Thursday, December 13, 2018

How about you?

If you don't follow my blog but you came here from the Facebook "I Love Ashtanga Yoga" and "YOGA" and you just read one single article, you might wonder what I'm actually writing about. Well, I'm writing about yoga and awakening...

To be quite honest I'm just having a fun.

Writing a blog today is not easy. Everything is already written and all ideas are out there. The Google search just about anything imaginable will reveal thousands of articles. It can be confusing at a time. Anyway, my post What Does It Mean To Be An Ashtangi has been published by Elephant Journal. Nice, the editor changed "you" to "us" they say they do not like direct writing. It is okay, however I prefer writing directly.

Don't believe everything you read on the internet. That included news, articles, scientific and statistical reports... blog posts, especially blogs. People are writing all kinds of bullshit. Take for example my own blog. It is a kill-the-time endeavor. I'm writing for entertainment only.

Life is ridiculous! I mean, you were born on certain date and until around 2 or 3 years old you didn't know yourself, and then suddenly "I am" notion appears and you start knowing yourself. If you lucky enough not to go to kindergarten, very soon in school, you will find out that the life is some serious shit.

As a kid I wondered about many questions. 

Sadly, to this day, I did not found answers due to repetition, grades, discipline, useless tasks, socializing... step by step I became a person with desire to please others around me. Was that my  mother or father or my daughter, ex spouse, or boss, it does not matter. I lived my life for others until I became this old...

By living my life, every single day I am faced with a million little things that encourage me to take life seriously. I am self-centered so many things bother me. I am free to say that my life is nothing but one frustration after another.

When I say that I am  taking life too seriously, I mean that I'm turning everyday situations into problems, constantly on the lookout for shit to complain about and I'm worrying about a bunch of things that simply do not matter. My bare needs are a place to sleep, something to wear and to have two meals a day. Everything else is luxury to please my vanity.

Anyway, back to my childhood questions...

The first question was: Do other people exist when I am not in direct contact with them? I, as center of universe have all kind of relationships. I play my role as a father, brother, boyfriend, friend, lover, co worker, neighbor etc.. What if all these people that I know are here only as far as I am paying attention to them, when I am in a direct contact to them. Interesting.

The second question was even more mysterious: How can I leave something as a reminder of this life to my next life? And that brings me to third question: Did I left a reminder from previous life for this life? Did I? What that can be? I find the fact that I don't remember previous lives to be very cruel.

Next question that often came on my mind was: What if dreams are more real, than what I perceive to be my waking life? What if waking life is also just a fantasy.

Silly me, I would like to find answers on these and other interesting questions. It is useless to ponder about it but I like it. If I talk about this to other people I may be labeled as a freak. Truth and the world are two completely different things, and my world is distorted by my beliefs about what it is and what it should be. And yes, the world plays around my in my appearance, qualities, abilities and achievements. And I don't blame myself! I’ve been lied to my entire life.

Everything in this world, including my sense of myself, is FAKE. 

I am fake, my world, aspirations and desires, your family, friends, neighbors, teachers, idols... my country, my job, my interests, striving, hopes  and everything else... are one layer of lies on the top of another.

I realized that I live this life just for one reason - to see through this pile of shit, to see falseness of everything. But instead, I make life serious by setting all kinds of goals - to save money, to get rid of belly fat, to complete primary series, to visit Prague, to complete this asana, to swim with dolphins, to become rich, to be my own boss, to own my condo, to drive a Corvette, to find true love - the list, mostly mundane and predictable, is endless.

Unfortunately, this is what society wants from me. I live life where goals, timelines, and deadlines are normal thing. Society tells me that setting and achieving is the only way to lead a fulfilling life, and thus the only way to be truly happy, and they say, I also need to enjoy the process in between - the “journey,” they call it.

How about you?

I am writing this because I am straightforward. There is nothing here to be understood. I'm only telling you that my life is a lie and I think your life is a lie too. If I'm not so convincing, so what? You and I will continue living our wonderful life just as we did before.

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