Thursday, July 27, 2017

I couldn't stop laughing for quite some time

I did not do yoga practice yesterday. It's easy to practice yoga when I'm happy, when everything around feels right, when I feel love, support, appreciation. I jump out of bed and run to the mat, simply move through Sun Salutations with excitement and a feeling of happiness. It's easy.

And then yesterday world crumbled. This life that felt real and joyful is suddenly no longer there. I wake up feeling lost, empty and purposeless, it’s a part of life I am told. I need to feel sad to appreciate the happiness. I need to lose and to see what I have. This is what ultimately life is about. I read this somewhere, many times.

Happiness!!! The experience of wonderful emotions like joy or delight. A relief from problems might be happiness too. Or well-being, or the experience of contentment combined with a sense that life is good, meaningful, and worthwhile...

Happiness is a temporary state of mind between two sorrows. 

My primary goal in blogging is to help myself cultivate happiness in my life!  If I just for a second forget my problems and pay attention to writing these words I am, just for a moment, a little bit happier than before. And if I laugh while I'm writing my posts, that is even better.

I feel good when I create a post, the blogging is a source of my daily inspiration. Sometimes I write a new post with great expectation that my readers, my colleagues, family, and friends will like it. And then I get disappointed because my post hit hard bottom in click-number.

I became aware that my writing and thinking skills, and my creativity, sarcasm, and humor are not what I think to be.

Nothing really matters.

It's extremely melancholy to realize that nothing has any meaning, that whatever I do in life is essentially meaningless. It's very disillusioning to get that no matter what I might accomplish, it disappears like smoke in the air; that no matter what I might attempt to do, it's so insignificant.

Nothing matters at all. It's all insignificant in the end. If not today, then tomorrow. If not in a thousand years, then in a million, billion. Not only that, but the fact that everything is insignificant and nothing has any intrinsic meaning doesn't mean anything either. All the meaning is supplied by me. All the "good," "bad," "right," "wrong," etc. is product of my thoughts.

Existence not only doesn't care about me, it's not even aware of me. In fact, I'm like an empty characters in a video game, or like a robot in a machine factory pondering what this is all about.

I burst out laughing. It was a powerful realization of my own insignificance that it became a source of a joy. So much so that I couldn't stop laughing for quite some time.

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