Waiting for Godot

We waited and waited. All of us. Didn't the shrink know that waiting was one of the things that drove people crazy? People waited all their lives. They waited to live, they waited to die. They waited in line to buy toilet paper. They waited in line for money. And if they didn't have any money they waited in longer lines. You waited to go to sleep and then you waited to awaken. You waited to get married and you waited to get divorced. You waited for it to rain, you waited for it to stop. You waited to eat and then you waited to eat again. You waited in a shrink's office with a bunch of psychos and you wondered if you were one. - Charles Bukowski

Wednesday night, couple minutes passed 7 PM... As I sit with my coffee this moment, I'm thinking about events of this week and I am writing this article with an empty feeling of indifference.That is inside. Outside I look like very busy fellow. I started a new project at home. I am building e-commerce web application template and that occupies my free time.

I want to tell you a secret... there isn't one! Only few know this. There is no big secret of life.

We are conditioned to think we are on some kind of journey. We are thinking that we are progressing, improving. We're waiting for success, we want to become rich, to be famous, to be smart and that is causing a feeling of lack, of not-so-good-enough or whatever. So, what we're actually doing... we are making ourselves unhappy.

I have never hit that magical point where I figured out exactly what I really want to do with my life. I have no clue what I'm doing, and I embarrass myself, repeatedly. This morning I've spent $300 on SSL, Web hosting, Cloudflare accounts even I am not sure if will ever finish my project. But I laugh at myself knowing very well that my laugh is useless too.

Have you watched Waiting for Godot?

If you did not ... Waiting for Godot, published by Samuel Beckett in 1949, is a play in which two characters (Estragon and Vladimir) are waiting for someone who never comes. If you want to impress someone, you say Waiting for Godot explores themes of existentialist philosophy. The emptiness and randomness of the plot causes the audience to wonder is there any meaning in the play – or in life.

At one moment Estragon asks Vladimir what it is that he has requested from Godot:

VLADIMIR: Oh ... nothing very definite.
ESTRAGON: A kind of prayer.
VLADIMIR: Precisely.
ESTRAGON: A vague supplication (asking or begging for something).

Sounds familiar? That is what we do all our life.

If someone asked me to describe life in one word, that word would be... WAITING.

Our whole life we are waiting for something. We're waiting for the dawn, birthday, holiday, train, children, summer, Friday, payment, vacation, recognition, dinner, enlightenment, love, new year, answer, smile, call, truth, destiny, death ...

I have stopped waiting for Godot.

I don't really wait for anything anymore. I have no ambition, nowhere to go, no one to be or become. I don't need to distract myself from anything or convince myself of anything. There is nothing that I think isn't as it should be, and I have no hope that things will be better. I have nothing to hope for.

I don't seem to be bored or unhappy about it, so I guess it is weird.

The Waiting for Godot plays quickly because it gives situations which don't offer anything. Thus the main theme of the play and the meaning of life is set in two sentences:

ESTRAGON: Nothing to be done.
VLADIMIR: I'm beginning to come round to that opinion.