I want to stop giving unsolicited advices


I'm going to change my bad habit of giving unsolicited advice to people around me. The habit belongs to my personality and for that I must change it! 

Can personality be changed?

Personality defines me and how I interact with the world. There are different theories about what personality really is and how personality traits are formed, the general consensus is that personality is shaped by early life experiences and tend to stay stable over the curse of the life.

According to scientists, there are five basic personality dimensions that define you and me as individuals. Each dimension defines the traits of how you behave and relate to people and situations and the traits are mostly shaped by your emotions. Scientists call that a person's temperament.

This said, personality can change depending and accepting new life experiences - getting older for example, experiencing divorce or death of a parent, other severe emotional trauma or some other life-changing events, a new romantic relationships etc... As life change, so do personality change.

Having established a fact that personality can change I see that my life has changed in many way in the last five years and I really can proceed and get rid off some undesirable traits of my personality.

I have noticed that I give advices and offer my opinions to anyone I know. 

It is painful for me to watch my own behaviour. It is usually that someone I care about is having hard time and I really want to help. So, I offer what I think is useful advice that will assist the person in getting through it.

I think by doing so that I am a good and caring friend and eventually I get annoyed or frustrated when I see the person hasn’t taken my advice. I use to say "I told you so" in many situations.

The unsolicited advice as I feel may be helpful, it’s rarely what the person needs. Advice giving usually doesn't work, and often completely backfires. I came to realize that advice is the last thing I should offer. People want simple acceptance and acknowledge that I they are stuck in the moment. All I really need is to offer empathy and company until the bad time passes out.

Advice that is specifically requested is a different thing. It is much more appreciated than unsolicited advice. If I am called upon to give advice, I will go ahead and offer my two cents on how to resolve the situation.


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