Wednesday, December 9, 2020

I'm living life without self-concerns


In my life I'm having a simple goal - living life without self-concerns. And I'm doing pretty good job in that. True, I must pay more attention to live more healthy, smoke less, drink less and walk more. Also I need to pay attention to saving money and getting rid of my debt. But that is all secondary.

Only important thing is ashtanga half primary series practice. I mean, what else I have? Something more important going? Like what? My plans? What plans? I have no plans, neither short term nor long term. My career? I have no interest improving myself...


I have no big aspirations, I just want to be healthy, look good and have sex which I didn't have since February. I almost forgot how that feels. Since I got divorced I had 28 unsuccessful relationships, OMG, is there any award for that? There must be something wrong with me.
 
Yoga is all that I have. It keeps me in a good physical and mental condition. And believe me my friends when I say - the shitty times are coming. You will need to be mentally stable. Watch for your sanity.

The road map for year 2021 will be enhanced lock down restrictions, supply chain break downs, inventory shortages, large economic instability, deployment of military personnel into major metropolitan areas as well as all major roadways to establishment of travel checkpoints, restriction of travel and movement...


The majority of people will accept drastic measures just to be safe. I cannot do anything in that regard. I just voice my opinion. People of my age are busy with their work, overweight, under all kinds of stress, very serious and already dead inside. They live life barely alive. They follow government, sports and politics, they watch TV and news at 11 PM.
 
The confidence goes down after hitting 50 and by age of 60, they are inactive and very likely to have some kind of sickness. I have decided not to count myself in this general population of men. Except for the age, I have nothing in common with them.


I hate to say this but the more I look at people the more I am ashamed. I'm not buying it. Lock downs, masks, restrictions in order to save me, save me from what?
 
Those big houses, big cars, laziness and sluggishness. All that will be gone in 2021. Total economic crash is inevitable, the basic income is guaranteed.


But there is no reason to brag about the lockdown and pandemic. It will go its own way until destroy us. 
 
I am still texting a woman from my country and she is texting back. I'm not sure how long this will be the case, I'm getting tired. I mean, pandemic goes well long distance relationship but I'm an action man. If nothing happens I easily lose interest.  But I have no girlfriend and the online dating is dead.
 
I think women are more scared about this pandemic than men. They are taking care of kids, family and dogs. The lack of sex, the hormonal changes and menstrual cycle make them edgy and unstable. In regard to sex, I predict, 2021 will be very tough for me. 


Almost all people see life like a roller coaster of ups and downs, chronic search for happiness, dissatisfaction, always pretending they are happy and successful. They slip into their life the way a foot slip in the shoe. They decide nothing, there is no choice, they live life by government instructions. They don't know any better, and they don't know the reason why they don't know any better.
 

I am trying to be aware, to hold onto I AM, to observe myself but it does not help. I believe that we create the experience of our own reality but now I have some doubts. If I look at the world through the glasses of my own thoughts, how come that I'm seeing this? I know my thoughts. I have daily retrospective, quiet periods of simple awareness, the presence. I don't meditate but I've some quiet, alone time. And it is strange.


I have come to the point of understanding and I openly say - Hey, wait a minute, this life is nuts! I want to get out of this merry-go-round circle of daily waking up, working and sleeping again. Work is not everything in life, it brings money, that's it. I work as much as I need to pay my bills. I have a debt which I want to pay off as quickly as possible but I spent a lot going out.


The un-examined life, said Socrates, is not worth living. That is a serious shit. People are offended by that. They rather like watching life of others, reading biographies, documentaries and various garbage on the internet.


Socrates meant that the stagnated, home-work-home, repetitive life is not worth living. He is saying that most people's lives are not worth the bother. They don't understand, the universe is an interactive game, it will give them whatever they want. That is how it works. It can't be otherwise. They don't have to be worthy, but they have to know what it is that they want.


I'm not an advanced yoga practitioner, a fitness teacher, or a healthy diet guru, not even a great blog writer. I write here what I'm interested in at present moment. I have no advice for you. Do whatever fuck you want to do. As for myself, I will continue to take care of the present moment...


When the inevitable truth of aging confronts us in the mirror we don’t react well. "Oh, you don’t look your age!" became a great compliment. I say, fuck that! I am not scared of getting old.


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