Friday, August 28, 2020

The enlightenment is almost here

It is already Friday, it has passed midnight, I went to sleep at 9 pm and I just woke up. I was so tired, I was drinking with my friends three days in a row, every night stayed until 1 am. Yesterday, I woke up at 4 am and I logged in and worked entire day.

Around 7 pm, I did 12th yoga practice in August with pain in wrists and right arm. I think the shoulder pain is due to drinking, I had a lot of beer these days. I spend too much, over $400 for two nighs and that has to stop. In next two weeks I will not go out at all. 

I have this dream of attaining enlightenment

In this dream called daily life, it is this passion that give me a sense of purpose. If I lose it, I will not only lose the purpose but I will also lose myself. So I keep chasing this dream. That is the most important thing of my life.

I often lose myself in the labyrinth of daily life, in the long hours at work, in drinking, going out, reading daily news and in all kinds of other stupidities...

So I declare my willingness to continue chasing my dream. I am going to change my attitude towards people, and the world. I will be kind and humble to others... and that's all that matters.

I am not reading spiritual books anymore. I am not doing meditation, I don't eat healthy food. I don't go to church and I don't pray. I don't follow anyone or anything.

Life is ridiculous

We were born on certain date and until around 2 or 3 years old we started knowing ourselves. If we were lucky enough not to go to kindergarten, very soon, in school we will found out that life is some serious shit.

Realization that I had to go to school every day was a shock to me. Repetition, competition, grades, discipline, useless tasks... step by step we became a persons with only desire to please others around us. Is it our mother or father or our kids, spouse, friends or boss, it does not matter. We live our life for others. Until we became too old to handle the world and we finally die, again returning to the state of not knowing "ourselves".

We are born in this world and since that moment we are heading towards death, whether we may like it, dislike it, believe it, disbelieve it, we may be atheist, theist, following this religion, that religion, we may claim we are an incarnation, whatever we say or do, we are not spared, the death is awaiting us.

I am not serious about anything

We are conditioned thinking that we are going somewhere that we are improving. We want to become something, rich or famous, or smart and that is causing a feeling of lack so we are always seeking something to destroy that feeling. This makes us to always look forward to the future for something to come.

Every single day we are faced with a million little things that encourage us to take the life seriously. We are so self-centered so many things bother us. I am free to say that our life is nothing but one frustration after another.

We're turning everyday situations into problems, constantly on the lookout for shit to complain about and worrying about a bunch of things that simply do not matter. Our bare needs are a place to sleep, something to wear and to have two meals a day. Everything else is luxury to please our vanity.

I’ve been lied all my life

Truth and the world are two completely different things, and our world is distorted by our beliefs about what it is and what it should be. The world plays around our excessive pride in our appearance, qualities, abilities and achievements. And I don't blame anyone!

Truth is... everything in this world, including our sense of ourselves, is FAKE.

Our personality is false, our world, aspirations and desires... our country, our job... our interests, striving, hopes  and everything else... are one layer of lies on the top of another.

There is nothing in life to be understood. The life has to be seen for what it is... a lie.

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