I feel... the enlightenment is almost here

Tuesday night, 7 pm in Toronto, I am hungry but I will not eat, I have to do yoga practice. I am so tired, last night I was at beer night with my friends, stayed until midnight and then I was on internet for another 2 hours. I woke up at 6 am and I sent invitation to all my friends for Birthday party.

I am making a big party on Saturday, March 14, 2020 at my condo's party room. I will make this party with my friend who also is 55 and has the birthday in March. We are expecting about 50 people.

On March 25, 2020 I am going to Punta Cana with my girlfriend for a vacation. I am looking forward to March 2020.

You see my friends, I do have plans. But my major goal, my life's goal is to gain self-realization. Whatever that might be. 😏

I have this dream of attaining enlightenment

In this dream called daily life, it is this passion that give me a sense of purpose. If I lose it, I will not only lose the purpose but I will also lose myself. So I keep chasing this dream. That is the most important thing of my life and nothing can come even close to it.

I often lose myself in the labyrinth of daily life, in the long hours at work, in drinking, going out, reading daily news and in all kinds of other stupidities...

So in 2020 I have declared my willingness to continue chasing my dream. I am going to change my attitude towards people, and the world. I will be kind and humble to others... and that's all that matters.

I am not reading spiritual books anymore. I am not doing meditation, I don't eat healthy food. I don't go to church and I don't pray. I don't follow anyone or anything.

Life is ridiculous

We were born on certain date and until around 2 or 3 years old we started knowing ourselves. If we were lucky enough not to go to kindergarten, very soon, in school we will found out that life is some serious shit.

When I started elementary school I went there on Monday and Tuesday and on Wednesday I said to my sister to tell the teacher that I will not come on that and next day but on Friday I will come for sure. She told me that I had to go to school every day. I could not believe it. I started crying and they have to take me to the hospital.

Realization that I had to go to school every day was a shock to me. Repetition, competition, grades, discipline, useless tasks... step by step we became a persons with only desire to please others around us. Is it our mother or father or our kids, spouse, friends or boss, it does not matter. We live our life for others. Until we became too old to handle the world and we finally die, again returning to the state of not knowing "ourselves".

We are born in this world and since that moment we are heading towards death, whether we may like it, dislike it, believe it, disbelieve it, we may be atheist, theist, following this religion, that religion, we may claim we are an incarnation, whatever we say or do, we are not spared, the death is awaiting us.

So... I am not serious about anything

We are conditioned thinking that we are going somewhere that we are improving. We want to become something, rich or famous, or smart and that is causing a feeling of lack so we are always seeking something to destroy that feeling. This makes us to always look forward to the future for something to come.

But the truth is, nothing we do, know or experience will destroy this "not enough" feeling. Our life is just endless cycle of accumulating something - wealth, knowledge and experiences.

Every single day we are faced with a million little things that encourage us to take the life seriously. We are so self-centered so many things bother us. I am free to say that our life is nothing but one frustration after another.

We're turning everyday situations into problems, constantly on the lookout for shit to complain about and worrying about a bunch of things that simply do not matter. Our bare needs are a place to sleep, something to wear and to have two meals a day. Everything else is luxury to please our vanity.

I’ve been lied all my life

Truth and the world are two completely different things, and our world is distorted by our beliefs about what it is and what it should be. The world plays around our excessive pride in our appearance, qualities, abilities and achievements. And I don't blame anyone!

Truth is... everything in this world, including our sense of ourselves, is FAKE.

Our personality is false, our world, aspirations and desires... our country, our job... our interests, striving, hopes  and everything else... are one layer of lies on the top of another.

We live the life where goals, timelines, and deadlines are normal thing. Society tells us that setting and achieving is the only way to lead a fulfilling life. I say we need to find the time for introspection of our life, time to think what do we really want and to see our needs.  We must have time to see through this pile of shit, time to see the falseness of everything.

There is nothing in life to be understood. The life has to be seen for what it is... a lie.

Anyway, I have done the fourth consecutive post in category AWAKENING, I spit out this particular brand of my bullshit again and again. The real thing is the yoga practice.. and it starts now.  😅