Revisit 2019 Resolution

To awaken means to realize one's nothingness, that is to realize one's complete and absolute mechanicalness and one's complete and absolute helplessness. And it is not sufficient to realize it philosophically in words. It is necessary to realize it in clean, simple, and concrete facts, in one's own life. - Gurdjieff

It is Sunday, July, 21, 2019, 2:30 am, I am fully awake. I went to bed at 8 pm and I slept until now. Yesterday was the hottest day here in Toronto, almost 42 C, it was humid and muggy. During a night, the brief rain came as a refreshment so now is pleasantly 22 C. I am reviewing year 2019, I read my post Year 2019 - New Year Resolution.

I set four major concerns for 2019:

Regular, daily exercise
Living healthy
Improve professional skills
Saving money

The four major concerns are still in effect. So far, I have only partially followed my resolution, maybe 60% or so, and I had to change that for the rest of the year.

The big problem of my life is my inability to keep in focus multiple goals. I was only able to focus at one thing at a time. For example when I worked on improving my professional skills, while I was learning Angular programming I disregarded yoga practice, so in January and February my practice was sporadic almost not existent. All my attention was on learning new computer skills.

The biggest disappointment is with the Living Healthy concern. I still eat a lot of carbs, I still smoking a lot. In January 2019 I had 92 kg and during winter I gain 4 kg so in March and April my weight was reached 96 kg. Increased yoga practice in May, June and July had it results and at present I have 93 kg. My goal was to keep my weight bellow 90 kg.

Saving money concern was OK until this month. During 2019 I kept the goal alive, I was not in debt and I accelerated mortgage payments. But in July lot of expenses, valid and not so valid, occurred and I at present I am in debt. In August I am going back home and I will spend couple thousands more.

How did I come to this financial situation? In July, I have calculated, I had about $2000 of expenses which are product of my stupidities. The money was spent in going out, paying lunches and dinners of $200 each or more. I can freely live with $35 per day and then I go out and pay $220 dinner to my friends. I am really questioning my sanity.

So here I am. To the end of the year there are 5 months and I must go back to my 2019 resolution. First and foremost, I had to cut smoking drastically. Second, I have to, I just have to practice yoga every day. Ashtanga yoga, practiced as it should be practices, is a great tool to keep everything in balance, clear mind, strong body, ideal weight etc..

I have a plan to go to Dominican Republic for a vacation, on the beginning of September, to go alone and to enjoy the end of summer. I have to be extremely cautious of my spending habits. Stop going out is major thing for me now, not only because it is not healthy but also it costs a lot.

I have concluded that I need to act. I will not buy any beer or wine anymore. My fridge will not see wine bottles and beer cans for the rest of the year. I am stopping drinking and I am cutting smoking to less than a pack a day. Also I will not go out and pay for drinks and food to others. That time has passed.

In 2019, if I look from the side, I can see that my behavior is really questionable. I could not keep multiple goals, what was decided were not followed by my action and in some cases the actuality was quite opposite. I fear now that I am losing it and I must change what can be changed.

From now on, my day must start with strong ashtanga yoga practice. It will not matter if I am tired, sleepless or whatnot. I had to established 6-days a week the practice as a cornerstone of everything else in my life.

At work, I had become a team leader and my responsibilities increased so I need to be engaged more and with a great care. I will work 9 to 5 and continue to improve myself in computer programming.

I have calculated that if I follow my original plan and spend $35 per day, I can return to debt free life by the end of September. I still have 4 months left to cut my mortgage.