiences and so on... can not tolerate itself forever.

This imaginary "me" will be gone one day. I'm so insignificant so I can allow myself to enjoy the play. I'm coming to conclusion that my main purpose here on this planet is to ENJOY LIFE. I have no other meaning, no other task to perform. I'm not worrying about future, I'm completely relaxed because I know that everything will be okay... I will die, at the end of all my exploring I will arrive where I've started.

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

March 21 - the day Osho become enlightened

What it feels like to become enlightened
From the book: The Discipline of Transcendence by Osho

I am reminded of the fateful day of 21st March, 1953. For many lives I had been working ‒ working upon myself, struggling, doing whatsoever can be done ‒ and nothing was happening.

Now I understand why nothing was happening. The very effort was the barrier, the very ladder was preventing, the very urge to seek was the obstacle. Not that one can reach without seeking. Seeking is needed, but then comes a point when seeking has to be dropped. The boat is needed to cross the river but then comes a moment when you have to get out of the boat and forget all about it and leave it behind. Effort is needed, without effort nothing is possible. And also only with effort, nothing is possible.

Just before 21st March, 1953, seven days before, I stopped working on myself. A moment comes when you see the whole futility of effort. You have done all that you can do and nothing is happening. You have done all that is humanly possible. Then what else can you do? In sheer helplessness one drops all search.

And the day the search stopped, the day I was not seeking for something, the day I was not expecting something to happen, it started happening. A new energy arose ‒ out of nowhere. It was not coming from any source. It was coming from nowhere and everywhere. It was in the trees and in the rocks and the sky and the sun and the air ‒ it was everywhere. And I was seeking so hard, and I was thinking it is very far away. And it was so near and so close.

Just because I was seeking I had become incapable of seeing the near. Seeking is always for the far, seeking is always for the distant ‒ and it was not distant. I had become far-sighted, I had lost the nearsightedness. The eyes had become focussed on the far away, the horizon, and they had lost the quality to see that which is just close, surrounding you.

The day effort ceased, I also ceased. Because you cannot exist without effort, and you cannot exist without desire, and you cannot exist without striving.

The phenomenon of the ego, of the self, is not a thing, it is a process. It is not a substance sitting there inside you; you have to create it each moment. It is like pedalling bicycle. If you pedal it goes on and on, if you don’t pedal it stops. It may go a little because of the past momentum, but the moment you stop pedalling, in fact the bicycle starts stopping. It has no more energy, no more power to go anywhere. It is going to fall and collapse.


You cannot stop desire; you can only understand it. In the very understanding is the stopping of it. Remember, nobody can stop desiring, and the reality happens only when desire stops.

The desire has to be understood. You can understand it, you can just see the futility of it. A direct perception is needed, an immediate penetration is needed. Look into desire, just see what it is, and you will see the falsity of it, and you will see it is non-existential. And desire drops and something drops simultaneously within you.

Desire and the ego exist in cooperation, they coordinate. The ego cannot exist without desire, the desire cannot exist without the ego. Desire is projected ego, ego is introjected desire. They are together, two aspects of one phenomenon.

The day desiring stopped, I felt very hopeless and helpless. No hope because no future. Nothing to hope because all hoping has proved futile, it leads nowhere. You go in rounds. It goes on dangling in front of you, it goes on creating new mirages, it goes on calling you, 'Come on, run fast, you will reach.' But howsoever fast you run you never reach.


In your hopelessness is the only hope, and in your desirelessness is your only fulfillment, and in your tremendous helplessness suddenly the whole existence starts helping you.

It is waiting. When it sees that you are working on your own, it does not interfere. It waits. It can wait infinitely because there is no hurry for it. It is eternity. The moment you are not on your own, the moment you drop, the moment you disappear, the whole existence rushes towards you, enters you. And for the first time things start happening.

Seven days I lived in a very hopeless and helpless state, but at the same time something was arising. When I say hopeless I don't mean what you mean by the word hopeless. I simply mean there was no hope in me. Hope was absent. I am not saying that I was hopeless and sad. I was happy in fact, I was very tranquil, calm and collected and centered. Hopeless, but in a totally new meaning. There was no hope, so how could there be hopelessness. Both had disappeared.

The hopelessness was absolute and total. Hope had disappeared and with it its counterpart, hopelessness, had also disappeared. It was a totally new experience ‒ of being without hope. It was not a negative state. I have to use words ‒ but it was not a negative state. It was absolutely positive. It was not just absence, a presence was felt. Something was overflowing in me, overflooding me.

And when I say I was helpless, I don't mean the word in the dictionary-sense. I simply say I was selfless. That's what I mean when I say helpless. I have recognized the fact that I am not, so I cannot depend on myself, so I cannot stand on my own ground ‒ there was no ground underneath. I was in an abyss… bottomless abyss. But there was no fear because there was nothing to protect. There was no fear because there was nobody to be afraid.


The whole day was strange, stunning, and it was a shattering experience. The past was disappearing, as if it had never belonged to me, as if I had read about it somewhere, as if I had dreamed about it, as if it was somebody else's story I have heard and somebody told it to me. I was becoming loose from my past, I was being uprooted from my history, I was losing my autobiography. I was becoming a non-being, what Buddha calls anatta. Boundaries were disappearing, distinctions were disappearing.

Mind was disappearing; it was millions of miles away. It was difficult to catch hold of it, it was rushing farther and farther away, and there was no urge to keep it close. I was simply indifferent about it all. It was okay. There was no urge to remain continuous with the past.

By the evening it became so difficult to bear it ‒ it was hurting, it was painful. It was like when a woman goes into labour when a child is to be born, and the woman suffers tremendous pain ‒ the birth pangs.

I used to go to sleep in those days near about twelve or one in the night, but that day it was impossible to remain awake. My eyes were closing, it was difficult to keep them open. Something was very imminent, something was going to happen. It was difficult to say what it was ‒ maybe it is going to be my death ‒ but there was no fear. I was ready for it. Those seven days had been so beautiful that I was ready to die, nothing more was needed. They had been so tremendously blissful, I was so contented, that if death was coming, it was welcome.


I went to sleep. It was a very strange sleep. The body was asleep, I was awake. It was so strange ‒ as if one was torn apart into two directions, two dimensions; as if the polarity has become completely focused, as if I was both the polarities together… the positive and negative were meeting, sleep and awareness were meeting, death and life were meeting. That is the moment when you can say 'the creator and the creation meet.'

It was weird. For the first time it shocks you to the very roots, it shakes your foundations. You can never be the same after that experience; it brings a new vision to your life, a new quality.

Near about twelve my eyes suddenly opened ‒ I had not opened them. The sleep was broken by something else. I felt a great presence around me in the room. It was a very small room. I felt a throbbing life all around me, a great vibration ‒ almost like a hurricane, a great storm of light, joy, ecstasy. I was drowning in it.

It was so tremendously real that everything became unreal. The walls of the room became unreal, the house became unreal, my own body became unreal. Everything was unreal because now there was for the first time reality.

When Berkley in the West said that the world is unreal, he was walking with one of his friends, a very logical man; the friend was almost a skeptic. He took a stone from the road and hit Berkley's feet hard. Berkley screamed, blood rushed out, and the skeptic said, 'Now, the world is unreal? You say the world is unreal? ‒ then why did you scream? This stone is unreal? ‒ then why did you scream? Then why are you holding your leg and why are you showing so much pain and anguish on your face. Stop this? It is all unreal.


In a dream it is so difficult to remember that this is a dream. But in the morning it is so easy. What happens? You are the same person. In the dream there is only one reality. How to compare? How to say it is unreal? Compared to what? It is the only reality. Everything is as unreal as everything else so there is no comparison. In the morning when you open your eyes another reality is there. Now you can say it was all unreal. Compared to this reality, dream becomes unreal.

There is an awakening ‒ compared to THAT reality of THAT awakening, this whole reality becomes unreal.

That night for the first time I understood the meaning of the word maya. Not that I had not known the word before, not that I was not aware of the meaning of the word. As you are aware, I was also aware of the meaning ‒ but I had never understood it before. How can you understand without experience?

That night another reality opened its door, another dimension became available. Suddenly it was there, the other reality, the separate reality, the really real, or whatsoever you want to call it ‒ call it god, call it truth, call it dhamma, call it tao, or whatsoever you will. It was nameless. But it was there ‒ so opaque, so transparent, and yet so solid one could have touched it. It was almost suffocating me in that room. It was too much and I was not yet capable of absorbing it.

A deep urge arose in me to rush out of the room, to go under the sky ‒ it was suffocating me. It was too much! It will kill me! If I had remained a few moments more, it would have suffocated me ‒ it looked like that.


For the first time I was not alone, for the first time I was no more an individual, for the first time the drop has come and fallen into the ocean. Now the whole ocean was mine, I was the ocean. There was no limitation. A tremendous power arose as if I could do anything whatsoever. I was not there, only the power was there.

That's what I mean when I say again and again 'float with the river, don't push the river'. I was relaxed, I was in a let-go. I was not there. IT was there, call it god ‒ god was there.

I would like to call it IT, because god is too human a word, and has become too dirty by too much use, has become too polluted by so many people. Christians, Hindus, Mohammedans, priests and politicians ‒ they all have corrupted the beauty of the word. So let me call it IT. IT was there and I was just carried away… carried by a tidal wave.


It is difficult to say how long I was in that state. When I went back home it was four o'clock in the morning, so I must have been there by clock time at least three hours ‒ but it was infinity. It had nothing to do with clock time. It was timeless.

Those three hours became the whole eternity, endless eternity. There was no time, there was no passage of time; it was the virgin reality ‒ uncorrupted, untouchable, unmeasurable.

And that day something happened that has continued ‒ not as a continuity ‒ but it has still continued as an undercurrent. Not as a permanency ‒ each moment it has been happening again and again. It has been a miracle each moment.


But I have never been in the body again, I am just hovering around the body. And that's why I say it has been a tremendous miracle. Each moment I am surprised I am still here, I should not be. I should have left any moment, still I am here. Every morning I open my eyes and I say, 'So, again I am still here?' Because it seems almost impossible. The miracle has been a continuity.

Just the other day somebody asked a question ‒ 'Osho, you are getting so fragile and delicate and so sensitive to the smells of hair oils and shampoos that it seems we will not be able to see you unless we all go bald.' By the way, nothing is wrong with being bald ‒ bald is beautiful. Just as 'black is beautiful', so 'bald is beautiful'. But that is true and you have to be careful about it.


Since that day the world is unreal. Another world has been revealed. When I say the world is unreal I don't mean that these trees are unreal. These trees are absolutely real ‒ but the way you see these trees is unreal. These trees are not unreal in themselves ‒ they exist in god, they exist in absolute reality ‒ but the way you see them you never see them; you are seeing something else, a mirage.

You create your own dream around you and unless you become awake you will continue to dream. The world is unreal because the world that you know is the world of your dreams. When dreams drop and you simply encounter the world that is there, then the real world.


But right now whatsoever you see is not the truth, it is a projected lie. That is the meaning of a mirage. And once you see, even for a single split moment, if you can see, if you can allow yourself to see, you will find immense benediction present all over, everywhere ‒ in the clouds, in the sun, on the earth.

This is a beautiful world. But I am not talking about your world, I am talking about my world. Your world is very ugly, your world is your world created by a self, your world is a projected world. You are using the real world as a screen and projecting your own ideas on it.

When I say the world is real, the world is tremendously beautiful, the world is luminous with infinity, the world is light and delight, it is a celebration, I mean my world ‒ or your world if you drop your dreams.

When you drop your dreams you see the same world as any Buddha has ever seen. When you dream you dream privately. Have you watched it? ‒ that dreams are private. You cannot share them even with your beloved. You cannot invite your wife to your dream ‒ or your husband, or your friend. You cannot say, 'Now, please come tonight in my dream. I would like to see the dream together.' It is not possible. Dream is a private thing, hence it is illusory, it has no objective reality.


But first you have to do all that you can do, and then you have to learn non-doing. The doing of the non-doing is the greatest doing, and the effort of effortlessness is the greatest effort.


You are your undoing, you are the barrier. Meditation is when the meditator is not. When the mind ceases with all its activities ‒ seeing that they are futile ‒ then the unknown penetrates you, overwhelms you.

The mind must cease for god to be. Knowledge must cease for knowing to be. You must disappear, you must give way. You must become empty, then only you can be full.

That night I became empty and became full. I became non-existential and became existence. That night I died and was reborn. But the one that was reborn has nothing to do with that which died, it is a discontinuous thing. On the surface it looks continuous but it is discontinuous. The one who died, died totally; nothing of him has remained.


That night the death was total. It was a date with death and god simultaneously.

Saturday, March 18, 2017

Losing 5 kg (11 lbs) in 60 days...

... Spring has arrived! 

I'd like to begin this post by telling you I am not a successful person. I'm not an advanced yoga practitioner, a fitness teacher, or a healthy diet guru, not even a great blog writer. I write here what I'm interested about at present moment. I have no advice for you, so feel free to disregard my posts. Do whatever you want to do but know, unlike some of ignorant people, I'm not totally out of touch with conscious living.

This is a very important period for me. This month is my birthday and I will be 52. What you can not measure you can not control... I have the weight monitor application on my phone where I record the body weight. Even the app says that my current weight of 90 kg (190 lbs) is normal for my height that is not accurate. I have skinny arms and legs and all excess weight is the belly fat.

I'm someone who has no big aspirations, but in spite of my age I want to be healthy and look good. I want to lose 5 kg (11 lbs) in 60 days. Aiming to lose 5 kg within a two months is a realistic goal; with the appropriate changes to my diet, new exercise plan and lifestyle changes, I will be able to accomplish it. Typically, losing more than 1.0 kg per week isn't recommended. Quick weight loss isn't safe. Giving myself two month to lose weight is a great challenge.

The majority of the people of my age are overweight, busy with their work, under all kinds of stress, very serious and sarcastic. They follow sports and politics, they watch TV and news at 11 PM... The confidence goes down after hitting 50 and by age of 60 they will be people who are obese and more likely to have heart disease, strokes, diabetes, cancer, and depression. I have decided not to count myself in this general population of men. Except the age, I have nothing in common with them.

I hate to say this but the more I look around me the more ashamed I am part of my generation. I'm not buying it. Those, barbecue parties, kids education stories, big houses, big cars, big stomachs, management position and overtime work. Simple, I'm not buying their frustrations and their lifestyle.

What to say about the women of my age? Not much. The same sad fat story. I think women over 45 need a special diet plan. Women need fewer calories and large amounts of vitamins and minerals than men. The hormonal changes and menopause make them mentally unstable. They are into too much of sex or they have no sex at all, but let's not go there.

In the war on belly fat I'm doing a lot of investigation on the net and everyday I find something new. So I've started to know my enemy. Briefly, when you eat the food then a small amount of insulin is released into bloodstream. You feel satisfied and full. But too much of insulin converts the food into fat.

This is all I need to know. There is food who produce large amount of insulin in the blood stream and there is the processed food that cannot be disintegrated naturally so it stored itself in body in the form of belly fat.

These five foods making me fat. I must stop eating them!!

#1 Processed (Refined) Sugar

If I want to lose belly fat the processed sugar is my worst enemy. Eating refined sugar forces body to store fat. Stop eating it! White sugar, brown sugar, corn syrup, artificial sweeteners which don’t contain any calories, but they still causing large dump of insulin in our bloodstream which will make us fat.

#2 White Flour

White bread, crackers, pasta, and cereals. Don’t touch the white flour products unless you want to get fat. White flour digests to sugar just as fast as table sugar and produces a similar insulin response.

#3 White Potatoes

Is the potato white on the inside? Don't eat it. Potatoes have an ultra high glycemic index meaning they digest to sugar very quickly and cause an insulin spike.

#4 Anything Deep Fried

Most deep fried foods are breaded with white flour, or they are potatoes (french fries). White flour and potatoes are turning our body into a fat storing machine. If that weren't bad enough, the food is also dripping in high calorie saturated fats.

#5 White Rice

Just like white bread, white rice is another refined grain that digests to sugar very quickly. Eat too much, and you will get fat.

So that's why we have a belly fat...

Maybe you know these foods are bad for you, but they taste so good, and it's hard to stop eating them. It's time to change; I need motivation and the change of my habits. The war has started. There are many ineffective advice about how to lose belly fat. While there's no "magic bullet" that will target abdominal fat in particular, this post is my starting point of inquiry into this theme.

1. Eat breakfast

It might seem counterproductive to eat if you're trying to lose weight, but studies show that eating breakfast within an hour of waking up keeps insulin and cholesterol levels lower. Eat protein and high-fiber foods (eggs, peanut butter, fresh fruit, and vegetables) for breakfast. Avoid making sugary cereals, waffles, pancakes, French toast, breakfast pastries, or instant oatmeal.

2. Get enough sleep

Enough sleep. Most adults need at least 7 hours of sleep every night to function properly. Set aside time to relax. Even if it's only 15 minutes on your lunch break, find time to simply close your eyes, breathe deeply, and forget your worries.

3. Daily walking

Get a pedometer and try to increase the number of daily steps you take. If you have a sitting job, consider getting a regular walking exercise. Aim to take 10,000 steps a day. (I have already downloaded android apps "Moves" and I will count my daily steps).

4. Drink plenty of water

Studies suggest that consistently drinking water throughout the day can lead to a more active metabolism, regardless of dieting. Drinking more water also helps your body flush out waste/toxins and improves your overall health. Aim to drink 2 l water a day.

5. Regular physical exercise

Ashtanga yoga is an excellent practice for lowering your belly fat. Regular 6 days a week practice is the best thing in the war against belly fat. :-)

6. Add resistance training (Gym)

Nutrition and Exercise Metabolism suggests that combining cardiovascular (aerobic) exercise with resistance training is more effective than cardiovascular training alone in getting rid of abdominal fat. You can do resistance training with free weights, exercise machines.

7. Eat less

Reduce calorie consumption. Most people tend to underestimate how much they eat. Get an honest assessment of your eating habits by writing down everything you consume for a week.  Eat avocados, nuts, seeds, soybeans, and chocolate — they prevent the accumulation of belly fat. However trans fats (in margarines, crackers, cookies, or anything made with partially hydrogenated oils) seem to result in more fat being deposited in the abdomen. Avoid these as much as possible.

8. Stay motivated 

Review this post every day. Losing belly fat doesn't have to be solely a cosmetic goal; understanding the health issues linked with belly fat can help motivate you. Belly fat is linked with cardiovascular disease, diabetes, and cancer. Specifically it's the deepest layer of belly fat — the fat you can't see or grab — that poses health risks.

The Goal

Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb.  Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts.
Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan Press On! has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race. - Calvin Coolidge

Thursday, March 16, 2017

The Yoga Journal Philosophy

Yoga is so many things. In the 1980s, yoga became popular as a physical system of health exercises across the Western world. No doubt the physical benefits from yoga are proven but these days, all of a sudden, it seems yoga is a popular mode not only for exercise of physical postures but also the spiritual path, a promise to lead us to greater spiritual levels.

The Yoga Journal is a creative force behind various (award winning) yoga studios and their spiritual but not religious directors. The philosophy of yoga journal is to help one achieve a certain poise of equanimity, to look at all aspects of life - pleasure as well as pain, with acceptance and serenity. It is soothing and comforting, it makes you feel warm and fuzzy. It is about getting into pleasant emotional and mental states. It is about peace, love, tranquility, silence and bliss.

What is the core of yoga journal philosophy? Perhaps it is this: a brighter future and a better tomorrow. It makes you feel good about yourself and it boosts your self-esteem, tells you you are okay, tells you everything is just fine the way it is. The Yoga Journal Philosophy offers to improve, benefit and elevate you, and it is about belief and faith and worship. It's goal is to raises or alters consciousness. It combats stress or deepens relaxation, it promises happiness and relief from unhappiness.

Our intention in teaching and practicing yoga at QSY  is to grow as individuals, and deepen our sense of connectedness with the wider world. While practicing headstand and shoulderstand, or other “fancy” or extreme poses, may be fun and provide learning experiences, they do not necessarily bring us any closer to that aim. - QUEEN STREET YOGA

You may ask me what is wrong with being happy and satisfied. What is wrong with today's yoga philosophy? I answer nothing is wrong. It just keep you snoring. There is nothing wrong with being a dream character, of course, unless it is your goal to wake up, in which case the dream character must be ruthlessly annihilated.

If you desire to experience transcendental bliss or supreme love or altered states of consciousness or awakened kundalini, or to qualify for heaven, or to liberate all sentient beings, or simply to become best person you can be, then rejoice you are in the right place, embrace fully the Yoga Journal Philosophy. However, if your interest is to cut the crap and figure out what is true, then, you are in the wrong place and you have got a very messy fight ahead, there is no point in pretending otherwise.

Inversions at QSY (Queen Street Yoga): We choose not to teach full Headstand and full Shoulderstand (where weight is placed on the head and neck) due to safety concerns for the spine. We ask that students do not practice these poses before, after, or during public classes for the safety of all QSY members. - Studio Policy and Etiquette by QUEEN STREET YOGA

Awakening has nothing to do with the Yoga Journal Philosophy. Process of awakening is painful, it feels like depression, hopelessness. Your very identity is questioned. It is the death of everything believed. It feels like your love is dying inside. It is complete opposite of the Yoga Journal Philosophy.

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

Develop home yoga practice... Say NO to yoga studio!

Are you like a fleshy robot running from studio to studio?

I know you. I have seen you. You possess knowledge of yoga asanas and you can do your practice on your own but for the lack of motivation you chose to go to yoga studio. Not only that. You competently handle all the complexities of life, family, health, finance, career, household, day in and day out, year after year. You are intelligent, mature, clever, kind, honest, and fairly representative. And yet, whenever I mention awakening, all I get from you are dubious stares and incoherent skepticism.

Yoga has many physical, spiritual and mental benefits. No doubt about it. I give you support, confidence and hope for your practice. The final goal of our practice is spiritual awakening. Is there some purpose of yoga other than to awaken us from our mind's delusion? Lets never forget that. Once you have learned the postures do your practice alone at home. This is the only way to progress.

Please, stop going to yoga studio.

I agree, for yoga beginners, the yoga studios are a shining gift from Lord Shiva. As it goes, you can't get something for nothing but there's a problem: yoga can be extremely expensive: $20 is a price for a single class; on average $180 is ten class pass. You have no choice. There's no getting around it and the business is booming. Namaste!

Therein yoga studio, everyone's telling you how their shala is great, with the advanced yoga teachers who have been traveling to the source in India, they may be advanced with their own practice or whatever, but then when you come to yoga class and start sun salutation, you quickly find out that you are on your own. You twist in trikonasana hoping that magical touch from yoga teacher will awaken your muscles. You turn your head straight in warrior pose wondering why did you came to the class... and then you sit on the mat, forward fold to find out that the floor smells like onions steamed in cat pee.

The great majority of yoga teachers are proud of what they can do, how they can complete primary series so easily. Usually they come to yoga as former dancers and they think flexibility is a measure of how good practitioner is.

While you certainly have tension, trauma and rigidity in your limbs, joints and muscles, there is no  direct correlation between how well you can move and how functional or healthy your mind is. I seriously doubt that a former dancer and today's yoga teacher with two trips to Mysore India has any serious qualification to teach ashtanga yoga.

But teachers will tell you that you must do practice with them, coming to their studio and practice under their eyes so you will magically progress in Marichyasana D. Just watch not to tear MLC. You know, it can happen.

Come to class, practice, be nice, be quiet, smile, breathe deeply, be good, don't ask questions, don't use your mind, don't make a disturbance — sound familiar? Yoga Shalas are doing nothing more than maintaining your ignorance. None of them are teaching against your egoistic bonds. There is no interest in freedom. It's all been channeled safely into nonthreatening, ego-gratifying avenues such as "your kapotasana is great", "your drop back is genuine"...

Please, for the love of yoga, stop going to yoga studio.

Sunday, March 12, 2017

Willy Zee, the Coyote

Nice weekend. I've been very much social these days. Last night, I was in Bonimi for a dinner and later I went to Kennedy's, to met my friends. I came home around 12 and went to bed at 2, which due to clock change magically was 3. Now, I just woke up from an afternoon nap, I'm refreshed and full of energy. I'm eager to write a long post...

Here I am, already March, although freezing weather is in Toronto I am ready to press forward. Daily yoga practice! Last week, I had 5 practices, I feel good about it. I've stopped running after illusion, thinking that something good will come out of it and that I will be blessed with something that I cannot even define it.

You see, I take my feelings and sensations, moods and experiences and out of all that I create the mirage of inner life, call myself conscious and reasoning being, talk about awakening, about yoga, about daily life with accent on spirituality. I write about everything imaginable, judge, discuss, complain but in fact, I don't give a shit about all this. The life, as I lead it, does not really affect me.

That may sound strange for you, you may come to conclusion that there are two Zee person, and this blog is just an alter ego thing. No. Nothing of that kind. You see, the false Zee never was and the true Zee is forever. I am an infinite sense of presence, these bunch of emotions, feelings and thoughts have come on it. That is my world, just bunch of false things. In truth, I'm peace and happiness, a permanency in this restlessness.

I think that is what most of you want. To be what you really are. But here lies the catch. Seeking your true nature is a problem. The running is a problem. Carrying for others is a problem. For you as you are now, the happiness is not an original thing, it is secondary, it is a byproduct of something else. I am afraid that you just seeking satisfaction and consequently your happiness depends entirely on your imagination. The imagination is a problem.

It’s never too late to be whoever you want to be. Simply change your point of view, whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, it is your universe. You can make the best or the worst of your life. I wish you make the best of it. And I wish you see things that wonder you. I wish you feel love you never felt before. I wish you meet crazy people with a different point of view. I wish you live a life you’re proud of, if you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.

Not so long time ago I was just like you. I lost myself in a marriage, in career and in search for happiness. Instead of living the life as it comes, I was Willy Zee Coyote, constantly running to suit others, desperately trying to maintain a good outlook of what others thought of me.

But, I turned it around. I stopped running after illusion. The others weren’t at fault. Everything that was in front of me was there because I, and I alone, had put it there. Looking in the mirror I discovered that I have no face. My sense of existence is something else than my body and mind. How could I possibly expect anyone to value my real self when they are confused and distorted mess, a mixture of everyone, making them no one.

I realized the reason for my constant search for happiness is because I was not living the life destined for me, I was living for everyone else and was doing a pretty bad job of it. I wanted to change and in doing so, I needed to figure out how. I knew it wouldn’t happen overnight — I had taken more than 10 years to get rid of false things.

I looked at my marriage, my career, the area I lived, my overall situation. I thought about places I wanted to visit and all the things I wanted to experience. I realized that although some of these changes were not possible immediately, there were so many things I could work on one small step at a time.

I stopped being interested in my marriage and eventually, on the initiative of my ex divorce happened. My marriage ended for good. In two weeks I left our home and I started new life as I deeply wanted it. I saw all the things in my life until then weren’t healthy. I started living alone and couple months after, I realized that nothing was out of reach and it was up to me to take control of my life and that anything was possible. Instead of crashing and burning I slowly absorbed new things. I even bought a cell phone. Six months after divorce I went to St. Marten with a girlfriend.

Instead of excusing or blaming myself for my breakup of marriage, I allowed things to fall naturally into place. Soon after,I realised that I was stumbling over the same problems over and again and I would keep coming face to face with them until I accepted where I was going wrong. Whenever I made errors, bad judgements or was careless, I thought about what part I had played in allowing the mistake to happen.

I discovered that when I lived in the present moment, I was far less likely to keep tripping up. Although I still do wrong tings, I'm rectifying things sooner and understand the reasons behind the mistakes. I also have learned that I will always, always make mistakes, regardless of how much I learn because of simple reason of my forgetfulness of who really I am.

I'm writing this blog, describing the people that have strongly resonated with me. What have I lerned from them? Nisargadatta, Ranjit Maharaj, Jed McKenna, Krishnamurti, Bukowski, Gurdjieff... I'm looking all the characteristics that made those people what they were. I quote them often and I try to remember their sayings. I use this admiration to motivate me and to help me stop running after my imagination.

Whatever I am believing is bad conditioning. I've convinced myself that I'm worthy of this and not worthy of that. In doing so I've attracted all kinds of wrong people and rubbish into my life. I've  made a conscious decision to stop filling my head with negativity, first of all about myself. I'm not unique, different and worthy of something, I AM NOTHING.

As soon as I unlearned all of the rubbish of becoming, I've began to attract exactly what I deserve. I've thought long and hard about those that I've loved and those that loved me. I realized that often I would take people for granted and assume they already knew their place in my life. I made a conscious decision to love openly whoever I chose to and let them know that, with actions rather than just words.

I was living a lie, living according to society’s expectations of me. Mother, father, wife.. boss, coworkers, friends... I've seen that I could be whoever and do whatever I chose to be. Those that truly love me will accept me all the same and those are the only ones that really matter in my life.

Life free from judging myself is wonderful. I've stopped caring about what people are thinking about me and I've started caring about what I think about myself, about what I need to do to be fulfilled and also what makes me happy on the inside. When I go out, I don't give a damn if people like how I'm dressed, what I said, if they value my opinions.

Someone, somewhere will always disapprove my words regardless of how hard I try. I don't give a damn how many my blog has Facebook likes. I've stopped trying to please you and instead I am writing for the only person that really matters - myself. I have no comments on this blog, your opinions and judgements are faded away from my thoughts. As long as I believe in myself and trust that I'm living as the best as I can, I truly don't give a fuck about your opinion. It was liberating and refreshing and simply the best and most loving thing I ever do for you.

Saturday, March 11, 2017

Daylight saving time bullshit

Tomorrow daylight saving time starts. At 2 am, we are moving one hour forward. I don't get the spring forward time change shit. It is still the same amount of daylight and just because someone decided to shift forward an hour it does make the day as if it is somehow longer by an hour. It is simple bullshit.

I think some people may even believe the day is magically longer because of the clock change. I guess it's because they are never up before sunrise. I notice the difference in the mornings more than I do the evenings because I am up and out before sunrise every day.

Does this and everything else in this world have a meaning?

People do not care about the meaning of things. You see, the survival is at stake, when the events of each day carry a sense of urgency, the meaning of those events is irrelevant.

Everyone who is born eventually dies. No exception. Why this struggle, misery and suffering? Everywhere around me there is the struggle for money, for survival, for position and power, the unending process of proving self-existence.

I have stopped searching for these answers. I put all my efforts toward myself in the most selfish way. There is no truth to be found. We are here for a short period of time in order...(fill out whatever you want). Life events have no meaning unless you want to fool yourself.

I have concluded this in December 2014, while I was sitting besides my mother in hospital. She was dying from liver cancer. She was sleeping in a bed unconscious, I was beside her and I was thinking about her life... and I have seen mine. I realized, that life is given to us for no reason. Life is not serious at all...

The Dreamer came last night around 6:30.

She brought 2 l of wine and two packs of beer. We ordered dinner, hot Thai food. We enjoyed watching Vanilla Sky movie while we cuddle in bed. Outside is -13 C and it is windy and very cold. She went to do some errands and she will be back soon. We have a plan to go for dinner tonight...

She's strong. She's comfortable on her own. She shows her love not with words, but with romantic gestures. She's been swayed in a boring marriage for a way too long, and she doesn't have a tolerance for bullshit. Which is a good thing because I don't have time to waste too. I mean, I could be a gigolo man. Hahaha. ­čśŐ

In September last year, when I was on, I received a hilarious message. A woman from established and legit escort organisation, wanted to interview me for a male escort position, a fucking gigolo.

A gigolo is a male escort who is supported by a woman in a relationship. Gigolo is expected to provide companionship, to serve a woman with good manners and social skills, and often, to serve as a dancing partner as required by the woman in exchange for the support. The relationship includes sexual services as well...

Hello there. I hope you are having a fantastic day! I cam across your profile and wanted to reach out because you absolutely fit the profile my boss was searching for this week.

I work for a very credible lifestyle and introduction firm in Toronto that only deals with successful high level professionals and entrepreneurs, and I am sure she would want to speak with you to see if you are a good fit for out client. I wanted to see if there were any potential gentlemen here that would be interested in meeting some of our extraordinary and attractive female clients.

You certainly have a great look which fits the mild we are searching for and I would love to know more. I would be happy to have you call me or I can email you and give you our website so you can see we are legit. I can't leave info here as it is a conflict for the dating site and I might get kicked off. :) 

Are you open to meeting someone amazing?

I replied briefly with "Not interested". And then I started dating the Dreamer. My career as a gigolo has not started, I suppose if it did I would have a lot more to write here... LOL

Thursday, March 9, 2017

♪ Every Rose Has Its Thorn

I am turning my back on the world. From now on, yoga and being awake are most important in my life. I may start meditation again. I am 52, what I have? Something more important going? Like what? My plans? What plans? I have no plans, neither short term nor long term. My girlfriend? I don't mistake lust for love. I don't think that an amazing sexual connection is love. My career? I work only to pay bills. I have no interest improving myself...

I am still walking, talking and writing declaring my deep commitment to waking up while doing everything possible not to. I might say I want to wake up, but it quickly becomes apparent that I have some weird notion of what awake means. That might involve anything so long as it does not disturb my slumber.

My starting point is that I don't know myself, that I am not, that is, I am not what I can and what I should be. For this reason I cannot make any valid statement or assume any obligation. I can decide nothing in regard to my future. Today I am one person and tomorrow another.

It is impossible for me to do anything. I clearly understand these things. I have thousands of false ideas and false conceptions, chiefly about myself, and I must get rid of some of them before beginning to acquire anything new. Otherwise the new will be built on a wrong foundation and the result will be worse than before.

My chief delusion is my conviction that I can do. All people think that they can do, all people want to do, and the first question all people ask is what they are to do. But actually nobody does anything and nobody can do anything. This is the first thing that I've understood so far. Everything happens! All events that come on my way, all that is done by me, all that results from me — all this happens. And it happens in exactly the same way as rain falls as a result of temperature change, exactly as snow melts under the rays of the sun, as dust rises with the wind.

I am a machine. All my deeds, actions, words, thoughts, feelings, convictions, opinions, and habits are the results of childhood programming and external influences. Out of myself I cannot produce a single thought, a single action. Everything I say, do, think, feel, and write here — all this happens. I cannot discover anything, invent anything. It all happens.

I say that I understand this but I am not convinced about it yet. To establish this fact for myself, to live it, to be convinced of this truth, means getting rid of a thousand illusions about me, about my being creative and consciously organizing my own life, and so on. There is nothing of this kind.

Look around. Everything happens — popular movements, social media, Oscar winning ceremonies, sports competition, wars, all this happens. And it happens in exactly the same way as everything happens in my life. I am born, live and will die. I work like a dog, build castles in the air, write this blog, not as I want to, but as it happens. Everything happens. I don't love, hate, desire — all this happens.

But no one will ever believe me if I tell them they cannot do nothing. This is the big  offense and the most unpleasant thing I can tell people. It is particularly unpleasant and offense because it is the truth, and nobody wants to know the truth.

When you understand this it will be easier for you to read my blog. But it is one thing to understand with the mind and another thing to feel it with one's being, to be really convinced that it is so and never forget it.

With this question of doing, yet another thing is connected. It always seems to people that others invariably do things wrongly, not in the way they should be done. Everybody always thinks he could do it better. They do not understand, and do not want to understand, that what is being done, and particularly what has already been done in one way, cannot be, and could not have been, done in another way. Oh why bother, you will never get it.

In today's world it is impossible for us to understand each another. This also, at the moment, seems strange to you. But it is true. In order to understand it is necessary to know yourself first. At present people cannot understand one another because they lie, all the time, to everyone.

So, I must learn to speak the truth. This also appears strange to you. You do not realize that you have to learn to speak the truth. It seems to you that it is enough to wish or to decide to do so. And I tell you that I comparatively rarely tell a deliberate lie. In most cases I think I speak the truth. And yet I lie all the time, both when I wish to lie and when I wish to speak the truth. I lie all the time, both to myself and to others.

Nobody ever understands anything in this world. Think for a second - could there be such discord, such deep misunderstanding, and such hatred towards the views and opinions of others, if you were able to understand another person? But you cannot understand because you too cannot help lying.

To speak the truth is the most difficult thing in the world; and I must study a great deal and for a long time in order to be able to speak the truth. My wish alone is not enough. To speak the truth I must know what the truth is and what a lie is, and first of all in myself. And this is what I want to know.

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

The first and last freedom

Anthony Hamilton sings:

...I am looking for freedom, looking for freedom...
And to find it cost me everything I have...

He probably does not know it but the lyrics are correct.

In famous internet article, Everything is Fake: Top 40 Pieces of Fakery in Our World, published by Waking Times, it is said that our world is filled with an extraordinary amount of lies, deception, disinformation, misinformation, fakery, fraud, facades, mirages, propaganda and brainwashing. What the author has missed is the very important fake item... You are fake, I am fake, we are fake.

How to define freedom? 

It is not so difficult. Freedom is an abstract term and it is related to bondage. If there is slavery then there is freedom. Indeed, the basic restrain in this world is your psychological state for a feeling of identity, personality, "me". Slavery is the feeling of a limited self. The feeling of yourself is the bondage. And freedom is the freedom of "yourself".

Interesting. When you know this can you be instantly free? Can you stop this imagination of yourself at once, and not go on always being free? Yes you can. To be free moment by moment is the only way out of this dreamstate misery. Perception always takes place only in the present. Clearing of confusion can be done and must be done every single moment.

This is done by being aware in your relationship to yourself and another. Be aware what you are in your relationship to to your wife, child, boss, neighbor  or to your car, house...

Society by itself is nonexistent. Society is what you, in your relationship, have created. It is the outward projection of your own inward thought-states - it is "yourself".

To know yourself, there must be awareness, alertness of mind in which there is freedom from your beliefs, from all wishful thinking. If you want to know what you are, you cannot imagine or have belief in something which you are not. If you are envious, violent, merely having an ideal of nonviolence, of humility, is of little value. The understanding of what you are, whatever it be, ugly or beautiful, the understanding without distortion, is awakening. The awakening is essential, for it gives freedom from "yourself".

Do whatever you want to do in your life but be detached by understanding because whatever you're doing is an illusion. Things, events, people do not exist except in your imagination. It is impossible to perceive the truth, you can only see the false as the false, that is all that you can do.

According to a well-known theory in quantum physics, things exist in accordance to whether there is an observer or not. New mind-blowing experiment confirms that reality doesn’t exist if you are not looking at it. It basically suggests that world is a kind of illusion and exists only when you are active participant. Numerous quantum experiments were conducted in the past and showed that this indeed might be the case.

There is no method for being awake.

You are part of the illusion of time and space. Like a lot of things about this world you experience, time is also an illusion. It is an illusion created by movements of thoughts. The events - A causes B causes C is also just a very convincing illusion. The reality that you are experiencing is by no means an “objective reality” as you presume. In fact, it is more like a virtual reality.

In this illusion, seeking a method to be awake invariably implies the desire to attain something - and that is what you want. You follow teachers - if not that of a person, then of a book, of a teaching - because you want a result which will be satisfactory, which will give you security. You really do not want to understand yourself, your impulses and reactions, the whole process of your thinking. You would rather pursue a teaching than honestly look into your thinking.

Ideas are not truth. Truth is related to circumstances, from moment to moment. Truth is not a static thing, an experience which you want. When you can go beyond the bundle of your ideas - which is the "me", which is the mind, which is the time, which has continuity - only when you can go beyond that, is there a state of freedom.

Saturday, March 4, 2017

The golden age of bullshit

What bullshit essentially misrepresents is neither the state of affairs to which it refers nor the beliefs of the speaker concerning that state of affairs. Those are what lies misrepresent, by virtue of being false. Since bullshit need not be false, it differs from lies in its misrepresentational intent. The bullshitter may not deceive us, or even intend to do so, either about the facts or about what he takes the facts to be. What he does necessarily attempt to deceive us about is his enterprise. His only indispensably distinctive characteristic is that in a certain way he misrepresents what he is up to.

- On Bullshit by Harry Frankfurt

Bullshit, as Harry Frankfurt said, isn’t the same thing as a lie. When you read a lie, you know it is untrue. When bullshit is read, on the other hand, you simply don’t care if it’s true or not. So if I were to tell you that I’m writing this post on a typewriter rather than my laptop that would be a lie. If I were to tell you that I’m writing this post on my laptop and some of the components in this computer were manufactured in Taiwan, well that would be a bullshit.... We are living in a golden age of bullshit. People simply cannot live without it. I took books to prove my point.

The books about Steve Jobs are bullshit

There are many stories about his "great" life. One of them goes like this... Soon after he returned to Apple as CEO in 1997, he decided that a shipping company wasn’t delivering spare parts fast enough. The shipper said it couldn’t do better, and it didn’t have to: Apple had signed a contract granting it the business at the current pace. Steve Jobs as a new chief executive had a simple request: Break the contract. When an Apple manager warned him that this decision would probably mean a lawsuit, Jobs responded, “Just tell them if they fuck with us, they’ll never get another fucking dime from this company, ever.”

The shipper did sue. The manager quit Apple. (Jobs “would have fired me anyway,” he later told to an interview). The legal proceeding took a year and presumably a significant amount of money to resolve. But meanwhile, Apple hired a new shipper that met the expectations of the company’s uncompromising CEO.

What this tells about Steve Jobs? After all, I want to read the lives of successful people for inspiration and instruction. But his behaviours and personality make me uncomfortable. He is a selfish bastard, with only money in front of his eyes. He violates any norm of social or business interaction that stands between him and what he wants. He routinely told subordinates that they were assholes, that they never did anything right. Jobs called his closest friends “a piece of shit” and stormed out anyone whenever they displeased him.

Jobs biography is still a best seller for people that do not use their brain. His life story has emerged as a corporate gospel book. For some people, Jobs’ life has revealed the importance of sticking firmly to vision and goals with no concern for employees or business associates.

I despise the books about Jobs and I take them as a cautionary tale of corporate greed, he was a man who maybe changed the world but that is done at the price of destroying basic human interaction with almost everyone around him.

Autobiography of a Yogi, the book by Paramahansa Yogananda

This book is supposed to be a first-hand account of the life experiences of Paramhansa Yogananda, a spiritual master but this book is negligible, worthless and distasteful, nothing but a great bullshit, even it has been sold in millions of copies and is "beloved" around the world by those interested in yoga and spirituality.

I could not finish reading this book. I stopped reading before Yogananda left to America. It is pointless and disappointing book. Autobiography of a yogi is the ultimate example of zero information in a pretty long book.

The book is full of stories about saints that perform countless miracles - most of which are truly bullshit. It is all about great and predestined life for sainthood. The book does not contain any teaching, as many people claim, but rather an undiscriminating account of second hand stories.

As conscious beings, we exist only in response to other things, and we cannot know ourselves at all without knowing them. Moreover, there is nothing in theory, and certainly nothing in experience, to support the extraordinary judgment that it is the truth about himself that is the easiest for a person to know. Facts about ourselves are not peculiarly solid and resistant to skeptical dissolution. Our natures are, indeed, elusively insubstantial├│notoriously less stable and less inherent than the natures of other things. And insofar as this is the case, sincerity itself is bullshit.

- On Bullshit by Harry Frankfurt.