Sunday, July 16, 2017

Living alone for the rest of my life

Yesterday, I went to bed at 9 p.m. It was Saturday but I was tired and I did not have a wish to go out. In the afternoon, I met my daughter and we went to Ka Chi for a lunch. Her  best friend came and I drove them to downtown. It took me almost 2 hours to go there and back, it is only 16 km but Gardiner was closed. Crazy.

This morning woke up at 6 a.m. had two coffees, was on the phone with my girlfriend and then cleaned apartment. I did not know that my bathtub is actually white. I used vinegar and scrub the bathtub so fiercely. It looks so nice now. Then I vacuumed the whole apartment and washed blanket.

I will now start yoga practice and go out to shopping after. I am preparing myself for the trip back home. I am buying presents. I will go to gym around 6pm. and then head for a walk in High Park. From tomorrow I will start taking Whey Protein, 100g, immediately after waking up.

My daughter surprised me yesterday with a question am I going to live with someone or would I prefer to stay alone. I did not know what to answer. I got his same question from my friend the other day. It is a very good question and belongs to long-term goal, which I, unfortunately, do not have.

I told her that I am now in a situation and all probability is that I will stay alone for the rest of my life. I told her that I have nothing against being with another person, waking up together, loving each other, enjoying long conversations, cuddling and watching movies, going to work and sharing everything, well living together.

But I have no such person in my life. Since my divorce I was dating a lot of women and I did not have a slightest wish to share my life with them. I was emotionally unavailable. The scars from my marriage were still raw and painful. I did not believe in love and I was wondering what is love all about.

I met my current girlfriend on July 29, 2016 a day before I left for my vacation. I did not  have a clue that I will stay with her all this time. But somehow we got close, slowly, with her patience and cute smile she turned me around. Now I am thinking I could live with her but she is in a different stage of life than me.

I told all this to my daughter as I felt a bit sad. I realized that I will stay alone for the rest of my life. Well not alone but living alone. And that is okay. I have no clue why I am saying this to you.

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