Wednesday, July 12, 2017

100th yoga practice in this year

Today is Wednesday July 12, 2017... it is Day 193 in the year. I woke up at 5:30 a.m. I am about to do my 100th practice in 2017. I'm strong and ready for 45 minutes long, half primary ashtanga yoga practice. I am proud of my accomplishment, well the statistic shows that I do yoga every second day, which is very good.

I can do better, but I am a lazy and sometimes I just start practice and then give it up. If I take in consideration the rest and moon days, I am satisfied with this score. I must continue like this or even do more yoga.

At present, not much is happening in my life. I practice, visit the gym, go to work, walk in High Park, meet my friends, watch movies, clean apartment, wash clothes, buy groceries, eat and sleep. I am missing my girlfriend.

Anyway... I've stopped comparing myself to others. I've stopped competition with others. I am not interested of what people do but I do swear a lot, it helps me letting go of anger.

I have done many things in my life, like my marriage, for example, I don't regret any of it. So what?... if I did a fatal mistake marrying my ex and being in a marriage for 22 years. They say, there are things to be learned from every mistake, mistakes are lessons. The lessons for what? Smart guys divorce in late 30ties, not like me, I divorced in 48. What is left for me to learn?

So at the end of the day, I don't worry for anything. I don't blame myself . An unrealistic perception of life is the base of all problems. I try to laugh at my life as many times as I can. I know, the laugh does not solve anything and yet...

It’s wonderful when people find meaning and purpose in life. I am not there yet. I have no idea what my purpose is. How do I discover it? I’m not talking about my job, my daily responsibilities, or even my long-term goals, which I don't really have.

Oh yes, growing older is a shitty business. There is nothing good in that. I'm made more aware each day of my own mortality, and how few decades I possibly still have left on this earth. Yet, when I am still healthy other things became possible.

Change! If you do not respond to that challenge you are as good as dead. You have never taken the responsibility for being in this unfathomable world. Therefore, you were never an artist, and perhaps you'll never be a hunter. There is one simple thing wrong with you--you think you have plenty of time. You think your life is going to last forever. 

You have no time, my friend, no time. None of us have time. Don't just agree with me. Act upon it. What I recommend you to do is to notice that we do not have any assurance that our lives will go on indefinitely. Change comes suddenly and unexpectedly, and so does death. There are some people who are very careful about the nature of their acts. Their happiness is to act with the full knowledge that they don't have time; therefore, their acts have a peculiar power.

You don't have time, my friend. That is the misfortune of human beings. None of us have sufficient time. Your acts cannot possibly have the flair, the power, the compelling force of the acts performed by a man who knows that he is fighting his last battle on earth.

We are all going to die. There is something out there waiting for me, for sure; and I will join it, also for sure. Use it. Focus your attention on the link between you and your death, without remorse or sadness or worrying. Focus your attention on the fact you don't have time and let your acts flow accordingly. Let each of your acts be your last battle on earth. Only under those conditions will your acts have their rightful power. Otherwise they will be, for as long as you live, the acts of a timid man. There is no time for timidity, simply because timidity makes you cling to something that exists only in your thoughts. It soothes you while everything is at a lull, but then the awesome, mysterious world will open its mouth for you, as it will open for every one of us, and then you will realize that your sure ways were not sure at all. Being timid prevents us from examining and exploiting our lot as men. 

- Journey to Ixtlan, Carlos Castaneda

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