Wednesday, November 14, 2018

I know which road I should take

Alice came to a fork in the road.
"Which road do I take"? she asked.
"Where do you want to go"? responded the Cheshire cat.
"I don't know." Alice answered.
"Then", said the cat. "it doesn't matter".

I have a dream of attaining self-realization. 

It is this dream, this passion that give me a sense of purpose in my life. If I lose sight of if, I will not only lose that purpose but I will also lose myself. So I keep chasing this dream. That is the most important thing of my life and nothing can come even close to it.

I have noticed recently that I have neglected my dream. Somehow, I lost myself in the labyrinth of daily life, in the long hours at work, in my relationship, in drinking, going out, in all kinds of other stupidities like watching The Affairs and reading daily news...

Alice does not know where she is going but I do know. I know which road I should take. I declare my willingness to continue chasing my dream. I am going to change my attitude towards people, and the world. This decision is effective immediately.

I am no longer concerned about "me".

I don't believe that anything and anybody existed prior to myself. I don't believe in history, in evolution in big-bang universe. Prior to my Beingness nothing was but me as Absolute and that is my direction... It leads beyond this feeling of "I", beyond this subtlest feeling that makes my Beingness.

If I review process of creation I can see that at it's very base is that I do not know myself, and suddenly the feeling of "I" appears. The moment it appears, on borderline of deep sleep and being awake, in a split second, "I am" sense appears and I know myself. Then thoughts start racing and "me" as a person starts functioning.

So I am going backwards, I am traveling away from person towards pure "I am" sense which on the end of journey must be seen as imagination. I have to discard whatever I know about That place beyond "I am" sense. Nobody knows anything about That, there is no information about it, all read and heard about That is false, and yet, about That I do have a firm conviction. It is so simple and impossible at the same time.

My life is real but not true.

When I actually can say that my life is not true? When daily life is certified as a lie? Only when I am at my source, when I understand this temporary phase of "I am" sense.

This world is based on various personalities, on individual characters. It is pure play which just happening and I am not playing a part. When I am ignorant, I think I am playing a part in this world by simply imagining a player. But that is just imagination, there are no player, everything is happening spontaneously.

The sum and substance of my life is nothing but to come to a firm decision, make a judgment, about myself (what I am?) and the world (what is it?) If I pay attention to the world I am good as dead. My path is opposite of the world and it's activities. Direction is "I am" and seeing it as imagination. That is the  final goal of my life's journey.

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