Friday, June 30, 2017

I don't expect anything from anyone


Life did not intend to make us perfect. Whoever is perfect belongs in a museum. 
- Erich Maria Remarque


The 1st of July, 2017. I am on mini-vacation. Tomorrow I am off the work, then comes weekend, and then Monday is holiday in Canada. Happy Canada Day! Canada celebrates 150 years of existence. Good for you Canada. As far I am concerned I am celebrating 4 years of my divorce. It is a quite anniversary for me.

Writing a blog is amazing, and I’m as addicted to it as you are reading it. Putting my personal views and life on the display (privacy, what privacy?) creates the illusion of connection with you. So if you feel you want to say something to me, although my blog does not have comments, my email is on the end of this page. Be free to contact me.

Yes, on this way via blog, I am able to communicate with hundreds of people with ease. Nevertheless, I am not writing here all things that I want to for the simple reason I am not allowed to. I especially think about my girlfriend. She told me not to mention her in my posts ever. I don't like it, it's not quite fair because I'm omitting writing about a great deal of my daily life.

For the record, this post isn’t meant to be a pessimistic rant about how tough life is. I'm writing a reminder of what I need to change, no matter how much I believe I have my shit together. I’m willing to be a blunt bastard that tells everything like it is and tries to act accordingly.

I don't have comments on my blog due to simple reason I don't really give a shit of what your opinion is. Don't be offended, it is nothing personal. I don't care anymore if you agree with me and much less if you don't. From my perspective, the whole world revolves around me, but there are billions of you who see it the same way.

I am not selfish, I used to be far more concerned with how I'm perceived by you than how I perceive you. The truth is that you don't think about me at all, so I'm going to change my thirst for your approval. The ugliest truth is that I valued your opinion of me more than my own. I've spent a large part of my life doing things in the hope of getting you to like me. In chasing your approval, I did things I didn’t want to, I become something what I am not.

Shit happens. And it really sucks to have to go through and deal with whatever it's pissing me off. I used to wait and hope that somehow a shitty situation would magically resolve itself. I thought that if I waited long enough, I would suddenly understand it's meaning, things will become better and I'll write a post about it.

I finally understood that waiting and hoping for something good to happen would never bring me any satisfaction. Notice that the word satisfaction ends with action. Action is the formula that changes things. This week I have done 5 yoga practices and I have gone to gym 3 times. The result of my increased physical practice is obvious. I have lost 3 kg (7 pounds) in the last month. Not that it matters at all, but I just mention it.

On the bottom of this page also I have the StatCounter, an invisible javascript gadget, which records your visits to my blog. It generates statistics. The largest number of clicks have the posts about my daily life, ashtanga yoga posts have received reasonably good attention while posts about awakening are the least visited. It should be the other way around.

So many of you come to this blog, mostly you read only one article. Well, I don't write according to your expectations. English is not my mother's language but I try to write in a direct way. My ideas are based on simple truth - everything is FAKE. In the beginning people like what they read but couple posts later they change their mind. Whatever.

You live like this, sheltered, in a delicate world, and you believe you are living. Then you read a book... or you take a trip... and you discover that you are not living, that you are hibernating. The symptoms of hibernating are easily detectable: first, restlessness. The second symptom (when hibernating becomes dangerous and might degenerate into death): absence of pleasure. That is all.

It appears like an innocuous illness. Monotony, boredom, death. Millions live like this (or die like this) without knowing it. They work in offices. They drive a car. They picnic with their families. They raise children. And then some shock treatment takes place, a person, a book, a song, and it awakens them and saves them from death. Some never awaken.

- The Diary of Anaïs Nin

I'm 52. I have no time to be afraid anymore. I don't want anything from you. Writing about awakening I'm fulfilling my part on this planet. In nutshell, the Earth is a gigantic chicken coop, run by few families greedy for power and prestige. I am just a slave living my pity life.

My slavery is forced taxation, where my work income is automatically taken out before I ever see it, regardless of whether or not I approve of how the money is spent. I lend money to corrupt politicians influenced by corrupt ideologies. I work hard just to pay bills; doing so, I have lost the best years of my life.

Things are bad enough. The meditative state is the worse. There are numerous self-proclaimed lunatics, so called saints, prophets and saviors who wish to serve this world. Spirituality is a romantic stuff. The Path!!! Search for truth. The Way... all is romantic bullshit.

I deny the validity of the spiritual search entirely. I don't believe in spirituality, Mickey Mouse, Disneyland, Kim Kardashian and Celine Dion. (Btw. who listen Celine Dion anyway?). You imagine you are following the Path, growing, improving, and just like a businessman, you want result... the return on investment.

I don't follow any path and I don't expect anything from anyone.


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About Zee Mark

I am an Ashtanga yoga practitioner from Toronto, Canada. I am writing a blog about awakening, yoga and everyday life. My entire life journey has led me to this very moment in time. I finally arrived to a place where I am okay with the truth that there is no truth.