Sunday, July 7, 2019

We choose only once

I made a choice. I have started to lead a new life, a disciplined one. That's the only life worth living, the life that gives me a clarity I want.

I looked at people I shared my life so far, closely and deliberately, and I saw that, some of them, are not necessary on my path so I simply removed them from my life. I am not concerned about my ex wife, about my former girlfriends and some of my close friends. Simply put, they do not exist for me anymore.

What I have learned so far, in a gradual manner with lot of mistakes, is that by being divorced I have left the ordinary life behind and that I must adopt a new way of life if I am going to survive. I have to be a warrior, to proceed alone, strategically, with a great care for my well being.

To be alone is a very important step and decision. The frightening nature of being divorced leaves me no alternative but to choose with who I share my time. I also realized that my death is the only friend that will be with me until the end. Without the awareness of death I am just an ordinary, complaining man involved in daily activities without sense.

People do not understand what the awareness of death really means. They say time and time again that we should always be prepared to die. I don't regard that opinion as necessary. I think it is a useless indulgence. I am prepared only to fight...

I don't like indulging and complaining, not driven by winning or losing, I am true to my feelings that I have done things the best way I can thus the outcome matters very little to me. I am alone and clear and knowing that my spirit is free I laugh.

Everything what I will do from now on will be a folly in regard to myself and my world because nothing matters. Certain things in people's life matter to them because they feel they are important.

For me, not a single thing is important any longer, neither my acts nor the acts of anyone that I know. Really, it doesn't matter to me that nothing matters.

All of us, whether or not we are warriors, have a chance to understand of who we really are and that pops out in life from time to time. The difference between an average man and a warrior is that the warrior is aware of this, and one of  his tasks is to be alert, deliberately waiting, so that when universe offer a chance for understanding he has the necessary power to pick it up.

Usually people are too busy, or too preoccupied, or just too stupid and lazy to realize that that is our only real luck in life. A warrior, on the other hand, is always alert of this fact.

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