Sunday, March 25, 2018

Are you one, are you two, are you three... are you fifty three?

This beautiful weekend is slowly fading away. It is Sunday evening and I am home alone. My girlfriend just left to her home. We had a fight last Thursday but I realized that I was wrong and I corrected myself. I don't like arguing with anyone but sometimes I'm really stubborn and simple minded. However, my ability to look things from the outside of myself helped me to realize that I was uncool.

I'm known for my simplicity, an impulsive nature and aggressiveness. Some think I'm arrogant, well, so what, no doubt, I'm self reliant and adventurous. I know to look at my mistake, I know to admit them and to move on...

On Friday night my girlfriend and I went for a dinner with our friends. On Saturday we walked  four hours, around 8 km, south via High Park to lake Ontario and then toward downtown. We ate in Italian restaurant and we returned walking to my apartment. Today we were walking even more but we went to New Toronto. We spent outside more than 4 hours and I am now a lit bit red in the face from the sun.

My birthday is this Tuesday. I will be 53 years old and there will be no celebration, no party, no dinner, not even a birthday cake. It will be a Tuesday like any other Tuesday... Well, I'll have neither a romantic dinner with my girlfriend nor a funny evening with my daughter nor a drinking time with my friends. Regardless, I feel secure and happy, I am healthy, feeling good and I'm right where I'm supposed to be. I'm still young, vibrant, I still do yoga! Lucky me.

Happy birthday Zee!!!
...are you one, are you two, are you three...are you fifty three?

Oh yeah I am 53 and I've been thinking that for the past decade I'm still 35. I feel young and in my mind, 50-something is so fucking old! But things are as they are, I'm beginning to understand the nature of the old age, this society and generally life which is just about survival with little or nothing to show.

Getting old sucks! There are no happy ending. But to feel old has nothing to do with age. Feeling old is a state of mind. Does the world appear to be fucked up right now? Do you feel you are bombarded by not so good, bad and really bad news? Do you have feeling that world is a terrible place? Was it better before?

If you think this you're definitely old.

If you think that there is no future for our planet, you are really old. The Earth does not care about you. It just moves, flying 30 kilometers per second around sun. Sure, there are plenty of issues that need to be addressed, but things are actually not as bad as you see them. If you look around, the general well being of the people is better than it has ever been. Look at the streets, big houses, shiny condos, new cars, packed restaurants and bars. Full yoga and zumba classes, so expensive vacations and yet it is difficult to find a spot for popular destinations...

 The old-timer, 1965 Chevy Impala

You're feeling so you're getting old my friend, that's all. The world seems to you like a brighter, better place when you look back, but the reality is that you were younger, less stressed about work. Back then you had less and you didn’t have to worry about money, and of course you didn't have time to pay much attention to the news.

Feeling young, regardless of age, means to be conqueror of the world, living with enormous drive to love, cry and laugh... a drive to fight and being old is opposite, to have everything - a house, a car, good job, three meals a day, children in expensive schools, a wife doing yoga... and right then, when you have everything, you become a coward, always on the lookout for threats, always seeing dangers, always dwelling on negative things...

I know the world is just fine so I leave it alone. None of what I complain about is necessarily true.

As George Carlin said the aging should be in reverse. You start out old, life gets better as you get younger, before death you are in the comfort of your mother’s womb, and then you die at the moment of your father’s orgasm. Now that is a fucking birthday!

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