The Sharat's DVD is the Best

Wednesday, December 18, 2019, the bitter cold evening here in Toronto. It is -12 C and it is around 8 p.m. I've had a long 3 hours nap after work, I am relaxed and rested and I don't know how I will sleep tonight.

This morning I did yoga practice, I followed Sharath's counts on his DVD... It is really fast breath count and you move from pose to pose very quickly, not even 5 breaths. I love this DVD, it requires a full concentration during practice.

I am so relaxed these days. Finally Holidays slowly coming in into my life. I worked from home today and my daughter visited me around noon and I made a lunch for her. Tomorrow is a pay day and I will give her $200 as a Christmas present. I have no more to give her, I have to pay off my debt.

This weekend, I am going out with a new woman, she is tall with green eyes and long black hair. Who knows what will be, but something is definitely going to happen. I am moving away from my last  relationship, going into new life... life goes on.

It's so easy to practice yoga when I'm happy when everything around feels right when I have no thoughts or some big plans. I just jump out of bed, take a coffee and run to the mat, simply move through sun salutations with excitement and a feeling of happiness.

Today's practice is the 3rd in a row. I have a strength, flexibility, and endurance. I am planning to do everyday yoga until New Year. And after that.. 2020 will be a quite different from this year.

I have realized that my worries don't matter at all, so let's have fun and do yoga.

But fun is not what comes to mind when you mention Ashtanga yoga. Anyone who’s done this practice knows that heart starts pumping after completing just the sun salutations at the beginning of the practice and that itself is quite challenging. And anyone who’s ever gone all the way through the primary series understands what effort and strength are all about.

I always try to remind myself that my practice is not about how hard I work, but how effortlessly I do it. It’s not about flexibility, but about subtleties of correct breathing, keeping mulla bandha and saving energy.

Most people do not like this practice. It is the repetition of the same postures that makes it so unpopular. I do half primary daily and this chaturanga and upward dog are after each side of every single sitting asana. It is hard and it requires a great strength and concentration. People want varieties, freedom of the movement, music, heat etc...

In less than two weeks I will be officially 55. Omg almost sixty. It's extremely melancholy to realize that nothing has any meaning except aging, the life is essentially meaningless. Including this yoga practice.

It's very disillusioning to get that no matter what I might accomplish, it disappears like smoke in the air; that no matter what work I might attempt to perform, it's all insignificant in the end. If not today, then tomorrow. If not tomorrow then in a year or so...

I really get this but I realized one more thing, because life has no meaning, because nothing really matters at all and everything is purposeless, then my worries and stress don't really matter either. So what a fuck, let's do yoga.