Sunday, June 11, 2017

The Quiet Weekend and Some Important Decisions


I try writing posts without telling you much about my personal life although I say a lot. I am not an expert in anything so I have no advice for you, nothing to suggest you or recommend you. I am an observer in this dream we call life. You may read this or not it does not matter.

My ex called me couple days ago and she told me that our mutual friend have discovered that she has the late stage breast cancer. Doctors told her if kino therapy succeeds, she can expect to have five years to live. I cried when I heard the news.

What now? How do you live with such knowledge? Obviously, all trivialities are gone when the death is approaching fast. Life suddenly becomes clear, really clear. She must immediately leap into action to remove all stress factors in her life, avoiding anything that would stimulate stress release of free radicals.

She needs the services of a good therapist. Depression and/or anxiety and panic might strike very easily and she needs to have someone's help in dealing with whatever feelings she's likely to experience.

I had a quiet weekend. Yesterday afternoon I went for a walk in High Park. I had a lot of things to think about. I wanted to clear certain things from my mind and to make some important decisions. So I did it. Then I went for BBQ at my friends place.

Life goes on. I don't want much drama in my life. I have decided to be alone for next six months. I am focusing on other things besides relationships - my yoga practice, my health, learning how to get through life with ease. I live in a time where great anxiety builds up over everything. Right now, being alone feels like the simplest choice I can make.

I have to realize and understand that my feelings do not have to depend on someone else’s presence. I was called "a needy" person and I want to change that. I want to be happy alone first, and love myself. Being single grants me the time and freedom to discover whatever I want on my own schedule and allows me to put my desires, and ambitions above all others.

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About Zee Mark

I am an Ashtanga yoga practitioner from Toronto, Canada. I am writing a blog about awakening, yoga and everyday life. My entire life journey has led me to this very moment in time. I finally arrived to a place where I am okay with the truth that there is no truth.