Wednesday, May 2, 2018

Let there be no excuses, no explanations, no regrets

Growing older, I am becoming more and more like my father

I'm going to Mexico in a month and until then I will do yoga practice every single day... Nothing else to do. My daily schedule mostly revolved around yoga, work at the office and meeting with my girlfriend. I also go out regularly with my friends.

But most of the time I am alone. The best part about being alone is that you really don't have to answer to anybody. If you're reading this post of my random thoughts, you're probably really bored and, at the moment, you, just like me, have no one to be with.

Being alone is a not so bad place to be, besides the sense of boredom, or the feelings of isolation, you are being forced to confront your own thoughts. It's said... there is difference between being alone and feeling lonely. Don't even try to figure out such phrases. Being alone is what you make of it.

I have been searching for spiritual truth for more than 16 years. I have done it all: meditation, self-observation, mindfulness, vypasana, zazen... you name it. I have read more than 400 books about spirituality, Buddhism, zen, Hinduism, Christianity... and all that ended with clear conclusion that - there is no explanation.

No explanation is very frustrating thing. You like having things explained, you enjoy having things explained. By getting older, you came to depend more and more on explanations, to the point that if something does not have an explanation you tended to become anxious, puzzled, even fearful.

There is no need for explanation. What do you actually want is an ultimate explanation about the life that leads to nowhere. Your existence makes no difference at all. Laziness, pride, cowardice and fear of death are your main characteristics. You want to be loved, you want fame, you want to invoke some sentiment from others.

So, you worry, oooh, how you worry, twenty-six hours a day! And what do you worry about?... About you! What about you? What's in this shit for you? What's gonna happen to you? Such egomania! So horrendous. But fascinating!

Perhaps the deepest reason why we are afraid of death is because we do not know who we are. We believe in a personal, unique, and separate identity - but if we dare to examine it, we find that this identity depends entirely on an endless collection of things to prop it up: our name, our 'biography, - our partners, family, home, job, friends, credit cards... It is on their fragile and transient support that we rely for our security. So when they are all taken away, will we have any idea of who we really are? - Sogyal Rinpoche


I often dream that I fly. In dream I just get from the ground and fly in a room or outside in open field. The flying envelops me. I can feel the wind, the coldness of air... It is so pleasant but it does not continue for long. Then I wake up, I actually voice the question to myself - Where am I? As if I didn't know: I'm here in another dream called my life where I see the control and the slavery of my fellow people.

One thing alone is certain, that man's slavery grows and increases. Man is becoming a willing slave. He no longer needs chains. He begins to grow fond of his slavery, to be proud of it. And this is the most terrible thing that can happen to a man...

There is no compulsory, mechanical evolution. Evolution is the result of conscious struggle. The evolution of man is the evolution of his consciousness, and 'consciousness' cannot evolve unconsciously.

- Gurdjieff

Everything you have experienced and lived so far it turned out to be fake. You do not need an explanation for the lies. Can you guaranty that anything you see, hear, feel or think right NOW is not another lie?

When you grasp and see life events as fake, you have done all your work on this planet. Well, until that time, you will continue to do what you do and your stupidity will be by your side enjoying the trip. You might as well enjoy it too. The experience of limitation is what you ask for and that is what you got.

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