Thursday, April 13, 2017

Upward-Facing Dog

It's easy to practice yoga when I'm happy, when everything around feels right, when I feel love, support, appreciation. I jump out of bed and run to the mat, simply move through sun salutations with excitement and a feeling of happiness. It's easy.

And then days come when this life that felt real and joyful is suddenly no longer here. I wake up feeling lost, empty and purposeless, it’s a part of a bipolar depression, I am told.

So far in April only six practices. The long weekend in Canada is coming. Easter,  Friday is off but I have so much things on my plate so there will be no rest. Next five days I will work from home, I need to finish the project I am assigned to. But, it is an opportunity to do yoga.

My very good friend collapsed the other day. He had heart attack and he is still in intensive care. But I have learned nothing of that event. A lot of work at my job and daily enormous amount of stress in the last week made me running like chicken without head.

In the end, my worries don't matter at all, so let's have fun and do yoga. But fun is not what comes to mind when you mention Ashtanga yoga. Anyone who’s done this practice knows that heart starts pumping after completing just the sun salutations at the beginning of the practice and that itself is quite challenging. And anyone who’s ever gone all the way through the standing and sitting sequence up to navasana, half primary, or attempted the complete full primary series understands what effort and strength are all about.

What’s the main message yoga studios - Just have fun! Well, that should be a main reason why ashtanga yoga is not so popular in yoga studios. I always try to remind myself that ashtanga practice is not about how hard I work, but how effortlessly I work. It’s not about big movement, but about subtleties and the saving of energy. Ashtanga is not for everybody. Most people do not like it. It is repetition of the same postures that makes ashtanga yoga so unpopular. People want varieties, freedom of the movement, music, heat etc...

It's extremely melancholy to realize that nothing has any meaning, that life is essentially meaningless. It's very disillusioning to get that no matter what I might accomplish, it disappears like smoke in the air; that no matter what work I might attempt to perform, it's all insignificant in the end. If not today, then tomorrow. If not tomorrow then in a year or so. In a hundred years all people that I know will be dead, including myself. The whirling clusters of galaxies don't even notice us.

I really get this but I realized one more thing, because life has no meaning, because nothing really matters at all and everything is purposeless, then my worries and stress don't really matter either. So let's do yoga.

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About Zee Mark

I am an Ashtanga yoga practitioner from Toronto, Canada. I am writing a blog about awakening, yoga and everyday life. My entire life journey has led me to this very moment in time. I finally arrived to a place where I am okay with the truth that there is no truth.