Sunday, March 31, 2019

Back to reality 😏

Sunday morning, the end of March 2019. Snow in Toronto... I returned from Cancun on Friday evening and went out to meet my friends. We ended up in Mississauga at Fancy Kafana bar until 2 am. A live music was there and my friend told the band about my birthday, so they played the Happy Birthday Song for me. 😏

Officially, I am 54. Each of us undertake this life in one or another way. We draw unique experiences into our life in order to learn only one thing - that we were wrong about it. This is what an experience really means. We gain knowledge about falseness of things we believe to be true. Nothing is true.


Anyway, the vacation in Mayan Riviera was good, the hotel Barcelo Maya Caribe is a nice place. The food, pool and beach were excellent although I hurt my foot in the sea, I hit the rock when exiting the water. My left foot was swollen but it was passed in a day. Really there were no rocks in the sea but somehow I have found the one.

I did not do any yoga on my vacation. Today, I am starting daily practice of ashtanga yoga. I am full of energy, well rested and eager to work on my body (and mind). 

I decided to stop drinking completely. At the vacation, my girlfriend and I drank a lot... beer, tequila, gin tonic, wine... I gained couple of pounds and I want to get in shape again.

Seven days at the hotel were quite enough. I was all the time with my girlfriend and I was craving for a time to be alone. I simply cannot be all the time with someone. I cannot listen to her stories about kids, job and cooking, I am simply tired listening it. We are almost 3 years together, well, kind of "together" and I feel it is time to move on.

In June I am going to Serbia to visit my father and sister. I have already bought the plane ticket and I am traveling on June 1. On June 8, I have High School Reunion party. I am happy to meet my high school friends. I will stay there 2 weeks, not more. 

When I return back to Toronto I will still have a week of vacation days left but I am not sure how to use it and where to go. 

Right now, nothing is happening. Yoga, healthy living and saving money are main things. In April I am receiving a bonus which is a really nice thing to cover these traveling expenses. 

This month, everything costs me more, my mortgage is higher for $40 per month, car insurance for $33 and tomorrow gas is going up which means living costs are going up... but what better can I expect.

I am not a pessimist, I am a realist. I like Existential Nihilism philosophy. It's a philosophy that strips away of all delusions and leaves nothing behind but the bare naked truth that life is basically meaningless.

People hate the nihilism because its terrifying to them. They want to hold on to hope and they believe deep down that life has a purpose. That's why they turn out toward religion which somehow makes their life easier. They go to church and all is good. They had a relief because it is extremely melancholy to realize that nothing has any value.

It takes courage to live life understanding that no matter what you might accomplish, all will disappear like smoke in the air; that no matter what service you might attempt to perform, it's all useless. 

Not only that, but the very fact that everything is insignificant and nothing has any intrinsic meaning doesn't mean anything either. There you go...

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