Saturday, January 19, 2019

c'est la vie!


Legally, you’re an adult once you turn 18. By society’s standards, you come of age at more like 21. But as most of you come to realize, I'm not really a proper grown-up even I'm 54. I have stoped writing this blog. I have nothing to give you in order to explain anything in this life. So why to write? 

My days go like on a roll-coaster. I work at the office, I work at home, I study, I have sex here and there, then I work again.. and time is passing by... I try to do yoga as well but it does not go as planned.



Perhaps the deepest reason why we are afraid of death Is because we do not know who we are. We believe in a personal, unique, and separate identity - but if we dare to examine it, we find that this identity depends entirely on an endless collection of things to prop it up: our name, our 'biography, - our partners, family, home, job, friends, credit cards... It is on their fragile and transient support that we rely for our security. So when they are all taken away, will we have any idea of who we really are? -Sogyal Rinpoche

Don't be grown up - dance :-)

You take a blue pill, the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in Wonderland and you continue jerking off... - The New Matrix

I have a dream of attaining self-realization. 

It is this dream, this passion that give me a sense of purpose in my life. If I lose sight of if, I will not only lose that purpose but I will also lose myself. So I keep chasing this dream. That is the most important thing of my life and nothing can come even close to it.


I have noticed recently that I have neglected my dream. Somehow, I lost myself in the labyrinth of daily life, in the long hours at work, in my relationship, in drinking, going out, in all kinds of other stupidities like overworking on my tiny Android project...


I am no longer concerned about "me".

I don't believe that anything and anybody existed prior to myself. I don't believe in history, in evolution in big-bang universe. Prior to my Beingness nothing was but me as Absolute and that is my direction... It leads beyond this feeling of "I", beyond this subtlest feeling that makes my Beingness.

If I review process of creation I can see that at it's very base is that I do not know myself, and suddenly the feeling of "I" appears.


My life is real but not true.



This world is based on various personalities, on individual characters. It is pure play which just happening and I am not playing a part. When I am ignorant, I think I am playing a part in this world by simply imagining a player. But that is just imagination, there are no player, everything is happening spontaneously.

My path is opposite of the world and it's activities. Direction is "I am" and seeing it as imagination. That is the  final goal of my life's journey.

 Ces't la vie!

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