Wednesday, May 3, 2017

Repeat after me... I am free, I am free

We’re all fools, all the time. It’s just we’re a different kind each day. We think, I’m not a fool today. I’ve learned my lesson. I was a fool yesterday but not this morning. Then tomorrow we find out that, yes, we were a fool then too. I think the only way we can grow and get on in this world is to accept the fact we’re not perfect and live accordingly.

– Ray Bradbury, The Illustrated Man

Recently, I've been leading life very consciously, practicing detachment and having in mind the impermanence of everything. It is a big shit, I mean, detachment and impermanence. Doesn't that mean that I am not being a loving or caring person? I mean really, no attachment — it just seems plain cold. So with honest and straightforward simplicity, I am here to disappoint you, you can never be free of your personal and stupid self.

Happy Wednesday! Sunny day, here in Toronto. I just woke up after 10 hours of sleep. Monday night I went to MK, met my friends, drank four beers and laughed. We stayed a bit longer than usual and after couple of my friends came for a coffee at my place. I went to bed at 1:30 a.m. woke up at 6 with intention to do yoga but I was sleepy and tired.... Yesterday I went to sleep at 8 p.m.
This post isn't going to give you the big secret to life. Do you remember, you've been told since childhood that being a grown-up is awesome. And maybe now that you're an adult, you're still waiting for the awesome part. At least I do.

I'm 52 and I'm not so comfortable about it. I still feel on the inside very much like a teenage boy. The fact of the matter is I don't know how to grow up, and it seems like everyone around me already has. Take, for example, the whole thing about career. People in my age seem to be running around a more or less successful career, they think they caught God's dick, took the the opportunity, become bosses, managers, senior analysts etc. ...

The part of success is spending on average one to two hours a day commuting: car, train, bus... work in the office from eight until six: watching the clock, wishing the morning away so you could go to lunch, wishing the afternoon away so you could go home. And at home, you collapse on a couch watching shitty CNN until you start snoring. Ha, the weekends are actually worse because that's when everything that didn't get done during the week had to be done. You know, the kid's stuff.

The success is related to happiness, however, are you satisfied? You are never happy, always busy, looking, preparing for the next big thing. I'm feeling your pain, because just like you, once I was going after so many things: my career and education, creative, personal and spiritual development, my relationships, health and wellness. Just like you I had some fun once in awhile!

What is this for? Stopped running. I don't give a shit for your superficial goals. You don't get it? Okay, you see, you have a lot to do, it is often hard for you to know what to do first. Moreover, if you spend most of your time in one area like your career, you may be feeling out of balance that you do not have time for anything else.

You are your own greatest enemy. You doubt, complicate life, cloud your mind with unimportant thoughts and negativity, you punish yourself, hate yourself and then feel sorry for yourself because the world is making your life a living hell. Fuck it, life is tough for everyone. The richest of the rich have problems. The poorest of the poor have problems. Happy Wednesday!

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