Thursday, June 14, 2018

Being cool vs being needy!

Neediness  - a generalized, undifferentiated dependence on others and feelings of helplessness and fears of desertion and abandonment.

Yesterday my girlfriend told me that all man in relationships are needy. I do not know how that come up on the surface of our conversation but I did not like her remark.

I have my own theory about what sort of a man is attractive to women. And no, they are not those guys who have an over estimated picture of themselves based on nothing more but their own imagination.

Usually it happens the men are thinking they are cool by standing out of the rest of the crowd by beeing unique, selfish and full of bad manners.

I don’t mean cool in a “we drink beer together and have a laugh” sort of a way, nor cool in a "wearing sun glasses at night time”. I mean being cool by portraying lack of emotions.

Behind the screen of such "coolness" they are actually deeply afraid of women, usually incapable of falling in love and definitely incapable of being honest and have a long term relationship. Such men are afraid of beeing "needy" and they will never ever say what they think. In fact they will do everything in the hope of being liked.

When they fall in love, it’s because they are just desperate for affection and ready to convince themselves they are in love by clinging to false coolness and the lack of emotions.

If I look myself and my sensitivity and my cry for emotional support, I do not see anything wrong with that and there is nothing for me to fix. It is just indication that something is wrong in relationship itself.

I am only as needy as my needs aren’t being met.
I have emotional needs, and that they are needs, not wants. If I love I do need to be loved back.

I do not want to be in relationship with someone who plays chic-flick games and is hesitant about showing me emotions. So my response was straightforward...

The truth is: having different emotional needs is not wrong—not having emotional needs met is.

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