Monday, January 8, 2018

Stop being busy my dear

I have set certain rules for 2018 and I try to live according to those rules. The rules are simple. My present state is the one of sleep, absence of unity, mechanicalness and lack of control yet, I find another wrong thing with me ... lying, to myself and to others.

I can freely say, the fight to be awake is the fight to stop lying, because I lie more than anything else; and as a matter of fact, I cannot speak the truth. My lying is thinking and talking about things that I do not know. It is not intentional lying — telling false stories. No. It means that I read something on the internet on any given subject, without knowing anything about it, and start talking and defending "my" views based on very limited knowledge.

In 2018 I will try to lie less. You may read my blog or not, who cares, I really don't know why are you doing this, you want something... more surprise, attention, more comfort, more passion, more involvement, more conversation, more of "I am better than you"... more of everything. And I, I want the opposite. I'm looking for less, I'm looking for minimal things. It will pass a long time but ultimately, you'll reached a point where you'll realize that I am right.

I stand firm in my understanding that all what you and I see is not true. All is false, not true, all is bullshit. And I mean everything... from childhood, young age, being grownups to the to old age... parents, kids, work, house, hobbies, love, hate, relationships, marriage... you name it.. all is bullshit. If you don't quite get this it means you still have hopes and expectations for certain things. Wait and see. Time will prove who is right.

If we ever meet you will notice that I am really a boring guy. I don't speak much. I don't follow sports, I don't know names of the sport's stars, movie actors or politicians. Ashtanga yoga is an  important thing in my life. I've been practicing it since May 2006 and it's only after my divorce, that I've started to see what it really means to me and what the impact it has on my life.

Today, as well as yesterday and probably tomorrow, I'll woke up at 5 or 6 AM. I'll practice 45 min half primary series. Having said that I have to add that I'm not a spiritual guy. I drink wine and beer, I smoke, I eat meat. I am not the one to be followed in any way. I practice yoga for the last 12 years but I'm never going to mention this to anyone except on this blog. I don't advise you to take yoga practice, I don't push my understanding on you.

I neither watch TV nor listen the news, I only read the headlines. I never comment on the news and I have no opinion on current affairs in the world. I've never voted to any elections and I have no intention to vote. I don't support political agendas, neither parties nor politicians.

Helping you to reach your potential is not my life’s agenda. Neither is it “to make the world a better place”. Nor is it to “save whales and other species”. Nor I do "walk for cancer or AIDS". Sorry. I know, I might be upsetting you right now, but oh well.

I don't like to travel. In fact, I'm pretty close to saying I hate it. For years I said I liked it without really thinking about it. I can't stand air flights? It is just waiting. First you wait to give your suitcases and to get a boarding pass. Then you wait to enter the plane, then you wait for take off. Then you sit in dirty plane smelling socks of passengers, looking at the small screen until your eyes hurt you. When you arrive, you wait to get out of the plane, then you wait border control and again suitcases...

I like walking because I am so happy to be back at my home. I don't like overnight trips - two days of activities and one night in a strange bed. I can't stand it. It completely ruins my daily schedule and yoga routine.

I have never been and I'll never be in London, Paris, Rome, New York etc.. Exploring streets, wandering though city, checking out the restaurants, museums, galleries... for me, that simply does not make sense.

People do things they do due to only one reason... they are bored. They are so bored and they will do anything to hide that inner loneliness. They don't know what to do so they make plans to go to New York, visit London or whatever. They make kids because they have seen it from others, just to stop being bored for awhile. 20 years later, when the kids leave them, they will be bored again. Then they will take some social work, go to church or do work for community or similar bullshit...

Modern life does not allow idleness and laziness. No one ever say - I wasn’t doing anything. It looks and feels better to be doing something. Unfortunately, people tend to equate being busy with being alive. If you’re fully living your life, you must be doing something... anything. Being busy gives you a sense of importance and value. When you’re doing something you feel you matter... until you look deeper at what you’re actually doing.

I have realized that most of the time I am not doing anything. I am not a busy guy. I know it but regardless I do plunge into an useless activity like my Android Cash project I am doing right now, without thinking about the outcome. I only realize when I'm done that I see time has passed and I did yet another useless activity.

I mentioned my lying on the beginning of this post, that is what I meant, I have amazing ability to justify my actions, how about you?

My dear,

Know that doing nothing is better than being busy doing nothing.

For while you are doing nothing you at least recognize that nothing is being accomplished.

While being busy – doing nothing, showers upon you the delusion that you are actually accomplishing something. Being busy – doing nothing, allows you the leeway to say “I am busy,” when in reality you’re not, you’re just moving around frantically.

Being busy doing nothing is comparable to moving without a purpose.

Sure, you are expanding a great deal of energy, but for what?

Stop being busy my dear.

Falsely yours,

Lao Tzu

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