The differences in why women and men do yoga are unpleasantly and sharply clear. I have observed hundreds of men and women and it seems the men tend to do yoga for physical reasons and women tend to do yoga for... I don't know. I'm not quite sure why women practice yoga, except maybe to prepare them and to get through the divorce. On other hand, I have done intensive research in order to find out the main reason why men do yoga.

In a nutshell, I naively thought that every man has different reasons to do yoga - maybe they want strength, nice shaped body, which yoga offers, maybe they were drunk last night and yoga makes them sober the next day or maybe they just couldn't help stretching up besides that hot blonde. I had no clue that main reason why men do yoga is because they have been feeling unfulfilled in their relationship.

The survey, conducted by Yoga Journal's Online Doctor, polled over 2,000 American and European men and found that the reasons why men do yoga are actually really shocking...

When asked the reasons why they go to the studio and sweat profusely, people who identified as men  had the same #1 answer: They felt that their partner had stopped giving them the attention they needed.

Some of the other top reasons why they do yoga were that they weren't having enough sex, In rare situations some men has answered that nice looking yoga teacher were hitting on them and the yoga studio was a blessing.

So while this isn't a perfect methodology, it does help us confront some tough things about yoga, relationships and expectations of men.

The Psychology Today has confirmed this undeniable truth that relationship dynamics plays main reason for a man’s decision to engage in yoga practice. Generally, though, man's choice to practice yoga is driven by one or more of the following factors:

1. Immaturity: If he does not have a lot of experience in yoga, or if he doesn’t fully understand that his actions will inevitably have consequences like hurting his knees, he may think it is fine to have yoga adventure. He might think of his commitment to yoga as a jacket that he can put on or take off as he pleases, depending on the circumstances.

2. Co-occurring Relationship Issues: He may have an ongoing problem with lack of sex, alcohol and/or drugs that affects his decision-making, resulting in regrettable trips to yoga studio. Or maybe he has a problem like sexual addiction, meaning he compulsively engages in sexual fantasies with female yoga students.

3. Insecurity: He may feel as if he is too old or too young, not handsome enough, not rich enough, not smart enough, etc. An astonishing amount of male doing yoga is linked, at least in part, to a mid-life crisis. To bolster his flagging ego, he seeks validation from women other than his partner, using yoga practice to feel wanted, desired, and worthy.

4. Cowardice: He may want to end his current relationship but he is coward to do so. However, instead of just telling his partner that he’s unhappy and wants to break things off, he embarks on perilous path of yoga — and then forces her to do the dirty work.

6. Lack of Male Support: He may have undervalued his need for watching and playing sports and going to strip-bars with other men, expecting his social and emotional needs to be met entirely by his significant other. And when she inevitably fails in that duty, he seeks fulfillment in the yoga studio.

7. Childhood Abuse: He may be reenacting or latent responding to unresolved childhood trauma – neglect, emotional abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, etc. In such cases, his childhood wounds have created attachment/intimacy issues that leave him unable or unwilling to fully commit to his partner. He might also be using the excitement and distraction of yoga poses coupled with intense breathing as a way to self-soothe the pain of these old, unhealed wounds.

8. Selfishness: It’s possible that his primary consideration to start yoga is for himself and himself alone. It’s possible he never intended to be yogi nor does he consider yoga to be religious activity. Rather than making his practice as an improvement to his relationship, he views it as something to be done far away from his partner.

9. Megalomaniac Issues: He may feel like he is different and deserves something special that other men might not. The usual rules just don’t apply to him, so he is free to reward himself with a good yoga stretch. He may never have even thought about yoga until an opportunity suddenly presented itself. Then, without even thinking about what yoga might do to his relationship, he went for it.

10. Unrealistic Expectations: He may feel that his partner should meet his every whim and desire, sexual and otherwise, 24/7, regardless of how she feels at any particular moment. He fails to understand that she has a life of her own and that she practice yoga longer than him, with thoughts and feelings and needs that don’t always involve him. When his expectations are not met, he's searching the yoga sanctuary.

11. Anger/Revenge: He may do yoga to get revenge. He is angry with his partner. In such cases, the downwarddog is meant to be seen and known as a tool to hurt her. The man does not bother to lie or keep secrets about his practice, he will talk about it, and talk, and talk... because he wants his partner to know about it.

In conclusion, the word of advice to all women out there who have been in sexless relationship for months... If he suddenly is starting yoga practice, this article may help you getting some perspective on why he does what he does, and help you address your bedroom issues. Review your lack of emotional or physical attraction and decide should you want to stay together and work it out or simply should you let him go to do yoga and end up in divorce.


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I started blogging on December 6, 2012, and I did not stop since then. I have deleted my first blog exploring dreamstate last year and I started zmark.ca. My old blog had more than 1000 posts. Since the very beginning, I am writing about awakening, yoga and daily life.

In the last couple of months, I had a wish to change my blog and start writing funny daily news around the world. So yesterday, as the first step towards that direction, I changed the layout of my blog. I worked all day to implement and customize this new template and slowly I will start writing new content.

I changed my mind and now I'm allowing the blog comments so be free to leave your wisdom here. Not that I care about your opinion but it is nice to have live interaction. You know, it is a bad idea to pretend to be someone I'm not. I'm not writing in order to please you. If you do not accept me for who I am, it is okay, go and read some other blog for free.

Since I was a kid, I have always been naturally good at whatever I do. I can’t help striving to do my best. This is both a fault and a strength. For those who are similar to me, I want to remind you that sometimes we create our own races where we are the only ones competing.

As a blogger, it is easy to look at the numerical figures of more successful bloggers and worry about why my own statistics do not match up. Then, in a fury, I begin to pull up all of the tutorial articles on the internet guaranteeing me more views, likes, and followers. But awakening is not a place to make a large number of Facebook likes.

First off, everyone starts at the different place of understanding. They guard their spirituality as a very precious possession. It is all about beliefs and they do not want to think outside the box.

My words are dry, straight and direct. Most of the readers come only couple times, read my particular brand of bullshit and they are gone. I’m definitely guilty of this one. I’ve realized recently that as I was trying to gain followers and create posts they would like, I’ve lost track of why I've started blogging in the first place - I want to write for myself as an expression of my creativity and love for writing.

Blogging for me is more of a hobby. Part of the reason why I continue to blog is that I love being able to read what I wrote a year ago. How my view of the world is changed and how I was so deluded back then. I have realized that everything I wrote is more or less wrong. There is nothing in this life that has any intrinsic value. Days are passing is the only constant in this life.

I will start slowly to write different articles, more news-based funny posts. There is nothing to be learned in life. Awakening is a deeply personal matter and it is not something to be shared and exposed freely on the internet. Zen and Buddism is not my cup of tea, spirituality, in general, is the hilarious joke and it must be exposed as such so I will continue to write in my own way.


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You want to believe that the person of your dreams, the job opportunity of a lifetime, the lottery win or the surprise that you never expected is waiting around the corner for you. When you’re unhappy with where you are, you irrationally hope that a drastic change in your life will come along and save you from your sad life.

But the truth of the matter is, life doesn’t work that way. Nobody’s heading your way on a white horse and if you want to see the change in your life, you have to create it by your action.

This is what I know. When times get tough, I rely on myself, without looking for the rescue because I know that people are always going to be more aware of their own needs than they are of mine.

Unfortunately, other people around you are there stretching your limits, and they will nonetheless push you unless and until they encounter resistance. Most people are going to take as much from you as you let them get away with – which means it’s up to you to define when to say 'Yes' and when to say 'No'.

I have learned and I'm not afraid to say 'No,' to what I don’t want to do – because I know that nobody’s going to make me happy if I'm not satisfied with myself in my own eyes.

If you listen to what people want from you, you'll end up living a lifeless, shapeless, emotionless life. And then someone would come along and tell you that you have to be the more interesting person.

The truth is, it’s impossible to please everybody. There will always be someone who’s offended or bored by your words. You’re going to be criticized no matter what you do, so you might as well do what you want. Because if there’s anyone whose judgment you should listen to, it’s your own.

You may be the coolest, kindest, smartest, most interesting person in the world, but if you don't see that by yourself and actually put those traits into action, you have nothing to complain about.

You can spend your entire life feeling sorry for yourself because you deserve more than you’re getting, or you can go out into the world and actually claim what’s yours. Guess which choice is better?

You can spend your entire life loudly asking others to help you because you don’t have the time, money or energy to accomplish the things you actually want. And all of what you claim may be honest but the truth is, every single person has at least interest to help you in your life's struggle. They have the same problems as you.

Try to ignore your excuses. Find a way around your limitations, instead of just bitching about them.

You can sit indoors all day conceptualizing a better world, but until you get out there and start acting, you’re not actually making a difference. Good intention is a wonderful thing but unless it’s coupled with action, it counts for nothing.

At the end of the day, you are determined as a being by what you do, not by what you think about.

This is one more piece of advice I have for you: don't get impatient. Even if things are so tangled up you can't do anything, don't get desperate or blow a fuse and start yanking on one particular thread before it's ready to come undone. You have to realize it's going to be a long process and that you'll work on things slowly, one at a time.

- Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood

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O tiger’s heart wrapped in a woman’s hide! -William Shakespeare

It is Friday afternoon, I have come from the office and my work for this week is done. I will do yoga now,  shower and then lay down and have a nap. My girlfriend should come in the evening and we are going with my friends to a Japanese restaurant. I'm looking forward seeing her.

I am a friend with my girlfriend. I have not seen her in the last week and although we spoke on the phone every day, I am missing her a lot. That made me thinking... what are we? Am I in a long-distance relationship? Yes, we’re friends, but we’re certainly a bit different than average friends.

Sometimes it feels like we’re dating, but we’re not a common dating couple. In this world where everything is supposed to fit inside of a nice structured box, we don’t actually fit in the dating category so well. I have not met her friends and there is no intention from her side to change things. As a couple, we don’t really make sense.

It is so often assumed that a relationship worth something is going in a certain direction, growing and couple becomes more close to each other. But it feels like we are always at the beginning with no particular place to go.


No matter how genuine, kindhearted or caring she is, she's always going to be more aware of her own needs than she is of mine. I'm not her priority and I come as "nice-to-have" addition in her life. Her family, job, house, friends... her ex... her real estate agent, they come before me.

Friends, with and without benefits?... I have asked numerous times over the past year. Even without the traditional label of “couple”, I want to be with her ignoring and repressing things that bother me until they inevitably explode leaving a huge mess for us to clean up.

I'm ashamed of breaking up our relationship so many times. I break up just to find out that I love her more than I ever thought. She is an exceptional woman and I have strong feelings for her.

I have fallen in love. Maybe she feels this too. Maybe she doesn't. Maybe she feels it in a different way or simply not at all. I'm not so sure. The truth is, it’s impossible for her to accepts me totally and stop hiding me from her life.

She is a busy woman and I have nothing but time on my hand. I will continue on this path with no destination, I think it is worth taking. And I admit, I yearn for more than what we are now, more than what we have so far.


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To know what you are, you must first investigate and know what you are not. Discover all that you are not - body, feelings thoughts, time, space, this or that - nothing, concrete or abstract, which you perceive can be you. The very act of perceiving shows that you are not what you perceive.

The clearer you understand on the level of mind you can be described in negative terms only, the quicker will you come to the end of your search and realize that you are the limitless being.

- Nisargadatta Maharaj

Life is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing - is the famous saying of William Shakespeare. Nice, I like it. They also say that Shakespeare said - Don't believe everything you read on the internet... but this is just a stretch, or maybe not.

Seriously, the life is indeed a story. We are now living what our ancestors were talking about. And the ones who come after us will live what we are talking about. That how it goes. We set the intention not only for ourselves but for future generations as well.

The intention is the starting point of life. It is the creative power that makes your life, it fulfills all of your needs, whether for love, relationships, spiritual awakening, or money.

Whether Shakespeare realized this or not, it is beside the point. A new beginning and a fresh start are happening first in thoughts, then words and finally in action. Possibilities are here and if you set the firm intention on something the universe has to deliver it. It has no choice. That how it works.

Have you heard of The Law of Attraction?

All chances are that you have watched "The Secret" and then wondered where the hell is your stuff, why the Universe gives you so little?

The Universe and everything in it, including yourself, is mostly “empty space”. However, they say that space is not actually “empty”, it’s filled with quantum fields and dark energy (whatever that is). In simple words, even though the universe and everything in it are mostly empty, true empty space (a perfect vacuum) doesn't actually exist...

Investigate for yourself or take it for granted, the universe is your creation. You are the universe. The universe is your reality and it is full to the brim with your desires. It is your world as you feel it and see it... But unfortunately, it does not have EXISTENCE. It is your imagination, the creative power of your intention.

Don't believe everything you read on the internet.

Don't believe in spiritual bullshit that you undertake some journey, live your life in a way uniquely suited to you and only you. Don't believe that you're equipped with unique gifts, talents, life mission and purposes. Don't believe that you draw unique experiences into your life in order to learn something. You don't gain any knowledge by extracting your understanding of life.

What is here to be understood? Everything is the illusion.

"I" is an illusion and all is the illusion but to understand illusion, the illusion is needed. All is only beliefs and concepts of the mind. Don't be touched by anything.

Don't fear. Nothing will happen. The world is not going to change because it does not exist. Your understanding should be changed nothing else. It all depends on your thoughts.

Everything is your choice, you are the power. The world is yours. Many, many troubles happen to you but don't worry about anything. So do everything but be out of it, nothing else. You take the touch of everything and you make confusion.

By words, you have become bound, and by words, you can be free.

- Ranjit Maharaj

To destroy the false, you must question your beliefs. 

Of these, the idea that you are the body with the consciousness is the worst. With the body comes the world, with the world - God, who is supposed to have created the world and thus it starts - fears, religions, bondage, spirituality, practice, sacrifices, all sorts of systems - all to protect and support "you", frightened out of your wits by monsters of your own making.

You fear of death so you imagine your uniqueness, mission, purpose, experience, and understanding.

I am not here to make things right for you. What I know for sure? Nothing. No man, teaching, religion, the system of thought, doctrine, ideology is correct. You are on your own. The spiritual knowledge is actually ignorance.... so sometimes sit and think and other times just sit.


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Have you ever woke up at 5 A.M. and had a coffee in a cold and dark, morning, on your balcony... thinking about your life. Those are moments when you finally sit down and see your life like it is, a hard pill to swallow.

Guess what? Life is hard for everyone. It’s not supposed to be easy. If you want a different life, go out and get it. No one is going to change it for you. On these early mornings, you can clearly see the brutal truths about your life that during a day you don't want to admit.

You’ll stop living some day.

You want to think you are immortal, but you aren’t. You behave like you're immortal, you have no notion of your own death. You always want more and better and you're striving to reach goals, objectives and you're saving for a retirement in order to start living. Stop wishing away your days and start enjoying what is going on right now.

Everyone around you is going to die.

Hug your mom and dad and tell your sister you love her. Hug your partner and tell her that you love her. Tell people that matter to you that they matter to you. Either you or they won’t be here someday. Look up from your smartphone, look them into eyes and tell them that you're grateful to them, grateful for having them in your life.

Money is not everything.

You put a price on things and people. You evaluate people of how much money they have. You feel poor even you are never hungry, naked or cold. No matter how hard you try, money will not buy you happiness. Stop accumulating, life is about living. And stop spending your money on crap.

You cannot make everyone happy.

Don’t worry about trying to make people happy. Be yourself until your time runs out. People will never be pleased with you. If you want to make a real difference in the world, leave people as they are. Don't avoid them, just be with them. Spending time with people impacts them in ways you cannot even imagine.

Don't be perfect.

Unless you are living in the here and now, you are wasting your life. Stop accusing yourself, having a guilt of what you have done or regrets what you have not done. Stop chasing tomorrow and start enjoying today. Standing in front of the mirror pointing out your flaws will make you miserable. Don’t waste another second trying to be perfect, be what you are right now.

Trust yourself.

Pay attention to how you feel instead of trying to figure out your thoughts. No one is going to live this life for you. Trust your inner feelings, the gut, your intuition. You're realizing that all the stuff you're worried about doesn’t really matter. Hopefully, you’ll realize that you still have time to do the things you actually wanted to do. Hurry, you might not wake up tomorrow so don’t put off what you can do today until tomorrow. You might not get the chance.

You will never have enough time. Do the best you can with what you have. But if you want to really enjoy life, you need to get to collect yourself fast and cut the crap out of your life and realize your own bullshit so you can spend time on the things that matter to you.

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You Don't Own Me, My Love
Guest Post - Written by Ciara Hall

You cannot possess me.

You cannot tell me how to think or feel. You cannot dictate where my heart goes, or where my eyes wander off to.

I will not give you the book of my life and allow you to write in the blank pages for me. Those pages are mine, they were given to me to fill out in whatever way I see fit.

You may be featured as a character in my story, but you cannot control the story.

You shouldn’t. And I hope you don’t even want to.

Because, my dear love, I have spent so much time in a cage already. I sat there, alone, cold, confused, wondering why I couldn’t see the blue, blue sky that everyone outside the bars spoke so highly of.

I wanted that sky. I spent so long dreaming of the breeze that my feathers would find when I had the opportunity to stretch my wings. I just didn’t realize that I couldn’t fly while in that cage.

And, one day, I realized it.

I broke the cage.

And the one who placed me there—he was so mad. He told me that I was wrong for doing so, but I didn’t care. Because while he screamed, I was looking up, and I could see the sky for the first time ever. And it made me realize that I never, ever, ever want to be caged up again.

So please, I beg of you: don’t do that to me. Don’t even try. The moment I catch the briefest hint of iron bars, I will spread my wings and I will be gone—because that is in my nature, beloved.

I do not want to leave you. I do not want to be alone forever. But, more important than that, I cannot be caged.

I won’t allow it.

And you will whisper sweet words to me, try to tell me that you are mine and I am yours, but I am not yours. I will never be yours.

I am mine. I belong to me. I control my heart, my thoughts, my actions, my life. I will never surrender to you completely, so much as you may want me to.

“You are your best thing.” ~ Toni Morrison

I love you. I want to love you. I will love you.

But, I do not want to own you. I do not want you to be mine. Because you are yours, you are your best thing, and I am my best thing.

Together, we will be two great things existing alongside one another, supporting one another, making each other greater, and stronger, and beautiful. We will build an empire with our most marvelous power because, together, you and I can do it. I know we can.

All I ask is that you let this happen. You let me happen. Don’t stifle me or belittle me or try to make me less than what I am. Don’t try to put out my flame; I will only burn you.

And if you try to put out my flame, then believe me: I want to burn you.

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... a Spiritual Practice!

Can you practice yoga without spiritual goal on your mind? I don't know. Ronald said that some people do yoga and are "solely interested in asana...". I believe this might be true but on another hand what is the life about? Is the main goal in life to gain self-actualization or so popularly called, enlightenment?


What you actually do when you step on the yoga mat, knowing that or not, is that you search for Your Natural State. It is a state of great sensitivity of being awake, not some kind of emotional compassion or tenderness for others. I digress, yes, there is compassion only in the sense that there are no 'others' for you, and so there is no separation.

Whenever you step on the mat, you are actually interested in Moksha, Liberation, Freedom, Transformation, you name it, and you are interested in happiness without one moment of unhappiness, pleasure without pain, it is the same thing.

The Ashtanga yoga practice creates the experience, and the experience strengthens practice. The practitioner is nothing but the practice. That is really what's going on.

Bear in mind that there is no such thing as truth. The only thing that is actually here is your logical premise, which you call truth. In Ashtanga practice, you may discover that there is only one solid thought. When you count five breaths in a pose you may clearly see or feel the "I" thought. Everything exists is in relation to that one thought. That thought is 'you' and it doesn't really exist. You will understand that anything you experience based on that thought is the illusion.

Practicing Ashtanga yoga, which is boring, dull and hard, does not allow you creativity and wishful thinking. It calls for a complete and total surrender. It is the practice of hopelessness which says that there is no way out... Asana, breath, drishti and vynasas are taking you away from yourself...

Food, clothing, and shelter- these are the basic needs. Beyond that, if you want anything, it is the beginning of self-deception. You see that so clearly in daily Ashtanga practice. Ashtanga yoga is selfish practice. So be selfish and stay selfish is my message. Wanting enlightenment is selfishness.

Obviously, you are not in conflict with the society. Ashtanga yoga force you to accept it as it is and you're not interested in changing it. The demand to bring about a change in society isn't there anymore. So, the demand to change the world at large is not there. You suffer with the suffering man and are happy with the happy man... practicing Ashtanga yoga, spiritually or otherwise.

Ashtanga yoga saved you from the very idea that you have to be saved. When you know nothing, you say a lot. When you know something, there is nothing to say. I am always emphasizing that somehow the truth has to dawn upon you that there is only the practice and there is nothing to understand.

What I am trying to say is that by the practice of Ashtanga you will see for yourself that there is no individual there at all. There is only a certain gathering of knowledge, which are thoughts surrounding the basic "I" thought, but no individuality there.

Some of you mistakenly believe that by practicing ashtanga you will somehow miraculously make your life simple and manageable. But, if you are lucky, you will discover that you are not created for any grander purpose than the ants that are there or the flies that are hovering around you or the mosquitoes that are sucking your blood.

Ashtanga yoga takes away the fear that makes you believe that you are living and that you will be dead. What you really want in life is this fear to come to an end. That is why you have involved in all these meditation classes, becoming vegan, reading spiritual articles and talks, accepting various therapies for choiceless awareness and various other gimmicks.

Ashtanga is a very boring practice. And the boredom is a bottomless pit. As long as you think that there is something more interesting, more purposeful, more meaningful in ashtanga than what you are actually doing, you have no way of freeing yourself from boredom.

Ashtanga returns you to the basics... everything you have around you is the creation of your thoughts. You are yourself born out of thought, otherwise, you would not be here at all. Thoughts have a tremendous value, yet it is the very thing that should be destroyed.


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Nothing exists, all is a dream. Life, mankind, the world, the sun, moon, stars - all a dream, all without existence. Nothing exists except you. And you are but thought, a useless thought, a homeless thought, wondering the empty eternities.

Strange, indeed, that you should not have suspected that universe is only a dream, vision, fiction!

I know you are sincere, I know you want to believe in God, you're really trying. You really, really do. You're trying to believe that there is a God, who created you in His own image and likeness, loves you very much, and keeps a close eye on things. You're really trying to believe that, but I gotta tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize, something is fucked up.

How could you believe in something so ridiculous like God?

You believed in God who could make good children as easily as bad, yet He preferred to make bad ones. You believed in God who could have made every one of them happy, yet He never made a single one happy. Finally, with the divine apology, He invites these poor, abused slaves to worship Him.

When it comes to bullshit, this is a big-time one.

Religion is the greatest bullshit story ever told. Think about it.

Religion has actually convinced you that there's an invisible God living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible God has a special place for you if you don't follow Him, the place full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where He will send you to live and suffer and burn and scream and cry forever and ever until the end of time.

But... He loves you!

Something is wrong here. No. This is hysterically insane.

Look no further but your life. The constant struggle to survive, disease, hunger, filth, poverty, pains, old age, death. Something is definitely wrong. This is not good work. If this is the best God can do for you, I am not impressed. Results like these do not belong His resume. This is the kind of shit you'd expect from an office bureaucrat with a bad attitude.

It is a good bullshit story. It is Holy Shit!

Do you perceive that these things are all impossible except in a dream? Do you see that they are pure insanities, the silly creation of an imagination that is not conscious of its freaks?

It is your dream, my friend, you are the maker of it.

There is no God, no universe, no human race, no earthly life, no heaven, no hell. It is all dream and very foolish one. Nothing exists but you. And you are but thought, a useless thought, a homeless thought, wondering the empty eternities.


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WE LIVE IN A SOCIETY WHERE 
FREE THINKING OPEN-MINDED PEOPLE ARE CALLED CRAZY
AND THE IGNORANT CLOSE-MINDED PEOPLE ARE NORMAL

Bukowski said - Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead... I know life is painful. There is no use asking why it is so. It is so.

Are you a crazy or normal? 

It depends on what have you learned so far? I have learned that life has no explanations to give. It is an empty, meaningless flow of events that just go on and on. Whatever happens, has little or no importance. It does not really matter if you agree with me or not.

You are born, you live your pity life... you eat, shit, fuck, work and work and work more until you die. You leave your children after you so they do the same, and the circle is closed. Nature!

Where this society came from? It comes from your home, your family, school, church, and your businesses. You are the painter and the picture. That is what you have produced. And that is the best you can do?

I'm getting tired of your fuckin' spirituality. I'm tired of your self-love teachers, white, bourgeois, vegans who think the only thing wrong with this country is that there aren't enough bike paths. Trying to make the world safe for their Volvos.

Your courage and optimism diminish with passing time.

I've noticed is that as you grow older, you are becoming more and more coward. With age, you lack the courage to do or endure unpleasant things. Some of you appear as cynics but actually, you are just timid, easily intimidated person.

The house that you own, the money in retirement fund etc. do not really protects you. It fools you. There is no security or any rest in this world, the picture of Neo and Morphious on the beach is not realistic. It does not show, the pills for high blood pressure, diapers, the lack of sleep, rheumatism etc...

Criticism of present is the final step of your maturity.

With the age, you start remembering the most embarrassing crap you did in your life with perfect clarity. The kind things you did will be pushed away, you will forget them.

Instead, to learn something from your own mistakes, you start correcting younger people, your kids, spouse, neighbors, co-workers. With age, you have a fleeting sense of superiority over younger people so they’ll start to resent you. Trust me, nothing worthwhile comes with age. You are not smarter you are just older.

There’s no meaning to your life, no reward for all the things you've achieved. Wanting the reward is a recipe for a very lonely road. All things were better back then. Aren't they? When you were young, the life was cheaper, happier and people were nicer. Fuck this! You’re probably not drinking enough water.

You do not see the world as it is, you see the world as you are!

Don't think too much about your spouse, kids, job, retirement. Release your control over things and let things happen on their own, I have learned, it is important to be completely independent and to know how to be alone.

Be true to yourself is a natural feature worth to be cultivated in life.

You are on your life journey, and we are at the different point on this journey. Many of you are on completely different routes than I am, so try to answer the questions for yourself... Are you crazy or normal?

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You possess knowledge of yoga asanas and you can do your practice on your own but for the lack of motivation or whatever other reasons you are running from one yoga class to another.

... you competently handle all the complexities of life, family, health, finance, career, household, day in and day out, year after year.

... you are intelligent, mature, clever, kind, honest, and fairly representative.

And yet, whenever it is mention that yoga should lead to awakening, all you are showing is a dubious stare and incoherent skepticism.

You're like a fleshy robot running from one yoga class to another. 

I hear you, yoga has benefited you. No doubt about it. I give you support, confidence and hope for your practice. But do know that the final goal of your practice is the spiritual awakening.

Is there some purpose of yoga other than to awaken you from your mind's delusion? Let's never forget that. Once you have learned the asanas do your practice alone at home. This is the only way to progress, so please stop running from one class to another.

I agree, for yoga beginners, the yoga studios are the gift. As it goes, you can't get something for nothing but there's a problem: yoga is extremely expensive: $20 is a price for a single class; on average $180 is ten class pass. You have no choice. There's no getting around it and the business is booming. Namaste!

Therein yoga studio, everyone's telling you how their shala is great, how they have advanced yoga teachers who have been traveling to India. And that may be true and they may be advanced with their own practice or whatever, but then when you come to the sun salutations, you quickly find out that you are on your own.

... you twist in trikonasana hoping that magical touch from yoga teacher will soften your tight side muscles and you turn your head in warrior pose looking for a teacher wondering why did you come to the class.

... then you sit on the mat, forward fold to find out that the floor smells like onions steamed in cat pee.

Whatever!

The great majority of yoga teachers are proud of what they can do, how they can complete ashtanga primary series so easily. Usually, they come to yoga as former dancers and they think flexibility is a measure of how good practice is.

While you certainly have tension, trauma, and rigidity in your limbs, joints, and muscles, there is no direct correlation between how well you can move and how functional or healthy your mind is.

I seriously doubt that a former dancer and today's yoga teacher with two trips to Mysore India has any serious qualification to teach ashtanga yoga.

But teachers will tell you that you must do practice with them, coming to their studio and practice under their eyes so you will magically progress in Marichyasana D. Just watch not to tear MLC. You know, it can happen.

Come to the class, practice, be nice, be quiet, smile, breathe deeply, be good, don't ask questions, don't use your mind, don't make a disturbance - sound familiar?

Yoga studios are doing nothing more than maintaining your ignorance. There is no interest in freedom. It's all been channeled safely into non-threatening, ego-gratifying avenues such as "your kapotasana is great", "your drop back is genuine"...


Our intention in teaching and practicing yoga at QSY  is to grow as individuals, and deepen our sense of connectedness with the wider world. While practicing headstand and shoulderstand, or other “fancy” or extreme poses, may be fun and provide learning experiences, they do not necessarily bring us any closer to that aim.

Inversions at QSY (Queen Street Yoga): We choose not to teach full Headstand and full Shoulderstand (where weight is placed on the head and neck) due to safety concerns for the spine. We ask that students do not practice these poses before, after, or during public classes for the safety of all QSY members.

- Studio Policy and Etiquette by QUEEN STREET YOGA, Kitchener, Ontario, Canada

What is the core of yoga studio philosophy? 

Perhaps it is this: a brighter future and a better tomorrow. It makes you feel good about yourself and it boosts your self-esteem, tells you you are okay, tells you everything is just fine the way it is.

The yoga studio classes offer to improve, benefit and elevate you, and it is about belief and faith and worship. It combats stress or deepens relaxation, it promises happiness and relief from unhappiness.

You may ask me what is wrong with being happy and satisfied. What is wrong with today's yoga studio's philosophy? I answer nothing is wrong.

There is nothing wrong with being a dream character, of course, unless it is your goal to wake up, in which case the dream character must be ruthlessly annihilated.

Spiritual awakening has nothing to do with the yoga studio classes. The process of awakening is painful, it feels like depression and hopelessness...

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Have you noticed my efforts on this blog? I write articles about living life by being awake with special attention on the beauty of being content with what you have and who you really are.

Don't get me wrong, I’m definitely a goal oriented person — I always have goals, whether that’s writing a better post, doing yoga, improving my health, waking early, losing weight, or one of a dozen other goals I’m having in the last couple of months.

So isn’t that a contradiction? Doesn’t that seem to indicate that I’m not content with my life? Not at all. I’m extremely cool with my life, with what I have, and with who I am.

So contentment isn’t a matter of being satisfied with your situation in life and never trying to improve it. It’s a matter of being content with what you have — but realizing that without improvement, no matter how happy you are, the things will eventually go downhill. If you don’t fight and strive for better, well, you have given up on life.

You choose whether you are happy or unhappy. Read that sentence again if you're not quite aware of that in your daily life. If you’re unhappy with your life right now, I will say that it’s because you’ve chosen to be unhappy. It sounds harsh, but it’s completely true. Pardon me, you are reading my blog, so you're neither homeless nor clinically depressed nor the one who undergone terrible tragedies or abuse in your past. You're normal human being so this applies to you.

I hear you, your life is crap, and of course, you're going to be unhappy. Your job isn’t going well, your relationships aren’t going well, your finances are very bad, you're overweight, your life is a mess.

But listen to this... it’s proven that it’s not the conditions that make you unhappy, but your choice of thoughts, your attitude.

When you're unhappy, you focus on all the bad things in your life. Not only that, but you continually think about how bad things are, you complain, and you ask, “Why me?” You walk on the verge of inaction and eventually depression. You become grumpy and cynic. That, in turn, only made the situation worse. It certainly does not help you.

I am not saying you should be artificially happy. That is a wishful thinking. I don't say focus on only good things in your life and have positive thoughts. I don't say that! Because while you have problems at your work and with your relationships and with your finances or health and all that... there is still the opportunity to be content with yourself.

Simplify your life. Get out of debt. Be active, have your health under control, even if you are overweight. Be happy, despite your conditions, simply because you chose to be happy. Find satisfaction in what you already have, instead of wishing something else.

Being a content and being happy are not the same things. In many ways, they are similar, but it’s really a matter of focus. When you’re happy, it’s really a temporary state of emotional being, but being content is a matter of being satisfied with what you have. It influences happiness, if you're content, you will be happy.

Be satisfied with less, with a simpler life, rather than always wanting more, always acquiring more, and never being content. Examine why you want more, and solve your issues. At the root of wanting more is not being satisfied with what you have. Once you’ve learned to be content, you don’t need more. You can stop acquiring, and start enjoying.

I don't say I don't want a new stuff. I am not immune to wants, I have learned to catch myself now and then to spend enormous amount of money for going out, for vacations and expensive gifts for others. I have never wanted anything for me personally, I have a problem with giving out so much to other people.

The reason I get into financial trouble is that I give to others more than I can afford. That's my problem, you have your own financial problems. Anyway, find contentment with the stuff you have, buy fewer things, check your wants, and only spend what you can afford.

If you are fine with your finances you're most probably not satisfied with your significant other. Your partner doesn't behave how you want him/her to. That’s often at the root of your relationship problems.

Being in the relationship isn’t always easy, as you are usually trained by your well intentioned but never satisfied parents to try to change people. Well, you will only find trouble if you try to change your partner. You will never succeed, neither to change their mind nor their behavior, only you will succeed to make them unhappy, and in turn, your relationship will suffer.

I also had a problem with my girlfriend, but when this happened, I tried to remind myself to love her as she is, for who she is. She is a beautiful person, just as she is now, and I realized that there is absolutely no need to change her.

Most of you who read this are not satisfied with the work or job you do. Well, every job wants to make you robot-like creature and you should rebel. You should not stick with a dead-end job and a boss that treats you like shit. If you’re unhappy with your job, change it.

However, I have learned that being a content, a simple person, having a touch of indifference towards things that matters will generally help you at any job. Complaining, being grumpy, or negative will not improve your chances to get things better. That leads to problems at work.

When you find yourself unhappy with something, or with what you don’t have, take a moment and become aware of your surroundings, of yourself as being alive. And I would bet things will change. It puts the focus on what you are rather than what you're not.

Stop, and remind yourself of your simple BEING. When you find yourself unhappy with someone or trying to change them, take a deep breath, and stop for a moment. Take a moment to think about the wonders of life and the reasons you're alive here on this planet at this very moment.

Stop, and consider why you want new things. When you feel the urge to go visit New York or Las Vegas or whatever-fuck-land, think about whether that is really what you want. Take a pause, consider why you want something. Are you not content with where you're, what you already have? And why not?

Take time to appreciate your life! Reflect on your life often and on a regular basis. I do this early in the morning when I watch the sunrise. Show people you appreciate them, do not love them from the far but be close to them. It’s good to appreciate people, but it’s even better to show them your appreciation. Smile, spend time with your loved ones, thank them out loud, thank them publicly.

Learn to enjoy the simple things!

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My post What Does It Mean To Be An Ashtangi became very popular. In the last week, it has more than 10,000 clicks. My blog had more than 1,000 visitors on Thursday but most of the people just read that post and they are gone. Oh well, what to say.

The mobile application of zmark.ca lists only the most recent posts and readers cannot really experience my blog fully. I suggest that you visit this blog on your computer and browse different posts in various categories. You may read them as well 😉.

Today is Monday, I just came from work, I feel tired but I have to go to yoga class. My friends asked to teach them ashtanga yoga and I agreed. So we are starting today at 7:30 p.m. After yoga, we will go for beer in Monk Kettle pub on Royal York.

I have not seen my daughter for the last ten days and I am missing her. I hope she reads this and she will come soon. Yes, we communicate via my blog. Hillarious but true.

Writing a blog is amazing, and I’m as addicted to it as you are reading it. Putting my personal views and life on the display (privacy, what privacy?) creates the illusion of connection with my readers. If you feel you want to say something to me, although my blog does not have comments, my email is at the end of this page. Be free to contact me.

For the record, my blog isn’t meant to be a pessimistic rant about how tough life is. My posts are just reminder of what is and what I need to change, no matter how much I believe I have my shit together. I’m willing to be a blunt bastard that tells everything like it is and tries to act accordingly.

I don't have comments on my blog due to the simple reason I don't really give a shit about what your opinion is. Don't be offended, it is nothing personal. I don't care anymore if you agree with me and much less if you don't. From my perspective, the whole world revolves around me, but there are billions of you who see it the same way.

I am not selfish, I used to be far more concerned with how I'm perceived by my readers than how I perceive them. The ugliest truth is that I valued their opinion of me more than my own. I've spent a large amount of time writing posts in the hope of getting you to like me.


Why people do not read the rest of my blog? .... because by reading it they are forced to think about not so pleasant things.

I'm 52. I have no time to be afraid anymore. I don't want anything from anyone. Writing about awakening I'm fulfilling my part on this planet. In nutshell, the Earth is a gigantic chicken coop, run by few families greedy for power and prestige. I am just a slave living my pity life.

Our slavery is forced taxation, where our work income is automatically taken out before we ever see it, regardless of whether or not we approve of how the money is spent. Yes, we lend money to corrupt politicians influenced by corrupt ideologies. We work hard just to pay bills; doing so, we're losing the best years of our life.

Things are bad enough in daily life, the spirituality is the worse. There are numerous self-proclaimed lunatics, so called saints, prophets and saviors who offer being present teaching etc.. and wish to serve this world. Spirituality is a romantic stuff. The Path!!! Search for truth. The Way... all is romantic bullshit.

I deny the validity of the spiritual search entirely. I don't believe in spirituality, Mickey Mouse, Disneyland, Kim Kardashian and Celine Dion. (Who listen to Celine Dion anyway?). You imagine you are following the Path, growing, improving, and just like a businessman, you want result... but, unfortunately, you will not find it.

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Such a great weekend. My girlfriend came on Friday night and we were having a lot of fun. We went to Ka Chi for a dinner. We were laughing and dancing and enjoying all night. When we went to sleep it was well past 3 a.m..

On Saturday morning, after breakfast at Sunset Grill around 11 a.m we went to Niagara Falls. First, we visited Niagara on the Lake, a small town with great history and nice restaurants.


We walked around the town, we were not in rush. I had a best lasagna of my life in the local Italian restaurant. We arrived at Niagara Falls around 4:30 p.m. and we quickly check in Hilton hotel and headed out for a walk.


I have not visited the Falls in the last five years but it seems to me nothing changed. The weather was so nice, sunny around 20 C and a lot of people were outside. We took photos and then we headed for the beer in the restaurant just above the Falls.


It was heated patio and we stayed until 7:30 p.m. on the patio drinking beer, enjoying the view and talking about everything. Around 9 p.m. we went to the Brazilian steakhouse for a dinner. The food was exceptional, we were drinking wine and we laughed. I enjoyed so much every moment with my girlfriend.


We got up around 8 a.m., went downstairs and we had a coffee in Starbucks. We were watching the sun rising in a perfectly clean city. Not so many people were outside and we stroll around.


We checked out from the hotel and we headed back to Niagara on the Lake for a breakfast and then back to Toronto. When we arrived in Toronto we did some shopping and had lunch and around 3 p.m. we came back to my apartment.

I write here just simple facts, for me, like a diary but really, I cannot express in words how much I enjoyed this weekend.


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Some words of advice my wise mother once gave me: you are the prize. How big of a prize is defined by how much you love and respect yourself. You determine how much you are worth. Nobody else. 

Sometimes love can turn into a battle that we want to win but can’t. Many relationships aren’t meant to be. That doesn’t make it your fault, and it doesn’t make it the other person’s fault; it just makes it life.

Whatever the case, you should never sacrifice your dignity at the expense of a futile relationship. 

~ Ariel Hairston

If you follow my blog you may come to the conclusion that I don't know what I'm doing. That is not quite true. I really do whatever I intuitively feel. I do what my gut tells me.

I recently left a relationship that I was not happy in. I said I was in a toxic relationship and that my ex lacks affection. So I went online in the search for a different woman, I swiped right and on the first date I met one who was the complete opposite of my ex. I dated her for a week but I could not forget my ex.

There you go. Last Monday, I called my ex and we got back together. I was wrong and I realized that I cannot let her go. Fortunately for me, her feelings towards me were intact. With her, I have more than just a good time, I have a stable partner. So I let the another girl go.

Today, after all this drama, I'm feeling incredibly terrible for these two breakups and the confusion I made. But I had to act on what I feel. The most of the relationships don't last. And it is better to break up now than to stay in it for far too long and inescapably breakup later.

I am back to my girlfriend, I love her with all my heart. We had a bumpy road in our relationship but we managed to stay together. I'm happy and content. The greatest lesson I learned from all this is that I have to know what I want before the relationship starts.

Typically when you go into a relationship without truly understanding your must-to-have, nice-to-have and deal-breakers, you end up trying to change your partner and that never ends well. A loving relationship is a reward of knowing what you want and receiving it. Being into a relationship and figuring out what you want is not so good.

Never forget about yourself. Get to know your likes and dislikes. Don't be in a relationship always being busy trying to learn about your partner’s wants, needs, goals, and aspirations so you often forget about your own. Never forget your own happiness, and what matters most to you. By the time you get into your next relationship, you should have a good clarity of what you want.

Yes, my last week was crazy but I have no regrets. All of the decisions were my own. No one can tell me what to do, how to behave and especially what to feel. In a relationship, my girlfriend does not define who I am, I do not need anyone to complete me. I honestly know that I will be happy with or without a girlfriend. This little piece of knowledge makes it easier for me to leave a relationship.

My current relationship is not perfect and I cannot say that my girlfriend can ever hurt me; that’s certainly not the case. I bring into our relationship my own flaws, and she brings hers, so every relationship requires a little work. I just have to admit that I'm willing to work through and with her to make things better.

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The midnight of Monday, Labor Day 2017, I just came from Monk Kettle's bar and I am writing this post for DATING category... a lot of things happened this weekend.

What a weekend!!! I've found that when you want to know the truth about me that I am probably the last person you should ask. Anyway, there is no one here to write this blog except me so I have to be honest but some things I cannot really explain.

I have started dating a new girlfriend and we went out on Saturday night. I will not go into details about our date, I just want to say that I have thinking about my ex girlfriend a lot and I was missing her.

Somehow, I did not connect with new girlfriend well. Don't get me wrong, she is a pleasant person, very attractive, nice face and body and it looks like she liked me a lot. But, just... I cannot quite explain, I'm still drawn to my ex-girlfriend and I could not stop thinking about her.

This morning, I texted my ex-girlfriend and I expressed my wish to see her. We met, talked openly about our relationship problems and we got back together. There's nothing in this universe that can be explained but I will try to explain - love wins.


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How do you live your life? Do you rush through the present, thinking there’s always something better, there’s always some goal you need to achieve?

No matter how far you get or how hard you work you always want to get to the next level. Sure material things bring comfort, but they don’t bring happiness. You will always be unsatisfied until you realize that life isn’t about things and status.

Even though you’ve made yourself miserable with wanting, the news is you already have everything you need. Life is meant to be lived. Enjoy where you are. Focus on the best parts of every day and trust that everything you do has a purpose and a place in the world.

You’re alive, you have to do things you don’t want to do, you have to survive. But if you find yourself working for things that don’t matter like a big house or a fancy car, you’ve missed the point.

Today you have everything you wanted to have, but it doesn’t feel like you’d think it would feel. What were you expecting? You grow old and you're feeling cheated, cheated by success. Now you have to make the most of what these days you have left. So you set another goals - you will travel, eat healthy, do yoga.

The list grows, and you wonder how you’ll get it all done and still make your mortgage payment. You work more hours so you can do all this stuff “someday.” You’ve overwhelmed yourself again. You’re missing the point.

You save all your money so that you can retire. You live to retire. Then you get old, and you’re too tired to live up to the expectation you had of retirement.

There’s always hope, an expectation, always something that has to be done. You pushed aside living so that you could live up to a hope that doesn’t exist. To live, you’ve got to let hopes and expectations go.

Stop wanting more, be grateful for today. Live in the moment. Cherish your life and the time you have in this world. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn’t, then it wasn’t meant to; let it go. You think if you don’t interfere it won’t happen.

Life is meant to be fun. It doesn’t go anywhere it just is, here, in this very moment. It is easy and effortless, but you rarely recognize it for what it is.

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My mission is to document and observe the world around me like I've never seen it before. I take notes. Collect things I find on my travels. Document my findings on this blog. Notice patterns. Copy/paste. Trace. Focus on one thing at a time. Record what I am drawn to...

August 2017 is gone forever, one story finished and another started, all is good. I am happy and excited to spend a long weekend with my girlfriend. She will come tonight for the first sleepover at my place.

My girlfriend is beautiful. She does not know about my blog so I posted her photos and they will be here until she decides to remove them. Or not, we will see. I am not so sure should I tell her about my blog. But, I cannot keep secrets so probably I will.

UPDATE: My girlfriend told me to remove her photos. 😉

I am working from home today. It was a crazy week, I worked from 9 to 6 everyday and I got sign off for my project. I have met the strict deadline that was in jeopardy because of my vacation. I had to do a lot of catch up work.

I laugh when I see that after the most recent post someone unlike or stop following my blog. That means my post is not in accordance with their vision of spirituality, dating or whatever I write about. Good, as Bukowski's lyrics said...

beware those quick to praise
for they need praise in return
beware those who are quick to censor
they are afraid of what they do not know

I am not saying that I KNOW. I know nothing. I write gibberish with a bad grammar. Take it as that. But I do question the most common, widely accepted, beliefs. You are bound by your own concepts and notions. If you cannot handle my posts, so be it.

Actually this blog and all these posts go on but they are only entertainment. I have realized that my sense of "I" is unreal. I see everything as unreal, and I mean everything - society, relationships, love, friendship, children, parents, education, medicine, sports... 

It is not like because I am real others and the world are unreal. It is like this: because I am unreal everything is unreal. Every experience that I and you have is just imagination, the product of our thoughts wrapped up in confusion and wrong knowledge.

Life is here to be enjoyed.... 

I am going to do everyday yoga in September. No more excuses. All is good. Entertainment goes on. 


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