Sunday, October 20, 2019

I have a dream of attaining self-realization

The 2019 federal election in Canada is tomorrow, but I feel uninspired to go to the poll. I will not give my vote to anyone. I dislike all of the political party leaders. I'm frustrated with political campaign turning into personal attacks. It is all a big bullshit.

I have only one dream and it is different from the most of people. It is this dream to attain self-realization, this passion that give me a sense of purpose in my life. If I lose sight of if, I will not only lose the purpose but I will also lose myself. So I keep chasing this dream. That is the most important thing of my life and nothing can come even close to it.

Last week, I have changed my way of living. I want to stop losing myself in the labyrinth of daily life, in the long hours at work, in my relationship, in drinking, going out, in all kinds of other stupidities like watching The Netflix and reading daily news.

Last week, I did not drink at all. I didn't go out, I was disciplined and aware. My skin became brighter and I hope my liver noticed the change too. I had four yoga practices last week. And this trend will continue.

I don't believe that anything and anybody existed prior to myself. I don't believe in history, in evolution in big-bang universe. Prior to myself was nothing... and then suddenly, for no reason other than having a physical body, this feeling of "I" appeared.

If I review process of creation of myself I can see that at it's very base is that I do not know who am I, and every morning upon waking up, the feeling of "me" appears. The moment it appears, on borderline of deep sleep and being awake, in a split second, "I am" sense appears and I know myself. Then thoughts start racing and "me" as a person starts functioning.

So in daily life, I am going backwards, I am traveling away from person towards pure "I am" sense. I have to discard whatever I know, and yet, I have to have a firm conviction in success. It is so simple and impossible at the same time.

This world is based on various personalities, on individual characters. It is pure play which just happening and I am not playing a part. When I am ignorant, I think I am playing a part in this world by simply imagining a player. But that is just imagination, there are no player, everything is happening spontaneously.

The sum and substance of my life is nothing but to come to a firm decision, make a judgment, about myself (what I am?) and the world (what is it?) If I pay attention to the world I am good as dead. My path is opposite of the world and it's activities. Direction is "I am" and seeing it as imagination. That is the  final goal of my life's journey.

Share Share on Facebook Tweet Share on Google+

like on facebook
Most Popular: