Saturday, August 4, 2018

I don't give a shit for retirement

It’s been nearly sixteen years since I started out on the spiritual journey of self-discovery. Since then I've changed so much, I come so far, it’s hard to remember exactly who I once was. I know I was very ambitious, eager to make something of myself, to get the best of life. I was pushy, loud, confident, in one word just an asshole. I had no idea what really matters in life.

Now I am 53 and I hear people of my age talking about retirement, pension plans, and future in general. They are very much afraid of what will happen to them. They are afraid of getting old. I do not worry about such things. What is the future after all? An imagination. The future does not exist, it is just in the mind. People lose present moment worrying about the future, worrying about something that does not exist.

I cannot really say that I have discovered the truth but I am okay with understanding that nothing has value in this life. Events arouse desire, fear, anger, and your mind says - this is me, this is mine. You get stuck talking to yourself, explaining, hoping, trying to find any meaning in all this.

I am not writing this trying to win your approval or sell you something. I am not advising you to meditate, pray or chant. I am not concerned if you do yoga or not. I am not trying to cleanse your chakras or purify your soul or get you happy. I'm certainly not trying to save you. Save from what? From yourself. Impossible.

One thing is quite clear to me: all that is, lives and moves and has its existence is on the surface, just perception and you are there and beyond that too. You are in it as a witness only but you have separated yourself in your imagination from the real world of common and simple existence, you've enclosed yourself in a cloud of personal desire and fears, images and thoughts, ideas and concepts.

A right response to every situation is in your very nature. You must stop thinking what will come, just act and move on. If something comes back to you deal with those events afresh. Have no sense of purpose in doing anything. Things happen as they happen not because you make them happen, but it is because you're giving them your attention that they happen. In reality, in truth, nothing ever happens.

You may come to the same conclusion only after a full investigation, only by being observant and conscious for a long time, not before. Of course, when you let go of your imagination, wishful thinking, your hopes, and expectations, what remains is a simple existence. But don't be mislead by these words!

I want to tell you that the world has no existence apart from you. You see what you want to see. At every moment it is but a reflection of your inner attitudes. Event happens, you create the meaning of it, you enlarge it by your thinking and emotions or if you do not pay attention to it, you destroy it. Your personal existence is a limited and distorted view of the simplicity itself. It is not your personality that needs improving, but your way of looking at yourself.

The world is a stage on which your personal drama is being played. Believe me when I say the quality of your performance is all that matters. It is not really what you say and do, but how you say and do it. You take life too seriously and you make mistake.

Be fully aware of yourself, of the thinking habits of your emotional responses and separate your sense of self from all that and you will be happy. Because you take your thinking and emotions as part of yourself, you end up being morose and depressed. True happiness is found only when you apart from your personal self. It is found in the sense of presence, being always in the present moment, playing, laughing... it is spontaneous and really effortless being.

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