Saturday, September 22, 2018

I know the Truth


Friday night, outside is still warm but windy. Weather is changing. Strange night, full of emotions. I bet there are increased number of mental patients on emergency tonight.

I am alone, fully awake, listening to Arabic music, drinking beer and looking, very carefully at old photos, trying to remember where they are taken and how I felt that moment. Some of them I delete. I don't want to feel like that anymore.

I like this photo with my twin sister. We were on my niece wedding party and I felt amazing. My niece's wedding party was really nice. I had a good time. I was dancing all night, my heart was happy.


I felt happiness but at the same time there was a touch of sadness because my mother was not with us. She was looking forward for my niece's wedding. And that is life. One moment sadness next happiness then again comes sadness... One without other is not worth much.

The last think I remember about my mother is... we sat in silence, side by side, for a few moments and then I began to ask her questions, just to fill the silence. “Are you hungry?” No answer. “Are you cold?" No answer. “What are you thinking about?”, she answered me - "Nothing. I don't think about anything." Quietness.

I am missing her. She use to tell me that being a grown-up is awesome. And now that I am an adult, I'm still waiting for that awesome part.

I still feel on the inside very much like a teenage boy. The fact of the matter is I don't know how to grow up, and it seems like everyone around me already has. But they are moments in life when you grow up very quickly, very fast.

This is a true story from my early childhood. The story goes like this:

My mother, a hard-core communist, she was a party secretary for a long time.
My father, a christian, a true God believer. He was going to church regularly.
Me, a five years old, curios kid.

Me: Mother who creates us?

Mother: Oh son, we are created by evolution, first the tiny microbes appeared in the water and then from them, hundred of thousand years later, man evolved.

Me: Father, mother says that we are created from tiny microbes?

Father: Omg, that's not true. Son, God has created us. Ask your mother who created microbes.

Me: Mother, father says that God has created us, He asked you who created tiny microbes.

Mother: (very upset) I know he will say that. Yes, God pissed in the water and microbes are created??? Son, I told you everything is created by evolution. From amebes to the elephant. Ask him who has created God.

Me: Father, mum says that we are created by evolution not by God. Who created God?

Father: (obviously very angry) What evolution? Who created God, what a question? Karl Marx created God??? Stupid thing to ask!!! Of course that God has created everything and there is nothing here except God.

And for me, as a very smart kid, that was enough.

Since then, I know the truth: Karl Marx created God, God pissed in the water, amebes appeared and then everything evolved....


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