Sunday, June 25, 2017

Does anybody know what are we living for?


The unexamined life, said Socrates, is not worth living. That is some serious shit. It almost offends. Who lives a conscious, examined life? Where are the people living examined lives? Lives worth living? I do examination of my life and I see it for what it is - a mere pre-programmed life of ups and downs, chronic unhappiness, always dissatisfied, always pretending I am happy and successful, and all because I am so eager to please everyone around myself.

If I take Socrates to mean the stagnated, work-home, repetitive life is not worth living, then he is saying that most  people's lives are not worth the bother. And that should be a bit of encouragement  a good news. If others are the same as me then it not so bad.

I slip into this life that is laid out for me the way a foot slip in the shoe. I decide nothing, I don't live my life by choice, but by default. I play the roles I am born to. I don't know any better, and I don't know the reason why I don't know any better.

Due to circumstances beyond my control, last night I left to sleep at 2:00 AM. I could not get up until 8:20 AM... Tomorrow, I will be back to my daily routine. To my happy and predictable life. The show must go on.

Empty spaces - what are we living for?
Abandoned places - I guess we know the score.
On and on!
Does anybody know what we are looking for?

Somewhere on internet I saw the picture of kamikazes in the second world war. They all had helmets. Why would kamikaze wear helmet? God damn that is a good question. With every passing day I am getting older. With every passing day I am closer and closer to death. Funny thing is that I also wear a heavy helmet. My helmet consists of my fears. I put my fears on, or into my head, I sit in the airplane, which is my life, and I am flying in the direction of death.

Another hero - another mindless crime.
Behind the curtain, in the pantomime.
Hold the line!
Does anybody want to take it anymore?

Dictionary is a great tool. It says, fear is a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined. This is so important, whether the threat is real or imagined, the mind does not make any difference.

This is a strange situation. All my ideas, that I am born at a given place, at a given time, from my parents and now I am a yogi, living at, divorced from, father of, employed by, and so on, are just ideas not my sense of self, not what I am. Those ideas are source of my fears. Stronger I believe in those ideas, heavier the helmet on my head. Dictionary says idea is any conception existing in the mind as a result of mental understanding. So understanding is the key.

Does anybody know what we are living for?
I guess i'm learning,
I must be warmer now.
I'll soon be turning, round the corner now.
Outside the dawn is breaking,
But inside in the dark I'm aching to be free!

These days in Toronto subway there are posters "What does your freedom look like?". I have seen several posters: a girl on the horse on the beach, a mother with child running through green grass, a guy sitting in cross legged position on the top of a mountain. Is this how freedom looks like? I don't think so. Nice attempt of showing what is freedom but the pop culture is so superficial. The freedom is when I throw away this heavy helmet from my head. That's the freedom. Until then...

The Show must go on! Yeah,yeah!
Ooh! Inside my heart is breaking!
My make-up may be flaking...
But my smile, still, stays on!

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About Zee Mark

I am an Ashtanga yoga practitioner from Toronto, Canada. I am writing a blog about awakening, yoga and everyday life. My entire life journey has led me to this very moment in time. I finally arrived to a place where I am okay with the truth that there is no truth.