Friday, October 25, 2019

Make one dream come true

You only live twice or so it seems.
Once for yourself and once for your dreams.
You drift through the years and life seems tame.
Till one dream appears and freedom's its name.
And freedom's a stranger, who'll beckon you on.
Don't think of the danger or the stranger is gone.
This dream is for you so pay the price.
Make one dream come true.

I would like you to do something now. I would like you to suspend judgment. Please, don't come here to read my blog with your common sense. You will never find out what I'm writing about if you come to dis blog just to see am I writing about personal things.

To hurt me, you can say - I have read your posts and they are infantile. You're are boring. Don't write that way. It's useless...

Okay, I get it, but today I want to tell you that common sense and wishful thinking are killing you. You hold onto them with all your strength without even noticing.

I don't go around and talk this to people. For a moment, I'm here on this blog. A year, maybe two... then I'll delete everything, just like I did for my first blog "exploring dreamstate".

I'm not needy of your attention, in fact, I don't need anything. I don't need your likes. I am a straightforward story teller. So I do this for me at first place and I see you as a witness. That's all.

It is my game. I am a chauffeur. I do not lead a double life. I live this life. There is no gap between what I say here and what I do. I am not here to set you the way I am, or to be entertaining. What I am writing about today are the views from other way of life. So don't be offended!

See, you always leave a safety valve in your life, whatever you do you go like "If all else fails, I can work at Amazon". You don't take a responsibility that you are alive, here and now, you are already a loser with losers' scenarios in mind.

Do you want to live like your parents? Do you want to die like your grandfather? What are you going to do to avoid dying that way? I know the answer - Nothing. A terrifying moment. This is going to hunt you.

I say don't be offended. Please! Please love me!

That's what you are. So cautionary, so weak. Masturbatory. In fact you are sublime, but your insane way of life made you running on empty... you have no energy to see it.

Let me see if you can get this... When I write "house" or "book" or "United Nations", in your mind, you invoke a universe of detail with a single word; that's magic. See, you're visual creator of the universe.

You could lick the house, smell it, touch it... and it wouldn't tell you anything. But one word, and you know everything there is to know: the sweet home, real estate opportunity, mortgage or whatever.

You don't even need to look, you already see your spouse and kids sitting inside. Your universe is a string of detail, an avalanche of wishful thinking so actually you don't see the world, you merely interpret it on its own way.

Your interpretation system made you lazy and cynical. What's happened to you? What's "real"? This hard, shitty, meaningless daily world? Are despair of your life real? No. You live with mistaken identity and wrong concepts. See false things in your beliefs and realize that you're in a very bad spot.

The interpretation system can be interrupted, it is learned, not final. You got caught in the details of everyday life. There are options other than your life of habit and repetition. You need to know: There's the burger place! There's the beer place! There's the car wash! If one day one of them isn't there - you go crazy. Don't.

Attention is only what you really have in this life. Your money, house, car etc.. are nothing. You only have attention. And they steal it from you, by routine by busyness and repetition. It is tiring being a common, normal man.

The fullness of your attention counts. Respond to this world with all you have, be fluent, eloquent, with a sense of urgency and be final and elegant. Feel time approaching you. Sense the urgency, there is no tomorrow.

As you are now, you're watching how time recede. You have to turn around and let the time comes on you. That way, there are no wishful thinking, nothing needs explanations, nothing is presupposed, nothing neatly explained.

I will tell you secret. I don't have a a tendency to think about tomorrow, and nothing keeps me chained to the past. My life, even of last year, doesn't exist for me anymore.

I know that first part of my life was a total waste, I was in limbo. The second part of my life was all about the future and imagination; the third, in the past, nostalgia. Only this last part of my life is now. That's where I really am.

And where you are? You are still looking for "love", "friendship" and "companionship." You wake up in the middle of the night crying, "Does my darling loves me?" You say... there's still so much that you want to do! What do you mean? Are there still people you want to fuck? And I am right. That's how you are.

You have never learned how to love and how could you? They never taught you about love. They taught you how to seduce, to kiss, to envy, to fuck and hate. You don't even love yourself, otherwise you wouldn't have put yourself to live this life full of neuroses.

All your worries are by products of what you say by your mouth... I gotta have that toy! I need it! I need it now! You are thinking you're the hottest dick or pussy in town. You have never seen your life from the observer point, you have never had time for that.

Recapitulate your past... start with sexual encounters. Remember it, see it again, see the sheets, the furniture, the dialogue. Then get to the person, the feeling. What were you feeling? Watch! Don't analyze, just observe... you'll be shocked; you'll see patterns of repetition that will shock you. Who is sponsoring your insanity? Who is making the agenda and priorities in your life?

And that's the inner you - pathetic, awkward, and unloved. All you can do is put on an appearance of confidence sometimes. And after a while, others start to believe you because they are just the same as you.

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