Tuesday, November 28, 2017

Based on a True Story

As far as the search for truth is concerned, 98% of our thinking is rubbish. The remaining 2% is garbage. Throw it all out and be empty! Truth cannot be caught by intellect alone - grace is needed. - Mooji

At age of 29, I've arrived in Canada with my 8 months old daughter, ex-wife and $10K. I was learning English working hard as a dishwasher to support the family. After a year I got a job as a computer programmer. I bought the first apartment in 1999 which I paid off 10 years later, and then I got divorced and I split everything with my ex. Just about the same time I've been told by doctors that I have incurable conditions of bipolar disorder. As Bukowski said - Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.... Not me, it's been a pretty wild ride so far!

Although lacking clear direction in my 40s I sensed that there was more to life than met my eye and that society as it is now and that our culture, religion, science, philosophy, and psychology were missing the point.

On January 2nd, 2001, I stumbled upon Emerald Tablets of Thoth. I tried to read it but I did not understand anything although I like it, so on that day, I started the search for truth. My intuition suggested that the esoteric books, especially theosophy possess knowledge of the "truth" so I read and studied it extensively for several years.

From Madam Blavatsky, I moved to Castaneda then Gurdjieff. For two years I was performing self-observation and self-remembering practice. I must admit, I had all kinds of "spiritual" experiences and I taught I'm progressing... and then I started reading Ramana Maharshi. When I read his teaching I was shocked to find out that myself is nothing visible or perceivable. Then came Nisargadatta, Ranjit Maharaj, and their master Siddharameshwar.

My spiritual search finished with Jed McKenna. After him, I stopped reading books and I stopped doing meditation. I still read but just for the fun, the time to pass. I have found the truth - nothing in this world has any value...

I'm tired of Adyashanti, Jeff Foster, Rupert Spira, Echart Tolle, Deepak Chopra and other "New Age" spiritual gurus... Let me digress here, really, I have nothing personal against them, they are nice guys, maybe enlightened but the bottom line is - they are too complicated, abstract, full of concepts.

Lets cut the crap and go directly into the core of what we know for sure - the only fact is "I AM" sense, the sense of presence... I exist! And that is the first lie. Then, the "I AM" sense attaches itself to a constant stream of thoughts and the illusion of separate entity is created. That is the second lie - "me" or rather the belief of "me", the illusion of "me".

My spiritual realization could be described in a few words, beautifully put by Ranjit Maharaj:

"I" is illusion and all is illusion but to understand the illusion, illusion is needed. All is only beliefs and concepts of the mind. Don't be touched by anything.

Don't fear. Nothing will happen. The world is not going to change because it does not exist. understanding should be changed nothing else. It all depends on your thoughts.

Everything is your choice, you are the power. The world is yours. Many, many troubles happen to you but don't worry for anything. So do everything but be out of it, nothing else. You take touch of everything and you make confusion.

By words you have become bound, and by words you can be free.

- Ranjit Maharaj

After 16 years since I've started my spiritual search, I thought I'd share couple things I've learned over these years:

Life is meaningless. 

I have learned that life has no explanations to give. It is an empty, meaningless flow of events that just go on and on. Whatever happens, has little or no importance. People are born, they live their pity lives... they eat, shit, fuck, work and work and work more until they die. New people are born and the circle is closed. Nature is smiling, the purpose has been accomplished.

Courage and optimism diminish with age.

I've learned that as we grow older, as time is passing by, we are becoming more and more cowards. With age, we lack the courage to do or endure dangerous or unpleasant things. Some of us appear as cynics but actually, we are just timid, easily intimidated persons.

The house that we own, the money in retirement fund etc. do not really protects us. It fools us. There is no security or any rest in this world, the picture of old people on Florida beach is not realistic. It does not show, the pills for high blood pressure, diapers, the lack of sleep, rheumatism etc...

Criticism of present days is the final step of maturity.

With the age, you start remembering the most embarrassing crap you did in your life with perfect clarity. The kind things you did will be pushed away, you will forget them. The bad things come out from the dirt of subconsciousness. Instead, to correct yourself, you start correcting other people in your life, your kids, spouse, neighbors, co-workers. With age, we have a fleeting sense of superiority over younger people so they’ll start to resent us. Nothing worthwhile comes with getting old.

There’s no meaning to life, no reward for achieving all the things we've achieved. That kind of thinking is a recipe for old worldview and is a very lonely road. All things were better back then. When you were young, the life was cheaper, happier and people were nicer. Fuck this! We’re probably not drinking enough water.

In life, the intuition is all you have. So trust yourself. Really.

If you think your love partner likes you, you’re probably right. If you think your spouse cheating, you’re probably right. Your gut will never betray you although you may not know all details. Your intuition is all you have in this world. It never lies to you, for the simple reason - because it does not know how! There are situations in my life where I simply refused to listen to what I already know because the truth sometimes hurts. I have learned that in life you must trust your intuition...

We do not see the world as it is, we see the world as we are!

Even if you are married, don't think too much about your spouse. I've learned that we must release control over things and let things happen on their own, I have learned, it is important to be completely independent and to know how to care for yourself. It is not easy to find someone with whom you can share your deepest darkest secrets and reveal the password on your phone. But to be true to yourself is a natural feature worth to be cultivated in life.

In conclusion of this honest post... We are on our life journey, and we are at different points on this journey. Many of you are on completely different routes than I am, so the answers to questions Is There Truth in Life? is very applicable.

In my 52 years, I have learned that there is no such thing as truth. The world as we know is false, there are only lies. Living in this world and knowing our own insignificance is a great source of happiness.

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