Yesterday and tomorrow

Yesterday and tomorrow of this day, the Friday, August 30, 2019.

5 am. I am in Toronto, fully awake. Yesterday evening I finally came back from Serbia. I said finally because my flight from Munich was cancelled on Tuesday. I had to stay in Belgrade for two additional nights in a hotel waiting for a new flight to Toronto.

The trip from Frankfurt was a long and tiring, we were late 50 minutes from the departure and I was more than 9 hours in the plane but I was in a good spirit when I arrived home. My daughter was waiting for me and we had a good conversation and a lot of laugh. 

Last night, I unpacked suitcase, washed clothes... I have no time, can you imagine that I have no time? Tomorrow, I am going to Punta Cana, Dominican Republic. I will stay there for a week.

It took me a long time to admit that I don't like to travel. In fact, I'm pretty close to saying I hate it. For years I said I liked it without really thinking about it, because I had the vague sense that it was part and parcel of being an educated, intelligent person. Right now I'm mostly take travel as a punishment.

I can't stand these air flights? It is just waiting. First you wait to give your suitcases and to get a boarding pass. Then you wait to enter the plane, then you wait for take off. Then you sit in a plane looking at the small screen until your eyes hurt you...

When you arrive, you wait to get out, then you wait border control and your suitcases. If all is without any problems you were waited almost a day from Europe to Canada. People call this traveling. Anyway...

I do travel, of course. I like seeing my family and friends, and if that involves travel, then fine. I can cope with the horror of flying for the fun of visiting my home country.

I like day trips and walking because I am so happy to be back in my own home at night. I don't like overnight trips - two days of activities and one night in a strange bed. I can't stand it. It completely ruins my daily schedule and morning yoga practice.

I see no excitement seeing new places especially cities. I have never been and I'll never be in London, Paris, Rome, New York etc.. Exploring streets, wandering though city, checking out the restaurants, museums, zoos...

It's stupid but very common belief that the traveling, seeing other places and passing through the experience matters. I heard it before, "we are here, we're living this life to gain experience". No my friends, we are living this life because we don't have anything else to do. At the end of our life we will forget everything. We want to travel because we are simply bored with your daily dull and uneventful life.

And that is what I saw back home. My family living their life struggling from day to day with difficulties of aging and health issues. My father had double bypass heart surgery and he is recovering from that. My uncle has liver cancer, my aunt leg problems, and other relatives have other kind of health issues, they are in 80ies and they are concerned and they talk only about sickness.

I had a very difficult time over there. It was so bored and sometimes  it looked like the time has stopped. Everyday was between 31 and 38 C, so heat was additional factor that made me so nervous. I wanted to come back to Toronto and when you wish something so eagerly the opposite things usually happen.

My flights was cancelled and I had to stay two additional days over there. I stayed in the hotel.

My family does not look deeply into question of What is this life and the world around? They are living their life thinking they are immortal. They do not see that all is a just a dream... and in some considerable time they will not wake up from their dream. 

They are so strongly attached to this world.They have attached themselves to sickness, to health, to good, to bad, to happiness, to unhappiness, not seeing that all of that is just their imagination. 

They have attached themselves to gossip and they are concerned what other say and do. They have forgotten that this is a dream. They believe it’s real and because they believe it’s real they suffer accordingly.

I did not even tried to change things. I let them be themselves...

8 yoga practices back home. I practiced outside in the morning somewhere between 8 and 10 am when heat was bearable.  The practice was good but I am overweight, 95 kg with a large belly. I need a special plan to get in shape. I am going to use my Punta Cana vacation to start a serious reshaping of my body.

In Punta Cana I will do 2 yoga practices a day, eat food with no carbs, generally try to drink less and swim a lot... It will be an active vacation.

By simply observing what's going on around back home I got additional motivation to keep awakening a priority in my life. Over there I've tried not attaching myself to their way of life by being awake to my own reality, understanding that I am not the doer.

Everything that has to happen will happen and things are preordained. It simply will be done. I have to let go mentally of all conditioning, of all self labeling and objectivity.

I know I must pay attention to my mind. Make my mind placid, like a motionless lake. Then understanding comes of its own accord. Happiness comes of its own accord. Peace comes of it own accord. Love comes of its own accord. Freedom comes of its own accord.

These things has nothing to do of how much money someone has. Things happen without me ever thinking about them. But first I must get rid of the notion, that I am this fat body, or this overzealous mind, or the doer and then everything will happen by itself accordingly.

My family back home, just like all others ignorant people, are in a very difficult postiion without knowing the way out. They are in their personalities and they are not free. They do not realize that there never was an I. They fear death so much and they will not discover that they never existed. 

There's no such thing as a person, that they are never born and they can never die. That there are no others. There is no world. There is no universe. There is no God. 

They will never have a feeling of freedom, of bliss, of real happiness. And I am really sad for that.

This has nothing to do with what they have or not have. It is just understanding what's going on and where they are. If you are sick you see a doctor and let it be, if you're hungry you eat, if you're in the sun burning up, you get out of the sun. It's not a belief. This is why I tell you to believe nothing. Do not believe in what you think. Do not believe anything.