Thursday, November 2, 2017

3 Pillars of Misery

November 2, 2017, rainy morning in Toronto. I woke at 5 A.M. because I went to bed at 9:30 last night. I am about to start my second yoga practice for the November's yoga intensive.

Yesterday, my daughter got the job offer and she accepted it. She has graduated in April and now she is coming into the corporate world. She will start 9 to 5 job. Is that a good thing I don't know, I wish her all the best.

My girlfriend visited me last night. We had nice dinner and a bottle of red wine. Life is good, I'm satisfied and happy. I have nothing to do. I have no ambition, nowhere to go, no one to be or become. I don't need to distract myself from anything or convince myself of anything.

There is nothing that I think isn't as it should be, and I have no interest in how you see me. I have nothing to guide me except my own comfort. I don't seem to be too bored or unhappy about it.

Life... It’s one of the great mysteries, isn't it? Why are we here? I mean, are we the product of some coincidence, or is there really a plan for everyone? You know, the plan for us, growing, improving and stuff. I think it’s wonderful when people find God when people assume they have found the reason for living and they have all kind of excuses for their own daily shit. I am not there yet.

When you think of happiness, you often mean the experience of wonderful emotions like joy or delight. You may consider a relief to be happy too. Or well-being, or the experience of contentment combined with a sense that your life is good, meaningful, and worthwhile...

Joy, delight, relief, well-being, contentment are the building blocks of you as an individual but you don't recognize it. Your very search for these things makes you unhappy. As a consequence of the search, your happiness is a temporary state of mind between two sorrows.

The search for happiness is the first pillar of misery.

No matter what you do, you don’t have time for introspection of your life. Maybe that's good. You believe happiness is reliant upon the acquisition of something. You are constantly chasing but never attaining. Often times, your search for happiness in the wrong places...

I experience delight when I create a new post and watch visitor stats increase. Yes, my writing is a source of inspiration, joy, gratitude, and hope. Sometimes I write a new post with great expectation that my readers, my colleagues, family, and friends will like it. And then I get disappointed because my post hit hard bottom in click-number.

The second pillar of misery is the expectation. 

I became aware that my writing and thinking skills and my creativity, sarcasm, and humor are not what I think to be. I need to keep in perspective everything. Well, everything, but particularly the bad things, the frustrating things, and the irritating things. They will protect me from expectations.

Is happiness more of a fleeting emotion or permanent state of your being?  At the end of the day, you deserve a life full of positive well-being, goodness, meaning, and worth. That’s what happiness is all about. But if you look at others and compare yourself to them you'll never find satisfaction.

Looking into others and comparing yourself to them is the third pillar of misery. 

You are conditioned to mirror yourself against other people, to seek happiness in relationships. Realize that people are not things to fulfill your void. Their job is not to make you happy – they are probably struggling with the same problems just as hard as you.

You look at others thinking they are enjoying their lives and at the same time achieving something. You're not jealous, but sometimes you just feel sorry for yourself that you work really hard but without much difference. Stop all of that. Comparing yourself to other people will only add to your misery.

From my early age, I was told to pursue my dreams. I'm told that I can be whatever I want to be; a prince, policeman, firefighter or a saint, but then as I got older and got closer towards teen years I slowly realized that none of that is possible.

The more I think about my life, the more I realize there is nothing to be understood... it is better for me to take responsibility and do the yoga practice, instead of blaming others, or circumstances, or weather or whatever. I clearly see that my state of health, happiness, and every circumstance of my life has been, in large part, arranged by myself - consciously or unconsciously.

If you think the life is a serious thing, I'll tell you, you are wrong. Nothing is serious.

It seems to me that the way you go on living, you think that the world is supposed to be a logical and consistent place. Well, that is not the case.

Your misery comes from your idea that the world is true. 

You assume that if the world is true then you are also true. This self-importance is the main reason for the feelings of depression, sadness, emptiness, and anxiety. You spend a great deal of effort maintaining the illusion of your life.

You work very hard to make it as solid as possible and never venture too close to the meaning of it. Otherwise, you would see right through it and find yourself looking into a mirage. Then you may see your life for what it really is... the great lie.

Now, I've reached a point when I’m happy with small things. I have no more expectations from life. This is a shocking realization. It’s hard to look at the life - at all of my work and effort and time and energy and hopes and dreams - and to face an emptiness in its cold and dark perspective.

No matter how much you understand about life or don’t, you still have to do the living. Do you want more of life? Do you want to try to catch it with your hands, swallow it raw; make it a part of you? Do you want to be there when it happens? OK then, don't be numb, create opportunities, feel the air on your skin, wake up and run after it, without apologizing. Know what life is, let it spins you around for life is an addiction. Please do, consume the delusions like a drug, because it helps you feel alive, twirl and twirl and get dizzy.

The meaning of all of this is just to be alive. It is so plain and so obvious and so simple. There is nothing here to be achieved. When your dizziness subsides you'll see that your misery is not fixed.

Do yourself a favor, stop worrying. I’m not saying run, there is nowhere to run, I’m saying, things will take care of themselves, so intend the best and spin your world again and again...

It’s painful to say, but this should be it.

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