Thursday, January 2, 2020

Today, I've started online dating on

I am a single guy so I've decided to go on after almost 4 years. I have been alone for the last two months and it is the time for me to get to the dating scene.

I've registered for three months, on the match, US$ 65, fucking expensive, uploaded my best looking photos, filled out gibberish as my profile, mentioned something boring about the things I love, listed some books I like, listed sports I do and now I sit back, kick my feet up, and I wait for the messages to roll in. You know the feeling?

I expect my inbox to be filled with messages, notes of the likes and winks from women who find my taste “refreshing”. In large number of women I will chose the best looking one and invite her for a drink or dinner.

After she said "yes", I'll put on some nice shirt, plunge out into the unknown, meet a stranger, and after an hour of slightly pleasant conversation, I'll grab the check. we may end up at my place or we might part away with kisses, and set up next date probably in a three days. I am happy, happy online dater.

But, that is a fantasy, the reality of online dating is something else.

Four years ago I was on I have noticed the patterns, tendencies and general characteristics of online dating. I have went out on more than 20 dates. Let me tell you... The online dating is a game.

We've got to keep on playing, going on dates, until we hit the right combination, the winning one, and we end up on a perfect date with the woman of our dreams. Well, scratch "the woman of our dreams" because that is also a fantasy, the woman of my dreams is gone a long time ago.

It seems like a no brainer, but I as I am now is the one of the biggest setbacks I have to overcome. Playing this Game involves my own personal changes, foremost in my thinking process.

I can change my appearance easily, I am tall and I have nice figure so I can wear almost anything, I can look even attractive. Most women are looking for a guy just like me, I will tell you. The look is not my problem but my thinking process is, my impatient behavior is the problem and my straightforwardness. No one really likes to see the things as they are.

So knowing my strengths and weaknesses I decided to plunge into this Game and just do it. The point is to play and present myself in a nice and pleasant way.

Okay, now when I've started, let me give you the details...

My Profile

I am not really, 100%, clear what do I want, What kind of person I want to attract? What is my relationship goal? I write honestly. I am myself, confident, realistic and open-minded. I do not complicate things. I don't lie. I am simple and to the point.

I am concerned about 2% of the women between 44 and 54 on  The other 98% are there to weed through, sort out, and throw away (delete the emails from them). Maybe I don't know what do I want, but certainly I know what do I don't want.

I have chosen my photos strategically

In online dating, the pictures are the first line of connection. I am thinking about the message I'm sending. With selection of my photos I dictate how potential dates view me, so I am proactive and I decided to project the image of an average guy. With these photos and my talent for writing I am going to get a date which I really want.

Writing the first message to a potential date is tricky, so I have in mind the basic rules of this game. Writing a lot is a sign of a deep lack of confidence. She isn't interested in what I'm saying at all, she is on for the reason. So I usually start as a friend and equal.

I read her profile. I try to be funny but avoid being cheesy - aim my joke at something we both have in common - perhaps something in her profile I find interesting.

I am looking through her interests very carefully, favorite foods, her job and I try and spark up conversation based on what she's into.

I avoid suggesting a date in my first message, instead I stick to something I've seen on her profile following the basic rules:

  1. prove I read her profile,
  2. start a conversation about stuff we share in common,
  3. reinforces further that I'm interested what she thinks, not just her look, by asking more about the stuff she's interested in. Of course, I don't give a damn about it but the rules are the rules.

I never ever compliment her looks. I take those messages to be shallow and meaningless. I end the message skillfully... I would like to read your palm and tell you what future holds for you, is just one of my lines.

I do ask her one or two questions, not more. Some guys make the mistake of firing off a long list of questions about a whole range of topics. This is too much for her. I know her attention is less than the attention of gold fish.

I stick with one or two low-pressure questions that make it easy for her to respond quickly if she's interested.

I enjoy reading profiles. I can read through the person just by reading the word choices, the composition and details of her profile. I just pick one detail I think is cool, or I'm genuinely curious about, and ask her about it.

I do analyze her profile and especially the photos.

In my online dating experience I have seen the fact.. women lie. Don't believe the woman who lies. haha... I have seen her photos but I am not quite sure that I'm going to meet her as a thin, blonde, beautiful woman, well I am never so sure in that! More than half of women lie about their looks. Simply they post old photographs on their profile. Surprise, surprise!

It is the online dating reality, a shameful dishonesty from people looking to find their true match. Do they really think that when we finally meet in person, that it won’t be immediately obvious to me that she is four years older, two cup sizes smaller, couple inches shorter and about 20 pounds heavier than she shows on her profile?

Perhaps she assumes her personality will magically make up for the fact she does not look anything like the picture that was posted online.

I will tell you little secrets.... Before I decide to contact her, I analyze her profile and I carefully look at her photos. Photos tell me a lot about my potential date.

 - No photo or a face covered with hair are a sign that she probably has something to hide, she is still with her ex or she is thinking to return to him... or else she is not really serious about dating, she only wants to go for free drinks and dinners.

 - If she has only one photo with face only, I am very careful and I ask for full figure photo before the actual date.

 - If she has more than 10 photos, it means she is completely self-absorbed and it should be avoided.

 - All her photos are cut out from photos with another people? Well, that’s a huge red flag for me, on so many levels. Such photos are lies, lies and lies.

 - Is there someone or something else in her photo? It’s good to have outside interests. But if her dog, friends, car or even her kids are in the photos, it tells me about where I’ll stand in the scheme of things.

Anyway, by reading her profile I can feel that something is not right. I understand.. everything I have thought of being wrong, it will be wrong. The picture lie I can spot in the first few seconds of seeing her, the other lies I will notice later on... so good luck to me.

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