Sunday, May 7, 2017

Great party and decision to be alone


Such a party!!! Yesterday night I hosted the Saint George's Day party at my condo's party room. Around 40 people came and we had a blast. We danced all night, made jokes and laughed. We started around 7 p.m. and end up at my apartment until 3 a.m. Actually I don't know how long they stay I went to bed around 3. My friends were sleeping over at my place, on couch, chair or on floor, I am not quite sure.


We woke up at 8, had a coffee and then we cleaned up the party room, I packed them some meat that is left over last night and they left. Now, I am alone with the mess in my apartment. I have counted I got 30 bottles of various alcohol as a gift. I should be careful, a man with this much booze can became alcoholic very easily.

Life goes on. It was a very dramatic weekend. I don't need so much drama in my life. I have decided to be alone for next six months. I am disappointed in my relationships and I was hit hard again with the very recent breakup. I loved her and I am not sure that I will ever be in love again. Simply feeling of love has died inside me.

I will be a single by choice. I am focusing on other things besides dating — my yoga practice, my health, learning how to get through life with ease. I live in a time where great anxiety builds up over everything. Right now, being alone feels like the simplest choice I can make.


Party was great and it has gone. I am sober again and I am hurt, disappointed and empty, alone again. I have different definitions of what happiness is and what it means to me. No matter what challenges, crossroads, and life events I come across in my journey, at the end of the day, my happiness is what truly matters most.

Being not currently interested in anyone, am I on the verge of wisdom?

Not being in a relationship helps me realize and understand that my feelings do not have to depend on someone else’s presence. I need to be able to be happy alone first, and love myself. Being single grants me the time and freedom to discover whatever I want on my own schedule and allows me to put my needs, desires, and ambitions above all others.

If you're reading this so far, you're probably really bored and, at the moment, have no one to be with. Whether you long for a partner, or miss your family and friends, this post cannot help you to cope with living alone. They say there is difference between being alone and feeling lonely. Please don't even try to figure out such phrases. You can be alone and happy, you can be alone and lonely, you can be with someone and be alone.. whatever... being alone is whatever you make of it.


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About Zee Mark

I am an Ashtanga yoga practitioner from Toronto, Canada. I am writing a blog about awakening, yoga and everyday life. My entire life journey has led me to this very moment in time. I finally arrived to a place where I am okay with the truth that there is no truth.