Sunday, July 22, 2018

7 things I've learned in my life 💜

 As far as the search for truth is concerned, 98% of thinking is rubbish. 
The remaining 2% is garbage. Throw it all out and be empty! 

At age of 29, I've arrived in Canada with my 8 months old daughter, ex-wife and $10K. I was learning English working hard as a dishwasher. After a year or so I got a job as a computer programmer.

I bought the first apartment in 1999 which I paid it off 10 years later, and then I got divorced and I split everything with my ex.

Just about the same time I've been told by doctors that I have incurable conditions of bipolar disorder. As Bukowski said - Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.... Not me, it's been a pretty wild ride so far!

Although lacking clear direction in my 40s I sensed that there was more to life than met my eye and that society as it is now and that our culture, religion, science, philosophy, and psychology were missing the point.

On January 2nd, 2001, I stumbled upon Emerald Tablets of Thoth. I tried to read it but I did not understand anything although I like it, so on that day, I started the search for truth. My intuition suggested that the esoteric books, especially theosophy possess knowledge of the "truth" so I read and studied it extensively for a year or two.

From Madam Blavatsky, I moved to Castaneda then Gurdjieff. For two years I was performing self-observation and self-remembering practice. I must admit, I had all kinds of "spiritual" experiences and I taught I'm progressing...

And then I started reading Ramana Maharshi. When I read his teaching I was shocked to find out that myself is nothing visible or perceivable. Then came Nisargadatta, Ranjit Maharaj, and their master Siddharameshwar.

My spiritual search finished with Jed McKenna. After him, I stopped reading books and I stopped doing meditation. I still read but just for the fun, the time to pass. I have found the truth - nothing in this world has any value...

I'm tired of Adyashanti, Jeff Foster, Rupert Spira, Echart Tolle, Deepak Chopra and other "New Age" spiritual gurus... Let me digress here, really, I have nothing personal against them, they are nice guys, maybe enlightened but the bottom line is - they are too complicated, abstract, full of concepts.

Lets cut the crap and go directly into the core of what we know for sure - the only fact is "I AM" sense, the sense of presence... I exist! And that is the first lie. Then, the "I AM" sense attaches itself to a constant stream of thoughts and the illusion of separate entity is created. That is the second lie - "me" or rather the belief of "me", the illusion of "me".

My spiritual realization could be described in a few words, beautifully put by Ranjit Maharaj:

"I" is illusion and all is illusion but to understand the illusion, illusion is needed. All is only beliefs and concepts of the mind. Don't be touched by anything.

Don't fear. Nothing will happen. The world is not going to change because it does not exist. understanding should be changed nothing else. It all depends on your thoughts.

Everything is your choice, you are the power. The world is yours. Many, many troubles happen to you but don't worry for anything. So do everything but be out of it, nothing else. You take touch of everything and you make confusion.

By words you have become bound, and by words you can be free.

- Ranjit Maharaj

After 17 years since I've started my spiritual search, I thought I'd share couple things I've learned over these years:

1. Life is meaningless 💜

Life has no explanations to give. It is an empty, meaningless flow of events that just go on and on. Whatever happens, has little or no importance. People are born, they live their pity lives... they eat, shit, fuck, work and work and work more until they die. New people are born and the circle is closed.

2. Courage diminishes with age 💜

As you grow older, as time is passing by, you are becoming more and more a coward. With age, you lack the courage to do or endure dangerous or unpleasant things. You may appear as a cynic but actually, you are just timid, easily intimidated person.

The house that you own, the money in retirement fund etc. do not really protect you. It fools you. There is no security or any rest in this world, the picture of old people on Florida beach is not realistic. It does not show, the pills for high blood pressure, diapers, the lack of sleep, rheumatism etc...

3. Criticism is the final step of maturity💜

With the age, you start remembering the most embarrassing crap you did in your life with perfect clarity. The kind things you did will be pushed away, you will forget them. The bad things come out from the dirt of subconsciousness.

Instead, to correct yourself, you start correcting other people, your kids, spouse, neighbors, co-workers. With age, you have a fleeting sense of superiority over younger people so they’ll start to resent you. Nothing worthwhile comes with old age.

There’s no meaning to life, no reward for achieving all the things you've achieved.

4. The intuition is all you have💜

If you think your love partner likes you, you’re probably right. If you think your partner cheating you, you’re probably right. Your gut will never betray you although you may not know all details. Your intuition is all you have in this world. It never lies to you, for the simple reason - it does not know how!

There are situations in my life where I simply refused to listen to what I already know because the truth sometimes hurts. I have learned that in life you must trust your intuition...

5. You see the world as you are💜

If you are married, don't think too much about your spouse. You must release control over things and let things happen on their own. It is important to be completely independent and to know how to care for yourself. To be true to yourself is a natural feature worth to be cultivated in life.

6. Nothing is true💜

In my 53 years, I have learned that there is no such thing as truth. Everything is fake, "I" sense is an illusion, so whatever we do is also the illusion.

I've reached a point when I’m happy with small things. I have no more expectations from life. This is a shocking realization but no matter how much you understand about life or don’t, you still have to do the living.

The world as we know is false, there are only lies but living in this world and knowing your own insignificance is the source of true happiness.

7. Live life true to yourself💜

When you realize that your life is almost over and look back clearly on it you will understand that all was up to you and your courage to live life true to yourself, not the life others expected of you. In other words you will see that your dreams have gone unfulfilled. You'll realize that you've wasted your life.

Realize now that your happiness is your choice. Stop living your life according to patterns and habits, stop following comfort of familiarity. Deep within, you long to laugh more and have more craziness in your life. Just do it...

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