Saturday, March 17, 2018

Can You Handle The Truth?


About 80% of the so called spiritual people who did serious "Who Am I?" search become fucked up and depressed after just couple of years of sincere self-observation. That is why I am so apprehensive about suggesting spiritual search to anyone.

New Age Spirituality is okay because it does not touch the real stuff. Reading hours upon hours of Eckhart Tolle, studying chakras, meditating and trying to become part of the evolving global consciousness... great stuff, but all that is nothing for real awakening.

BEFORE I BEGIN TO EXPLAIN TO YOU in a general way what awakening is about, and to write about self-study, I want particularly to indicate that these ideas do not belong to me. This is chiefly what makes them valuable, because if they belonged to me they would be like all other theories invented by my mind - they would give only my view of things.

Behind the surface of the life which you know lies something much bigger and more important. Until you see for yourself, all your knowledge of life and of yourself is really insignificant.

You only imagine that you are awake. So when you try to remember "I am" sense, to be conscious, it means only one thing - you try to awake. And you do awake for a second but then you fall asleep again. This is your state of being, so actually you are asleep. You can awake only if you correct many things in yourself and if you work very persistently on this idea of awaking, and for a long time.

Self-study begins first with interest.

You are interested in yourself, and the next moment you are in it, and you proceed to the point where "you" do not exist any more. But the destination is far away and the path to it is difficult, almost impossible one.

Begin with the possible; begin with one step. Try to do a little, and results will show up. There is always a limit, you cannot do more than you can. If you try to do too much, you will do nothing. But, little by little, you will see that right thinking, right attitudes are necessary.

You are in prison of your own making, so what can you wish for, what can you desire? If you are a more or less sensible, you can wish for only one thing - to escape prison. But even before you can formulate this desire, that you want to escape, you must become aware that you are in prison. If you do not realize that you are in prison, what can you do?

Self-study starts with observation of your own lying.

At the beginning, self-study can be defined as "the study of lying". So one of the first and most important things for you to observe is lying. Very much akin to lying are your illusions, things about which you deceive yourself, wrong ideas, wrong convictions, wrong views and so on. All these must be studied because until you begin to understand your illusions you can never see your prison. In everything you must first separate your illusions from facts.

Your thinking has acquired many bad habits, and one of them is thinking without purpose. Your thinking has become automatic; you are quite satisfied if you think of and without having any idea why you are doing it. Such thinking is useless. All study, all thinking and investigation must have one aim, one purpose in view, and this aim must be awakening. It is useless to study oneself without this purpose.

So, the first step in awakening is the realization that you are not conscious and that you lying just about everything. But this illusion cannot be changed alone, for there are many others who are just like you. Your worst of illusion is the conviction that you can 'do'. All your life is based on this illusion. You always think that you are doing when, in reality, you are not doing anything - everything happens.

When you realize that you are asleep you will see that all history is made by people who are asleep. Sleeping people fight, make laws; sleeping people obey or disobey them.

What do you learn in self-study?

First that you are not one, that you have many 'I's, that there is no central 'I' in control. This is the state of your being. The result is mechanicalness - you are machine. If you manage to be less mechanical, less divided in yourself, if you manage to have more control of yourself, it means you're progressing. It is right there that you meet depression, sadness and meaningless of life.

Another useless habit you desperately hold is talk, you talk too much. You talk and talk and talk, and you never really notice it. Generally you think you talk very little so observe that. This is a very useful subject for watching. You will see how your day passes, how many mechanical things you say in certain conditions, how many other mechanical things you talk about in other conditions.

You will notice that you just talk and talk because it gives you pleasure, or fills your time. It is necessary to watch it and stop at least some of this unnecessary talk. Talk, imagination, lying and expressing negativity are in fact your main characteristics, the walls of your prison. You must see it for yourself in order to do anything about it.

In this self-study comes a point when you suddenly became awake. When you for a brief moment see that the "you", that, what you take yourself to be, is a fiction – when you actually recognize this, not just intellectually agree with it but actually see it – and what happens then? ....... nothing.

Nothing actually happens.


The "you" full of fear and emotions and delusions remain firmly in place.

Well, not so firmly as before seeing it, but you still get caught up being fearful and selfish although you might understand the fiction of it. You may start recognizing your life as a drama, and that does bring some relief.

But there is no explanation of what life really is.

It’s a simple thing, really. The fiction of the self is damned pervasive and persistent. It’s everywhere, in every concept and emotion and thought. Soon enough, you will be carried away by daily events by the fiction of your life and you will forget about your self-study... and that how things are.

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