Saturday, September 1, 2018

Experience of writing a blog...


This August was a great month for my yoga practice. Total 30 practices. Great. Super!!! I have no words to describe it. All this was possible because I went to yoga retreat at Punta Cana where for 6 days I did 2 practices a day. The other 4 days I had one practice a day and one day I rested.

After writing a blog for almost 6 years I came to realization that what I think I am living is not true, I am actually just being lived. Whatever I may think I have understood, whatever is my knowledge, it is all bullshit. All teachings, practices, instructions are ideas. A grand idea is that I am growing up, becoming better and wiser, and I have come this way, that way. There are numerous people who told me this but all that is hearsay!


At the end of 2012 I started blogging and I made a commitment to publish one blog post per day. I deleted the Exploring Dreamstate blog on Sunday, September 25, 2016. There are several reasons why I have done it: First and foremost, I don't want certain people to read my blog anymore. By reading it they are making a connection between us which I don't want to keep. Second, I made myself a way too public so some people got carried away with the following of my life. Third, I could not express myself fully; I've started lying on my own blog, writing what people want to read instead of reporting my life as it is. Fourth, I want to look at my life as an observer, from the outside, to have a better understanding of where I am.

zmark.ca is here for myself to give me orientation for the future and a retrospective of the past making me aware of the present. It is my motivation for daily yoga practice. It is also a place where I can describe my life as it is, my inner thoughts without being afraid of what others think.


When I move around the world, "living my life", implementing various advice from different people and teachings, various techniques, methods what I study, and then I settle down to a certain conclusion. When I come to conclusion, what happens to me really? I remain the same, but I don't realize that my struggle is not necessary at all.

No advice is ever necessary. There is no change in myself whatsoever. I am only moving in ignorance, as long as I don't see my own acting, my life has no meaning. To become more and more convinced, to get more understanding about the falseness of myself, life and the world, at the same time means to get more understanding of my true nature, and that is the only thing that matters.


Whatever my life is, I face challenges over which I have some influence, yet I find myself subject to circumstances that I can’t control. The challenge that I have today is to live simple, stress-free, healthy life. I've decided to continue to write this blog. There will be no more section "relationship" and I will not write about my love-life.

I will not strive to impress anyone here on this blog. No more wasting time to prove something. Nothing needs to be proven. Sometimes I have to walk away from your opinions, not because I don’t care, but because you don’t. I accept the fact that no one really cares about me. It’s a tough pill to swallow, but it’s necessary.

I have no desire to make a difference in the world, I am only concerned how to live my life truthfully when everything around myself are lies and hypocrisy.


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