Wednesday, May 31, 2017

Once fallen off a cliff you don't need trail map anymore

New agers are pretty crazy people. The most dedicated of them will undergo all sorts of hardship in their search for whatever they’re searching for; they’ll eat row food, most of the time starving, they will freeze on snow, give away money and possessions, do yoga contorting themselves into pretzels, endure mind-numbing boredom of daily meditation, travel to foreign lands to visit interesting lama and much more, but the one thing they won’t do is look at yourself.

They think and the mind convinces them that they are inward-facing, but they really aren’t so no progress is made. Going inward is a process of self-destruction, whereas all what they do is pursuing some form of self-improvement.

As long as they stay pointed outward towards the Spirits, chakras and energy, and feel that they’re making progress toward some imagined ideal, they’ll fool themselves of awakening, but the only thing that can ever make a difference is seeing all that as false, and that’s what no one ever does.

In my experience, those who do go inward and do what is necessary to dismantle their personalities have begun the real process of awakening and they don’t need anyone else for anything, just as once you’ve fallen off a cliff you don’t need your trail map anymore.

To understand anything is very easy. The trick of deflating your personality is not to believe things you don’t know, okay? Once you do that then no more personality. You make up your personality just by believing things you don’t know. There is no personality, it is acquired thing. Hard to believe, I know.

To ask how you can be free of your body and reside in the world of Spirits is ridiculous. Why would you want to be free of your body? To me it seems wonderful to have a body. Look at all the wonderful things you can do with a body that you can’t do without one. Maybe on the fifth dimension don’t have a body, then that’s fine, then you can do other things, like watching grass growing, follow ocean's waves or galaxy moving, but now you have a body so you can do body things. Can you have sex without a body? I bet you can’t.

Sunday, May 28, 2017

I don't worry about being insane

Today is Sunday, I woke up at 6 a.m. and I said oh no, I'm totally insane. That's awakening, you realize you're insane. Not a little insane but all the way totally crazy. You see yourself that you always have been completely insane. That is awakening, nothing else.

I did not do yoga for a week. I can blame it in high dopamine and low serotonin in my brain but I won't. I was insane and didn’t know it. But this morning, I am of course insane but I know it. Yesterday I thought I am perfectly sane. That’s where I am now. How about you? Do you think you are as sane as everyone else? Ha, you are insane too, because there are no sane people. If you don’t know you’re insane, you're stuck, nothing you can do about it.

What make you and me, and other people insane?

We don’t know what we’re doing or why we’re doing it, but we keep doing it anyway. That’s what insane means. You don’t believe you’re insane because you’re insane. When you realize you are insane you will be much more sane. Not fully sane but going in a right direction.

I am not a nutritionist or a dietitian. I am not a yoga trainer, a coach or a fitness expert of any kind. Please do not consider anything you read here to be advice from an expert. Today I set the goal to look good and pay attention to my body. Yes, the physical body. I am going to consume the fewer calories than what I intake.

The Goal -  85 kg by the end of June

I am a person of extremes and if I don't see results in short period of time I'm discouraged and I quit the endeavor. I'm not going to spare myself, the yoga practice will be one hour long and I should be exhausted after it. I'm going to eat very little but healthy.

The Goal - looks like this guy

I will pretend to be insane because it’s not really in my interest to become sane. What’s the point of being sane in a crazy world? I will be a freak. I am a freak right now because I am insane, but everyone is insane so I blend in. When I stop blending in, then I am really a freak. Is that what I want?

In this world, nothing makes sense by itself. If I want a sense, I have to make it up. Sense that I have to make up is of course, the nonsense. I have to make up nonsense to explain what I'm doing. That’s because I'm insane.

May 2017 - 90 kg

Being insane isn’t the problem, that’s easy to fix. Not knowing I'm insane is the problem, that’s pretty hard to fix. But now I know that i am insane, so it’s not a real problem. If it’s not a problem, it doesn’t need to be fixed. I can go back to what I was doing and don’t worry about being insane.

Saturday, May 27, 2017

I will always love you

I'm not in love, right?

After all, I know the signs that mean I'm in love. I was there before, I'm able to tell whether I am in love or not. Definitely. Unless...

Unless I'm afraid I might be in love with her. Unless she’s is in different stage of her life and terrified of commitment and loving me would be a waste of time. Unless I'm sure she will leave me eventually. Unless I do NOT want to be in love right now and and I have NO intention of being in love because I just say so...

When I take the time to think about it, am I really sure?

Of course I am not in love with her...

Then why am I thinking about her? Why do I think she is unique. Why have I stopped looking to other women. Well, recent studies has confirmed that this single-mindedness results from elevated levels of dopamine — a chemical involved in attention and focus in brain. Yes, that's must be it.

It is well known, falling in love often leads to emotional instability. I easily bounce between exhilaration, euphoria, increased energy, sleeplessness, loss of appetite as well as anxiety, panic and feelings of despair, jealousy etc... Oh I forgot, I am a bipolar and these mood swings are normal things.

The studies done in this area have confirmed that it is okay to spend, on average, more than 85 percent of my waking hours musing over her. They say that this intrusive thinking, as the form of obsessive behavior, may result from decreased levels of central serotonin in the brain, a condition that has been associated with this behavior. I cannot agree more. Increased dopamine and decrease serotonin, phew, nothing to do with love.

I looked online and I found another study, presented in 2013 at the "Being Human" conference, that said people are attracted to their opposites, at least their "brain-chemical" opposites. For instance, the research found that people with so-called testosterone-dominant personalities (highly analytical, competitive and emotionally contained like me) were often drawn to mates with personalities linked to high estrogen and oxytocin levels — these individuals tended to be "empathetic, nurturing, trusting and prosocial, and introspective, seeking meaning and identity" just like her. Well that is what the scientist said, not me.

If I am deeply in love with her I should experience sexual desire with strong emotional strings attached: And studies said the longing for sex is coupled with possessiveness, a desire for sexual exclusivity, and extreme jealousy when the partner is pay attention to other people. 

For her 1979 book "Love and Limerence," the psychologist Dorothy Tennov asked men and women to express main feeling of being in love. Many participants expressed feelings of helplessness, saying their obsession was irrational and involuntary. According to Dr. Tennov people feel attraction for their partner as a kind of biological, instinct-like action that is not under voluntary or logical control... 

And that brings us to the song, finally this post do belong to SONG category. I try desperately to argue with myself, to limit my logical influence, to channel it, to deny it, and dammit even I know that with her I have absolutely no chance of making a life together, I am missing her, with dopamine or without.

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am home again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am young again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am fun again
However far away
I will always love you
However long I stay
I will always love you
Whatever words I say
I will always love you

Friday, May 26, 2017

Without trust, you have nothing

Couple days ago, I was in Ka Chi restaurant. I ordered the food and while I waited for pick up, I observed two couples in front of me. Both couples were late 30s, maybe early 40s. One couple were kissing, whispering sweet nothings to each other, and other couple were sitting on opposite sides of a table and had pleasant discussion face to face like they didn't want to make the waitress uncomfortable.

I got idea for this post when I saw the man looking at the kissing couple and trying to reach a hand of the woman across his table. She politely pulled back her hand smiling gently. Obviously that was a date and she was into him, her eyes were smiling and she was happy, just it looked like she was not ready to show her feelings in public place.

Some women are not the greatest at expressing their emotions. Their sweetness is hidden and fragile. Such women appears strong and cold but somebody has to tell them that it is okay to be weak and to fall into partner's arms without fear of being vulnerable. I have observed the woman in Ka Chi very closely, she’s didn't only distance herself from her own emotions, she also did the same to the emotions of her partner. He pulled back and his smile disappeared for quite some time.

My order was brought, I paid and I left the restaurant, thinking...

There are two extremes in women behaviour... The touchy, touchy women who would say sweet things so easily and so often. They are so cuddly-like and make you feel heavenly loved and appreciated just to find out couple weeks later that they are doing the same thing with others too. And there are women who simply might not be able to say "I love you" at all, which of course create fights to their partners starting over tension that doesn't exist.

I am not trilled with neither of these two extremes. I really do not like that much touchy-touchy women. Also, I find not showing emotion to be a fairly unuseful skill, hiding the emotion makes them appear cold and unfeeling. However, after the divorce women have learned that keeping their emotions to themselves is a great way to decrease the odds of somebody being in a position to hurt them...

Life is weird. I mean, if you love someone, you should show that and be together, right? Well... not necessarily. It is the trust that is the foundation of all loving relationships. Without trust, you have nothing. If you cannot trust her, then you are wasting your time. Showing too much feelings or loving, but not showing feelings, is worthless consideration. Yes, you want to feel wanted and loved, but if there is not trust, what's the point?

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Ashtanga Yoga bubble may be about to burst

Yoga is very popular and it is the top choice on the fitness market today. However, we witness decrease of popularity of Ashtanga yoga. You may see cancellations of Ashtanga classes in yoga studios more often than some other type of yoga be it classic Hatha poses, Bikram's sweaty sessions in a heated studio or any hybrid of Vinyasa yoga. Ashtanga yoga retreats are among the most unpopular and are often cancelled or changed to some other yoga styles.

There are signs that Ashtanga Yoga bubble may be about to burst. 

The orthopaedic surgeons, physical therapists and chiropractors in North America are increasingly dealing with the ashtanga yoga practitioners which practice has gone awry.

The increase of injuries in ashtanga yoga practice are blamed on the lack of good teachers. Almost everyone with 200 hours teachers training programme can and certainly teach ashtanga yoga with poor understanding of the practice itself. Such teachers are badly trained, inexperienced and overzealous and that cause a lot of problems for the students.

A yoga student from England observed it well: "I was at an Ashtanga yoga class and in a posture where you really twist your spine. My teacher came to adjust me in the pose and really pushed me into it. It felt really uncomfortable at the time and it got worse afterwards. It was so painful that I went to the doctor and he told me that I'd bruised a rib."

Very often the students are uncertain about questioning yoga teacher. When you're in the middle of a class it's really difficult to say that something hurts. Ashtanga yoga teachers are known to be quite forceful characters and they assume they know what they are doing.

Let me digress a bit, not all ashtanga yoga teachers are forceful, inexperienced and overzealous. But in general, there is no legislation that dictates standards for teaching ashtanga yoga. It is loyalty of visiting Mysore, being in good terms with Sharath and the practice itself that, seems to me, determine certified ashtanga yoga teacher. They are extremely rare and students are left with 200 hours teacher trainees devoid from the understanding of student psychology, anatomy and most of all the humility as a human being that make up the right credentials for anyone wanted to be a yoga teacher.

Good teachers don't hold classes in gyms and community centres. 

But what about ashtanga yoga students? Can they help themselves by taking responsibility for their own practice?

Ashtanga yoga is not like getting on a treadmill and start running with constant acceleration. It requires mindfulness and understanding of it's flexibility and strength. Recognise pain that isn't good and continue or stop if you need to. Ashtanga is not a competitive practice and there is no reason to force yourself into a painful pose.

No doubt about it, there is a high level of risk for injury in ashtanga yoga. And ashtanga practitioners so often forget that yoga is a lifetime practice. More than that, it's a spiritual practice. The physical benefits come with it, but if you're only interested in getting fit, then go to the gym.

Monday, May 22, 2017

You want just to have sex with me

Today's post comes on the end of this wonderful long weekend. I was four days off the work. I had a great time and feel happy. I am about to write what I have learned in my life...

However, I can not find a single thing I have learned in this life. What I understood at one time to be truth, later on, it proved as a total mistake. So I am wondering is there anything to be learned at all. For the first time in my life I don't really care about learning, growing, or becoming better person. This letting go is one of the gorgeous gifts of my spiritual work.

It looks like I am about to get all metaphysical so I have to cut the crap. I've observed that the sexual attraction is a bottom line of everything. It is behind power, money and it is certainly the cornerstone of every relationship. And the relationships make up the society.

The first question every woman asks herself is Does he want to have relationship with me, or does he just wanna fuck me? They see men as manipulative, sex-obsessed liars, and they never believe in their true intentions. You want just to have sex with me... Sorry to be a downer, but I do think it is worth nothing if the relationship is without sex. If you like other person, the best bet is to stick around and have a lot of sex and really get to know each other.

Man is never JUST trying to fuck a woman. I am not going to say that every man is a saint and has totally selfless intentions, but if he’s choosing someone then there’s something about her that goes beyond just wanting to fuck you.

I don’t know who invented the question, Does he just want fuck?, but it’s a trap. People want sex... that’s how people, men and women are constructed. People also like to eat and sleep. But you don’t JUST want to eat and sleep – that would be a ridiculous way to think of things.

Lust is a powerful thing, and from lust very often comes love. Men will do just about anything in between "nice to meet you" and "let go to my apartment." You should be a realist, 9/10 men want sex above everything else and that’s a fact of life. Everything else it depends on how you look at it. Men want sex; there’s no question about that. They want it very often and that will never change.

But in order to be able to see signs he just wants to fuck you, you first need to understand something about men that you may not have taken into consideration. The men, you might have villainized in your head and thought they’re so bad for seeking out sex all the time are not bad people. Actually, they’re just normal. It’s only natural for a man to want sex, but it’s not natural for him to want to enter a committed relationship with someone just to get it.

So, man doesn’t plan on anything more than just the sex, but that doesn’t mean he’s against letting something else into his life if he feels a real connection. Any player is human after all, and anyone can appreciate the excitement of meeting someone special.

Men don’t really look for girlfriends per se. They plan on having a good time. If he just wants to sleep with you, that doesn’t mean he isn’t open to seeing where it goes from there. Most men only follow that pattern and won’t make a girl their girlfriend until they have been intimate with them. Someone like that may very well end up being a good boyfriend.

Sunday, May 21, 2017

On the Road to Infinity

When questions are prohibited, the answers are meaningless.

I posted my famous article So it begins... The greatest shitstorm of your time to the Facebook page Awakening Community and I got a lot of shitstorm comments. Although some people like the post the majority was totally against and they expressed it freely. They asked for my intent of posting that.

The main reason I post it there is to see are they awaken, as they claim or not. I have concluded that they are just like fleshy robots running on outdated awakening software. They possess knowledge and full capacity for thought. They competently handle all the complexities of life, I mean family, health, finance, career, household, day in and day out, year after year. They are quite intelligent, mature, clever, kind, honest. But they are not awaken. Whenever we turn to different view of awakening, the most basic and essential facts about awakening, all I have seen are dubious stares and incoherent skepticism.

Awakening for them is to be nice and say you are sorry when you done wrong and your loving Spirit (they don't cal it God) won't cook your ass. They hope for transcendental bliss, cosmic consciousness, kundalini awakening, supreme love... Be nice, be quiet, smile, breathe deeply, be good, don't ask questions, don't use your minds, don't make a disturbance — sound familiar?

The people on such communities like that one I just visited are really doing nothing more than maintaining  their ignorance. None of them are divesting themselves of their egoic bonds. There is no interest in  freedom. It's all been channeled safely into non-threatening, ego-gratifying avenues such as "unique souls comming together", "awakening is a gift", heart based spirituality and other healthy lifestyles hobbies... yoga,  meditation, praying, chanting, vegetarianism, attending darshan and satsang, vipasana,  pranayama, zazen, donating money to charitable institutions, reading classical spiritual literature, purifying body etc...

These people are doing all this spiritual stuff because they want to maintain certain direction. They want to develop spiritually or grow closer to Universal consionsiousness, or go to Heaven, or raise their vibration, or get enlightment, obtain liberation - something along those general lines, they call that awakening. In short, they are moving, progressing. They are heading toward one point and away from another.

They believe, in the broadest sense, that something is wrong and that "right living" can make it right. What that something is, what's wrong with it, and how it can be fixed all differ from person to person, but general pattern is always the same. However, the truth is that wrongness is entirely imagined. It is the Ego. It is the core of delusion.

The essence of my post is to tell them to stop considering themselves to be a process, to have past and future, to have history, to keep progressing somewhere. In terms of awakening it doesn't matter much if one meditates or not, or whether one eats meat or not, or whether one gives to charities or steals from them. For awakening they need to dismantle false preconceptions and get out from Hindu-Christian-Buddhist-Zen-New Age They need to challenge their opinions; the most cherished and deeply held beliefs because no belief is true. They need to understand the ego structure, their false self.

Delusion is the structural integrity of ego. Observe ego at work, make a study of it, and dissect it, reverse- engineer it. The awakening starts from there. The people who want to explore life and freedom must harden their heart and sharpen their mind. They must face the facts, they must face their own mortality, their own meaninglessness. There is nothing more devastating to ego than the contemplation of meaninglessness and insignificance. Of nothingness. Of no-self.

One does not undergo the process of awakening out of love for the true but out of hatred for the false: a hatred so intense that it burns everything and spares nothing.

Friday, May 19, 2017

The greatest bullshit stories ever told

Can you walk away from love? ... Life is not a love story. But it is a story about love, and the power it has over us. The power to heal or destroy. And this is where the story ends... 

There is nothing true in this world. I had enough of "hope and change". There is no transformation, radical or otherwise. Being awaken is not the remedy for problems, or something to avoid pain. Life is painful. There is no use asking why it is so. It is so...

The religion... 

Religion has actually convinced you that there's an invisible God living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute, every day. And the invisible God has a special place for you if you don't follow him, the place full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and scream and cry forever and ever until the end of time. But... He loves you!

The longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize, something is fucked up. You believe in God who could make good people as easily as bad, yet he prefered to make the bad ones. You believe in God who can make everyone happy, yet he never made a single person happy. Finally, with divine apology, he invites us, the poor, abused slaves to worship him. Something is wrong here.

My life journey has led me to this very moment in time. I have arrived to a place where I am okay with this. It is so simple. We are all idiots. Like robots; programmed by this shitty society. So routinary, so weak. Masturbatory. But you, you're too busy holding onto God's hand. Thinking how wonderful you are, how sensitive, how unique. You are not unique! You worry just like anyone else, oooh, how you worry, twenty-six hours a day! And what do you worry about?... About "you"! What about "you"? What's in this shit for you? What's gonna happen to you? Egomania! So horrendous. But fascinating!

Nothing exists, all is a dream. God, life, mankind, the world, the sun, moon, stars - all a dream, all without being or existence. Strange, indeed, that you should not have seen so far that life is only a vision, fiction! The life is hysterically insane - constant struggle to earn money for surviving, fighting diseases, hunger, filth, poverty, pains, old age and what is awaiting on the end... the death. Holy Shit! If this is the best the God can do, I am not impressed.

The awakening...  as a meditative state full of awareness. 

Awareness! Be in the Now, be present. What a fantastic concept used to fool innocent and naive people. Things are bad enough. The meditative state is the worse. There are numerous self-proclaimed lunatics, so called saints, prophets and saviors who wish to serve this world. Spirituality is a romantic stuff. The Path!!! Search for truth. The Way... all is romantic bullshit. You will get nothing there, try your luck elsewhere.

I don't believe in spirituality, Mickey Mouse, Disneyland, Kim Kardashian and Celine Dion. (Btw. who listen Celine Dion anyway?) The brainwashing all around - education, advertisement, philosophy, religion, sports, politics, spirituality, hope and change. People imagine they are growing, improving, and just like a businessman, they want result, they call it, the return on investment.

All the authorities down through the centuries are false. Enlightenment as it is presented to us by the New Agers supposed to be an ultimate pleasure, uninterrupted happiness. No such thing exists! Wanting something that does not exist is the root of our problems. Waking up, moksha, liberation, and all that stuff are just variations on the same wish for a permanent orgasm.

The saints and gurus like Eckhart Tolle, Mooji, Deepak Chopra sell this spiritual morphine. People take the drug and go to sleep. It never strikes them that liberation they are after is just an ultimate disappointment, which they follow to be free from neurotic states caused by their own beliefs.

Why didn't he fuck her? ... this question continues to bother me until this day. 

Men deal with lots of frustration to get laid. We will wait around for weeks or months until a woman sleeps with us. As time goes by, we absorb woman's bullshit and get more irritated so the fuck, instead of it being an exciting moment, it becomes a game.

But not this guy. This guy portraits insecurity, resentment, frustration, a hope... so on the end, both parties are left miserable when he eventually leaves. And that it is what life's all about. His last words to her were: I know, I'm going to miss you, too.

I am talking about the movie Lost in Translation with Bill Murray and Scarlett Johannson. Sofia Coppola directed the movie back in 2003. I am surprised that this movie is 14 years old. It is about our loneliness and isolation. Even thousands of people surrounds us we are unaware of their existence, we are lonely, isolated, hopelessly living our pity life, missing something.

And then, at a hotel bar, we meet a stranger and start talking about marriages, our happiness and the meaning of it all. These conversations can really only be held with strangers. When drinking is involved, everything is possible until you hear she says "I feel like I've known you for years"... all the chances are you will get lucky and have sex together. Funny, how things are simple in this bittersweet life, a sad comedy.

I don't like the movie. I don't like hope. I hate karaoke bars and I despise Bob because being funny is what he does for a living, and right there with Charlotte, he is too tired and sad to do it for free.

No, life is not a love story. But it is a story about love. About those who give in to it, and the price they pay. And those who run away from it because they are afraid... because they do not believe they are worthy of it.

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Corporate Yoga - The Stolen and Hijacked Yoga

The world has changed in recent days but not so much in regards to exploitation. We live in the times of  modern slavery. Today, the large corporations offer so called "benefits" to their employees. The benefits are seen as great opportunities to us, the key factors in choosing which company we will work for.

The one of the main employee benefits is workplace yoga and it is gaining unprecedented popularity. It is offered by almost all big banks and other large corporations such as Apple, Bell, A&E, HBO, to name just a few. I don't like the idea of bringing my mat and practicing this kind of yoga. The truth is that in all corporations of the world, political and economic systems are designed to benefit only the rich and powerful, at the expense of us, the those with less money and no power.

They steal our money, sacrifice us in their ever changing restructuring, fire us for petty mistakes, and crush us for speaking the truth. They know we don't like them. They don't care. They don't need to care. They also control most of our avenues of dissent. It's a very simple, very elegant design. This is how the modern society works, and I see no reason to think that the powerful don't already understand that. After all, they designed it; they maintain it.

Why are so many companies willing to spend bucks on providing workplace yoga?

After all, it takes away working hours and a yoga instructor, along with all the yoga equipment. Why would companies spend valuable resources to encourage employees to exercise? Perhaps because it helps employees de-stress right where they feel the most stressed – the workplace!

You see, sometimes we get angry and some stand up to tell the truth to the powerful. People have been telling them the truth for centuries expressing anger and despair. They shout and sing and cry and whine. They threaten. They plead. Sometimes they're beaten up, or sent to jail. It's a tradition of great courage and personal sacrifice, no doubt.

We all feel without telling them to stop using our money and our time and our energy and intelligence to further rob us. The workplace is what is it, the stress and politics in it's worst.  We're like angry but terrorized children. We tell them to be more respectful and compassionate. And, in the end,, we look to the powerful that they come to our aid.

So they came with fantastic idea. Studies by the American Heart Association have found that those who do yoga regularly are calmer than those who don’t. The powerfull know that in addition to improving flexibility and physical fitness, yoga has been known to be one of the most effective exercises in reducing stress. They are very much interested in improving productivity, efficiency, concentration, and boosts creativity of their slaves. They offer the corporate yoga which in turn, increases job satisfaction, mindfulness, and improves the overall well being of slaves aka employees.

It is clear why corporations are willing to provide workplace yoga - it reduces employee turnover and produces happier, more satisfied slaves with higher productivity and enhanced creativity. Everyone loves a win-win situation, and workplace yoga is just the thing you need to improve both company culture and the overall productivity of the organization.

But, we are not children, and they are not our parents. We're not little people and they are not big people. We're not insignificant and they are not significant. In fact, we do not need them. They are very few. We don't need to rush out to tell the few that they are abusing us - the many. They already know that. We need to stand upright and walk out to tell to the other coworkers that they are being slowly devoured by the few, for incredibly, they do not know. We need to look to each other and tell the truth - for we are the answer.

But the rich and powerful have convinced us that we cannot and we must not communicate with the people we can see and hear and touch, right here, right now. They have convinced us that we need to travel to corporate office to persuade our bosses and directors to change our world for us. The corporations and media talk on, endlessly, hypnotically, and convince us that if we just follow our leaders, they'll improve our quality of life.

The benefit programs, they promise us, will fix that tiredness and unsatisfaction that we have, hundreds of emails a day and endless, slow talking, brainwashing procedures they impose on us. Workplace yoga not going to save us. The elites are too busy dividing us, setting us against each other, using every opportunity, every misgiving, every anxiety, however slight.

We're all looking in the wrong place for reason and compassion, justice and a place to do yoga. It's not anywhere to be found in the corporate world. Want to change the world? Tell the truth to your neighbour. Time to wake up, time to stand up. We're not children. We do not need to ask permission to live like sane, reasonable, thoughtful, compassionate human beings.

But no, the corporate culture isn’t interested in really helping us. It’s interested in keeping us stuck right where we are. Oppressed under a pile of debt and an absence of opportunity. It’s sad to watch people get manipulated so easily, but until people wake up and say enough, it’s only going to get worse. Namaste.

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

What's it really like to be over 50?

- She's watching you and she is early 40s, go over there. 
- Let her be, I'll not approach her. My girlfriend is at home sleeping, it is not nice to her, and I have to get up early. I'm going fishing tomorrow. I'm gonna empty the fucking lake.

The humanity can't stop its struggle against aging. It is never before so obvious like in 50s. You fight against nature without hope to win. You are going to lose and end up muddy, humiliated and without meaning. Your desperate attempts to use creams, go on running, going to gym, buying a new car and finding a new woman will not delay the inevitable. As it should. You had your youth, you had a good days, if you played it bad... so what? Fuck off!

The aging process does not begin at birth, but somewhere in the middle of thirties, depending on whether you're made out of less or more shitty material. The aging is most visible in 50s. People have anguish over their 30th birthday and try to hide their 40th, it is with the 50th that most start to actually see themselves as beginning to be old. Why? I'll tell you...

In 50s you're gaining weight like never before. Except for a handful of people whose metabolism is so fast that it can neutralize the fatty steak eaten in five afternoon with a bottle of wine, all others are sentenced to gain weight - this is the first sign of 50s.

It comes with that age, marriage, divorce, children and work... you're purely destined to became a cynic. You start strongly believing that people are motivated by their self-interest rather than acting for unselfish reasons. But you fail to see that your own future, like for example the retirement, is more important than the moment in which you are... and that is a definite sign of 50s.

You used to wait for the weekend so eagerly; you used to put on the most beautiful shirt heading straight after work to a bar to meet friends and to drink. It takes 50 years and the desire for the Friday night out gradually atrophies, you find yourself at the place when your partner must force you to get out of the couch. Rarely she succeed. You just have no interest to mingle with the crowd, to pay for a beer six times over the price and to wait your turn to pee.

And if eventually you went out to a bar and an opportunity arise, well, in 50s you'll refuse good looking woman because you have a girlfriend, you're married or you are just not into the mood. Besides complaining that the music is a way too loud, the refusal of a the opportunities to engage with women just means your balls are hanging too low. There is nothing wrong there, on the contrary... you are ready for meditation.

I know, in 50s things are changed, in your 20s you jerked off on Monica Bellucci but now when you see her on TV you change the channel, spontaneously you gave up joys of wanking. That is a clinical evidence of aging. That's how it goes.

One of the hilarious experiences for many in their 50's is actual High School reunion, the seeing your own generation. Being with large groups of men and women your own age will give you delusional assurance to justify the feeling that you yourself are aging better than most of them.

In 50s, you'll start thinking how much time is left rather than how much has passed. Sad, but true.

Monday, May 15, 2017

Women gain weight after marriage, not after divorce: study

I read an article at Psychology Today about married and divorce people's health...

Decades of research have confirmed what many of us thought all along: Married people are healthier, happier, and live longer than people who are divorced.

It’s easy to see the health benefits of marriage. Couples provide each other with companionship and social support. They take care of each other when they’re feeling down, and they stand by each other through difficult times. Our partners also encourage us to develop good habits, and give us motivation to improve.

I was laughing when I read it. I am divorced for 4 years now and my experience is quite different. These decades of research produced a simple lie.  I have noticed that married women tend to gain more weight than single one. While the reason for the women's extra weight gain is not entirely clear, one theory on marriage-related weight gain of women at age of 40 and up, is that it may come from sitting down together with the spouse for regular, large meals.

I searched on the net this interesting subject and I found the numerous studies done by University of Arizona for U.S. Women's Health Initiative. It was a prevention study initiated by the U.S. National Institutes of Health in 1991 to address women's health issues.

They compared both groups of women - those who remained single and those who married. Women who stayed married gained about two pounds per year and have an increase in their waistline, while women who divorced lost a modest amount of weight. The married women decline in physical activity, while divorced women's physical activity increased.

The researchers paid special attention to emotional well-being of two groups and found that married people can be just as lonely, if not more lonely, than single people. Married people are more isolated from their friends, neighbors and extended family.

The one area in which divorced women lagged was smoking. Women who went from married to divorced were the most likely group to start smoking. However, it's important to note that those who picked up the habit were typically former smokers, not first-time tobacco users, Dr. Randa Kutob, from University of Arizona, said.

This study's results do challenge existing research on the long-term health benefits of marriage. "With divorce, some women take that moment to focus more on their own health, as it would appear from our results. As a health provider, I should be encouraging them in those efforts so that those efforts aren't short-term but become lifelong," Kutob said. "Even a pretty devastating life event like a divorce can have some positive outcomes, and if we can encourage the positive it will probably help those people cope as well."

In conclusion, the divorce can be plenty stressful for women in 40ties but it doesn't translate into the weight gain that often accompanies married women. Getting divorced or separated after 40 is actually associated with weight loss and an increase in physical activity.

What about men? Married and divorced? Well, studies show that married men get a health benefit from marriage, and they lose that benefit once they get divorced, which may lead to their weight gain. Oooops.

Friday, May 12, 2017

The Psychology of Modern Slavery

The real hopeless victims of mental illness are to be found among those who appear to be most normal. Many of them are normal because they are so well adjusted to our mode of existence, because their human voice has been silenced so early in their lives, that they do not even struggle or suffer or develop symptoms as the neurotic does. They are normal not in what may be called the absolute sense of the word; they are normal only in relation to a profoundly abnormal society.

Their perfect adjustment to that abnormal society is a measure of their mental sickness. These millions of abnormally normal people, living without fuss in a society to which, if they were fully human beings, they ought not to be adjusted. 

 – Aldous Huxley, Brave New World Revisited

This magnificent spectacle called the world is the magic of the eye. It is plain trickery. The world is the product of the combination of the sensations and thoughts. It is not true because it is ever changing. But, it seems to be there in front of us and we say it is real.

In the final analysis, the world is neither true nor untrue. It is only passing appearance. That is the nature of the world. The transient nature of things brings fear. We are overpowered by fear of death and we continually strive to protect that something is not taken away from us. We take every precaution to save our money, try hard to stop aging and struggle to keep our status and authority.

Once upon a time there was a guy who enjoyed his life.

He was in early 30's, he had a nice BMW and he was going out every night. He had his own company for office repairs and he worked 3-4 hours a day, just to cover his expenses. He enjoyed his life immensely.

His mother was worried for him, Whenever she saw him she used to tell him - My son, you have to be married by now. You need to have children. Who will look after you when you are old? My son, Who will bring you a glass of water on your deathbed?

Slowly, bit by bit, mother's words started coming to man's mind especially the sentence about glass of water on his deathbed. So he finally found the right girl and got married. He stopped going out every day. Now he enjoyed the company of his wife.

After one year his wife gave birth to a baby boy. After the second year of marriage he got a baby girl. Now he start working full hours. He needed money to support family. He stopped going out completely. Their house become small for the new family so he bought a bigger house. He got enormous mortgage to pay off so he worked like a donkey. He sold his BMW and bought a minivan And he always remembered that question - Who will bring him a glass of water on his death-bed?

Years were passing, he became older and older. He knew only for work and more work. Vaguely he remembers his old days with nostalgia and sigh. In meantime he got grandchildren... He became an old, tired, sick and disappointed man.

And one day he was laying in the bed for the last few hours before his death. He is surrounded with his family, the son, daughter, grandsons and granddaughters. Everyone was around him. In his last moments he was thinking about his life and he said: Fuck, I am not even thirsty.

First I was dying to finish high school and start college. And then I was dying to finish college and start working. And then I was dying to marry and have children. And then I was dying for my children to grow old enough for school so I could return to work. And then I was dying to retire.

And now I am dying...

And suddenly I realize I forgot to live.

- anonymous

Thursday, May 11, 2017

Seeing life's imperfections perfectly

Whatever my life is, I face challenges over which I have some influence, yet I find myself subject to circumstances that I can’t control. The challenge that I have today is to live simple, stress-free, healthy life. I've decided to continue to write this blog. There will be no more section "relationship" and I will not write about my love-life.

I will not strive to impress anyone here on this blog. No more wasting time to prove something. Nothing needs to be proven. Sometimes I have to walk away from opinions of others, not because I don’t care, but because they don’t. I accept the fact that noone really cares about me. It’s a tough pill to swallow, but it’s necessary.

I have no desire to make a difference in the world, I am only concerned how to live my life truthfully when everything around myself are lies and hypocrisy. Making a big difference in my life all at once is impossible, and the process of trying is useless and extremely stressful. However, small changes are entirely possible and usually fairly easy.

There are two different things in a good life – fleeting and enduring happiness. The fleeting happiness is derived from sensations, feeling good about food you have just eat, a glass of wine, material comfort or intellectual understanding, while the enduring happiness is attained through discrimination. At a first sight it might be difficult to make a difference one from the other, but as I am getting older it becomes vividly obvious what is superior. The discrimination, seeing false as false, keeps me through life’s ups and downs, a step away from my ever changing mind and delusions because through seeing falseness of everything I remain confident and at peace.

The ultimate point of view is that there is nothing to understand, so when we try to understand, we are only indulging in acrobatics of the mind. - Nisargadatta Maharaj

A bad day is just a bad day. It should be nothing more. Every day brings a new lesson and new possibilities. There is always a way to feel at peace, life and events may be terrible and inescapable at times.

When I read the old posts I realize that nearly all of my worries and anxious fears never came to existence – they were completely unfounded. So why not wake up and realize this right now? When I look back over the last few months, how many opportunities for joy did I destroy with needless worry and negativity? Although there’s nothing I can do about these lost joys, there’s plenty I can do about the ones that are still to come.

I find that it’s necessary to be consistent, to have visions, goals, daily, monthly, yearly, and some abstract goal, the one that is impossible to accomplish.  It’s just a matter of having it and let go of my worries and fears, of my rage and of my need to always be right and control others. Let go of my pretentiousness and my need to have everything my way. Underneath all these layers of nonsense I am a happy, productive person. When I start peeling this garbage and simply appreciate what I have, my life can be wonderful.

I have decided to continue to write this blog, to write about my willingness to change, seeing the life’s imperfections perfectly.

Monday, May 8, 2017

Perfect Strangers

You were looking at me like you wanted to stay
When I saw you yesterday
I'm not wasting your time, I'm not playing no games
I see you
Who knows the secret tomorrow will hold?
We don't really need to know
Cause you're here with me now, I don't want you to go
You're here with me now, I don't want you to go
Maybe we're perfect strangers
Maybe it's not forever
Maybe the night will change us
Maybe we'll stay together
Maybe we'll walk away
Maybe we'll realize
We're only human
Maybe we don't need no reason
Maybe we're perfect strangers
Maybe it's not forever
Maybe the night will change us
Maybe we'll stay together
Maybe we'll walk away
Maybe we'll realize
We're only human
Maybe we don't need no reason
Come on, come on, come over
Maybe we don't need no reason

Sunday, May 7, 2017

Great party and decision to be alone

Such a party!!! Yesterday night I hosted the Saint George's Day party at my condo's party room. Around 40 people came and we had a blast. We danced all night, made jokes and laughed. We started around 7 p.m. and end up at my apartment until 3 a.m. Actually I don't know how long they stay I went to bed around 3. My friends were sleeping over at my place, on couch, chair or on floor, I am not quite sure.

We woke up at 8, had a coffee and then we cleaned up the party room, I packed them some meat that is left over last night and they left. Now, I am alone with the mess in my apartment. I have counted I got 30 bottles of various alcohol as a gift. I should be careful, a man with this much booze can became alcoholic very easily.

Life goes on. It was a very dramatic weekend. I don't need so much drama in my life. I have decided to be alone for next six months. I am disappointed in my relationships and I was hit hard again with the very recent breakup. I loved her and I am not sure that I will ever be in love again. Simply feeling of love has died inside me.

I will be a single by choice. I am focusing on other things besides dating — my yoga practice, my health, learning how to get through life with ease. I live in a time where great anxiety builds up over everything. Right now, being alone feels like the simplest choice I can make.

Party was great and it has gone. I am sober again and I am hurt, disappointed and empty, alone again. I have different definitions of what happiness is and what it means to me. No matter what challenges, crossroads, and life events I come across in my journey, at the end of the day, my happiness is what truly matters most.

Being not currently interested in anyone, am I on the verge of wisdom?

Not being in a relationship helps me realize and understand that my feelings do not have to depend on someone else’s presence. I need to be able to be happy alone first, and love myself. Being single grants me the time and freedom to discover whatever I want on my own schedule and allows me to put my needs, desires, and ambitions above all others.

If you're reading this so far, you're probably really bored and, at the moment, have no one to be with. Whether you long for a partner, or miss your family and friends, this post cannot help you to cope with living alone. They say there is difference between being alone and feeling lonely. Please don't even try to figure out such phrases. You can be alone and happy, you can be alone and lonely, you can be with someone and be alone.. whatever... being alone is whatever you make of it.

Thursday, May 4, 2017

Enlightenment - The Ultimate Disappointment

Belief is the conviction of the mind, when you think something to be the case without actual evidence to prove it with certainty. You never believe that you are hungry or cold, you know it. As the saying goes... your events, your experiences are caused by your present beliefs. If you want to change your present condition start changing your beliefs.

New Age spirituality teaching you that you create your own reality and that you are what are you believing. However, the saying that you create your own reality has been part of our culture for thousand of years now, from The Buddha to Oprah Winfrey...

What you dwell upon you become. - The Buddha
It is done unto you as you believe. - Jesus Christ
Whatever a person’s mind dwells on intensely and with firm resolve, that is exactly what he becomes. - Shankaracharya
We do not see things as they are, we see them as we are. - Talmud
We become what we think about all day long. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
If you can dream it you can do it. - Walt Disney
Whatever the mind can conceive and believe it can achieve. - Napoleon Hill
Change your thoughts and you change your world. - Norman Vincent Peale
You see it when you believe it. - Wayne Dyer
Remember, you are co-creating your life with the energy of your own intentions. - Oprah Winfrey

If your relationships aren’t fulfilling, or if you’re struggling financially, or if caregiving for an elderly parent makes you depressed, you need only make an attitude adjustment to deliver you from suffering to joy. If you simply practice positive thinking you’ll be rewarded with peace of mind.

The main reason for your slavery is your belief that inner (thoughts) and outside (world) events are true!

These are the first words of truth - not truth in quotation marks but truth in the real meaning of the word; truth which is not merely theoretical, not simply a word, but truth that can be realized. The meaning behind these words must be understood.

Recognize that everything, including the sense of “I” is false. See that the world is but a show, glittering and empty. Realize that all is nothing. Check every desire and see where they're leading you. See that all objects including your relation to mother, father, children, friends etc. are untrue. Understand that all your relationships are ready to fool you. See your own meaninglessness.

When you see for yourself THAT,  you will collapse in fear and confusion and you will acquire the greatest virtue of this world... humility. Until that happens to you, changing your beliefs is all theoretical, irrelevant.

Everyone wants to be somebody, and no one wants to be a nobody. You are frustrated in your quest for significance. Our present social system of elitism allows a select few to "succeed". For the majority, the life is just wanting. You remain driven by the desire to be somebody. Is humility practical? You can agree that humility is a nice quality in others, because you feel safe and comfortable around people who are humble. But when it comes to yourself, you may consider humility a hindrance to success and a recipe of failure.

Changing your beliefs has nothing to do with personal ambitions for worldly success. Real fulfillment can be achieved only through knowing who you are and being what you are meant to be. A clear sense of false identity cannot be seen from external circumstances; it can only be seen on the foundation of humility. Clear sense of purpose cannot be found in search of success; it can only be based on a deep conviction of your own nothingness.

There are different ways you may come to experience nothingness in your life, usually by contemplating your own human condition. 

First, deeply think about the cosmos. Consider the vastness of the universe, that there are billions upon billions of galaxies with trillions upon trillions of stars and our sun is just one such star and our planet just a single small planet among trillions planets in our galaxy. You may become aware of how insignificant you are and may experience a sense of nothingness in relation to your own existence.

Second, think about the amazing numbers of people that have come before you and the number of people that will come into this world after you are gone, and when you see yourself for what you are, you may also experience your utter insignificance and nothingness.

Third way you may experience nothingness is when you are confronted with death and become aware of your own mortality. This happens when somebody who is close to you dies. The death of a loved one confronts you with the reality of your situation -  that you too are on the path of annihilation, and this realization, together with your lack of understanding of any purpose in your existence, may lead you to the experience of nothingness.

Shakespeare has said this very beautifully in his play Macbeth:

Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more. It is a tale,
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury
Signifying nothing.

When you're zero you experiences the infinite.

The experience of nothingness, you should be after, however, is fundamentally different from the above three examples. It is through turning inward and focusing on your own individuality and experiencing its disappearance that you come to experience nothingness.

The experience of nothingness is the experience of the death of your ego and the encounter with what-you-really-are. Such an experience is expressed as the highest form of humility.

Wednesday, May 3, 2017

Repeat after me... I am free, I am free

We’re all fools, all the time. It’s just we’re a different kind each day. We think, I’m not a fool today. I’ve learned my lesson. I was a fool yesterday but not this morning. Then tomorrow we find out that, yes, we were a fool then too. I think the only way we can grow and get on in this world is to accept the fact we’re not perfect and live accordingly.

– Ray Bradbury, The Illustrated Man

Recently, I've been leading life very consciously, practicing detachment and having in mind the impermanence of everything. It is a big shit, I mean, detachment and impermanence. Doesn't that mean that I am not being a loving or caring person? I mean really, no attachment — it just seems plain cold. So with honest and straightforward simplicity, I am here to disappoint you, you can never be free of your personal and stupid self.

Happy Wednesday! Sunny day, here in Toronto. I just woke up after 10 hours of sleep. Monday night I went to MK, met my friends, drank four beers and laughed. We stayed a bit longer than usual and after couple of my friends came for a coffee at my place. I went to bed at 1:30 a.m. woke up at 6 with intention to do yoga but I was sleepy and tired.... Yesterday I went to sleep at 8 p.m.
This post isn't going to give you the big secret to life. Do you remember, you've been told since childhood that being a grown-up is awesome. And maybe now that you're an adult, you're still waiting for the awesome part. At least I do.

I'm 52 and I'm not so comfortable about it. I still feel on the inside very much like a teenage boy. The fact of the matter is I don't know how to grow up, and it seems like everyone around me already has. Take, for example, the whole thing about career. People in my age seem to be running around a more or less successful career, they think they caught God's dick, took the the opportunity, become bosses, managers, senior analysts etc. ...

The part of success is spending on average one to two hours a day commuting: car, train, bus... work in the office from eight until six: watching the clock, wishing the morning away so you could go to lunch, wishing the afternoon away so you could go home. And at home, you collapse on a couch watching shitty CNN until you start snoring. Ha, the weekends are actually worse because that's when everything that didn't get done during the week had to be done. You know, the kid's stuff.

The success is related to happiness, however, are you satisfied? You are never happy, always busy, looking, preparing for the next big thing. I'm feeling your pain, because just like you, once I was going after so many things: my career and education, creative, personal and spiritual development, my relationships, health and wellness. Just like you I had some fun once in awhile!

What is this for? Stopped running. I don't give a shit for your superficial goals. You don't get it? Okay, you see, you have a lot to do, it is often hard for you to know what to do first. Moreover, if you spend most of your time in one area like your career, you may be feeling out of balance that you do not have time for anything else.

You are your own greatest enemy. You doubt, complicate life, cloud your mind with unimportant thoughts and negativity, you punish yourself, hate yourself and then feel sorry for yourself because the world is making your life a living hell. Fuck it, life is tough for everyone. The richest of the rich have problems. The poorest of the poor have problems. Happy Wednesday!