Tuesday, February 5, 2019

Back to yoga, living healthy and saving money

December and January were months for hard learning of Angular programming. I learned a lot and I implemented my first angular code at work. I am becoming more and more proficient with typescript, html and css.

I have restarted my yoga practice and I will try to do it every day. Nevertheless, I'm returning to my main life's goal - self-realization. I have never disregarded awakening and being a conscious human being. My life is not a rush and I am not living in a frantic tempo. Not because I want to, but because I've stopped looking at others. I've stopped competition with others. I am not interested of what others do, think, say...

I have done many things in my life, like my marriage, for example, I regret most f it. But when I think more deeply, so fucking what?... if I did a fatal mistake marrying the ex and being in a marriage for 22 years.

They say, there are things to be learned from every mistake, the mistakes are lessons. I just wonder, the lessons... for what? Smart guys divorce in 30s, not like me, I divorced in 48. What is left for me to learn?

So at the end of the day, I don't really worry for this lost time. Worrying is bullshit. Unrealistic perception of life is the base of all problems. I try to laugh at my life as many times as I can. I know, my laugh does not solve anything and yet...

I look good for my age. 91 kg, it can be better, I must go down to 86 kg. In June I will be at 35 years of High School reunion party. I want to look, not good but great. 

It’s wonderful when I find meaning and purpose in my life. Most of the time I am not there. I have no idea what my purpose was/is. I’m not talking about my job, angular programming, my mortgage renewal, or car maintenance, I mean the real reason why I'm here at all — what is a reason I exist.

I'm rather a nihilistic realist who doesn’t believe neither in God nor in conspiracy theories. Many books seem to assume that we're either genetically (read - divinely) encoded with some sort of built-in purpose, and all we need to do is take the time to discover it.

Every day in subway, on the street, at work, I see empty people and I feel so vividly their emptiness, the yearning, the confusion, the lacking of something. My feelings merge with them and then I don't see them anymore.

It sounds boring to say but nothing will happened to anyone by itself, they will not change and they will not understand, they will not understand that world is pulled over their mind and made them a modern slaves.

This might come as a surprise to you, but it is more likely that you simply refuse to see it.

The power of their delusions is staggering, yet, the beliefs and opinions are necessary to help them function in the world. The world is supported by their "sleep" and the Nature does not want them to "wake up".

You remember when I said how I was gonna explain about life, buddy? Well the thing about life is, it gets weird. People are always talking about truth. Everybody always knows what the truth is, like it was toilet paper or somethin' and they got a supply in the closet. But what you learn, as you get older, is there ain't no truth. All there is is bullshit, pardon my vulgarity here. Layers of it. One layer of bullshit on top of another. And what you do in life like when you get older is, you pick the layer of bullshit that you prefer and that's your bullshit, so to speak. -Bernie LaPlante. Hero

That's it. Try to see that for yourself.

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