Monday, April 17, 2017

Yoga is good enough... for divorce


This post is for you, you, a happily married mid-forties man which wife does yoga. Believe me... there is no reason to be afraid, you might read it to the end if you feel that your wife doesn't love you as before. If you can hang on this post long enough, you might come to your senses. I mean, what else can you do?

Well, let me tell you my story...

Today is my ex's birthday. I will not call or text her telling her my happy wishes. We are just two strangers now. I and my lovely wife became just another persons on the street, we walked out to a separate lives. Sometimes, I do wonder who is she; I look at her like someone who carelessly bumped into me.

Let start from the beginning... There is a strange connection between yoga practice and divorce. At least 70% of women who started practicing yoga, in their late 30’s and into their 40’s, have since gotten divorced.

According to my limited experience it really appears that yoga practice (indirectly) is a strong influence for divorce decision. At least it holds true in my case. I am a divorced man, after 22 years of marriage, and yes, I do believe yoga was partly to blame for my divorce.

My ex was a yoga practitioner while we were together; she has completed 3 yoga teachers trainings (200 hours certification each) and countless workshops from Ashtanga celebrity instructors, Hot yoga workshops, Iyengar yoga, Bikram yoga, you name it. She, so to speak, embarked on an introspective journey, sparked by the spiritual practices of yoga.

She read the Alchemist, the Secret and the Power of Now. The three most dangerous pre-divorced books.

She practices yoga, seriously, 4-5 times a week, she become extremely self-driven, goal-oriented and independent. She wasn't needy anymore; she’s determined to get what she wants out of this world. She didn't care about the meaning of life; she had strong mind and sharp opinions. She's well-educated and deeply contemplative. She embraced her individuality to the fullest... She did not need me in her life anymore.

Four years ago we separated, she simply said that we have no future together. I moved out and we got divorced papers after a year. I think what happens to her is so common and it happens to almost all women who practices yoga. Especially women who have spend their 30's being a full-time mom.

Ironically, when women are deeply into yoga, they may experience a waves of spiritual awakening, and they can become frustrated with all the emotions that awakening brings to the surface. They clearly see that something is wrong, their life is an emptiness and other truths about their relationship.

The yoga helped her to rediscover her real position. She was awaken from the mundane life of everyday obligations and the first step done in that newly acquired freedom is to get rid of me. The first thing she did is to blame me as a husband for everything she was lacking in her life.

My ex, just like many others, started to search within... but she did not discovered truth, she discovered false things. Good enough... for divorce.

Well, come on, to be quite honest, I knew it. All these years I have known that one day she'll leave me. We have lived a life more and less like strangers. I have learned whatever it is she needed to teach me (and vice verse) so our time was not necessary anymore and it was over.

Is this sounds familiar to you? This is how things are... Realistically, you'll collapse after divorce.

You'll start remembering all the most irrelevant details in your married life. You'll start counting the days for how long are you single. And if you're lucky, you'll find yourself with a couple of divorced buddies, start smoking the red Marlboro, drink IPA beer and start wanking regularly.

We are predictable, and prone repeating the same life mistakes again and again, so we'll start looking for the women who resembles our ex. We'll call that "moving on". Moving on after divorce generally begins with the online dating. And there we'll get more disappointments which are carefully placed in between episodes of grief and other emotional crisis.

Be prepared on time, it will happen, your world will crash into a million tiny pieces. The world that you're so carefully built from scratch, weaving together dreams and reality to form something so wonderful it seemed it would last forever. Nothing lasts forever. And that's a good thing.

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About Zee Mark

I am an Ashtanga yoga practitioner from Toronto, Canada. I am writing a blog about awakening, yoga and everyday life. My entire life journey has led me to this very moment in time. I finally arrived to a place where I am okay with the truth that there is no truth.